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Hi loves im new, please take my innocense (TODAY SPANKS MY ASS 2TKN)
Date: October 3, 2022
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This ain't wwe bro ??
r/narcissisticabuse
You deal with it by ditching the crazy girlfriend.
I mean why not be big spoon while she holds the plushy? It’s a win win.
I guess you are right, saying that I miss her kisses might be a little too much. How about if I ask how her week is going?
Fair point
I don’t even let a guy near my gf. That would never happen lol.
She’s abusive. Physically, emotionally, etc. Her comments about your friends are a way to try and isolate you from them.
Please try to find a way to safely leave the relationship. Talk to your support system (friends/family) for help if you need to.
Lol she should start accusing him every time he scratches his nuts.
honestly him knowing your situation and being well off it´s the ultimate dick move by him, hell even when i invite my friends to do something and i know they are not having their best financial moment i would pay for them (mind you i´m a kinda broke med school college student), this one is kinda personal for me because i grew up with a very well off father who refused to give us money even tho he knew damn well my mom was barely getting by with us, his behavior worries me, i hate to fight about money, if i were you i wouldn´t go since you can´t actually afford it and i would urge you to reconsider your relationship with someone who values money to that extent, it´s not a healthy relationship when you are counting every penny when you don´t actually have the need to
Hey, thank you so much for your kind comment. You the only one in this thread who is not beating horrible to me man. I decided to give her a second chance but I will guard my heart above everything, I hope I don’t find out about any other thing you know. Thank you for your kindness stranger.
So many wrong things in this post. I am so sorry, you probably won’t understand this now and think people here on reddit don’t know what we’re talking about because he is so good and nice to you, compliments you blabla..
sexual coercion and grooming are what is happening here. Don’t you think he planned to just “stuck it in” and tell you how you’ll like it. This was ONE boundary you had and he broke it in a matter of second, and made you believe that that’s okay and that you want it too. One day you’ll realize you didn’t want a 41 old guy to just stick it in on your first time.
Are you taking antidepressants?
If so, it's not your gf drugging you, it's you.
Get yourself some counseling.
I'm really bad at answering texts. I don't like typing on phone, I need to have time for it (it takes much longer than 15 seconds) and honestly, it almost seems like I have a different perception of time than most people. People close to me know to call if it's important
But I would still never, ever leave someone waiting on read if they are talking about something that requires them to be vulnerable with me. She expressed something very important to her and you ignored it for 1,5 days. That whole time she was left hanging, waiting for you to reassure her. That is something you answer right away and apologize and explain if it takes any longer.
You know sometimes I wonder how someone who literally doesn't brush his teeth in two weeks can find a girl who doesn't want to leave them.
He might be the guy who showers once in 5 days, but you're the one dating a guy who showers once in 5 days.
I’m a 29 year old queer woman. Stop what you’re doing, put some distance between you and her, and do not tell her. Telling her puts the burden of your crush (that’s what it is) on her and that’s not fair to her OR her husband. These are your feelings to work through and if you can’t do that then end the friendship.
Also there’s a real possibility that you may nuke a marriage and not even want to be with her in the long term. Do you know how many women find themselves emotionally/romantically attracted to other women, but when it comes down to sex they’re not down to clown? SO MANY. Explore your sexuality with folks who are in open relationships/into ethical non monogamy/single queer women. Don’t experiment with someone you claim to care for and who is in a monogamous relationship/marriage.
You're welcome! ? Aw thanks for that
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He isn’t unattractive but not overly, I don’t find him particularly attractive
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You sound like your still in shock. I think especially long distance are you going to be able to trust her again or are you going to commiserate over what she's doing and who she's with for the rest of your relationship
It's not just weird. Its downright shady.
Red flag
Look everyone's opinion is valid. You don't know what this new neighbors like. I'd just forgetbit but be mindful. Never do anything w/o proof but be mindful.
Yeah that’s a red flag for sure
He is not a good person, you definitely don't want kids with him. Kick him to the curb with all his shitty family and friends.
