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squirt on your face [141 tokens remaining]
Date: November 30, 2022
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Brother trust me end it don’t let her disrespect you like that man, get that ring back bro
?
If this occurred in the US, I agree. But it could have happened elsewhere. Many places have 14 as an age of consent, including major European countries like Germany, Italy, Hungary, and Portugal. It’s gross af but in some countries this would be legal… :/
You can’t have 0 access to money and only be on a 10% abusive relationship. That is a huge tactic to keep control. The rest is bad enough and even IF it is just 10% of the time, that alone makes it abusive.
Immediately open a bank account and have your wages put in there. Do you even know if ANYTHING is in your name? If you have massive debt?? If you have a second mortgage? You are so unprotected and have no idea what your situation is. That isn’t acceptable or normal. Go live with you brother, who amazingly already is showing concern, while you plan out your path forward.
You can’t have 0 access to money and only be on a 10% abusive relationship. That is a huge tactic to keep control. The rest is bad enough and even IF it is just 10% of the time, that alone makes it abusive.
Immediately open a bank account and have your wages put in there. Do you even know if ANYTHING is in your name? If you have massive debt?? If you have a second mortgage? You are so unprotected and have no idea what your situation is. That isn’t acceptable or normal. Go live with you brother, who amazingly already is showing concern, while you plan out your path forward.
If he’s not an addict anymore then doing more ahem Coka-Cola shouldn’t be on his to-do list at all.
Steer clear!
As long as you make good money legally it’s all good. But for sure I prefer still a man with a college degree, preferably in STEM.
So here’s a thing, my bf actually forgot his my eyes password for Snapchat and we were just talking and we went on that topic and I showed him mine and he was like hey let’s see what’s in mine bc I don’t remember well we went thro every password that he could’ve used until we finally cracked it and when he saw the two videos of him and his first ex in there he was like alright I’m gonna walk away you can delete those. C I forgot all about them I was a little upset but now looking back on it it was his reaction too it that made it more alright
I have no idea what to even do.
You leave your ex alone and you work on yourself so you never do something like this ever again.
Sorry I don’t even like TSwift but it’s more important than a lame ass graduation. You’re gonna be there wishing you skipped it as well. 5-10 years from now you’re not gonna remember a thing but she’ll always remember that concert lmao
OP, does it seem like you are her cushion in life. Things are rough for her, she love bombs you and you supply and support. She cheats, gaslights, moves on, and her relationship crashes. She comes in for a landing on your cushion and love bombs you again.
Are you seeing a pattern? It seems like she can’t fully commit. She skips from one thing to another and one or more persons to another and when she needs a place to land there you are.
You might consider real therapy, with a real therapist, to help you solve this conundrum.
Best of it All, OP.
Agape ?
She sounds like a psychotic, immature loser
Don’t give me any more thought. None. Zip.zero
If she can’t pick between you or her exes, then you are never going to be her priority and this will be a reoccurring theme in your life. It’s evident by her actions that she’s not putting you first like you are doing for her. I wouldn’t do this to yourself anymore it’s better to have a moment of sorrow then several years of discomfort and unease with the relationship you’re in. Do yourself a favor now and cut it off. It’s not your fault. She has the typical mentality where she won’t be held accountable for her own actions. Don’t let her gaslight you and don’t let her villainize you. This is not your fault.
We still have strong feelings for each other and was hoping it would work out because we have both grown
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Uh… Nobody vares about your weird religion. Please get a life.
That’s not the reason why he wants you to text. He just wants you to report to him all the time, and that’s a way to slowly get you used to that. I’m sorry, but this sounds like the textbook beginning of an abusive relationship.
I mean, what you're saying is you're so afraid of divorce (another term for a break up), that you'd rather break up.
So, you won't get married, because you're afraid the relationship you say you would commit your life to might end, and therefore potentially could cause the relationship to end now. Talk about self-fulfilling prophecy!
Look, I give some leeway to the young, because they often don't know any better, but ending a union is ending a union, no matter what state it is in. It sucks, it hurts, and there's pain no matter what.
Divorce is just as messy as a break up, it depends on the people involved. In some ways, a break up would be even messier, because legal provisions exist already for marriage and divorce. And once kids get involved, it can be a bloody nightmare if you aren't married.
Also, for the relationship itself, how would kids even be determined. Will they have your last name? Why? You aren't married and seem to be anticipating a break up, so why should she give your name to them when you have one foot out the door?
Just some questions to consider, against some weird perception that a divorce will hurt more than a break up (hint: it won't).
I don’t think that it’s that he doesn’t see you as worthy, and I’m sure he is extremely grateful for everything that you do. Both of you should get to know eachother extremely well before making a commitment like marriage and there is no harm in waiting if you are in a serious relationship. You’re both young and you have only been together a year.
Repeat after me “No.”
Well, first off, your worries are valid. It's hard to build a future with someone floundering in the present. When he tells you he's going to work harder, does he ever outright articulate his plans for how he's going to make it work? If he isn't, I'd doubt he has solid plans. That's a red flag.
