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dasharkiss, 20 y.o.
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Date: October 23, 2022
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I think this is an important step in any relationship. When most of the boxes are checked, BUT can I live forever with this person. My brother recently broke off an engagement for very similar reasons. At the end of the day people change very little and what change they do make takes a lot of time, effort and desire on their part. If she is in fact content with having a very low key, low ambition existence (from your perspective) then it is unlikely that she will change. That being the case, the only question you have to answer is whether or not you are willing to live with that reality. If not, then it’s time to end things. If however, she can or wants to meet you halfway that’s a different story. Word to the wise however, it is easy to promise to change, but much much harder to do, especially when you are talking about life goal and ambition. The break will be hard but life with the wrong person or divorce is much harder, trust me.
Ask her what kind of romantic gestures she would like and do that
Contacting your boyfriend's ex is crossing a boundary ….in ordinary circumstances. But you are in circumstances that are far from ordinary. It sounds like you sensed something was really wrong in your relationship, so you reached out to the only person you could think of … his ex. Crossing a boundary? Yes. But I think this boundary needed to be crossed, and your boyfriend's behavior since you contacted the ex has completely validated your decision.
I urge you to reread your third paragraph and pretend a friend of yours wrote it. What would you say to that friend?
Why would he start taking coke and assault someone just when he's about to become Father of the Year?
She wasn't “trapped” before.
You need a break, mate. Life is kicking you in the balls. And I’m sorry. Try to salvage your current relationship with your GF. Try to see her point. Try to acknowledge her concerns. Try to talk things through with her and come up with a plan to deal with your ex that isn’t so “all consuming” for you so that you’re allowed to have a life that everyone (even divorced men) deserve…with a loving partner and some give and take and some self-preservation. Good luck, man.
This is abuse. Leave.