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Date: November 3, 2022
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Perhaps unknowlingly she is behaving in a way that shows that sex isn't fun for her, she isn't interested in it and by extension you. Imagine you get offered a present and each time the person says “oh I'll get it later” and never does, that then translates to you never being interested in presents, no anticipation because it is never followed through. Sex is a lot to do with your brain and your brain now knows that sex may not happen so why bother getting interested or invest energy in it. Same applies to her complaining or being negative about sex, it doesn't set you up for being into it.
It won't get better, this is who she is, which is that the honeymoon spark has faded for her or she now doesn't like sex. You could sit her down and talk about why she complains or is negative about it. Ask her why she doesn't follow thru with the leads ons. Do it in a non judgemental way, just ask “I understand that you feel this way, I would like to know why you feel this way so I can understand you better” or “I feel that you might say things like “I wanna give you xxx tonight” but you might not be into it, I want to understand either why you say that or why you don't follow through, can you help me understand better?”.
I suggest this approach which hopefully should not get her feeling defensive and you can get an answer as to whether her sex drive has been affected by say bc pills, or something else and if she is willing to stop being negative or if it is her normal state (ask about previous experience with feeling negative about sex) to see if it is a pattern with her.
If it is a pattern, if it is normal for her to feel negative about sex and it isn't specific to you and if she is willing to adjust her negativity (which is another discussion) then you can make more informed choices about whether to try to improve this relationship.
Anyone experiencing negative responses whether it is to cooking, cleaning or any kind of activity together will gradually lose interest or making an effort because the point of doing things together is to bond and enjoy it and get positive responses. If someone isn't enjoying a certain dinner you don't keep making it, you stop. If they don't enjoy eating anything you make you stop cooking for them. But that part of your life and needs are still there they are just going unfulfilled and you have to decide if that part is important to you more than the relationship is worth keeping.
It’s a question of maturity providing he is not lying. At that age boys are immature, have a hard time committing because they are afraid of what they might miss. They don’t understand the ultimate value of a solid for life commitment.
There isn’t much you can do except wait it out. The odds are in your favor, if he decides to test the waters sooner or later he will see what he gave up.
The question for you is to decide if it’s worth waiting for an immature boy that will probably take a while to grow up.
Be strong and good luck.
He didn't brag about the cheating, he had told her it was over and would never happen again which is why she showed up like that and started beating on him when he said he meant it was over. In her head it was “sleeping with my ex-fiance that has been sleeping his roommate for a few weeks, rather than the partner of a year he's moved in with his kid”. There was just one comment she made that undid the thread of how long the deception had been going on for.
But yeah, i don't think you're wrong regardless. Just one of those situations where “pack your shit and leave” isn't so easy with housing and the economy. I make decent enough money, but somehow (him) there's never enough at the end of the week to put aside to move out.
I don't even have to read the post. Just, no.
Hey! Thanks for your comment! I see your point, however we were staying at each others every night, she got jealous when she saw a girl who was a friend text me “hi” 2 weeks before this so I assumed we were committed. Going on the trauma thing, interesting, however it kinda goes against her as part of her childhood trauma was seeing how it affected her mum when her dad cheated on her…
Depending where they live there is. I believe in California for example you can be domestic partners.
it's not the mistake that people are angry about. it's the fact that you say it's because it's a guy. don't excuse him based on his gender. he fucked up, not because he's a guy, but because he was being an idiot, period.
You're only 3 years older than this woman. You know what he is.