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esme75 chat
Date: October 19, 2022
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I’m not really sure what he feels about it but he definitely doesn’t push more work on me. He does the thing I tell him to with no complaint but just that. He isn’t thoughtful to do anything else while at it. It’s interesting you mentioned adhd because he said a couple times before that he thinks he has it. I didn’t know there would be any connection to it. He does seem like he wants to be responsible but doesn’t feel capable. I just wish he put in the effort more. He really is such a sweet and kind person.
lol lemme guess, it was the soapy girl and the scrawny guy
Don't tell her, observe, collect evidence, lawyer up and divorce her if she is cheating or planned to do so.
I know it hurts, but truth is, you got together young and to be with one person for the rest of his life since he's a teen isn't something most people (or any really) can do. He's in a new environment and wants to experience different things, totally fair.
However, I do believe you should break up. You're not poly and so, even if sexually, your partner being involved with others is impossible. You'll die a thousand times from the jealousy and anxiety. It's not worth it, not ever but definitely not at 18.
You were hunted down by the 'wolf'. You are just too naive, protect yourself by not engaging in relationship with older guys, they just hunt down innocent naive young girls for their own pleasure. For him you are just a trophy. Run and cut ties from these kind of people. This is not even love or relationship, this is just plain rape.
Do a DNA test. Girls are sneakier than you think. You really need to leave her. Staying is the worst thing you can do.
The being against gym & physical activity is a bigger red flag. Man you've been groomed, literally child groomed. This stuff isn't normal. Run!!
Uh to be completely honest, make it EX bf. That’s such a weird thing get hung up over.
But also, please remove the glow in the dark jewelry. Change to implant grade titanium barbells 🙂 and be aware that you might get some really disturbing DMs because of this post so if you haven’t you might wanna turn them off.
Maybe you guys are too young and unsettled to parent a child.
I think you’ve reached the point in your relationship where you’ve discovered you’re incompatible. The reasons you care about her aren’t more than a footnote to the things that are making you unhappy or frustrated in this post.
also: you don’t need to stay with her just because she has no friends. You are not her friend fairy or her savior from feeling lonely. There’s a whole wide world of ways for her to meet people – particularly for those who are religious they have built in communities. She’ll be okay.
I’m just amazed at his wife tbh. She married someone so amazing that they took care of you while drunk so nothing bad happened and she’s mad about it???? Bro what???
There is another option here you haven't considered. Stop gaming for a little bit until shes a bit older. Spend time with your family when they hop into bed at 9pm. Its a wonderful experience to be a part of.
OP is already hurt. I'd disown my mother if I found out she cheated on my dad.
I think you have answered your own question. Being friends with her isn't worth the emotional turmoil it causes you.
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Just realized how stupid I am. My job sells the pill so I’ll just buy one at work and give it to her.
And was fucking a woman on your bed…
Well, at least it's tidy.
Can you point out what I’m the post leads you to believe he’s “overly suspicious constantly”? Or are you just making shit up to place the blame on him?
If she feels the need to lie in her relationship instead of creating healthy boundaries, she’s not mature enough for a relationship.
But it’s all good, she’s lying and most likely cheating and hopefully will be single soon.
No?
You know this dude cannot deal with emotions. Your life will be this up and down shit.
He doesn't still love you, he is emotionally damaged and maladapted and failed to find anyone else.
So he has come crawling back. Do you really want to get ghosted again?
“…I’m the only friend he has and […] if I wasn’t in his life, he’d have nothing to live for (which he’s told me before).”
Your “friend” is emotionally blackmailing you. They are 30 years old, which is more than enough time on this planet to accumulate more than one friend. They clearly want a codependent relationship with you (the weird “hypothetical” game) and it seems pretty obvious that you’re not up for that.
You’ve already put some boundaries out there – I think it’s time you enforce them a little more firmly. Tell them you need a break from them for a while. If you’re ok with being honest about it I think that would be the best approach. But if you’re not ready for that or are afraid of how they might react feel free to come up with another excuse – you have a really big project you were just given at work, a family emergency came up, etc. You just need some time. And then take that time completely without them – a few weeks or a month or however long it takes you to feel like you actually want to spend time with this person again.
