I'm going to be real — I also didn't want to get married young, despite being with my boyfriend for a long time. But we had agreed on when we would get married and that timeline LONG before we were together for five years. You ARE stringing along your girlfriend and it sounds like you don't even have a solution.
Could you even propose a compromise, or are you just unable to commit? Big difference.
We only had sex once, after she turned 18. I did not take any advantage of her, i have known her for a few years before dating her, I didn't do any advances or anything alike. I figured out I liked her after breaking up with my at the time girlfriend, and she was 16 and half at that time. She is pretty mature for her age, that is what matters to me.
Yeah but a good therapist is worth their weight in gold. I have finally found a hairdresser I love and honestly I feel the same but my best therapist literally changed my life. I’d fucking name her in my will.
Forget counseling with your pastor. Huge mistake right there. Get your financial ducks in a row, keep screenshots etc.
No one who would be on this many websites, weird searches sketchy behavior has never done anything physical. So he’s lying.
Get your financial ducks in a row, take screenshots of any of this old stuff if you can, and divorce him. Beat him to the punch because he’s planning on it when your youngest turns 18, presuming that’s the rule of child support in your state that he has since found out. Also whenever it comes into it try to compel DNA on these kids if possible if proof of adultery is a factor in how much you could get etc
Predators are REALLY good at emotionally ambushing their victims and manipulating their nervous system. Basically, the victim gets flooded and flustered, they go into a sort of “freeze” mode, they can’t find their voice and get out of the situation. Like it would be rude or something? The predator is manipulative enough to make them doubt in the moment that they have agency, it’s a terrible and violating experience.
Source: something like this happened to me in my mid 20’s. Professional models talk about similar experiences often in the media.
Obviously, I would never find myself in a situation like this today. I wasn’t stupid or naive back then. I just came across a particularly adept predator. It happens.
Just based on the title, your next step is to start talking to a divorce lawyer. If you've got the scratch, retain one and start drafting document.
You may think this is extreme. To comfort you, I'll say that divorce is a process. You might lay down the ultimatum, and then he might find his ass and figure out where his priorities lie. The point is, once you start the process, you're not locked in, you can take your time while you get through it. So the finality is not an excuse.
Alternately, you can just decide you're okay with being cheated on forever. But honestly it sounds like a lot of the self-esteem issues you're going through are a result of him gaslighting you and diminishing your own self-worth. So you may very well find yourself better off if you find your fire and kick him to the curb – without him making you feel worthless, you may very well find your worth.
A restraining order can be a wonderful thing.
I'm going to be real — I also didn't want to get married young, despite being with my boyfriend for a long time. But we had agreed on when we would get married and that timeline LONG before we were together for five years. You ARE stringing along your girlfriend and it sounds like you don't even have a solution.
Could you even propose a compromise, or are you just unable to commit? Big difference.
We only had sex once, after she turned 18. I did not take any advantage of her, i have known her for a few years before dating her, I didn't do any advances or anything alike. I figured out I liked her after breaking up with my at the time girlfriend, and she was 16 and half at that time. She is pretty mature for her age, that is what matters to me.
Lots of good information here already. Important to remember, not to be gaslite into thinking any of this was your fault.
UpdateMe!
Yeah but a good therapist is worth their weight in gold. I have finally found a hairdresser I love and honestly I feel the same but my best therapist literally changed my life. I’d fucking name her in my will.
She told me and I quote “I don’t want sex again” and she also said “I know you want a family but I don’t”
Forget counseling with your pastor. Huge mistake right there. Get your financial ducks in a row, keep screenshots etc.
No one who would be on this many websites, weird searches sketchy behavior has never done anything physical. So he’s lying.
Get your financial ducks in a row, take screenshots of any of this old stuff if you can, and divorce him. Beat him to the punch because he’s planning on it when your youngest turns 18, presuming that’s the rule of child support in your state that he has since found out. Also whenever it comes into it try to compel DNA on these kids if possible if proof of adultery is a factor in how much you could get etc
It’s not stupidity!
Predators are REALLY good at emotionally ambushing their victims and manipulating their nervous system. Basically, the victim gets flooded and flustered, they go into a sort of “freeze” mode, they can’t find their voice and get out of the situation. Like it would be rude or something? The predator is manipulative enough to make them doubt in the moment that they have agency, it’s a terrible and violating experience.
Source: something like this happened to me in my mid 20’s. Professional models talk about similar experiences often in the media.
Obviously, I would never find myself in a situation like this today. I wasn’t stupid or naive back then. I just came across a particularly adept predator. It happens.
No way, he should spend his youth tied up in a marriage that already is showing major cracks in trustworthiness and judgement.
Sarcasm, btw.
There are so many qualifiers in my post that it might not be her situation, I'm not sure why you would even bother saying this.
i agree with your bf … COMMUNICATION IS KEY ? simple as that .
Just based on the title, your next step is to start talking to a divorce lawyer. If you've got the scratch, retain one and start drafting document.
You may think this is extreme. To comfort you, I'll say that divorce is a process. You might lay down the ultimatum, and then he might find his ass and figure out where his priorities lie. The point is, once you start the process, you're not locked in, you can take your time while you get through it. So the finality is not an excuse.
Alternately, you can just decide you're okay with being cheated on forever. But honestly it sounds like a lot of the self-esteem issues you're going through are a result of him gaslighting you and diminishing your own self-worth. So you may very well find yourself better off if you find your fire and kick him to the curb – without him making you feel worthless, you may very well find your worth.