He is a loser and women his age know better than to date him. If you have. Fun, have fun but, do not cement yourself to this guy. Don't let him baby trap you. If someone else strikes your fancy, let him go.
I don't think anyone deserves an abusive and toxic relationship.
I will be giving my ex some space, for both of us. I do hope he finds fulfillment and happiness in the meantime, and I know he is very much enjoying aspects of his life!
Personally, I'd peg him but draw firm lines around “don't enjoy butt sex, either spend a lot time leaning how to make it good for me or give it up”.
You got kids… Trust me when I say it's tough on everyone to split at this point. If it's something he's willing to receive but not give, then find what you want and make the situation reciprocal.
If there's other issues between y'all then disregard my comment.
I'm absolutely baffled by this. Don't sweat the small stuff or please get a new boy friend. This sounds like rage, over potatoes. Please.
you didnt know about the pictures, so she didnt took them for you.
One-sided platonic friendships don't exist. He wants you. Always has. That will always be a problem whether you feel the same way or not. Personally, he's already come off as that guy who will want to come over the first time you and your boyfriend have a fight to “comfort” you. Stop being naive. He will affect your relationship.
No, neither scenario is good. Honestly, the fact that he talks so much about her and no one else at work would be worrisome to me if I were in your shoes.
Here is a personal story as to why I feel this way. A few years back my husband (then bf) started working for a new company and within a month started coming home talking about a new friend at work. He would tell me that they would take breaks and lunch together, message throughout the day (they worked in different department), and then eventually started texting and calling on the phone outside of work. I wasn’t bothered by any of it, because he acted like he would have with any new male friend – factual no “gushing”. He also actively tried to organize a meet up between all of us. Let me tell you, I had absolutely nothing in common with this woman, but my husband still wanted me to met her because they were friends and I was his gf and important to him. He wanted her to meet the “important people” in his life.
Honestly, maybe you should just flat out ask him why he talks about her so much; why no one else ever seems to come up in conversation.
I feel that I normally don’t have the need to explore my feelings
So you don’t bother to understand why you do what you do unless there’s an obvious problem. Google the importance of emotional self awareness read some articles to understand why approaching life that way is limiting. It’s like driving your car on auto pilot with no driving experience yourself. It works when things are routine, but the moment things change and the auto pilot doesnt work, things can go bad fast, and you have to scramble to figure out what to do. But if you have driving experience, ie emotional self awareness, when the auto pilot can’t drive, you can smoothly take the wheel and adjust with way less stress and difficulty.
My response would have been even simpler…. “ex-boyfriend”
That’s good! Maybe in time it can develop into more but it’s hard to think clearly when you’re feeling activated. Take some time to let the intensity settle and use your rational side and the right answer will come! Good luck!
Dude stop being insecure. You're being crazy toxic.
Literally one of the biggest warning signs of abusive boyfriends is casting shade on any man in her life.
Grow. Up.
The problem is that you haven't the slightest idea what you want in a man. You need to work on yourself so that you can make better choices. You also need to determine what your goals are.
But I was drunk is not an excuse. You assaulted this poor man, whether you want to accept it or not. He made his boundaries super clear to you by always redirecting any kind of touch like that. Don't rationalize your behavior. You made a bad decision. You need to apologize and then talk to him about sex like an adult. I cannot fathom how you had enough commitment to move in together but couldn't have this basic conversation.
Whatever his reason, religious or trauma, you need to talk to him with empathy.
Yea she’s still sleeping with that guy. Dude you’re 19 get a literal grip. There are plenty of people out there that won’t give you an STD
Fuck is it with redditors being allergic to communication. You can come here and state your problem, trouble, advice needed situation no problem. Just show him the post. Ez pz.
It conveys all your feelings in textual format.
Gross!