And on the off chance that they decide to escalate and start messaging you about dark thoughts or suicidal ideation redirect them to professional resources – you are NOT their therapist, even if you do have professional expertise in that area. This person has invested a lot of effort into trying to make you feel responsible for their mental health and well-being, and that’s not your job. Unfortunately, that means that they may do something drastic when you withdraw – but that is their choice to make. Trying to reshape your life in order to prevent that from happening means putting yourself at the mercy of their wants and needs, and that’s not fair to yourself. Don’t make yourself smaller just because they’re not willing to put in the work to get better.
She told me about it
Kind of aggressive for what she admits is not a frequent occurrence. He’s covering more than half of the bills and supporting her while she gets an education.
Three days? Who else is she interested in?
She's either going to hit up someone else while you are “on a break”, or she thinks three days is enough to get over whatever drama the two of you are having right at this moment, or she just doesnt want to have to deal with you for a few days.
Personally, I think that four months, falling out of love, a break (of any length), and we can safely say you guys are done. Its over.
Wtf did I just read?
You nailed it! ?? we’re both laughing at this???
If you didn’t have any knowledge that these pics existed, that means she never sent them to you or showed them to you? What did she take them for then? I get the whole self-love thing as a woman and all, but women don’t usually get dressed up in lingerie just to have a photo shoot for personal satisfaction.
I don’t trust any man honestly, my last and only other relationship was with an abusive man who tried to murder me who also talked to other girls claiming they’re just friends but after I got a protection order against him I found out he was fucking them. So I don’t trust anyone
Thanks for this. Maybe I just needed someone who’s going thru the same things my wife does to understand and know more on how to handle her.
They've been working out together at the OP's house. and no one is willing to give the OP information?
It's enough for me to dig further to give me peace of mind. Don't ask your husband any more questions. Work quietly. Watch out for this “nice girl,” as well—the “nice girl” who doesn't bother to mention to the OP that she's been working out with the OP's husband. I will get evidence and install a camera in the gym room. To anyone who says, “So do you think they are having sex during this 30 minutes of time where MIL was there?” Well, 30 minutes is good enough for a quickie.
Of course you should tell him. End of story.
You’re already spending tons of money on a wedding. IMO Marriage is happiness and wanting to be with each other regardless of what each other can provide. Set your boundaries and don’t give in.
What's stopping you?
So this was 2 years ago, it was at the very beginning of your relationship, it was only for a few days, it was at a time when you’d clearly been apprehensive about being his girlfriend to begin with, and he only talked with her but never met up in person? Personally, I’d let this go and forgive him as long as there are no indications he’s been talking to anyone more recently.
Also, I hope you’re planning on a long engagement. 23 is a bit young to be getting married. I recommend waiting until you’re at least 25, especially since you’ve only been together 2 years. There is no rush.
This is manipulation, he wants to “keep you on your toes”. He thinks you'll do more for him, be more submissive, insecure and anxious if you think he has many other options in the world.
The best thing to do is tell him that he is free to take up with those women as you are out.
Or – you can reply back: Jim at the gym, Barry at work, 3 guys from college are still circling. Give him your list of “options”.
It could be possible that he is just clueless. A lot of guys are. He could have just been talking out his ass.
You break up with him that’s how. Jesus. Are you TRYING to screw up your life? He’s mentally I’ll and that’s you like you work for him. What are you getting out of this? Are you mentally I’ll too? Christ.
This is nuts
Oh dear… this isn’t a good situation. He’s controlling and sounds like he’s emotionally abusive. Please keep yourself safe. This seriously about what your future would look like and what it would mean for that baby. You deserve better OP. Please don’t settle.
Likelihood is slim. It depends on how 'stable' Op is. We don't know anything here.
I actually know someone whose husband cheated on her, and impregnated his AP. But he came crawling back begging her forgiveness and she chose to stay with him and work on their marriage.
They managed to get sole custody of the affair baby, since the AP liked to do drugs recreationally. Birth mom only gets visitation until now.
