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Date: December 9, 2022
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I’ve been married for over a decade and if my spouse told me to get rid of my pets, my pets and I would live a happy life on our own. Fuck that.
So she is threatening to have a kid with her ex if you don’t give her one? Why do want to save a relationship with a cheater?
Wow. Did you know that grabbing partner by their throat is the biggest precursor to later murder?
Also, you are leaning on you chdren on emotional support? How is that in their interest? He is not a pertner, he is an abusive hookup, you need Crampton of therapy immediately. None of what you are saying is healthy.
So basically my girlfriend got pregnant
She didn't just catch pregnancy out of thin air like the common flu, you got her pregnant.
Ask her to get married. On your wedding day attend a concert instead.
I absolutely hate graduations but life isn't about always prioritizing my likes. If someone prioritizes any kind of concert over their SO's graduation it's just sad.
if she was your ex of like 2 years and you guys broke up a few months back or it was heart breaking or something then forsuuure or if it's known that there was a heavy history or love there forever, yup. But you guys were like 16 years old? I have to go with the friend on this one. I mean, why does it make you uncomfortable? is there a reason you could explain to him(and/or us) better that is beyond just that you feel like it's bro code and she's off-limits forever?
I dont understand, why do you want to forgive him when he cheated and didnt have the decency to tell you or ask for your forgiveness?. Why so kind?.
No, he lied. He hid all kinds of things, and I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him. That polyamorous lifestyle, it destroys monogamy for a lot of these people.
Thanks dude. To be honest, I've been smoking cigarettes like a chimney lately.
no no no, he wants to sleep with other people, not her. So he doesn't want an open relationship. ?
Of course you should tell him. End of story.
Big mistake.
1). Any guy can have a change of heart at any time, there's always risk 2) 12 years isn't the gap you think it is, or you guys wouldn't be together to begin with 3) he's too young to have thought about kids, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want them, just that he hasn't thought about them 4) it doesn't matter how handsome he is, it matters how important you are to him, and it seems you are very important to him.
This is a decision only you can make. But you are thinking in black and white. The odds of being together for 10 years and then breaking up are very low. Most likely things will get really obvious in less than 3 years. So it is not REALLY likely to be a lot of wasted time if you don't work out. But you don't want to risk throwing away something that could work out, either. So I lean towards sticking with him.
There’s two things here, and while the second is general advice, it ties into the first.
So first, we have to point out the age gap here. I get it; you’re consenting adults. But age gaps like this become a problem when the two parties are likely to be in different life stages. Like anything else, context is everything so certainly correct me if I’m wrong, but generally speaking a 26 year old and a 20 year old aren’t in the same life stage. A 20 year old will usually be in college and a year or two from graduating. A 26 year old will usually be a few years into a career. Those just don’t often align.
It’s especially important here because what you keep calling “overthinking” is insecurities. No one’s going to be surprised that a 20 year old as immature and insecure. That brings me to the second point.
Insecurity is a relationship killer. In saying that, no amount of reassurance will ever be enough. You’ve learned that. So that’s the real advice here. As you get to know people, if you learn they’re insecure and need constant reassurance while also refusing to acknowledge that only they can address their insecurities, you walk away and don’t fight it. Don’t settle for someone who isn’t secure in themselves. Good luck.
It’s because he’s dating a 21 year old, not because he’s an abuser though.
If you're doing that, then you're not being honest in the relationship. People can tell, even if they can't quite figure out what is off.
You're not doing yourself or them any favors by not saying what you're feeling. That is just forcing things, and it doesn't work out.
::HUG::
You don't have to decide now, OP. Take time and space for yourself.
Consult a good family lawyer. Protect yourself and your kids.
I've had friends who are in your position, they're all doing great now as single parents.
Masturbation is a thing you know
If she’s your ex, why are you still communicating with her? Leave your past in the past and move forward. And no, you should never pay her phone bill.
I know of another couple with a similar age gap (late 30s/early 50s), who got married even though they knew that they weren't on the same page with children.
The older one had 2 daughters from a previous marriage, who were in their late teens at the beginning of the relationship. Their stance was “I'm done, I did the whole newborn thing. I did the 4am wakeup on weekends for sport. The picking up at 2am when they got drunk at their mates place. Been there, done that, don't want to do it all over again. I am TIRED”.
The younger one wanted children. They wanted all of those things.
They got married about 5 years ago and officially separated last month. A major factor was the building resentment over the children issue.
It is pricey when you’re the one always paying
Evidently not
Evidently not
She already doesn’t like him—read her responses here. She’s lying by omission to the guy to get the ring. It’s gross.
Are you 100% sure that she's your girlfriend?
How is it sus? Im of age, my parents are fine with it and we took things slow and talked for a few months before we became official. There are plenty of relationships with age gaps and are doing fine
Is she in therapy? Can you get her a gift sub or something to talk space or better help? Does she need help gettimg a psychiatrist?
Thank you. This is hard to hear but what I needed to hear. I have tried no contact before and always gave in before three months. I guess I haven't really given myself the time to get over him, even the real relationship ended years ago.
I mean… It's pretty clear. Neither of you want a relationship at the moment, and sex was the reason for the trip. It's up to you if you want to go with it but I think what's desired is clear
This is so much to unpack really. You seem to have completely different needs and wants in live and it seems like he has troubled compromising.
Like your need to have friends which you see once a week. And the rest of the time with him he feels is not worthy? I agree with him it's shitty if you dumped him for friends before that honestly can not be happening in a relationship.
How are you supposed to respark things when Everytime you try he shoots you down?
Also blocking family time because it makes you anxious to ask is bullshit. Either he accepts you have a fam you love or he keeps his mouth shut.
Is it possible that you are bending over backwards for him while he is not taking any steps towards you to meet in the middle?
He also sounds depressed. Is he getting therapy for that?
Coming from a “broken home ” if you will…. I will tell you that seeing your parents in a bad marriage is much worse for the kids than seeing both parents move on to healthy relationships separately. When my mom finally divorced my father when I was 11, I asked her why she waited so long. I could see that neither of them were happy at all, and it caused stress in the house. If she won't help work on the marriage, then you would probably be better to separate sooner rather than later. Your child will be happier for it, and you can model the kind of relationship you hope for him to have.