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I think it was a perfectly reasonable request.
To be frank this whole situation sounds very stupid. All you had to say when the group facetimed you was, “sorry but I wasn't invited.” Grow up.
And wtf is wrong with Tony that he's more interested in protecting his cheating ex wife than his supposed best friend?
I mean, I wouldn’t want to date someone involved with NFTs or crypto nonsense either quite frankly, so…
I’m hesitant to write this, but I think it might help you. I had this girl friend, strictly platonic, she dated this Indian dude from grade 12 to mid 20s. Similar thing as you describe, he wanted to keep the relationship low key. His younger sister finds out and tells his parents and his mom blows a fuse. Flys him off to India and guy comes back married. Apparently his parents threatened to cut him off if he didn’t get married and so he did. He blew off a 7 year relationship to please his parents. Not even a phone call to let her know. Not saying your guy is the same, but it’s not the only time I’ve seen it happen with Indian guys. Now ask yourself why he needs to keep this relationship so secret? Is it to hide it from his parents?
And I hope you are not using Indian to refer to Native Americans.
He added an extra year without talking to you first?
Nope. Do not tie yourself to someone who makes decisions that big without discussing it.
If it's really the case that he has no choice, then that would have become clear in your conversation, and you could have accepted together that this is the right thing to do.
Look at my other post i just posted. Its not the only red flag. So yes its leading me to overthink and assume
Please do not split your lovely cats up, if he actually loves you he’d defy all odds to be with you. Not flirting with another woman and demanding you get rid of your animals
She is ghosting you.
Take the hint.
Some questions:
If not for your fertility issues, would you also want to wait till you were around 30?
Are you open to adoption?
Are you financially stable enough that if you were to save up hard for six years, you could have 150k saved up for surrogacy?
If you were to end things with your partner now, would you be going to a sperm bank to try and get pregnant now, or hoping to meet a new partner to have a child with first?
Probably to be the first to tell OP so she can spin it. She's probably afraid of him finding out from someone else. Friends, family, her ex?
I’m pretty sure she broke up with you lol
Why is it even a question? There is no future there, and you'll only be investing yourself more while he prepares to pull away.
He knew when you met that this was the direction life would go, and chose to leave you in the dark. I would have already dumped him.
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH
you fuckin stupid
We don't care why he is upset honey. NOTHING justifies what he is doing to you. Block him, call the local cops to check on him, move on and take care of yourself.
Thank you, ill work grounding myself and keeping my head in reality
I have spoken to him about this, calmly and even during couple's therapy. I read the conversation and it was definitely inappropriate, he even told me he would feel bad if he found a conversation like that between me and another man. I understand why, because I'm a stranger, you may think I am exaggerating or only scream and cry, but that is not the case. He knows the limits of our relationship, he knows it was wrong, and this girl is a stranger, yes, but she lives in our (very small) country and city. Thank you, I will listen to the song and thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.
I started dating my wife at 22 and she is still with me 27 years later.
She likes Taylor Swift ??? ya drop get my guy , get someone who cares about you
They broke up it’s not cheating. And it doesn’t matter if it is or isn’t anyway if OP has an issue with it he has an issue and that’s on him. Didn’t want his girl sleeping around don’t break up lmfao it’s not complicated
Good thinking! I won’t be able to find the right person unless I’m in a better place mentally and physically so it’s only upwards from here. It’s bulking season ?
Ill wait the end of the year and im moving on. I've talked about this with her and she was like “I have an issue with waiting”. So I jjust told her I'll wait… but might be less interested as time goes on.
Intelligence has a genetic factor and honestly you might need to think about your kids' future
I mean you no harm or evil so please read what I write with good eyes.
Nature does NOT LIKE a vacuum. If something is Not there, Nature fills
the space with the first thing at hand. With Humans this is usually Fear or Anger.
Since you characterize your current bond as sometimes “boring”, thats a
very good indication that you are making someone else responsible for
giving meaning to what you are involved in.
If I was forced to guess, my Guess would be that you are in a situation
where there is the assumption that the OTHER person will “drive” and
you will just be a passenger. Since you do not share control over where
this situation is going its only natural that your “free-floating anxiety”
has escalated.
