The meaning of his reaction could go either way. When someone is accused of something they find despicable, it's not uncommon to be offended and angry. It may be that your husband is upset you don't trust him. Ideally, he should have been patient and lovingly reassured you. I wouldn't say that alone makes him suspicious unless there are other red flags.
You said your mom comes over with her so they can exercise. Is your mom there the whole time? That would be make it difficult to cheat if his MIL is there, right? Do you know whose idea it was to work out together?
For your own peace of mind, get a hidden camera so you don't have to wonder.
Unfortunately I would have to disagree with that. I can however see both sides of this.
Yourself like thankfully many partners find the entire thing utterly disgusting and hurtful (as it is) because the idea of you being deceitful in regards to paternity obviously repulses you.
However on the flip side social media has connected us in so many ways it doesn't take long to come across those absolutely soul destroying stories from people who do 21&me and other such DNA ancestry tests and the like only to find out mum cheated on dad 30 years ago , not one child is his and he went and got the snip thinking his happy loving family was complete and now he's buried after unaliving himself.
Whilst thankfully a rare occurrence (at least I bloody hope so) it's still a haunting one especially as the big detail was “dad never suspected a thing”
It's shit and no it doesn't mean every woman is out to do it if anything the fact that when it happens the disgust almost everyone feels over the situation means it's still relegated to a very small group of people proportionally.
But it really becomes the bowl of sweets with a couple of poisoned lurking around analogy, nobody wants to be the guy that finds the poisoned one and a paternity test is definitive proof of poison or safe. Obviously that's without considering other people's feelings but insecurities often don't care about other people's feelings only your own so I feel a lot of men don't realise at the time exactly how hurtful that is as it's the insecurities doing all the thinking.
So my thoughts or advice depending on how you want to take it is as soon as that question is raised , tell them how much that request hurts you. Then tell them no , counseling and/or therapy first. If he's still adamant about a test after and no reasonable doubts/insecurities have been raised that you agree a test would resolve without hurt feelings then the relationship is dead.
In my personal situation I had a long discussion with my partner regarding paternity testing for my first born, she raised it herself to settle my insecurities because my case is a little bit unique as she stood by me as I fought for 50/50 custody of my 4 year old son only for my ex to announce when she appeared to be losing that she doubts he's mine anyway, unfortunately she was right.
So whilst yes we did have a paternity test on my first born, I didn't suggest it and to me that was one of the biggest gifts, moments , green flags , I'm struggling for the right words but basically I don't doubt her , I have no concerns about my other children (never asked , never tested) and we are still winding each other up after 20 years almost.
You should take a sharp look at your husband's actions, and ask yourself why he would put so much pressure on you to risk your savings by giving it to someone who will in all likelihood, never pay it back.
Why would your husband do such a foolish thing? You've worked hard to get some financial security for your own children. That money is for your kids' future.
Did your husband brag to his father about the money, misrepresenting it as jointly owned? Does FIL know the money is only accessible by you? Is FIL leaning on your husband to “exercise his rights as a husband” to force you to give it to him, or some other manipulation that makes your husband feel weak?
You should not give an inch on this. Don't give your FIL a penny.
You do not bring it up in a non confrontational way. He pulled a bait and switch. That is worth confronting him about.
Take him to dinner nad flat out ask him where he genuinely stands on the subject. Then, let him talk. Go separately because I suspect you have a lot to think about.
He's 32. He knows whether he wants to get married or not. Do not waste another year with him if it is not something he wants.
OP, you’re here asking us how you can relax when your boyfriend is violating your in bed and blaming it on you. Do you think it’s a relaxing environment?
You came home from a long day of work with a headache to unexpected company. I really can’t blame you for the casual greeting.
Would’ve been nice if you had been given a heads up from the wife so you could let her know you weren’t feeling well. Maybe mention that to her and try to have a constructive conversation.
It’s not like you were just being blatantly rude for no reason; when we feel like shit, socializing is the last thing we want to do, especially when we aren’t given a choice in the matter. Sure, you could’ve made eye contact, but we don’t always have “good manners” when we don’t feel well.
He threatened your life, you don’t go back to that… you get away from that as fast as you can and you don’t look back.
