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Elena (horny today) and Herb (busy today), 99 y.o.
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Date: September 24, 2022
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As someone who has dated more than one person at once for a few weeks, I think it actually helped to keep things in perspective — that these were guys who were practically strangers that I had met online, I was just barely starting to get to know them, and while we were meeting up because we were both interested in romance that didn't mean we were automatically romantically/sexually entangled or in any kind of exclusive relationship until I was ready for that to happen. Coming out of a relationship with someone who moved way too fast romantically/emotionally and make me feel like I'd nearly killed him when I realized it wasn't working out after several dates and broke things off, it helped to have that distance.
But, there wasn't anything physical involved beyond brief goodbye hugs. As soon as I knew something wasn't working (always after no more than a couple dates) I broke things off respectfully. If I was seeing someone for more than a date or two and worried they were making assumptions about exclusivity I was open about how I was handling things. And when I got to the point of even wanting to hold hands with one guy I knew it was time to break things off with the others (and we're still together more than 4.5 years later so I say the method was a success.)
I found the whole thing super stressful, though! And I can't imagine actually being sexually/romantically involved in a deeper way with multiple people at once and actually enjoying that.
He needs to see a therapist and maybe antidepressants.
I didn't even start to know or like myself until I was about 32, and I've had 3 years of acceptance in this meat suit and it's been great. You're at peak age to start discovering yourself and your goals outside of other people! You will naturally attract those in your life who are meant to be there, but the first step is figuring out who you are. Let her go. She'll look back, after you took the time to grow. She may regret her choice, but you will be so far beyond that and on to better things that it won't even bother you. Sorry you're going through this, though.
Thank you for your answer, I totally agree with you! I think everyone should live their own life.
Dodged a bullet there sweetiwn
You should not have to leave your home so bf can have ‘space. ‘
Both your gf and baby mama sound toxic AF. Maybe you need to see therapist and make better choices in future partners. Let her go.
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What if he decides to go on the trip?
Drunk or not, there is no such thing as “accidental” cheating. He got drunk. He had sex with someone else. He cheated. No accident about it.
Actions have consequences. Speaking ill of their mother is an action.
Now that’s some good advice ! Thanks
Why are you with him? We
thank you doll,I appreciate your kindness. I've finally allowed myself to acknowledge that he never loved me the way he said, if at all. I just have to keep in my mind that him cheating and pulling all of this shit are his underlying problems, and I gave a whole lot more than I should have to try to keep him safe and happy. It's not my fault. I just have to block him and start healing and reflecting on how I keep ending up in these toxic relationships and what it is I can focus on and improve within myself to ensure im more vigilant in the future so it never happens again.
Then why are you asking a bunch of strangers on the internet? This seems like a non issue. If you've been in therapy for a while, get another therapist and maybe couples therapy just for better communication.
Damn. This “friend” is insecure as hell.
Just like romantic relationships, sometimes friends grow apart. It’s really sad and difficult to handle, but it’s for the best in the long run.
God forbid he wants to be safe
“This far into a relationship”
For one, it's 9 months – that's not very far. Also, relationships change as the people in them change, and the relationship also changes the people.
You're both pretty young, and your BF just learned new things about birth control effectiveness. Life is a long string of learning stuff you didn't already know, and lots of people are under-informed about birth control. So, it's hardly surprising that he learned new information, and it is good and responsible that he is reacting to it.
I'm more interested in why you aren't reacting similarly. You say you don't want a child, but also that you're “not sure” if you'd abort an unwanted pregnancy. Sounds to me like someone is well-positioned for an “oops” pregnancy, and it sounds to me like your BF wants to avoid that as much as possible.
It's not about you.
It’s a conflict of interest. If your son ticks her off what happens to you? She’ll take it out on you for sure.
Such bs comments on this. Why is she walking in on you when you're in the bathroom? Just lock the fking door next time. Oh andI'm sure she's never fantasised about other men. Christ, what a world.
No, she shouldn’t be eating the same amount as you. But I doubt the problem is her eating healthy food in portions that are too big. Do you buy snacks a lot? Do you guys drink sugary drinks? About her developing an ED, you said she acknowledged that she needs to lose weight right? If she really is overweight and willing to work on it a discussion on eating habits should be fine. Just frame it in a ‘how can we do this together’ way instead of ‘here’s what you have to do’.
