Appropriate or not, crossing these tiny lines can make something that wasn't a connection into a connection. Same with men messaging other women even just with funny content or vice versa. When I'm in a committed relationship, I have the mindset of never doing or saying something that I can't do or say around my boyfriend. The dancing wouldn't bother me so much if it wasn't for the day spent together added on top. Nobody ever puts themselves in the other person's shoes and it's sad.
Base on the texts and him after I interrogated him, it’s only texts and today of all days, it became heated by the emojis. They work in different departments different times so different lunches. I also hope his strong enough
The problem is you are close to A and the romantic relationship makes it even more difficult to be impartial.
Some day, I think/hope you will look back and see that A needs help and this was actually one of the best possible outcomes for him under the circumstances.
The thing is your boyfriend is insecure where going clubbing is concerned. Have you asked him why he’s insecure about it?
There are many reasons why he might feel the way he does.
A former girlfriend got drunk and cheated while at a club
A former girlfriend went clubbing specifically to cheat
A former girlfriend got roofied and raped at a club
He hooked up with a girl who was in a relationship with someone else in the past.
He just doesn’t like clubbing.
Some other reason that’s his alone.
Have you asked him why he has a problem with you going clubbing? If you have, what did he say? What assurances, if any, have you given him to allay his concerns?
It’s worth talking about it, get to the heart of the matter and try to work out a compromise. Like, “ I promise I won’t accept any drinks from any randos,” for example. Or, ”I promise I won’t get blackout drunk,” “I’ll be home by 1AM,” then keep your word.
Now, you may not be able to reach a compromise with him. In which case you have to decide if that’s a dealbreaker for you. And if it is a dealbreaker, then you have to break up with him.
Well, it was only 4 years because you let it be. Because you never stood up to her. The second you did that 4 years didn't really mean a lot to her when she figured you'd fold. You need to finally get real about what it is you are actually 'throwing away' here because it reads a lot like she has always taken advantage of you both financially and emotionally [if nothing else as a punching pillow].
She's a manipulator. You called her bluff and she immediately went into lovebombing mode. I would advise you take all of this talk with a grain of salt because often it is just part of the process.
Still, if you really feel the need to humour it set a deadline in your mind. Let's say 6 weeks. Don't tell her of this deadline and don't prompt her to go to therapy again. If she hits 6 weeks and no therapy then it was clearly all a play to suck you back in.
If you're long distance, what would she be contributing to?
If she's happy, enjoys her job and gets paid enough to live by, what is the purpose in upsetting that balance? Is it some insecurity that you have to be on wage parity with your partner in order to feel like equals? Talk us through your mental process
Appropriate or not, crossing these tiny lines can make something that wasn't a connection into a connection. Same with men messaging other women even just with funny content or vice versa. When I'm in a committed relationship, I have the mindset of never doing or saying something that I can't do or say around my boyfriend. The dancing wouldn't bother me so much if it wasn't for the day spent together added on top. Nobody ever puts themselves in the other person's shoes and it's sad.
Base on the texts and him after I interrogated him, it’s only texts and today of all days, it became heated by the emojis. They work in different departments different times so different lunches. I also hope his strong enough
They stay in different cities
Info- Is this one of those anime pillows? Either way, this can all be saved by a Nicholas Cage pillow case.
Block delete move on.
The problem is you are close to A and the romantic relationship makes it even more difficult to be impartial.
Some day, I think/hope you will look back and see that A needs help and this was actually one of the best possible outcomes for him under the circumstances.
The thing is your boyfriend is insecure where going clubbing is concerned. Have you asked him why he’s insecure about it?
There are many reasons why he might feel the way he does.
A former girlfriend got drunk and cheated while at a club
A former girlfriend went clubbing specifically to cheat
A former girlfriend got roofied and raped at a club
He hooked up with a girl who was in a relationship with someone else in the past.
He just doesn’t like clubbing.
Some other reason that’s his alone.
Have you asked him why he has a problem with you going clubbing? If you have, what did he say? What assurances, if any, have you given him to allay his concerns?
It’s worth talking about it, get to the heart of the matter and try to work out a compromise. Like, “ I promise I won’t accept any drinks from any randos,” for example. Or, ”I promise I won’t get blackout drunk,” “I’ll be home by 1AM,” then keep your word.
Now, you may not be able to reach a compromise with him. In which case you have to decide if that’s a dealbreaker for you. And if it is a dealbreaker, then you have to break up with him.
If you don't want just a hook up, then ended it and talk with the next guy. If you get the vibe it's probably true.
Honestly, it doesn't sound too promising imo.
It feels like a shame to throw that away.
Well, it was only 4 years because you let it be. Because you never stood up to her. The second you did that 4 years didn't really mean a lot to her when she figured you'd fold. You need to finally get real about what it is you are actually 'throwing away' here because it reads a lot like she has always taken advantage of you both financially and emotionally [if nothing else as a punching pillow].
She's a manipulator. You called her bluff and she immediately went into lovebombing mode. I would advise you take all of this talk with a grain of salt because often it is just part of the process.
Still, if you really feel the need to humour it set a deadline in your mind. Let's say 6 weeks. Don't tell her of this deadline and don't prompt her to go to therapy again. If she hits 6 weeks and no therapy then it was clearly all a play to suck you back in.
If you're long distance, what would she be contributing to?
If she's happy, enjoys her job and gets paid enough to live by, what is the purpose in upsetting that balance? Is it some insecurity that you have to be on wage parity with your partner in order to feel like equals? Talk us through your mental process
He comes from a family where FIL was abusive and paranoid.
The apple is getting pretty damned close to the tree.