1.) Your choice is to continue to abreact to every single burp and fart
as just a “paasenger ” in your Bond
OR
2.) Invest yourself in assuming your fair share of the decisions,
responsibilities, planning and challenges.
Your choice.
I recently had to do this with my partner, although her situation is more that she's got a shit job that sucks so much out of her she can't find the energy to apply for something in line with her grad degrees when she gets home at night.
Come at it from a place of concern. Something like “My first and last priority will always be your wellbeing, and I've noticed that your job is actively interfering with that. Do you also feel that there is a problem, and would you be open to discussing solutions?”
Find a girlfriend closer to your age ?♂️
Don’t want to be rude, but I don’t tell many people I love them.
To you it's a meaningful phrase. To many others it just a greeting or something you say.
I was on the call with them. I joined because she wanted to hear “my side” of an issue my husband and I had been having. She started the conversation by saying she sometimes helps couple repair their relationship and other times helps them end it amicably.
Our response to that was kind of shock because we both very much love each other and are invested in this relationship.
In their next session she asked him if he could see himself staying with me if neither of us were to ever change. I admit that I’m no saint, but that felt a bit over the top to me as he’s never indicated that he’s losing attraction to me.
She's blessed to have a good life but she needs to meet the demands of it.
She needs to know you would rather her pay the price in time and money for dryer clothes. She's not helping by doing half a job.
You need to understand her thinking. Not assume the reason. Ask her the specific reason.
You can't provide moral support without knowing what is holding her back.
Good luck.
Did you read any of that?
No actually I’m going from the friends. I know that her with Muslim men. So it’s really I do know the belief system of the countries that you’re speaking of but it’s really my personal interaction and I have like three or four friends that are dating and one that’s married to a Muslim man, so this comes from personal experience.
No actually I’m going from the friends. I know that her with Muslim men. So it’s really I do know the belief system of the countries that you’re speaking of but it’s really my personal interaction and I have like three or four friends that are dating and one that’s married to a Muslim man, so this comes from personal experience.
I have so many thoughts here but it comes down to these things:
Don’t get bullied into proposing. It’s not a good way to start. She will resent you for it. You will resent her for it. It won’t feel good for either of you.
Let them have your moment. Conversely, create your own moment.
Wait until you are ready enough. But also, you’ll never have it all together.. there’s no such thing as “the right time” – perfect job, financial security, right house, etc etc. life is basically just life. It’s good to feel ready enough. The most important question here is is she the right one?
Look Basil Fawty Agincourt
I find it significant that she’s not allowed to say no. Again, that’s controlling
I'm exceptionally close with my in-laws and we all have a super open and close relationship. One time his mom asked if I was “taking the D,” during a discussion about vitamin D that she gave me. My husband was behind me and overheard and made a face at me, laughing, without his mom seeing or knowing, and I was MORTIFIED about it. And those are HIS parents, who are more like our friends.
All that to say, your dad most likely isn't uncomfortable because of your bottoming, he's uncomfortable by the wildly inappropriate “joke” your boyfriend tried to make about it the first time they met. I'm experiencing a ton of secondhand embarrassment rn.
Whoa whoa whoa, you don’t have to feel obligated to stay with anyone for any reason. He has been cheating on you, lying and giving your money to is side chick. You don’t have to wish death on him and you can genuinely hope he recovers but don’t feel guilty for having self respect and walking away. You owe him nothing and shouldn’t feel guilty.
This it’s normal for your partner to go out with friends but when they go every weekend it’s a bit alarming
it's been 12 days and I'm torn. I like the distance between us but at the same time I don't want to throw everything away what we've been through as a couple.
Updateme!
If she has discharge all the time then it might be a treatable medical condition bacterial vaginosis. Maybe instead of saying she always smells bad, tell her that you’ve noticed her smell has been off recently, and suggest she should go get it checked out.