I am using reddit first time, its my mistake i should have add more things. I am not financially independent. I still live in my parents house. He has his own business, i mean touchwood for 24 year old he is earning alot of money. But yaaa i am not and i don't want to beg in front of someone after marriage. Plus he supports me in my career he is even ready to pay my college fees or invest money in my buisness which i am really thankful but again i don't want to use him and i will never. My parents are not happy this is the main reason i don't want to run away with him.but then he has helped me so many time thats why i think i am betraying him for choosing my parents over him. I am really sorry but i am really depressed. Btw thank you for advising me
Are you sure you aren't dating two 14 yr olds in a trenchcoat?
Fr this. Make it clear. No reason to waste your life for someone else. It sounds like HELL currently. You can't be happy. If she can't at least try for improvement in any way that will get her back to the way she was 2 years ago, you best leave op while you're still somewhat young. As much as that sucks.
Wtf, what kind of father marries someone that hates their child? Your child should come before any spouse. Both you and your wife sound horrible.
After all of this… How do you figure she still loves you? People that live each other don't do this shit. Also super messed up on your part to even pretend to assault someone, let alone your WIFE.
Guessing we are from different countries because high school ends at 17 here. 19 is very different to a high school kid.
Sometimes relationships run their course. It's okay.
Yes, break-ups hurt. But it hurts someone more to waste their time with a relationship that can't have a serious future, living a lie to keep them happy.
The best thing you can do is be straightforward and honest. I know I don't even have to tell you to also be kind and tactful. It's pretty clear how much you still care about her, even though that's not romantically anymore.
Or maybe you're just a good person in general. Either way…yeah.
Agreed! These forums are meant to forewarn other women,when a bad experience took place, or a real bad date. Some are responsible enough to make sure they don’t get turned into troll dens, or posts without evidence are done, and sexism or anti men sentiments are not allowed, strictly necessary info about a bad guy only. Unfortunately, it seems not all of them are run that way, and hurt the cause.
Nope. You're not being clingy or demanding, you're just not as outgoing as she thinks you should be. And if she's not willing to help bridge the gap, you're fundamentally incompatible.
If the intent of dating is to eventually settle down with someone who has the same life goals, it should be discussed early on to assess compatibility. Before I met my husband, I wouldn’t continue seeing someone if I knew they were dead set on children because I was a “no”. Why get invested if this is going to a barrier down the road?
Did you tell him?
If I have sex with someone and he didn’t know my name, but then afterwards he finds out my name is like Fred or something and he’s uncomfortable with Freds, was I lying by omission and thus removed informed consent?
Yeah she definitively made her way into my “Top 10 dumbest OPs”. The fact that she really believes he stopped seeing her to avoid causing drama with her sister is what really cinched it lol.
Sounds like your mother has been trying to cut your father out of your life. He stayed involved as much as he could regardless of her actions. He is your father and you should be able to have the father daughter dance with him. Don't disappoint yourself or him because of your mother's poor behaviour.
I don't think it was rude, per se, you just told him your expectations, ie don't interact with me and if you have to be polite.
Bob is letting his immaturity show.
Discdiggr might be able to help retrieve trashed messages.
Either approach her as a friend or not at all. Being approached at the gym feels so uncomfortable. We are just there to exercise, not to get a date.
Any chance you can get into her cloud? Might turn up so more evidence. Sorry your wife's a damn liar dude
Honestly? If that was possible and would let him undo this shitshow, I would
But now she is also critizing the wedding as well.
Tell him that the only right way to teach his own son is to be a role model and he has to fix his own attitude. He can't say to a child that he doesn't have to have an attitude and then he a grown ass man to have an attitude that is a hypocritical behaviour. Call him “you are a hypocrite” and just walk out. You don't have to get away from your own house, you just to pretend to be happy and then just being happy without him participating. Don't go to your brother but bring your brother to spend time with your son and to laugh and you also laugh. Do things that make both of you happy. That will make him mad.
Ok so you're still defending him relentlessly in the comments.
You have two choices 1) stay with this dude, eat shit, and plaster that shit-eating grin on your face forever or 2) leave.
Tell him your password “URDUMPEDKTHXBYE”.
???
No no no dydo that operation like that. She needs councelling and medical oriented help. First see doctor. Doctor give all the answers of your questions.
Don't take knife.
This made me laugh OP this is funny! Funnier than he stupid joke.
