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Nice Squirt for you [344 tokens remaining]
Date: September 28, 2022
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If you tell someone you forgive them, you cannot then hold them to an impossible standard over a year later.
It’s clear you’re not over the kiss. You’re still hurt – and that’s understandable. You’re torturing yourself thinking about the hurt she might do, especially when she’s been consistent and committed for a long time.
So if you want this relationship to succeed, you need to do some trust exercises to help you feel more secure. While that is difficult to do at such a long distance, it’s not impossible. Virtual escape rooms and other related games can be great tools for communication and teamwork.
I would suggest making Vlogs of yourself, your daily life, and of you doing your hobbies. I’m sure if you do end up having a child that those videos would help them connect to you.
I hear you in this! But, you're suffering in imagination. You mentioned you're also guilty of reaching for your phone often (which, we're all guilty of), so ask yourself whether he's doing it out of habit or intention. It sounds like you're saying you do it out of habit, but suggesting he's doing it out of intention. That's what our egos do – choose the worst possible scenario.
So, bring it up. Don't do it when you're responding to him bringing out his phone – that's defensive. Just tell him that you understand you're both on your phones a lot, and would like to work together on reducing that frequency, especially during intimate times 🙂
As for the dates and making plans …. that's a separate concern/issue, but I'd encourage you to look at it with the same lense. Starting with, does he know you feel that way?
Good luck OP!
Would he have told you if he hadn’t been caught out, it seems like the answer is no so how many more times has he done this and no one you know has seen him. As someone else said he’s trickle truthing you. It’s up to you if you can live with it but for me that would be relationship done, cheating is one and done for men
Sure, I've been trying to do that for years, but this was an escalation (hence the managerial involvement). And now I can't ignore it because of HR.
It doesn't sound like she values or respects you. I would, at the very least, demand and actively participate in couples counseling.
You should 100% be asking for child support and alimony, don't give up your rights just to get a quick divorce.
He just discussed the details in his edit. Everyone else is about to feel real stupid
Doesn’t that mean it’s a closet inside a closet?
Depends…. Do you have a crush on her or not? Because that makes a huge difference in the type of advice I impulsively want to throw out.
Says the almost 40 year old desperate woman who says she isn't desperate yet is gonna call him if he doesn't respond in a week. MAJOR red flags with u. Seek help. No wonder he ghosted u, psycho.
Or….they could have lied about their age about being 30 and 31 and are actually 40 and 41 but forget to amend the 17 years things?
You can both leave a toxic situation and still be awesome parents. Sometimes people fall out and that’s ok.
Right op is obviously not right that he’s concerned his wife is masterbsting to the thought of his best friend but won’t sleep with him makes sense
One very funny memory I have is of putting my toddler down in front of a fun activity they enjoy, jumping in the shower with the bathroom door open. And just as I have shampoo in my hair seeing a little hand reach in to close the door, and thinking “oh shit, they're up to something mischievous”, and having to exit the shower like a bat out of hell.
“Nowhere to go”
If he has enough money to buy escorts he has enough to find a room to rent.
“Try to break me down”
Stay strong. Think of your children. Save the emails and pictures. You'll need evidence for the divorce. Get ready. Use the time he's there wisely.
And be strong. You got this shit. You've seen through the lies and can't let it go on anymore. There is no more breaking you down. It's over and he has to go.
Yeah, this is pretty blunt but the truth. I mean, there’s really no way to tell a partner that is 100% kind.
i really genuinely have no fucking idea what you're talking about with the chubby thing. Like none at all. Unless you and I have very different ideas about what chubby is? Are you talking like morbidly obese? Because for me chubby is just like a little extra, so it really doesn't make any kind of difference. Unless these women were like 600 lbs each then idk why you would struggle to finger someone?
What can you do besides penetration, fingering, and oral?? I really dont know.. Get some toys maybe? It's a bit odd because i've never heard of someone having this problem before.
Thank you, I truly appreciate this response. He’s also shared my salary with her and other private things and “didn’t see why it was a big deal”.
There’s two things here, and while the second is general advice, it ties into the first.
So first, we have to point out the age gap here. I get it; you’re consenting adults. But age gaps like this become a problem when the two parties are likely to be in different life stages. Like anything else, context is everything so certainly correct me if I’m wrong, but generally speaking a 26 year old and a 20 year old aren’t in the same life stage. A 20 year old will usually be in college and a year or two from graduating. A 26 year old will usually be a few years into a career. Those just don’t often align.
It’s especially important here because what you keep calling “overthinking” is insecurities. No one’s going to be surprised that a 20 year old as immature and insecure. That brings me to the second point.
Insecurity is a relationship killer. In saying that, no amount of reassurance will ever be enough. You’ve learned that. So that’s the real advice here. As you get to know people, if you learn they’re insecure and need constant reassurance while also refusing to acknowledge that only they can address their insecurities, you walk away and don’t fight it. Don’t settle for someone who isn’t secure in themselves. Good luck.