Thank you. ur right
ugh i hate men right now
Simple answer. …..NO. Get the hell out now. And I’m a dude speaking
You don’t believe a baby sleeping in your bed is not that dangerous? Don’t you read the news? Babies die ALL THE TIME from being in bed with a parent. And some women have lost two or even three babies after they were told not to do it. But then they go to jail for homicide. For all your research on sleep training, you don’t believe all the experts to say it can kill your child. And now that he is 10 months old, he is rolling over and crawling and can easily fall out of bed and hit his head or get tangled in bedding and strangle or suffocate. He definitely needs to be in a crib but since she won’t do it, the reality is that child will be in her bed until he is 10 or older. You can count on it. And you will be long divorced by then.
That's cool. We never have anything left, though LOL
It honestly sounds like you guys need to expand your friend group. She has the same amount of history with these people as your bf and though she's likely faking most of the similar interests, the familiarity is still there. The guys likely don't mind keeping her around either because she is likely down for hookups hoping it'll make your bf jealous. Her telling one of them to pursue you should have gotten her completely cut off and an ultimatum should have been given by your bf, him or her.
She could totally go to jail for that. That is not okay. Those people have access to your body digitally. They could do whatever they want with it. What ARE they doing with it?
If she, for some weird reason, thought you were a loser for not getting your first kiss as a teenager, then why would you want to be with her?
Your partner should like you for you and not care about stupid shit like that. Be with someone who makes you happy and doesn't make you hide apart of yourself.
You do realise that your ex said you could catch up “that very night” was because you were in a vulnerable emotional state and his intention was to take advantage of it. Taking you from bar to bar and doing drugs. That ex is NOT a friend.
Thanks for your comment. How do i note the difference in the future? He seemed also confussed when i was hurt
No backlash from me about your ages. I hope you are on the right track as you said. I do think codependency should scare you. You should not rely on this guy to be happy. You need to be happy on your own and stand on your own feet. I'm not saying you aren't because I don't know you, but saying codependency doesn't scare you is concerning. I wish you the best, girl. I hope you get to know yourself really well and you know your worth with or without this guy.
No need to apologize.
From an outside perspective, yes, it does seem like he was trying to break your self esteem. Even if he had genuine, sincere concerns about how his family would perceive you, that’s no reason to tell you that you have to “earn” their approval.
Because in a healthy relationship, partners support and advocate for one another. If his family didn’t respect you as his partner, he should have been supporting you and telling his family that you are good enough.
But he wanted you to bring you down and he wanted to manipulate you into believing there was something wrong with you, that he was somehow doing you a favor by being with you, and that he had “better” options. None of that is true – he’s just a deeply insecure, toxic person willing to abuse someone he “loves” if that means he gets to be in control of the relationship.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope that you know you deserve far better.
Well if he's married you'll get fired and blamed, if he's not married you'll get fired and blamed. So welcome to the world of single motherhood
These are the the things you have to negotiate when you decide (assumedly mutually) to take a “break”. As teenagers a lot of times these “breaks” would be precisely so you can both go out, date around and then decide if your partner is truly the one you want. But in other scenarios these come with some restrictions. So check back in with the person you're taking the “break” from to see what they believe it means.
Sorry he just wanted sex and saw that you are developing attachment to him, so he’s put a wall up.
Now, he may unblock you and try to get back in contact again for another booty call, and may love bomb you to get sex, but don’t fall for it. He just wants sex.
Also, get an std check up, especially if he’s a player.
If you’re uncomfortable with opening the relationship (completely valid to want a monogamous relationship), voiced that and she’s pushing you into one. That’s not ok. You’re entitled to your limits, as she is hers.
Id be upfront and tell her you aren’t comfortable in “opening the relationship up”. That you want monogamy in a relationship, it’s something you need and a hard limit. That you aren’t consenting in the slightest and her trying to force or push it is very disrespectful of you and the relationship. Whilst she’s entitled to have her own feelings, opinions, wants and limits. It’s not ok to force these things on others. If sleeping with another person, regardless of gender, is so important to her she’s prepared to try and force you to accept it and state it’s worth breaking up over. Then she’s welcome to go off and do it. But you won’t be staying in the relationship. You won’t be waiting around for her to get her fix elsewhere and entertain this “break” she speaks of until she’s ready to be monogamous again. You two will be over. Won’t be living together anymore, no contact, done. That you wish her happiness but you will not be forced to accept cheating.