I used to work in graphic design and it was a grueling experience of constantly networking, updating my portfolio, advertising myself on every platform possible, and working part time jobs. I quit it, got a bachelors in STEM and left the life behind because I wasn't cut out for it. I'm basically getting at if you know what he does to make himself known? There are free resources to help him put a portfolio together. Does he have socials for his art/work?
You really have to ask yourself, “Am I okay with this being my life with him for the rest of our time together?” If your answer is no, you have a little bit of a deal breaker (in my opinion) on your hands. Then you need to ask yourself, ” What can he do to make me feel confident about our future and his commitment to finding a solution?” That could be getting a better or more consistent part time job, it could be him outlining exactly what steps he's taking to get more work and letting you know where he is in the process etc.
If you're confident he is worth it as a partner, my immediate concerns would be getting him to convince me he has a plan and is going to follow through. If after 3 months you're not seeing results or steps or effort to change the situation, ask him how much time he thinks he needs and why so you can understand everything from his perspective better. Or ask that upfront.
If I were you, I'd be going into graphic design subreddits and maybe asking them for advice and insight so you can feel a degree of control and help him get advice.
Sorry for the rambling and redundancies in here, but I hope there is a grain of advice you can take away from it.
Your poor wife deserves better than a lying cheater. Seriously.
I also hope all of this isn’t real.. but I guess this is what happens after years and years of abuse.. you become blind and you start to think maybe its your fault.. Im in my bed rn shoulders, neck and wrist bruised up and all I can do is vent out here while I plan for my escape..
coming from someone who was a victim of csa: it does not MATTER if she was, or was not, she sought it out and even if it was an attempt to process it, it doesn't mean she didnt ALSO HARM THOSE CHILDREN IN THE VIDEOS/PHOTOS/ETC.
sharing, looking into it, and consuming the media hurts the victims. do not try to make excuse for this person, because no matter what happened to her, she knows its wrong. she deserves punishment and no sympathy.
I mean yeah that’s the impression I get everytime it happens. But why even say he’ll call me back? Just cuz he feels like he has to?
His mom knows??? Come on. Use some common sense, girl! You know what you know and this guy is lying! How would his mom know?
Don't let your brain fall out of your vagina. Walk away. If you let him “persuade” you, he will always know he can Olay you and you'll turn a blind eye. That's not the kind of significant other you want.
You need to rehome that dog and breakup. That poor door is a prisoner in your house. And your bf clearly doesn’t care about your opinions.
He’s telling you CAUSE he’s saying the same things to them.
Why would someone he’s not interested in, continue to flirt with him unless he’s leading them on.
Read why does he do that. it's a very good book
I don’t want to break up unless I have actual solid irrefutable proof aka a bag of coke or seeing texts from a drug dealer or seeing him do it at an inappropriate/weird time
You're confusing the evidence required to convict someone with reasonable suspicion in a relationship. He has all the signs of being a coke addict and you already admit that he lies about doing it. So you're very unlikely to get the “smoking gun” evidence you are looking for.
Wait. I'm confused. Did Mom just abandon the baby with your son?
You should start by seeing a doctor to rule out any medical issues. Then incorporate more exercise and a healthier way of eating. Get a referral to a dietician if you need it. Not to lose weight for your fiance but for yourself, to be healthier and feel better about yourself. Also get a therapist.
You both need to have an honest conversation about what is going on in your relationship. If you are supposed to marry this person, it’s concerning that you are afraid to have real conversations. Attraction and a healthy sex life are important and issues in these areas can certainly damage or end a relationship.
Doing nothing and avoiding the situation are not going to help in a good way.
170 is not a little plump. Dance around it all you want, but gaining over 50% of your body as fat is night and day. It's legitimately going from healthy BMI to extreme obesity.
Take screenshot if the woman pictures and send them to him. Then ghost him. He has been cheating.
Updateme!
Why are people in this sub obsessed with calling posters immature?
“Hey op you're an immature loser, but I'm rooting for you.” Mmmmmmk.
How is wanting to unpack this with him immature?
Man reddit is wild.
She wanted to corner you into exploring a sentimental relationship with her, sadly for her you weren’t cornered.
You shouldn't let fear of stuff like mortality and dying alone make you rush vulnerably into a relationship that will face some serious challenges and obstacles further down the line due to the age gap. Mentally, the difference between 30s and 50s is not huge, but it will start to feel bigger over time as you start encountering issues related to increasingly different work/retirement situations, health, energy levels and general life expectations. You need to consider all the practical realities of your age gap or otherwise you will suffer heartbreak further down the line. You're not a headstrong naive teenager anymore- at this point you need to think smart and act with a better sense of foresight and personal responsibility.