Two things – first, your relationship doesn't sound remotely healthy, your fiancee has issues that she needs to address, if you think it's worth it you could also try couples counselling but only you will know if that's an option. Second, why does no-one on reddit seem to have any security set up on their phone?
I live in Canada yeah I know what you’re saying . I think I’m less suspicious of her because he makes her sound like she’s got a good head on her shoulders. I don’t feel like she was trying to trap him: I think it was more to test him out and gauge his reaction. Or maybe she really did have a scare. If she’s as smart as he makes her out to be she’d know that pursuing your masters with a newborn is bat shit insane. She could also be pro-life towards herself. Idk lots of possibilities
Not if the secret crush is your boyfriend
I mean when you put it like that, it doesn't sound great. Basically your GF is hanging out/drinking with a known player who she has a bit of a crush on while talking about sex. That is a perfect storm of cheating waiting to happen.
It does seem odd to me that your BF is actively dating/hooking up with other women but goes out to dinner with your GF and not one of them.
Oh they dont accept you. I see
Dude, I like to keep everything short and to the point
Oh look. The trash took itself out. Now all you gotta do is not go dumpster diving….
Thanks. Sounds like an error in judgement rather than predation. (Which doesn't make it ok).
It only became really weird bc so many people made it weird.
If you dont end this relationship, you are just being stupid and setting yourself up for unnecessary stress because of your gf inability to control herself.
This is her life joirney the hooking ups and boozing, she needs to see for herself how long she wants to be like this. You cannot help her.
It sounds like you’re just not interested and have found out that someone liking you doesn’t automatically mean that you will develop feelings for them. Someone having feelings for you absolutely does not create an obligation on your part to be in a relationship with them, and if you don’t actually like the person that much it’s not surprising that compliments from them don’t mean much to you and don’t make you happy.
You also clearly have a very different vision than she does of what a good relationship looks like.
You should end this quickly and kindly though, because she clearly has not realized you don’t actually like her and that’s a humiliating thing to find out at the end of a long relationship
thats the thing he did, we had period sex multiple times but this time he told me he got the ‘ick’
I'm so sorry. But you're right, what he said killed it for you and he can't unsay it, unthink it or pretend he didn't want it. Good luck.
If you have one now, you're fucking idiots.
GO LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR A WHILE BEFORE DOINMMG THIS!!!
Also at 18, there is no telling you're with the right person, once again, you're an idiot if you think otherwise.
Wow. WOW. Your feelings are valid. She lied to you. She then had you do something that if you knew what it was she was asking you would not have consented to.
If a person directed another person to touch genitalia they did not want to touch it would be considered some sort of sexual assault or harassment or coercion.
What the hell was she thinking? Your family is off their rocker too. You were betrayed and then sexually coerced.
Well, you do need to reflect not so much on her but on why. There is a reason you are fixated on her and you should give deep thought as to why she is occupying your thoughts. It may not be as straightforward or romantic as you might think.
Your response is healthy and normal. Testing emotional responses is not. Glorifying toxic controlling behavior is not normal or healthy. Does he think real life needs to be a Telenovela? Honestly, it sounds like he did something that he thinks you should be upset about. Do you think he cheated? I wouldn't want to spend time with someone that toxic.
So you straight up monitor your SO’s tweets and who likes them. How do you know he’s liking them without going to them and checking the list of people who liked her tweets? This is asinine and controlling.
You keep answering people’s comments with stupid hypothetical situations to justify your paranoia, insecurities and attempts to control her. You need to not be in a relationship for her sake. And anyone else’s you might date in the future.
That all depends on the person who you are with. She sounds really understanding. I think she might stick by you. Talk to her
He sounds like he belongs on r/iamverysmart.
Yes, it was. He should've told her that there was a possibility so she could at least be informed and prepared and make a decision before their relationship progressed. He even admits that. He just wanted to be with OP and ignore reality until he couldn't anymore, and that wasn't fair to anyone. Can you give one GOOD reason why he didn't tell OP the possibility that he could be the father that doesn't boil down to selfishness?
Your feeling is 100% understood and if I were in your shoes I would feel the same too.
Having said that, what is on the other side of the equal sign in this equation? He asks you to go, you attend and his inner-circle will be disappointed/uncomfortable which will make him uncomfortable and boom, his party will be spoiled.
Do I agree with his friends? No way! I think they should respect his choice of picking you and accept it without question or prejudice (not sure this is the right word).
What you can do: be ready on that evening as he may call you at the last minute to join. Maybe his friend's partners will ask why you're not there at the party? and he may call you on the night to join him. Is that fair or good? Hell no, but wether you join or not will be your decision.
Call the police immediately, get a restraining order
You approach it like you would a friend that is a guy.
“Want to get a pizza and play some PS5?”
I don't know what her interests are. If you don't know any of her interests, find out. On the car ride home talk about something you like to do and see if she chimes in about liking it too. Or if she doesn't, ask her what she usually does to unwind.