But complete utter drama though between those 3. They go to court so often.
bro what
He's trash. I feel bad for you and for her.
Only the classiest of ladies have exes doing stints in prison- this the path you choosing?
I just rewatched the sitcom episode I recommended earlier to be certain the suggestion was apt and, my goodness you and your sis really should watch this together. I say this as a woman who loves her sister beyond expression and an enthusiast of dark, silly humor.
I'm confused with the last half your post.
alot of stripers are bi . Which is cool but when your girlfriend doesn't come home until the next day and tells you she went to some other girls house for a few drinks but doesn't call or answer there phone and ended up staying there because she had to much to drink you know she's fking around with another woman . That's ok I don't have a pro leem with that . The problem is when they feel they don't need to at least call you . Then if something does happen with some guy they use the same excuse . The they were with some female after work
Are you saying you were cool with your exgf ignoring you and cheating as long as it was with another girl? Am I misreading this?
Textbook grooming my friend. Run don’t walk away.
Love is not a solid reason to tolerate abuse. And your wife is abusing you.
Most would never chose a coworker over their husband. You deserve a life partner that is fully committed and head over heels in love with you. That's clearly not her.
Sounds like he's getting pressure from somewhere to produce an heir. You've been married 3 years and no kids yet, my guess is his parents are up his ass about it. He's horny is also probably playing a big part. You are readily accessible due to the unfortunate forced marriage.
Get on birth control immediately.
Go slow with dating him. What you don't want is to get pregnant thinking you are both falling for each other only to find out his only interest was planting a baby in you to shut his family up and then he completely ignores you and the child, just playing superdad when the family come around for appearances.
Question whether or not what you are feeling is legitimate or is it more like a Stockholm Syndrome situation. You don't have to go back to hating him, but be cautious about what you are really feeling and whether he feels the same way or is love-bombing as a means to an end. Be very aware of if he diverts the conversations away from the topic, talks in circles, uses a lot of word salad. If you can't get straight answers to straight questions. Don't trust him.
I wouldn’t care. Honestly, I’d probably be happy that I found a guy who cared about his appearance and skin and would just want him to be open and honest with me
You have to actively accept people's choices now or they see you as an enemy. We have painted ourselves into this corner with the ridiculous amount of “acceptance” we demand.
Did not understand what Johann Sebastian had to do with this.
I mean if it makes you happy then good for the both of you. But girl to girl advice, be smart, protect yourself. The amount of stories i have read in Reddit about a bf/husband cheating of their partner after they supported them financially for a long time, is crazy. That said, i hope you have a long healthy relationship
You aren’t dating. Block and move on.
Well yeah, that someone else is his child, and children usually come first in my opinion? But like I said I may be in the minority! If my sister and mother couldn’t be there I would want him there however. I would also expect a LOT of support over the first 6 months whilst I heal from the Caesarean and we look after a newborn.
It's that old saying Women marry thinking she can change him and men marry thinking she'll never change. If after 7 yrs you've not married her…You never will. Clearly she wants that and you do not. When a man says I'm never getting married that means he's never marrying You.
It sounds like you want headship in your household. We are all allowed to assert our own boundaries. If you've not right with our creator that's personal and has nothing to do with her…Its Your boundry and You want to be the head of the household…so act like it! If she's not submissive to your standards…she deserves to be with a man that wants an equal.
Your not compatible…enough said.
If You don't make each other better people or even have the desire…then you should be together. If she's all the things you describe…why on earth would you want to be with someone that's cold and calous? Why do you invite that into your home if you're the head of the household? Whenever I hear a man say bad things about the mother of his child…it makes me wonder what He did to make her act that way towards him…at one point you loves each other so much you had a child…relationships are 50/50 So take responsibility.
You're raising a child in an unstable environment. What are you teaching your daughter? This is how married people treat each other…A father that won't commit to their mother and a mother that's cold and calous?
The sex sucks…ugh Please explain why you're wasting her time if you feel she's unattractive? Let her be with a man that thinks she's the most beautiful woman inside and out. You have contempt for her at this point.
