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Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
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[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
I don't think he's jealous about lack of opportunities. I think he's upset that he only has eyes for his wife and she doesn't feel the same. He wants to know why. There's no satisfactory answer for that. Some people are like that; some people aren't.
Everyone's talking about how she was honorable, and she was, but they're missing what he's actually upset about and so they aren't addressing it.
One thing you should consider is who is paying for all of this? What will be the timeline of her staying with you guys if you say yes. Don't agree to something solo and don't make promises you can't keep. You're going to have to talk to your husband because it is his home too. Also, you will want to see what your sisters future plans are. Are you ready for her and her newborn to be permanent residents?
Just be honest. Break-up with her in-person, as hard as it may be. But it can give you both the closure that’s needed to move on.
You don’t need to tell her you’re interested in someone else. But you could be honest and explain to her that you don’t see a future with her and don’t want to continue leading her on, or wasting her time where she can find somebody she is more mutually compatible with.
Nothing has to be “wrong” for you to want to break up. You are allowed to break up for any reason you want.
Hurting her feelings is a possibility, but that's a part of dating, especially at your ages. (Are you going to stay with her forever in case you hurt her feelings by breaking up?)
And your friendship might also end. That's one of the consequences of a break up. That doesn't mean you shouldn't end the relationship if you want out.
If I’m dating a person that chooses to lie by omission, I’m not dating a trustworthy person. When in a relationship, you are not single. Meaning you don’t just do whatever you want, whenever you, with whomever you want. This is a matter of communication and respect for the relationship.
Things like this are just insecurities and ego. Tbh fair or not, I would be basically saying to him it’s unfair for him to mention it. You were honest, he throws it in your face and he’s being a douche for doing so. If he does it again I’m out.
Sometimes being firm rather than empathetic when they’re just being children about it snaps partners out of their pity party
No. Absolutely not. He’s not your boyfriend. Obviously you haven’t made that clear. But. Even if he was, you don’t end a long friendship for anyone. He’s a very insecure, controlling fwb. Stop having sex with him.
I don’t know why you’re getting downvoted. Anyone going through a breakup would feel exactly what you’re feeling. It’s weird to spend so much time with someone getting close to them and getting to know them and then having the emotional whiplash of them just turning it off and not caring about you whatsoever anymore. It really makes you wonder if the time you had together even meant anything to them. But you can take solace in the fact that whatever he’s going through that’s causing him to act so callously is his own journey, and I would feel fortunate to not have to be apart of it anymore. That old dumb Dr. Seuss quote had a lot of truth to it: “The people who mind don’t matter, and the people who matter don’t mind.” Focus on the people who do care about you in life or go out and find people who aren’t going to drop you out of nowhere like this. And don’t feel bad about feeling bad, your emotions are totally valid in this.
How would you know this when you’ve presumably only slept with one person (your ex husband)? Believe me and everyone else when we say some people are just not sexually compatible no matter what they do. And the kinks and preferences of your ex are likely the tip of the iceberg and very different from your current fiancé or future partners. While I can respect your opinion, I still believe your view of this is naive. It would be more relatable if you admitted sexual incompatibility is a risk of your decision but a risk you’re willing to accept to stand by your personal values.
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Hello /u/MoeMcL,
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
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I don't think he's jealous about lack of opportunities. I think he's upset that he only has eyes for his wife and she doesn't feel the same. He wants to know why. There's no satisfactory answer for that. Some people are like that; some people aren't.
Everyone's talking about how she was honorable, and she was, but they're missing what he's actually upset about and so they aren't addressing it.
This is sus. Check everyone involved socials. Check his phone. We need an update!
No, YOU shut HER down by not letting her use her preferred mode of communication.
One thing you should consider is who is paying for all of this? What will be the timeline of her staying with you guys if you say yes. Don't agree to something solo and don't make promises you can't keep. You're going to have to talk to your husband because it is his home too. Also, you will want to see what your sisters future plans are. Are you ready for her and her newborn to be permanent residents?
Just be honest. Break-up with her in-person, as hard as it may be. But it can give you both the closure that’s needed to move on.
You don’t need to tell her you’re interested in someone else. But you could be honest and explain to her that you don’t see a future with her and don’t want to continue leading her on, or wasting her time where she can find somebody she is more mutually compatible with.
Nothing has to be “wrong” for you to want to break up. You are allowed to break up for any reason you want.
Hurting her feelings is a possibility, but that's a part of dating, especially at your ages. (Are you going to stay with her forever in case you hurt her feelings by breaking up?)
And your friendship might also end. That's one of the consequences of a break up. That doesn't mean you shouldn't end the relationship if you want out.
If I’m dating a person that chooses to lie by omission, I’m not dating a trustworthy person. When in a relationship, you are not single. Meaning you don’t just do whatever you want, whenever you, with whomever you want. This is a matter of communication and respect for the relationship.
Things like this are just insecurities and ego. Tbh fair or not, I would be basically saying to him it’s unfair for him to mention it. You were honest, he throws it in your face and he’s being a douche for doing so. If he does it again I’m out.
Sometimes being firm rather than empathetic when they’re just being children about it snaps partners out of their pity party
No. Absolutely not. He’s not your boyfriend. Obviously you haven’t made that clear. But. Even if he was, you don’t end a long friendship for anyone. He’s a very insecure, controlling fwb. Stop having sex with him.
I don’t know why you’re getting downvoted. Anyone going through a breakup would feel exactly what you’re feeling. It’s weird to spend so much time with someone getting close to them and getting to know them and then having the emotional whiplash of them just turning it off and not caring about you whatsoever anymore. It really makes you wonder if the time you had together even meant anything to them. But you can take solace in the fact that whatever he’s going through that’s causing him to act so callously is his own journey, and I would feel fortunate to not have to be apart of it anymore. That old dumb Dr. Seuss quote had a lot of truth to it: “The people who mind don’t matter, and the people who matter don’t mind.” Focus on the people who do care about you in life or go out and find people who aren’t going to drop you out of nowhere like this. And don’t feel bad about feeling bad, your emotions are totally valid in this.
Much too soon.
At less than a year in, you don't even know each other well yet
At 21, her brain isn't even finished developing
How would you know this when you’ve presumably only slept with one person (your ex husband)? Believe me and everyone else when we say some people are just not sexually compatible no matter what they do. And the kinks and preferences of your ex are likely the tip of the iceberg and very different from your current fiancé or future partners. While I can respect your opinion, I still believe your view of this is naive. It would be more relatable if you admitted sexual incompatibility is a risk of your decision but a risk you’re willing to accept to stand by your personal values.
She might appreciate when he cheats because he spends less time with her.
You’re right, this is weird. And that convo makes me think that this girl doesn’t even know you exist.