You deserve better then that. Seven years is a long time but it isn’t worth sacrificing your lifetime that could have been spent shared with a person who shares your same values.
It's like me liking everything about my fiancé but I have leg fetish, a long one. And she have a short legs.
It can't be change, so just stick with your lies man. Cause sometimes the truth hurt.
I definitely think meeting the family is a bit rushed, but I agree with the concern otherwise.
I think really you gotta decide if you’re okay with seeing where this goes, or you’re not
It's a leading question – it's like asking someone “when are you going to stop punching children?”
Do what u gotta do to heal! You’ll find someone who actively chooses you without all the ghosting and confusion
He uses photos of children to masturbate, he is a pedophile. Period. Why are you with this man and why haven't you told the relevant people about this? Disgusting.
Damn I really try not to be mean to strangers on here but this rubbed me the wrong fucking way so I’m gonna say this.
You’re a straight up bad person and don’t deserve to have him back.
Then you should drop it.
So was the plan always for you to move to his country? I get why you don’t want to do that right now with your mother’s situation but the reality is that your mom may continue to have these issues for 5+ years where she doesn’t get better but doesn’t get worse or her condition fluctuates. There aren’t any English speaking jobs in person or even remote English remote jobs your fiancé can do? Also, just because you get married now doesn’t mean he’ll even be able to live in France with you for awhile or even get a work permit and vice versa. Right now, the visa process for a spousal visa in the US is taking at least 11 months minimum and can likely take 2 years.
I would explain that right now you can’t move to the US because of your mom and unless he can get a job in france then you guys can’t progress.
There is no might here. This is emotional cheating. She is closing communications with her boyfriend and opening them with you, and using you as a soundboard to deface her relationship with him and compare it to the idealism you two “may have”. And probably isn’t addressing issues she has with her boyfriend with him directly. This is textbook emotional affair stuff. A lot of emotional affairs happen without intent or directly “calling it what it is” but the fact is, that doesn’t change whether it is or isn’t.
What matters is that you two have more emotional intimacy than her and her partner, you are humouring her slagging off her relationship with him in your presence (are you pushing back on that? My guess is no given you’re joking about being with her, with her) and you are actively indulging her using you as her “escape”. Whether you call it “deep friendship” or whatever is beside the point. The way you two are operating currently is actively contributing to the decay of her current relationship as you’re providing her with an opportunity to ignore problems with it, let them grow, possibly exaggerate them and all the while her boyfriend is possibly wondering why his girlfriend seems disinterested in making a go of things with him.
The right thing to do is realise what you’ve been doing, and declare “it stops” and back off. No more inordinate texting. No more humouring her slagging her boyfriend off. No more jokey fantasies about being together. If you don’t want to actively champion her relationship, that is fine, but if you don’t do the above you are complicit in helping it break down and saying “but we never intended to cheat! It wasn’t like that!” Doesn’t mitigate that.
And I think you know that. Because you’re here asking the question. So do the right thing.
But it is so hard to understand? What kind of mental issues can cause this? I am going crazy over here! He was the most affectionate man I have been with!!!
I don’t understand what do you mean?
Thank you for saying so, I really needed an objective person's view on the whole situation
I never said it would be easy. It's not.
Don't be afraid of your boss or your friend, people might be disappointed but they'll get over it. Just tell your boss that you don't think this job is a good fit for you so there's no chance in moving forward with your training. Tell your friend the same thing, they'll get over it..Don't just quit though because that will leave a mark.
6 years? My husband doesn't want sex for one night and I think there's something wrong lol! Sorry, but 6 years is a long time for you to wait for someone to realise their truth. Please make some hard decisions for yourself. Don't do the 2nd wedding, because you clearly don't want it. You know in your heart what's going on, you just needsd the internet to tell you you are not crazy. You're not.
This sounds like a troll post to me. No one is that naive…. Or is he really?
How do you know she lied?
You ever think “what does a man almost 30 want with an 18 year old?”
Yea you probably should’ve. Tbh I don’t get relationships like these because my friends would never hang out with someone that dates a 18 year old. Pathetic shit.