You don't live by the same philosophies…You're not able to come to some form of an open agreement. Again that sounds slightly painful. Why walk on eggshells?
She's not getting the emotional support so she's reaching out to another man for comfort.
It's okay to not be compatible and move on…Its not okay that you're setting a terrible example for your daughter. She will treat her spouse the exact same way you and your gf treat each other. Good parents put the wellbeing of their child first. If you want to be the head of the household…then start acting like it. You are not helpless…you need to get motivated and prove to her and your daughter that you are the head of this relationship and treat her mother with the highest respect you can muster up.
I was coming here to give advice but after seeing your edits the only other piece of advice I will give you is please go to your college if he continues to harass you. I work at a University and they take sexual harassment and sexual assault very seriously.
I wouldnt want to live in a house where my name isnt on the ownership either, shit goes down hes homeless with nothing so he has everything to lose, on top of that it would never be his home, it is your home that your dad gave you and you just so nicely let him stay there so he theoretically has no say in anything that happens in the house.
Why not rent the house to make money to reach your common goal? Or ask if you can sell the house for a profit to buy one together?
Let him cry. Run.
Restraining you – abuse Hitting walls – abuse Yelling – abuse (so yes you are abusing him as well when you yell)
When you add everything together, it’s all abuse, though spitting on your car and crying are not by themselves (one is a disgusting habit, and the other can be manipulative)
Ultimately what works for you is what works for you. I do think this sort of arrangement is becoming more commonplace. What stands out here though is that you basically make a lot of assumptions; first, you feel like tossing and turning will disturb her. That might logically be the case, but have you discussed it? Have you experienced it?
You want to listen to something or put something on YouTube. What about headphones?
Dump him! Work on having friends before getting into a relationship
and none of the replies r showing up i get notifs on my phone but thats it lol
Since they were married and obviously divorced since he is now married to you what happened in regards to the baby's custody during their divorce case?
“Top 43” Oddly specific.
Adam and Eve (online store) does not sell green pills so you need to ask her when she wakes up.
Your wife doesn’t get to make that decision unilaterally though.
She believes she does because she’s the one breastfeeding and that I’m “not the one waking up in the middle of the night to feed her”.
I did tell her that I’m fine taking turns waking up and that she can pump her milk.
If you leave it up to your kid, she will be sleeping with you until she’s a preteen.
That’s exactly what mum wants, frankly.
Also, how can you even be intimate or want to be intimate when the baby is in the bed with you?
That’s a simple one, we don’t. We’ve had (bad) sex less than once a month since she was born.
As a straight man just because I'm attracted to other woman, does not mean I'd sleep with them if I was in a monogamous relationship, just because you find someone attractive and are attracted to both sexes doesn't mean you need to sleep with them. If you don't want to change your monogamous relationship to some unethical one sided open relationship then you should have that conversation, and either go fully open on both sides (which will just end the relationship as your are a monogamous person), split up so you both can find partners who are more in line with your thinking, her sleeping with other woman/men (its not uncommon to rationalize that if your okay with her sleeping with a woman a man isn't that big of deal and she may do it anyway), or continue with what you had prior a monogamous relationship. Otherwise your torturing yourself.
I think you need to step back and look at the goal of the break. What would stepping away for a break solve, that communication and hard work wouldn’t solve? How would a break/time apart solve this issue permanent, and why wouldn’t communicating do that?
When it comes to problems with the relationship, a break usually doesn’t solve anything. It just prolongs the issue.
If my partner had issues with how I act in the relationship and decided to run away instead of communicate about them, I’d consider breaking up too. It’s a red flag to me, and shows that they’d rather avoid the problem and hope it vanishes than sit down and try to work through the problem.
I seriously think he hates how she acts and doesn't want to be embarrassed by her.
So he openly thinks of you, and treats you, like an object.
And he's pressuring you for a threesome when you don't want to? You don't want to. Asked/answered. He can stop bringing it up, and when he does YET AGAIN and you get aggravated? And he's annoyed?
He can suck it. What part of No does he not get?
In fact just cut to the chase and dump this dude.