He probably came to this sub looking for advice and we all told him you weren't worth his time if that's how you felt about the relationship and he should bounce while you're gone.
Sounds like your husband raped your sister. If she was black out drunk, and “obliterated” could she have really consented to what happened?
That being said, I’m so sorry this happened to you. I would suggest immediate therapy if you can afford it and I’d recommend figuring out separate living arrangements with your husband. If you’re from the US I wouldn’t recommend leaving your home cause depending on your state that could be considered forfeiting your share of the home which can turn problematic in the event of going forth with a divorce.
I’d also hold off on how to handle your sister. I can understand being livid with her and thinking this happened because of her drinking, but the thing is no matter what set things in motion your husband had it in him to be a cheater. It seems like you don’t have all the details on how things happened and I doubt your husband is going to be fourth coming with that information, but until you have more info maybe don’t address your sister just yet. I’m sure it’s all very confusing, but I’m concerned that your sister was actually taken advantage of. It might be frustrating to handle all that given how much you’re already hurting, but truly, this sounds more than an affair.
I agree with all of what you said. To add on though, I do think there may be some reflection that OP should do as well. He says she doesn’t do anything at all during sex and that he does everything but then talks about her getting on top sometimes. Being on top as a woman is quite draining. It’s like doing 500 squats consecutively, quickly, and without breaking rhythm. (Not saying what men do isn’t work, I’m sure it is)
Also, in young men, there is the belief that because a woman isn’t moving as obviously as the man, she’s not doing anything. When in reality, it takes a lot of endurance and flexibility to hold specific positions without your muscles cramping or giving out. Of course, if OPs GF is just starfishing it, my point is moot, but it’s a perspective I think OP needs to contemplate before passing such harsh judgement on his partner.
There is nothing wrong with being sexually incompatible but it isn’t fair to not acknowledge what your partner is doing and it’s not healthy to hold sexual acts as a tit-for-tat (I did x so you are required to do y).
Please, no, don’t stay with your wife. Poor soul already has enough on her plate with chronic disease, she doesn’t want to get stuck with a groomer who’s been harboring feelings for someone else for nearly a decade…
By ending it and not letting them guilt you to stay.
You set the boundary, stick to it, and whatever they do afterwards fall on them.
It’s not your responsibility nor your obligation to hold someone’s hand and stay in a dead relationship that is toxic.
You have every right to leave.
I’ve had two ex’s try to hold me hostage. One I was living with.
You have to literally end it and not run back, even if they threaten to end themselves. My other ex on this list, was contemplating s*icide after his cousins death.
Codependency is what can keep you trapped in a relationship where a person ropes you and won’t let you leave.
People who do this need professional help and you need to let them to deal with that.
He leaves for a long time to smoke (rude). Gets pissy you talk with someone else while he left you alone (possessive/insecure). Leaves you there (rude and insecure). Is already drunk (alcoholic). And you follow him home after that?? Next he proceeds to break down about an ex from 5 years ago, an abortion and his depression on a first date (?!?!?) so you make out with him???
The guy was screaming “I am an emotionally stunted unstable alcoholic with serious issues.” The 3rd date weirdness was telegraphed to you from moment one.
I'm not trying to be mean. I am just saying this guy was an arse from the get go and each step of the way that he becomes a bigger arse you keep following him in. I stand by my point: recalibrate how you believe you should be treated.
Understandable, but it's good of you (as a nice guy) to learn more about it.
Over time, those of us who have unfortunately had experiences with non-nice guys–this is truly just sometimes the safest way to overcome these situations.
Especially in settings like gyms or bars. For whatever reason, the scary guys are most aggressive in these settings.
Thank you!
He probably came to this sub looking for advice and we all told him you weren't worth his time if that's how you felt about the relationship and he should bounce while you're gone.
Would you be okay with your girlfriend having 100 pictures of naked men saved in her camera roll?
Sounds like your husband raped your sister. If she was black out drunk, and “obliterated” could she have really consented to what happened?
That being said, I’m so sorry this happened to you. I would suggest immediate therapy if you can afford it and I’d recommend figuring out separate living arrangements with your husband. If you’re from the US I wouldn’t recommend leaving your home cause depending on your state that could be considered forfeiting your share of the home which can turn problematic in the event of going forth with a divorce.
I’d also hold off on how to handle your sister. I can understand being livid with her and thinking this happened because of her drinking, but the thing is no matter what set things in motion your husband had it in him to be a cheater. It seems like you don’t have all the details on how things happened and I doubt your husband is going to be fourth coming with that information, but until you have more info maybe don’t address your sister just yet. I’m sure it’s all very confusing, but I’m concerned that your sister was actually taken advantage of. It might be frustrating to handle all that given how much you’re already hurting, but truly, this sounds more than an affair.
I agree with all of what you said. To add on though, I do think there may be some reflection that OP should do as well. He says she doesn’t do anything at all during sex and that he does everything but then talks about her getting on top sometimes. Being on top as a woman is quite draining. It’s like doing 500 squats consecutively, quickly, and without breaking rhythm. (Not saying what men do isn’t work, I’m sure it is)
Also, in young men, there is the belief that because a woman isn’t moving as obviously as the man, she’s not doing anything. When in reality, it takes a lot of endurance and flexibility to hold specific positions without your muscles cramping or giving out. Of course, if OPs GF is just starfishing it, my point is moot, but it’s a perspective I think OP needs to contemplate before passing such harsh judgement on his partner.
There is nothing wrong with being sexually incompatible but it isn’t fair to not acknowledge what your partner is doing and it’s not healthy to hold sexual acts as a tit-for-tat (I did x so you are required to do y).
i think you’re getting the exact feedback you deserve lol. you are pathetic.
Please, no, don’t stay with your wife. Poor soul already has enough on her plate with chronic disease, she doesn’t want to get stuck with a groomer who’s been harboring feelings for someone else for nearly a decade…
By ending it and not letting them guilt you to stay.
You set the boundary, stick to it, and whatever they do afterwards fall on them.
It’s not your responsibility nor your obligation to hold someone’s hand and stay in a dead relationship that is toxic.
You have every right to leave.
I’ve had two ex’s try to hold me hostage. One I was living with.
You have to literally end it and not run back, even if they threaten to end themselves. My other ex on this list, was contemplating s*icide after his cousins death.
Codependency is what can keep you trapped in a relationship where a person ropes you and won’t let you leave.
People who do this need professional help and you need to let them to deal with that.
He leaves for a long time to smoke (rude). Gets pissy you talk with someone else while he left you alone (possessive/insecure). Leaves you there (rude and insecure). Is already drunk (alcoholic). And you follow him home after that?? Next he proceeds to break down about an ex from 5 years ago, an abortion and his depression on a first date (?!?!?) so you make out with him???
The guy was screaming “I am an emotionally stunted unstable alcoholic with serious issues.” The 3rd date weirdness was telegraphed to you from moment one.
I'm not trying to be mean. I am just saying this guy was an arse from the get go and each step of the way that he becomes a bigger arse you keep following him in. I stand by my point: recalibrate how you believe you should be treated.
Understandable, but it's good of you (as a nice guy) to learn more about it.
Over time, those of us who have unfortunately had experiences with non-nice guys–this is truly just sometimes the safest way to overcome these situations.
Especially in settings like gyms or bars. For whatever reason, the scary guys are most aggressive in these settings.
So, take ur own advice?