The meaning of his reaction could go either way. When someone is accused of something they find despicable, it's not uncommon to be offended and angry. It may be that your husband is upset you don't trust him. Ideally, he should have been patient and lovingly reassured you. I wouldn't say that alone makes him suspicious unless there are other red flags.
You said your mom comes over with her so they can exercise. Is your mom there the whole time? That would be make it difficult to cheat if his MIL is there, right? Do you know whose idea it was to work out together?
For your own peace of mind, get a hidden camera so you don't have to wonder.
Unfortunately I would have to disagree with that. I can however see both sides of this.
Yourself like thankfully many partners find the entire thing utterly disgusting and hurtful (as it is) because the idea of you being deceitful in regards to paternity obviously repulses you.
However on the flip side social media has connected us in so many ways it doesn't take long to come across those absolutely soul destroying stories from people who do 21&me and other such DNA ancestry tests and the like only to find out mum cheated on dad 30 years ago , not one child is his and he went and got the snip thinking his happy loving family was complete and now he's buried after unaliving himself.
Whilst thankfully a rare occurrence (at least I bloody hope so) it's still a haunting one especially as the big detail was “dad never suspected a thing”
It's shit and no it doesn't mean every woman is out to do it if anything the fact that when it happens the disgust almost everyone feels over the situation means it's still relegated to a very small group of people proportionally.
But it really becomes the bowl of sweets with a couple of poisoned lurking around analogy, nobody wants to be the guy that finds the poisoned one and a paternity test is definitive proof of poison or safe. Obviously that's without considering other people's feelings but insecurities often don't care about other people's feelings only your own so I feel a lot of men don't realise at the time exactly how hurtful that is as it's the insecurities doing all the thinking.
So my thoughts or advice depending on how you want to take it is as soon as that question is raised , tell them how much that request hurts you. Then tell them no , counseling and/or therapy first. If he's still adamant about a test after and no reasonable doubts/insecurities have been raised that you agree a test would resolve without hurt feelings then the relationship is dead.
In my personal situation I had a long discussion with my partner regarding paternity testing for my first born, she raised it herself to settle my insecurities because my case is a little bit unique as she stood by me as I fought for 50/50 custody of my 4 year old son only for my ex to announce when she appeared to be losing that she doubts he's mine anyway, unfortunately she was right.
So whilst yes we did have a paternity test on my first born, I didn't suggest it and to me that was one of the biggest gifts, moments , green flags , I'm struggling for the right words but basically I don't doubt her , I have no concerns about my other children (never asked , never tested) and we are still winding each other up after 20 years almost.
You should take a sharp look at your husband's actions, and ask yourself why he would put so much pressure on you to risk your savings by giving it to someone who will in all likelihood, never pay it back.
Why would your husband do such a foolish thing? You've worked hard to get some financial security for your own children. That money is for your kids' future.
Did your husband brag to his father about the money, misrepresenting it as jointly owned? Does FIL know the money is only accessible by you? Is FIL leaning on your husband to “exercise his rights as a husband” to force you to give it to him, or some other manipulation that makes your husband feel weak?
You should not give an inch on this. Don't give your FIL a penny.
Best thing to do is leave it for a while imo
You do not bring it up in a non confrontational way. He pulled a bait and switch. That is worth confronting him about.
Take him to dinner nad flat out ask him where he genuinely stands on the subject. Then, let him talk. Go separately because I suspect you have a lot to think about.
He's 32. He knows whether he wants to get married or not. Do not waste another year with him if it is not something he wants.
I was just about to quote the same section.
It’s not an EXCUSE. DUDE SHE SAID NO.
OP, you’re here asking us how you can relax when your boyfriend is violating your in bed and blaming it on you. Do you think it’s a relaxing environment?
has been cheating on her husband for the last decade
………..
She mentioned that she got drunk one night and slept with her boss.
pick
You came home from a long day of work with a headache to unexpected company. I really can’t blame you for the casual greeting.
Would’ve been nice if you had been given a heads up from the wife so you could let her know you weren’t feeling well. Maybe mention that to her and try to have a constructive conversation.
It’s not like you were just being blatantly rude for no reason; when we feel like shit, socializing is the last thing we want to do, especially when we aren’t given a choice in the matter. Sure, you could’ve made eye contact, but we don’t always have “good manners” when we don’t feel well.
Just saying hi from the moody Keppra club.
Because maybe there are different areas in the world where these things are being dealt differently?