Oh I completely jumped on that “she hates him” bit, thanks
Why are your grandparents even letting you foot the bill? You’re in your 20s?
Stay strong. You've got this. And thank you
Just believe her when she shows you what you mean to her!
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2 weeks into the marriage, I (30F) found out my husband(30M) cheated while we were dating and I've told him before that cheating was a deal breaker and yet he did it anyways.
The week that he was about to propose, I found texts of him flirting with some girl. We fought and asked him if he had slept with anyone, he said he didn't and eventually I forgave him and gave him the benefit of the doubt. Found out he was gonna propose to me midst argument because he wanted to prove that he really loves me and so I said yes a few days later.
Fast forward a year later we got married, and two weeks into the marriage that's when I found out that he DID in fact cheat on me twice(or so he says) with another woman. And had dates with a couple other. If I had found out sooner, I would have definitely left him, but I feel trapped because were married now, and I'm suppose to forget all that just because marriage is different?
It's been months now and I still think about it everyday, even dream about it as if I need a reminder. I have good days but sometimes I just feel like giving up. I really don't think he deserves me and I don't feel strong enough to stay on. Thinking it'll be easier to leave him because it's taking a toll on my mental health. What do I doooooo?! ? also, he was never honest about it, never came clean. I basically forced the truth out from him and I don't even know if it's the whole truth because he has lied so much.
At least you told her how controlling you are. She can make an informed choice going forward.
A nipple suck at a strip club is not cheating for me. Cheating for me is at very least a kiss. Even then a kiss, depending on context I'd forgive. One-strike-and-out scenario would be anything sexual or romantic.
That doesn’t answer my questions
That was my point – what she wants/needs is in conflict with what he wants/need (and what most people would want/need).
Being friends with ex-partners is not unhealthy. Neither is being no-contact with them.
Since it is a dealbreaker for you, leave. Please don't snoop through her phone (even if just to check notifications).
Don’t beat yourself up OP. We read posts like this all the time and the advice you get, if you’re a dude, is to jump through a tons of hoops to try and fulfill something that’s missing from a partner that’s unwilling to discuss.
I do think you need to speak about this more with your GF, but I think you’re on the right path with the fact that your feelings matter too.
Sure you should ask her why this is happening now, but you should, and have by all appearances, make it clear how you feel and what you want as well. You’re just as important
You're not wrong! I don't wanna play that card either. But I feel its blatantly obvious.
The person who you know about lives far away. Do you know that he’s the only one? How would you know that?
I’m not sure if the police can help. Unless you have proof of sextortion or threats of revenge porn, this is just an affair turned sour.
Think of the worst case scenario, manage the conversation with people you care about and call his bluff. Tell him he can do whatever he wants with the sextape because you’re over it.
Of course you’re risking a bit of a scandal but I’d say it’s much better than let yourself be blackmailed indefinitely.
His body, his choice ….
I just want to say, spitting on someone is vile.
You say you know you need therapy, then START. Stop using excuses. Find a different therapist.
You don't sound ready to be in a relationship, and neither does he.
Or raping the alter boy.
I just want to know long term where do you expect this to go?
Start living more and saving less. You are wasting your best days planning for a future that you have no idea what it holds
Tell him you want to continue dating but need to begin dating other people too. He will understand the “I’m in my prime” statement. And really start dating. Never divulge anything about these other dates. It’s non of his business. You’ll have your answer soon enough. Good luck.
Are you worried your boyfriend is going to cheat on you because there are girls present? If so, break up with him. If no, then what’s the problem? Either you trust him or you don’t.
They are both a write off.
Both = money and boyfriend
It sounds like he was trying to make you jealous or think there were all these girls but there weren’t actually any girls. Maybe friends, but that’s it. And he’s a liar. That’s probably not going to change since he won’t even admit it’s decide whether that’s something you want to deal with.
Maybe discuss having a relationship councillor so you can work through your expectations together. That's if he pulls his head in and realises that you're not responsible for him hurting his own feelings because you're but living up to (quite frankly exist) assumptions he made about what it means to have a family.