She knows that you want intimacy with her and she doesn’t want to, but she’s more than willing to continue accepting the other benefits of being your girlfriend. I’m sorry she went through trauma, but a lot of people has also, they’re still intimate with their partner. Seems like she made the statement to discourage you from pursuing intimacy with her. Also, don’t be surprised if she’s manipulating you with the trauma so she doesn’t have to sleep with you also. In the end, she doesn’t have to do it, but if you want a sexual relationship, you have a right to want that. You also should value yourself more and be with someone who wants all of you, not just what satisfies them.
And I know off the top of my head like 6 people who would have a problem with it… and we're 21-22, all liberal, not religious, openly with our sexuality etc
I sleep around alot and am the farthest thing from a religious extremist and I would not be ok with this.
You have to understand a lot of people see pets as members of their family. And if you turn your back on that, don't be surprised if they're done with you.
1) you don't sound toxic at all. 2) this can happen, especially in long distance relationships that are not as strong as one party thinks 3) He has needs and you have needs. You may not fell love the same way (more on that below) 4) Instagram is staged. Some if it us actually green screen. Do not use it as a basis of normal any more than you would a Disney movie. 5) You can't read his mind or see his life. This is an issue
OK, first, you didn't say why you are apart or for how long. A LDR is very difficult to maintain, especially at younger ages. You both need to work.
Second, guys are clueless. He may think that if he is happy, you are happy. He may think he can set you down, do other things and you'll be right where he left you, waiting.
Third, you are not getting the love you need. He may love you unconditionally and be ring shopping, but he isn't giving you the type of love you need. When I was just a little older than you, I got the book “Five Love Languages” by Dr Gary Chapman.
Ask you BF if you can send him a book that you need him to study. Buy one for each of you. Write in it on the margins anything you realize as you read it. Swap books when done. There is a 93 question test to determine what your love languages are (most have a primary and secondary, some have 3). If he feels love primarily through physical touch (hugs, hand holding, a gentle caress) then video calls suck. It's like going to a restaurant hungry with no money. If your's is gift giving, then leaving a flower unpicked is a missed expression of love.
You need to understand each other. You need to express love in a way the other can receive it. If he is frustrated he might be pulling back. He might no even understand that his love displayed to you isn't seen or understood.
It might be because I’m a nurse, but I would buy him a urinal and tell him to put it on the nightstand. I’d even empty it in the morning if he wasn’t fast enough. If I loved the guy, this would be a not be a deal-breaker.
Lol it’s happened maybe three times in 8 years. If I had the perfect marriage I wouldn’t be slumming it on the relationship advice sub with the likes of you. But hey it’s really great that you have the perfect marriage!
Don't forget, even if she learns from this, she'd still be likely to eventually cheat on you if you took her back, cause the behaviour didn't have its natural consequences.
OP, I know how you feel. And I’m sorry you’re going through this. You are not to blame for any of this. Even if people here are quick to be negative towards you. You’re conflicted and that’s perfectly expected. You’re carrying the trauma of your past relationships into any new relationship. And it doesn’t help at all that your husband cheated on you. What you think and how you feel about your situation are all completely valid.
I agree that you should get your own therapist. It’s really helpful to feel as safe as you can when you process how you feel. Whether or not your relationship stays where it’s at, what’s important is for you to continue your own emotional growth and care for your mental well-being. No one else can care about you as much as you should care about yourself.
Cheating in any way triggers huge feelings of betrayal. You’re also grieving. Your idea of how your relationship was is no more. And you grieve that marriage you thought you had. And with that grief, comes the need to protect yourself, feeling like you have to be more vigilant. And it’s okay to feel that way. What’s not okay is if your husband continues to deny the impact of what he did, if he continues to refuse discussing it. He can’t and shouldn’t expect your complete trust after he shattered it in to a million pieces.
Will you ever trust him again? Maybe. But when you finally do, it’s not the naive sort of trust you had before. It’s a more guarded, more informed kind of trust. And it’s okay to start building toward that. Just make sure your husband is doing enough to deserve to have it back. And what’s enough? That’s really up to you.
So what you’re suggesting is that it’s in everyone else’s hands, and therefore I should just step away with no questions asked because it’s the respectful thing to do?
She’s using you.
