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ᴡ, ᴇʟᴄᴏᴍᴇ, ɪᴛ’ꜱ ᴍʏ ꜰɪʀꜱᴛ ᴅᴀʏ.. ʟᴇᴛ’ꜱ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ꜰᴜɴ! ???? ??? [GOAL MET]
Date: October 20, 2022
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Message him. Keeping it from him so it doesnt mess up his new life does nothing for your child. Your child is about to have a sibling and deserves to know who their dad is.
I've got just one question for you… how many red flags do you need?
Get a new FWB. This lady maybe trying to baby trap you. Time to ghost her.
Yeah i would be hiring security and warning them in advance that literally only you three think this is funny but it’s actually sad, cringy and embarrassing
He beat someone who insulted him. He has anger issues and no self control.
Well, let me start by thanking you on their behalf.
I would try to split the issue:
Your anxiety. Do they know you get anxious because you don’t want to make mistakes that would harm them? Do you know mistakes happen and you’ll probably make less than they would make?
Their appreciation. Do they show you appreciation for your help?
Your life. Does it hinder you from doing your own life? Can you set boundaries or allocate specific times for you to help them?
Their overstretching. Would they be willing to avoid doing some things so you won’t be needed as much?
You’ve every right to be frustrated and thar doesn’t make you ungrateful. But never forget they moved somewhere for you to have it better.
Sorry to burst your bubble but someone pulling a gun out at a bar fight would be absolute madness in Australia – like nation news, unheard of. Bar fights happen all the time, but a gun being pulled is definitely something that only happens in the US
I think it means she wants to be with him, but doesn't want to have more children. If a couple is on the same page about being together and not having another child, then it's not an unreasonable request. A vasectomy is less invasive and less risky than a full on salpingectomy. Someone asked why they're separated; I'd be interested to see if the wife has anything to say about it and if she'd say something about the division of household labor and care of 3 kids.
I don't think his thoughts are unreasonable either way. It's ok to think a wedding is not your preferred use of funds however big or small it is. But this isn't just about him so he needs to talk about it in more detail and explore compromises rather than just dismissing her wants.
And again, my original point was not that she should get exactly what she wants but that people should stop scoffing at her for wanting something she specifically said she didn't want.
So I think humans have the right to decide that they’re done with life, but usually people make that kind of permanent decision because of permanent circumstances/pain, whether physical or psychological, that they never deserved.
You’re not dealing with a permanent nightmare, AND you CHOSE this, so I have much less sympathy for you making such a decision than I would if you were dealing with cancer or depression or something else that afflicts innocent people.
I think you need to grow up and take responsibility for your own deliberate choices and work through the all-too-natural consequences.
You have made decisions (marrying without the maturity to fully commit, choosing to cheat, choosing your wife’s SISTER for your affair partner, failing to use a condom every single time, etc.) that already have and will continue to damage a lot of innocent parties, not the least of which is the potential child of your illicit behavior.
That child, assuming there actually is a pregnancy AND that it is carried to term, has the right to look you in the eye and say “WTF were you thinking putting me in this position!!??!” And that child deserves an honest answer and an abject apology, along with 18 years of child support!
Furthermore, you have made a mess that will destroy your wife, and you don’t have the right to twist her heart and mind even further by offing yourself!
It’s bad enough that you are a selfish, lying, cheating jerk and that she was foolish enough to trust/marry you; it would be unconscionable to then off yourself and put her in the position of having to GRIEVE you! You do not deserve that from her.
Oh, and whatever relationship she may have ever had with her sister was just rocketed straight into the Sun thanks to you and your uncontrolled lechery!
It’s quite possible this will blow up her entire family relationship, and she deserves to be able to be angry at YOU for that!
Talk directly to your affair partner and find out if she actually IS pregnant.
Find out what she intends to do about the pregnancy and be as supportive of her decision as possible (help with expenses, go to doctor appointments, etc.).
Stop the affair. If your affair partner intends to complete the pregnancy and keep the resulting child, then start figuring out how to co-parent.
Talk to your wife and tell her the entire awful truth. Let her vent and rage and scream herself silly if she needs to. Do your best to answer her questions. And then, IF AND ONLY IF you truly love your wife, tell her that, beg for her forgiveness, and be willing to do all the hard work necessary to repair this disaster you caused.
I don’t feel like you have the right to skip out on any of these responsibilities. And I think, if you pull yourself together and act with whatever ashes of your personal honor might be left, you could possibly learn enough from all of this to turn out as a decent human being with something that at least resembles an actual character!