If you don't find it humorous u dont. If u made a sexist joke about how she should be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen (which i literally was yesterday and showed the irony to my husband because I'm a whole child)
I bet you she wouldn't find it funny. She seems melodramatic af. And rude.
I'd have honestly just asked her so killed urself yet? After her reply.. because that's out of pocket and petty and she would've said ur insensitive for asking her tht.
But ur feelings don't matter because ur a guy?!
She seems like she should be binned honestly especially because u said this isn't the first time she's reacted like this.
Why would you want to marry someone who makes you feel like absolute shit when you make a small mistake?
Trust me, you don't want that for the rest of your life. That's a toxic as fuck trait.
Yea?
Who cares. You need to get out. Stop making excuses. It will be hard and scary but most things worth having are. I mean it's up to you. Live a life you hate or fight for one you want. You are strong enough you just need to find that courage.
This is tough but your wife sounds selfish here. Also sounds like you are a prime candidate to return to the office since being at home is more stressful for you. There are probably two sides to this story but it sure sounds like she wants everything her way and you are having difficulty explaining this to her. I suggest you tell her you are unhappy and involve a marriage counselor – that will probably be covered by (your) insurance. Let them take the hard job of explaining how one sided her view is. BTW the kids DO get much easier when they are school age.
Very true! Lots of people seem to fall for the well traveled free spirited influencer due to the over-stimulation visual aspect but then married life feels like shackles to them.
This makes a lot of sense, thank you
I mean… Expecting privacy around sex is already a pretty well understood boundary. She shouldn't have to spell out literally every action she expects him to refrain from. Otherwise, where does it end – “buT You nEvEr saiD I sHouldNt seLL yOur unDerwEaR to StrAngErs BehinD a duMpStEr” etc .
If he genuinely thinks “Oh, I didn't realise that bragging about our intimate sexual acts to a coworker was inappropriate, thanks for letting me know your boundaries” then his emotional literacy is so low she should probably not date him at all.
It's not so much the frequency. It's whether or not you can handle. What you're supposed to do is a functioning human being. If you are missing work neglecting your child and not helping your partner raise a child because you are too drunk then you've got an alcohol problem.
Sit her down and tell her. She needs to know.
Make an appointment with a doctor to discuss whether it's treatable and if it isn't, what are your options. Then decide what to do next together. The important thing to remember that even if it isn't treatable, you guys can still have children. Sperm donation and adoption are both options you can consider.
Sperm isn't the most important thing about a father, it's the time spent, love, support that is most important.
Info: can your dad watch the kids at his place?
The predictor of a successful relationship is how you treat each other.
Instead of discussing the situation and coming up with a workable solution she is blaming you and making you the bad guy. And you are sitting and taking it.
Now the treatment of the cat is appalling, you are both not looking after it for the cats own living situation. You seem to be conflict avoidant and she seems to be making you the scapegoat.
Choose no 3 but you should consider that the cat might need more than you have available, it might need a social group or something like that, look up actual fixes.
This open relationship thing. It’s kinda like people hate their partners but they don’t want to leave the security.
It’s a way to cheat in the open
Call him on it next time
OP, question. What’s her mom like? Does she have some childhood trauma?
Only asking because my best friend (since the 3rd grade) does the SAME EXACT THING to her husband. It hurts to watch it happen. Her mom used to freak out on them for being impolite and “embarrassing her in front of others” for things that were unreasonable to be upset about. She would come up with harsh and abusive punishments for it. My friend (without realizing it) is now mimicking this behavior because she grew up with it as “normal” and I don’t think she’s aware that behavior like yours is completely normal and acceptable. Like something in her brain needs to be re-wired. She reacts that way because she’s watching him do something that is burned into her mind as “taboo”.
I’ve been meaning to try and find a good time to have a heart to heart with her about it. It’s going to be a difficult conversation. I love her husband to death. He’s the only person in her life that’s ever treated her with the kindness and respect that she deserves.
I’m petty AF I would have messaged her from his phone and said to come pick him up since she wants him so much and you’ll have his bags ready at the door.
