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Date: October 18, 2022
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I told this story recently on this sub, and I’m going to tell it again because I think it is a good way to illustrate this problem.
My great-grandma was enormously wealthy. She had, among others, a brooch with a sapphire the size of a gooseberry. When she died, it was not among her possessions. A great search was carried out, and eventually it was considered lost.
Decades went by, and some of my great-grandmother’s things were eventually donated to the kids’ dress up box – her handbags and gloves. My cousins and I were playing together. We had mountains of plastic kid jewellery. Sequins and Cinderella crowns for days.
Suddenly, out of one of the purses fell great-grandma’s sapphire brooch.
Take a moment to imagine what it must have looked like. How it shone. How beautiful it was compared to the plastic jewellery and kid costumes.
You are a sapphire brooch. When someone dates you, they aren’t missing out, because they found the treasure. You don’t want to date anyone who is still searching, or who feels like they are lacking something when they are with you. Date a person who looks at you and knows your value. Who looks at you and sees you the same way we saw that sapphire amid the plastic. Incalculably and incomprehensibly beautiful and precious.
I've read enough of your responses to know that you are out if the home and that this has been reported. So I'm sending you hugs and I hope you know you should be proud of yourself for doing the right thing in a very scary situation. It isn't always easy.
Thank you for your kind words they mean more than you’ll ever know 🙂
I have always tried to forgive whatever he’s done because I believe he could so easily be better, he’s shown me he can be good so many times and that glimpse to me seems worth it. It sounds sad and naive haha. I really believe/believed in him.
It's one thing to have an opinion on this that he expresses, but if he is pressuring you about this, if he keeps trying to make you get treatment, if he is being outright coercive about it, then it may be time to be rude here, and if he won't stop, to go your separate ways. As an atheist myself I say he's being arrogant here and doesn't seem to quite get that you are in control of your life, not him, and that you make the decisions for you, NOT him.
As to paranormal experiences, there's various possibilities that can explain these that can fit within a non-religious framework, one popular one being that all we experience is a simulation/game.. or perhaps there is a deity, we just do not have the understanding yet as a species to know all that is out there, and having some humility and flexibility here is something that he'll hopefully acquire, and before he loses you.
I’ve already done on my own, it’s been awhile since he saw them and we can’t afford to visit if we don’t stay with them.
I don’t think it’s entirely odd that we stay there, everyone in my family does. I get that others might be different but I don’t think it’s odd is all I’m saying. He doesn’t have to interact with them the entire time, he is putting pressure on himself to interact more then he can handle and feeling guilty for being in the room.
Never be alone with him.
So to be clear: you don’t want a career. And this person, who treats you well, is able & willing to emotionally and financially support you. He also been clear that you have a choice in how things unfold. Correct?
It seems to me the problem is that you are not exercising that choice.
You’re not ready for marriage or family – and that is actually okay. It’s clear there is immense familial pressure on you which is unnecessarily stressful.
Question… how healthy can your relationship be if you cannot communicate that basic fact?
Actually, you lied to him and told him you’re embracing it. Not only is that cruel, but you only said it to people-please. It seems to me the only person silencing your voice is you at this stage. Sorry to be blunt.
I have the impression that your boyfriend would actually be accommodating and willing to wait if you need more time to find yourself. Perhaps years.
You really need to remedy your lie. You need to sit him down and have a serious conversation about the pressure you’ve been feeling and let him know you’re just not ready. And also apologize for any deception.
You don’t necessarily need to end your relationship to find your identity. You can travel, try different jobs, hobbies, make new friends, take classes, etc. You don’t know what you’ll find. But he really deserves to know where your head is at.