She knows that you want intimacy with her and she doesn’t want to, but she’s more than willing to continue accepting the other benefits of being your girlfriend. I’m sorry she went through trauma, but a lot of people has also, they’re still intimate with their partner. Seems like she made the statement to discourage you from pursuing intimacy with her. Also, don’t be surprised if she’s manipulating you with the trauma so she doesn’t have to sleep with you also. In the end, she doesn’t have to do it, but if you want a sexual relationship, you have a right to want that. You also should value yourself more and be with someone who wants all of you, not just what satisfies them.
Good luck.
oh my goodness! the GYNECOLOGIST ! Worse of them all :/
Tell him and show him the letter. Do not keep her abusive actions secret. He needs to know that his mother is sabotaging his relationships.
And I know off the top of my head like 6 people who would have a problem with it… and we're 21-22, all liberal, not religious, openly with our sexuality etc
I sleep around alot and am the farthest thing from a religious extremist and I would not be ok with this.
You have to understand a lot of people see pets as members of their family. And if you turn your back on that, don't be surprised if they're done with you.
1) you don't sound toxic at all. 2) this can happen, especially in long distance relationships that are not as strong as one party thinks 3) He has needs and you have needs. You may not fell love the same way (more on that below) 4) Instagram is staged. Some if it us actually green screen. Do not use it as a basis of normal any more than you would a Disney movie. 5) You can't read his mind or see his life. This is an issue
OK, first, you didn't say why you are apart or for how long. A LDR is very difficult to maintain, especially at younger ages. You both need to work.
Second, guys are clueless. He may think that if he is happy, you are happy. He may think he can set you down, do other things and you'll be right where he left you, waiting.
Third, you are not getting the love you need. He may love you unconditionally and be ring shopping, but he isn't giving you the type of love you need. When I was just a little older than you, I got the book “Five Love Languages” by Dr Gary Chapman.
Ask you BF if you can send him a book that you need him to study. Buy one for each of you. Write in it on the margins anything you realize as you read it. Swap books when done. There is a 93 question test to determine what your love languages are (most have a primary and secondary, some have 3). If he feels love primarily through physical touch (hugs, hand holding, a gentle caress) then video calls suck. It's like going to a restaurant hungry with no money. If your's is gift giving, then leaving a flower unpicked is a missed expression of love.
You need to understand each other. You need to express love in a way the other can receive it. If he is frustrated he might be pulling back. He might no even understand that his love displayed to you isn't seen or understood.
It might be because I’m a nurse, but I would buy him a urinal and tell him to put it on the nightstand. I’d even empty it in the morning if he wasn’t fast enough. If I loved the guy, this would be a not be a deal-breaker.
Sounds like he raped her. I would take her to the hospital and contact the police.
For those bashing n cursing then deleting comments solely because I mentioned my background
FUCK YOU. Continue the fun with your inferiority complex ?
Lol it’s happened maybe three times in 8 years. If I had the perfect marriage I wouldn’t be slumming it on the relationship advice sub with the likes of you. But hey it’s really great that you have the perfect marriage!
Don't forget, even if she learns from this, she'd still be likely to eventually cheat on you if you took her back, cause the behaviour didn't have its natural consequences.
I would've just left and told her its done if I saw that.
OP, I know how you feel. And I’m sorry you’re going through this. You are not to blame for any of this. Even if people here are quick to be negative towards you. You’re conflicted and that’s perfectly expected. You’re carrying the trauma of your past relationships into any new relationship. And it doesn’t help at all that your husband cheated on you. What you think and how you feel about your situation are all completely valid.
I agree that you should get your own therapist. It’s really helpful to feel as safe as you can when you process how you feel. Whether or not your relationship stays where it’s at, what’s important is for you to continue your own emotional growth and care for your mental well-being. No one else can care about you as much as you should care about yourself.
Cheating in any way triggers huge feelings of betrayal. You’re also grieving. Your idea of how your relationship was is no more. And you grieve that marriage you thought you had. And with that grief, comes the need to protect yourself, feeling like you have to be more vigilant. And it’s okay to feel that way. What’s not okay is if your husband continues to deny the impact of what he did, if he continues to refuse discussing it. He can’t and shouldn’t expect your complete trust after he shattered it in to a million pieces.
Will you ever trust him again? Maybe. But when you finally do, it’s not the naive sort of trust you had before. It’s a more guarded, more informed kind of trust. And it’s okay to start building toward that. Just make sure your husband is doing enough to deserve to have it back. And what’s enough? That’s really up to you.
I'm thinking that you should try for more mature, respectful bf..
So what you’re suggesting is that it’s in everyone else’s hands, and therefore I should just step away with no questions asked because it’s the respectful thing to do?