And you are acting every bit your age and you lack effective communication skills. Which you would gain as you get older but you’re too busy trying to play mature while complaining about someone not staying up till midnight for your birthday lol. The last time I did that shit…was college.
Uhm, you were the one disrespecting her. You should be apologizing to Lucy. Do her a favor and don’t get back together with her.
This does change things quite a bit.
But it's an important lesson for you, that boundaries like this won't ever stop someone who's going to cheat. She clearly just got more sneaky about it.
True but like…if you’re at the point of going to Reddit and ask strangers for advice at least think about what they’re saying and if everyone is saying the same thing…maybe think about it critically and consider they might be right instead of making excuses and not listening. If people aren’t at least going to hear us out, they shouldn’t be posting in an advice sub.
Okay for example yesterday:
I missed a turn while driving and it took us 10 minutes out of the way. She was visibility irritated so I was quiet so I could let her work through her feelings. Once we arrived to our destination I tried talking to her and she wasn’t having it.
She said that it wasn’t fair of me to shut down on her and be silent. I did try talking saying some small things on the drive and she didn’t talk to me at all. I explained that I was being quiet to let her work through how she was feeling and if she felt like I was shutting her out she should have tried talking to me, but she didn’t. Then she wouldn’t talk to me, and I pointed out that now she won’t talk to me and is doing exactly what she said I did, and that this was unfair to me and she isn’t communicating with me.
This led to the big discussion later about our communication issues, where I said exactly what I’m saying here. That I’m having a hard time finding the balance between not invalidating her emotions but being heard, and that we should both be able to communicate freely. We eventually reached a resolution which took a long time which basically ended in me saying that if she’s upset about something small I’ll just let her state her piece and keep mine to myself. Several hours later unprompted she randomly said she was sorry and that she can be a lot.
Me and my partner like to party and go to gigs and festivals and events and parties together and separately. Not clubs. I don't get clubs.
I'm sure her intention is just to go out and have fun with her friends, but she's really young and probably just has an idea of what clubbing is and want to experience it. She hasn't learned yet that its just a dark place where the music is too loud to talk, the drinks are too expensive to get drunk, and the only thing to really do is dance which yeah is a kinda dancing I don't really find that interesting.
I wouldn't make a fuss about her going, but if she's not immediately bored with it I would really wonder why.
Yea I am for sure going to find another. IDK maybe it was me but we didn't jive. The couples counselor was fine so far so I'm going to see what they recommend.
this situation is 100% my fault
No.
He's fully abusing his position. Maybe he has no intention of pushing things further … but even if that is the case, he's gone too far simply by making you feel uncomfortable via his line of questioning.
I’m thinking there were ulterior motives behind even offering to collaborate on a publication.
Possibly. Especially since you note that he's in a completely different department than what you are studying … why would a professor ask a student of a different discipline to co-author a paper to be submitted to a journal?? It would be unusual enough for a professor to co-author with an undergrad in their department, but to pull in someone who's field is different is extra super unusual.
This subreddit is heavily biased against threesomes so don’t expect fair responses.
Threesomes aren’t for everyone but if you’re both interested and agree on rules and communicate well, you’ll be fine.
Like if she ghosts me like even if it’s j like an hour or less I just get so pissed off and think maybe she doesn’t care anymore
An hour of no contact isn't ghosting. That's a normal gap in communication for many people.
Are you trying to sink this relationship? If so, the good news is that you could do much, much more to achieve that. Oh wait, that's probably not good news.
Stop being so immature, clingy, needy, and insecure.
That is normal behavior I think caused by OCD. I have OCD and can relate to not only watching weird sexual things but fantasizing about them and doing some of the milder ones. Weird sex thoughts are common with OCD though it gets better when you realize what they are from.
Don't be ashamed of your thoughts and actions as a child.
I'm proud of you for wanting to tell your boyfriend so he knows, but it really isn't necessary. I've never done anything remotely strange and have a good sex life. You'll be fine.
I'll go out on a limb and say…..I think she was counting on you not being able to come to Mexico with her
Most people get really stressed at periods in life – life is stressful for everyone. But only real pieces of shit act like this during those times. What an asshole.