You can’t shake the feeling should tell you something. It’s over, you aren’t going to trust in him again and you shouldn’t. He’s not sorry, he’s sorry he got caught. If he was sorry, he wouldn’t have lied after you caught him, if he was sorry he wouldn’t have blamed you for his behavior when you were at your parents, he wouldn’t have HIDDEN the names of his AP under family. Are you so lonely that anyone would do? Because I got to tell you, I don’t understand why you are fighting for your marriage and you let him just meander away to do it all over again.
Thanks for the advice. I won’t have anyone because he has tricked all my family that he is a complete saint and I’m the problem. So they take his side for everything.
This is crazy. You are 60 with 2 women bossing you around because of their pettiness to each other. You drive way too far multiple times a week? What about GF does she drive this at all? Craziness tell ex I’ll communicate about son only. Tell GF I will communicate to ex about my son and you can drive 190 miles multiple times a week if you love me!!!
Yeah, it was weird and wrong.
First, this is 100% about HIS insecurities and i hang ups, and not about you. I hope that with therapy and a supportive partner you’ll be able to internalize that.
Second, I think that it’s unlikely that he’ll come to a real nuanced understanding of where you’re at. so it may be better to fall back on simply expecting and exacting better behavior from him.
I would tell BOTH your parents—your mother because she seems to have some understanding of the harm he’s doing—that while you understand that his intent is to be encouraging, the effect of his constant stream of comments about your body is hurtful, devalues your other accomplishments, and triggers depressive episodes. So from now on,if he wants to have a relationship with you, it cannot include any comments about your body or your health. And if he breaches that boundary, you explain that he breached it and you back it up by cutting off communication for some explicitly designated period of time—one week, two weeks, a month, etc. Your time and attention is the only leverage you have here, because he is clearly not going to respond to appeals to empathy or understanding. You have to be really rigid about maintaining these boundaries early on or he will trample all over them in the name of concern for your health.
There will be some kind of extinction burst. He’s going to be completely bewildered that you “never told him this was a problem before”. You are unlikely to get him to really internalize how badly he’s behaved. But it WILL make him stop. It’s totally okay to say things like “I know you have a different perspective on this, but I’m telling you what I need from you as my father”.
I'm incredibly proud of you. This man was a walking red flag factory. I have no doubt he would have become physically abusive towards you. You did everything right, none of this is your fault, he chose you because you're so much younger than him and so much less experienced – he knew you wouldn't see his red flags and he knew he could control you. You broke out of it.
Having left my own abuser at just a couple years older than you, eventually I hope you'll come to see how fucking strong you are for leaving.
It sounds like you have developed feelings for this guy, and it's understandable given the level of intimacy and connection you've described. However, it's important to recognize that he has been clear with you from the beginning that he only wants a FWB relationship.
Before you bring up the possibility of a relationship with him, it might be helpful to take some time to reflect on your own needs and boundaries. Are you okay with continuing a FWB relationship if it never progresses beyond that? Or do you feel like you need a commitment in order to be happy and fulfilled in a romantic relationship?
Once you have a better understanding of your own needs and boundaries, you can have a conversation with him about where you both stand. It's important to approach the conversation with openness and honesty, and to be clear about what you're looking for in a relationship. You can express that you're starting to develop feelings for him, and ask if he feels the same way. If he doesn't, it might be time to reevaluate whether the current situation is meeting your needs.
Ultimately, the decision to continue or end the relationship is yours. If you feel like you need a commitment in order to be happy, it's okay to end the relationship and look for someone who shares your values and goals. If you're comfortable continuing the FWB relationship, make sure you're clear about your boundaries and that they're being respected.
If I tell him, he certainly will apologise I know that. He always has taken responsibility for his actions but this time I am unable to process this
Will do.
Yeah bro. Florida is to women what Vegas is to men. She is gonna cheat or I should say a strong chance she cheats. That sucks boss.
He’s never given me a reason not to trust him, my trust issues are deep within myself and they are kind of debilitating