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JbossXXX, 32 y.o.
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Date: December 23, 2022
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You have no idea how helpful this is. I do suffer from anxiety and depression so things like this can be really hard. Thank you for understanding and helping. xx
Thank you for all that. It's been very hard but I am working on bettering our situation. Just need to continue forward and make sure I put myself in a better place, and my kids. Thanks again
amen !
Just pointing out that even if this dude is buying this psychos Shit sandwhich, whether that’s true or not doesn’t matter when she has the empathy ability of this.
Had nothing to do with saying you are right or wrong. I thought your take was good.
I also don’t think she has the ability to believe she is wrong or anything is wrong with herself when she’s done enough justification to believe she has powers. Whatever poor therapist could get her starts at a base level of self-delusion, delusions of grandeur, and complete lack of empathy that I wouldn’t classify as narcissism because she would be perfectly happy he looked miserable in that moment. The wired response was a blowup. I legitimately think his facial expressions broke her delusion so she blew up to get it back to normal.
I think we may be past therapists or psychologists or talking it out. I think we need to put up the spotlight and call on the Superman of mental health, Psychiatrist with his super power of institutionalize.
He may be feeling insecure/afraid. Take the test and let him feel stupid and/or reassured after. If he continues the misogynistic behavior then bounce.
Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
Make a clone a willy of yours for her.
You're not alone, you've had the best friend you've ever met for 2 years. You just wrote this long post talking about how close you were and how you talked every day. These are excuses. A lot of people have hard lives, but they still choose to be honest. Having a hard life is no excuse for making life difficult for others. I'm also noting you show no regret for calling your friend an idiot and shallow. Did you even apologize to her for that ever?
The way you casually tell this story for sympathy when confronted with your bad behavior says a lot about who you are. Frankly, I'm disgusted.
Forgiveness is for you, not her, it’s the choice you make to stop allowing something painful to hurt you any longer. You don’t have to forgive her yet, you’re entitled to be hurt. You’ve just had your perfect world bubble popped, and that sucks!
Irrespective if you get a divorce or not, go to therapy together. It may be healing for you both or it may show you that you can’t get past it.
She clearly loves you and wanted to take her mistake to the grave. She married you afterwards and has lived many happy years with you.
This isn't how it always will be, but she needs to see her problems, own them & get her ass to therapy. Please stop stigmatizing people wBPD so hard, there are ofc foul eggs out there but I assure you, most of us are working hard on ourselves & seeking out therapy to actually get better.
But if he stays, without making firm boundaries, for the sake of her MH – yes,it will stay the same & he'll stay in the position of a co-dependent enabler.
(Source – in therapy for 13 years & I don't meet the criteria for the diagnosis anymore. Still have it, but barely noticeable)
You can do this. It’s time to have your own back, because he certainly doesn’t. And if you don’t go into vat for yourself, who will. I think you friend is right, about him being controlling. Him putting you down is very much part of that equation, and it also leaves a residual damage in the psyche, so the sooner you can get out of there, the less you will have to heal. This stranger is wishing you luck and boldness and way better things in your life ( especially relationship-wise).
That is really going to depend on a lot of factors, including how much the morgage is and how much you both make, and how much you are paying out with paying for everything else.
Even if he is paying more, FOR THE HOUSE HE BOUGHT, it is still not your responsibility to do everything for him.
You said he agreed to do the dishes, and now he's not even doing that. If he can't hold up his side of the deal, I don't think there is any advice that will help you.
You can't tell anyone to do anything, unfortunately. It's something that has to come from within and some people lack understanding.
Do you go to the ends of the earth for him?
Have you ever asked him to be your valentines?
Have you romanced him ever?
I’m gonna ask if she’s looking for anything specific and go from there
At the end of the day, they are a package deal. I don’t think you have any luck telling him that she isn’t allowed or banning her. I get what you’re saying, but I think you’ll have better luck if you talk to him privately and explain the situation. Don’t be mean to his wife and don’t talk down about her but just say hey, I just wanted you to know that I feel like your wife isn’t interested in hanging out with us when we are all together and she can be even mean or seem disinterested. Something to get the dialogue started with him. Any good husband would tell you to pound sand if you said his wife wasn’t allowed. Instead, I think you need to be mature and hope that they can also be mature and you can find out the root of the problem. Maybe she doesn’t like to come but feels obligated or she doesn’t like to come and he makes her come.
Either way, if I was in the situation, I would want my friend to talk to me privately and just tell me what the situation is. Be kind and confident and direct.
Just sayin don’t have to keep pandering to her with “it’s ok, u can reach out to me whenever u feel ready”, u can sporadically ignore her back, get on with your life, let her see with other people/other girls, a break is it code for “I’m not sure about u and I’ve had too much of recently and I’m Keeping my options open”
Him* he’s a guy
You’re right, it’s not, and I would’ve never wanted to be with a man who has that perspective on things, so I’m not sure why I am..
Tell her she needs to listen to the recording. Ask her directly if she said his name. Women will lie to you. They all do it just like men do. Usually for the same reasons.
You both are really young. Life can be confusing at this age. Very few relationships last long term. Some couples are committed to the long term. But they don’t have challenges like this one you are experiencing.
Maybe she just made a mistake.
Marriage is a legal contract. It only makes sense to have a prenup. Just look at this sub. SO! MANY! posts start with “we have had a happy marriage for X years until…”. Prenup, provided that it was fairly negotiated, allows you to part amicably and with grace instead of fighting tooth and nail for the limited edition LOTR DVD.
Beautiful
It sounds like she dumped you. Can't say I blame her. I wouldn't stay with someone who doesn't trust me.
You ready, cuz this is really hard to understand….what you need to do going forward is start being honest. You simply stop lying to people around you about things. That seems to go a long way in trusting someone….as for your GF repeatedly calling you a liar? well, you see this is where the policy of truth would have helped you. You wouldnt have been a liar, had you simply adopted telling the truth from the beginning. For right now, suck it up buttercup and accept that she is calling a spade, a spade..
Ask her to give up drinking for a month and you'll get over it for good. See if she chooses the alcohol and lifestyle over you.