So, believe the ones where he treats you like crap. Someone who actually loves you won’t ever humiliate you.
It's a difficult situation.
First thing I'd advise is to try to see things from your grandmother's perspective. You're mostly focused on how her actions affect you. You need to see it from her point of view.
Now, I have zero experience being an 80-year-old Chinese grandmother, but I'm going to make a few guesses, and you'll have to fill in he gaps, or prune away what isn't right.
It's the mother's job to raise her children. She expects her children to obey her, and not to argue, because that's how children are supposed to behave. This is vitally necessary for the children themselves. There are a thousand different small things that children have to learn to do exactly right. If they don't, they'll bring shame and humiliation upon themselves and upon their family. The only way to save them from this doom is to drill proper behavior into their heads.
Now, her granddaughter has come from across the ocean. Her own daughter went to live in foreign lands, with terrible influences. Her granddaughter, whom she loves, is tainted by a thousand bad influences of the modern world. It seems hopeless to even try. But this is her only chance to help her granddaughter. She's got a few years left, in which she might possibly save her granddaughter from some of the terrible habits she's picked up. It's a hard, thankless task, but she has to try. She views you as an ignorant, forward, contentious child, despite your age, but she loves you and wants to help you.
I have to wonder, though, at what age your mother left your grandmother's house, and how quickly she got married after leaving, and how far away she moved. It's possible your grandmother was a lot more lenient with your mother, and now bitterly regrets it. I also wonder where your grandmother lies on the scale of Chinese-grandmother-severity. I.E. would most women from her age and background agree with her, or would they also see her as excessively harsh?
What to do? I think there are no good solutions here, and you'll have to choose between the bad ones.
You can submit to her will in her house, as best you can, and defy it outside, as best you can. You're not going to live there your whole life. If your mother managed it until she was 21, maybe you can manage it for a year or two more.
– You can argue with her and defy her openly, which will be gratifying in the short term, but will cause an irreparable breach with her, and a lot of grief for everyone. I'd advise against this.
– You can try to find a compromise. This might work, or it might not. If she expects absolute deference, then even a suggestion of a compromise might be unacceptable, because it implies a degree of equality between you two.
For this to work, you need to find some common ground. One way this might work is like this:
1) Find some elements in her worldview which you agree with. She might be worried about you dating several men at the same time, getting married at age 35, having children out of wedlock. If these choices are abhorrent to you, she might be very relieved to know this. You might have more in common than you suspect. Do you hope to be married by 25? Share this hope with her. The point is, if you show her you value at least part of her worldview, this is something you can agree on. If she sees you drinking up her advice about relationships with men, she might not be so inflexible about your diet.
2) Find some tangible, specific things which you can accept, and agree to these explicitly. She wants you to learn to speak in a certain way. Maybe that's not so bad? It could be an interesting exercise. A lot of people have found themselves working hard to learn to speak foreign tongues, or without an accent. And it might prove useful to you, say, if you find yourself later in life trying to close a financial deal with an older Chinese gentleman. It might even be a good challenge, purely in the intellectual sense.
She's worried about your weight? Maybe you can agree with her that you will not exceed a certain weight, which you yourself have no intention of exceeding. You can have a weekly weighing ritual. You'll feel like an idiot, but it'll reassure her that you accept her values, and accept her guidance in this matter.
These are just examples. You'll have to find true ones yourself. Don't be too stubborn here. Ask yourself what's really important to you. You've gotten used to doing whatever you want, without thinking about it too much. Start thinking. What's really important?
The idea is this. Once you've done this preparation in your head, speak to her. Tell her you wanted to come to Japan to learn from her, because the modern world has lost its way, and you want to understand how the older generations lived. That said, you are still a creature of the modern world, and you cannot change your soul. But you want to meet her halfway, so you can learn at least something. You do not want to make the mistake your mother made (I'm going on a limb here) and cut yourself off completely from your heritage. And you want to have at least something to pass on to your own daughters.
Her reaction will probably be to reject this notion, because her expectation of complete deference will be too strong to overcome. But she might surprise you. And you might surprise yourself, by finding that some of the old traditions are more agreeable than you thought. Who wants to eat cheese at night? Crazy, this youngsters are.
Also, I'm curious as to how an 80-year-old grandmother came to live in the Japanese countryside. If she's 80, that means she was born in 1943. Not an auspicious year for Sino-Japanese relations, to put it mildly.
Lucky you, he's saved you from years of jealous outbursts and childish behaviour. It's normal to be attracted to other people who aren't your partner. Doesn't mean you're going to cheat. Maybe don't stare at them like they're a Michelin star dinner but this guy way over reacted.
That evidence of him admitting it might do the trick with a sympathetic cop. Good luck
Thank you, I have a date tonight! Wish me luck!
Maybe when you grow up you'll realize how bad it is to deal with your emotions by bottling them up and find someone who will love you even when you're vulnerable.
Oh, girl. Please hear all of the people telling you this — someone who loves you would never torture you for two seconds as a “test”, much less two weeks. Run. Block him. Take time to grieve the relationship you thought you had and then thank the universe you didn’t marry this abuser.
Your mom really loves your dad. Whether she had an affair or not, she’s in pain because her partner left her. Life is not black and white, good people make mistakes. Help her get into therapy
Honestly it sounds like you don't have a fiancé anymore
It feels quite shallow and primordial driven to leave someone for a reason as such, but I will keep this in mind. Thank you
After the sister update, where do you stand now?
Dump him
Wow. That was straight-up manipulation on his part. To punish you and make you feel insecure.
This is some professional grade passive-aggression. You gave him the opportunity to veto your best friend staying when he needed a place to stay. You didn't have to do that, but you did. And this is what your boyfriend does in return?
And No, he didn't do 'the exact same thing you did'. You helped out a platonic friend and even ASKED bf about it – took his comfort into consideration and were transparent. Bf, on the other hand, manufactured having his EX spend the night, and didn't mention it to you because he did it with the express intent to hurt you. Those two things are not the same. At all.
I think your 'new dynamic' should be singledom.
I am amazed that you posted. The whole thing was very healthy relationship to me. Good job OP!
You've been dating this guy for 8 months and you're making this about you.
No, you are not entitled to meet the dying father of the guy you've been with for 8 months. Stop entertaining this wild idea.
He told you why you haven't met his family, and the reason you're not going to meet his father is obvious. NONE OF THIS IS ABOUT YOU.
You can't buy a house with someone who is saying they are saving when they are in fact going into debt. That would be absolutely disastrous.
I agree with the other couple comments that having similar financial goals is important. And I don't think this relationship is viable long term.
If you do decide to stay with her do not move in with her until she gets her finances in order. And even then I would say you really shouldn't buy anything with her for like 5 years. It's way too high risk. She's not willing to be honest about finances and she's living at minimum $2,000 beyond her means yearly (that's IF this has been building over the last three years … The reality is likely much worse).
Unconditional love doesn't equate unconditional partnership. We cannot control who or when we love, but we can control what we will put up with in relationships. You deserve so much more from a partner. Love is not an excuse to put up with abuse.
Um so was this defined as cheating in your relationship/does she view it as cheating or are you just phrasing it that way? If it's the latter then I guess you need to communicate boundaries better and maybe get some counselling so you can both understand what this meant from the other person's perspective. If it's the former then I really would not continue with this tbh.
She’s already cheating on you and you haven’t even been together for a year? She’s not the one. Tell your job yes, tell her no, and don’t look back. I promise in 5 years, or even 10, you won’t look back on your time with her as the one the get away.
I’m not really sure how your perceived level of hotness has anything to do with this, except you probably need to work on your self-worth. This guy is a walking danger sign, and it’s NOTHING t do with how you look or more importantly who you are.
You know you can get a house and tell him if he wants to live there, he is welcomed, but that you ar.e
Jeez Louise.
Sweetheart you need therapy, therapy, therapy, and you need to stay the heck away from this guy and his wife.
Even if the stars aligned, and you ended up with this guy, he'd be the type of dude to date children he watched grow up, and the type of dude to leave his wife for those children. You really need a change of perspective.