The other thing that is really important to consider here, is that if you're suffering from trauma, to be mindful not to use a relationship to treat it. You need to sort these problems out independently with a therapist and get yourself into a good headspace before you embark on a new relationship, rather than hoping to fix yourself via someone else through dating them. I know it is hard, but if you're to make some well-considered and reasoned decisions on all this, then you need to focus on fixing yourself first and having some really important discussions about whether a. You are actually both ready for a relationship and b. You are both actually prepared to face the trials and tribulations of the age gap when you really start to get old.
What do you think she’s not being honest about?
What changed? New meds? Job change? Weight gain? Mental health?
People don’t just go from regular sex to hardly any without a reason.
And a therapist could help you two talk about it in a productive way. If you’re getting into screaming matches then your communication is poor and ineffective. No one wants to make out with someone who is screaming at them.
What do you think she’s not being honest about?
What changed? New meds? Job change? Weight gain? Mental health?
People don’t just go from regular sex to hardly any without a reason.
And a therapist could help you two talk about it in a productive way. If you’re getting into screaming matches then your communication is poor and ineffective. No one wants to make out with someone who is screaming at them.
Sounds like her religious hang ups are causing her to go off the rails. This is a very dangerous situation for you and I would end all sexual contact with her.
That said, you stated yourself that she’s not into anal at all. So why are you pushing her boundary? Doesn’t sound like you’re really as ok with things as you think?
What do you think she’s not being honest about?
What changed? New meds? Job change? Weight gain? Mental health?
People don’t just go from regular sex to hardly any without a reason.
And a therapist could help you two talk about it in a productive way. If you’re getting into screaming matches then your communication is poor and ineffective. No one wants to make out with someone who is screaming at them.
Just divorce already. What are you waiting for?
It’s not normal and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You need a new girl and a new “friend”
Keep her on the side for now but explore other options
Possibly I don't think it's weird, a lot of others will do to the fact they may have bad experiences with dating older people in the past and they try to pass on their personal regrets onto you as advice then ignore them. If you feel like it's something you're willing to try then go for it.
How many more years are you going to waste?
Clearly you care very much about what you are doing and where where you are headed, and maybe not very much about her anymore. That’s ok. She wants something else too. You’re in your twenties…that’s normal. Be kind and honest. “I do really care about you, and I hate that I keep disappointing you. It’s become clear we are heading in different directions, and even though it might hurt, it’s best if we just head off alone.” Do it now before you just devolve, and there are no good memories left. I’m in my 40’s, happily married and still correspond with my first serious boyfriend from my 20’s. Nothing romantic at all, just two old friends who connected deeply once and ended things politely when we started growing in different directions. I also have another ex I hope I never see again because we stayed in it too long, fought too much and got too ugly. Just be honest and kind. Good luck at school and with your music!
I could also be her. Not the same condition as yourself, and mine isn’t genetic (as far as we know, which…isn’t much).
I’m 28 and he’s 26. He’s been my carer for at least 3 of the 7 years we’ve been together. We almost parted ways after burnout hit him and hit him hard. Up until this point, he had been adamant that he could do it without outside help and my family had all but shamed me into not getting it too. I was already in trauma and pain focused therapy at this point.
I finally bit the bullet about 2 years ago and spoke to adult social services attached to my local council. They sent an OT in to assess my home and provide adaptive equipment to make life easier for me. They also arranged a care package with a local care agency to help with personal care, medications, meals, cleaning, and even just helping me get out of the house.
My health hasn’t improved since then – it’s actually gotten worse, and I’ve had more conditions diagnosed in that time – but my relationship has improved so, so much. My wheelchair means I can get out and do things again. The burden of my care is being shared with others so I can give my partner some freedom back and we can focus on us. I’m even 7mos pregnant now, and although I’m terrified, we’re both excited because we know we have help around us to give our baby a happy, healthy, fulfilled life.
Please stop trying to do it all on your own. Please reach out and see if there’s a chance for in home personal care to share the physical and mental load, in addition to a cleaner or meal service. It could absolutely save your marriage and your mental health.
Gotta make yourself a fun person to be with!
Thanks! I just started therapy again yesterday and am reading a book about trauma and PTSD. I don’t want to ruin this relationship with my own anxiety. I just feel like there are some things he’s doing to contribute to the problem too.
Well well well if it isn’t the consequences of your own actions
he already knows that you are wrong selfish and dumb. you dont need to explain it
Don't discuss your personal life with professional colleagues. Politely decline his lunch invitations and try to put some appropriate space between the two of you. Even if you were single this kind of thing shouldn't be going on at work.
Her past romances have not led her to where she wanted to be relationship-wise.
Now she's try to make sure that the person she's with is a 'better standard of partner' than previous ones.
That's currently you. Are you a better standard of partner? If so, your time will come.
Sorry fr that my bro
I really dont think “YOU” are hurting anyone if you are up front about everything, they may end up hurt but only as a result of wanting something you were up front about not being in a position or desire to provide at the time. And if so then it will be on them.
Maybe y’all aren’t sexual compatible anymore. Honestly , I used to like giving blow jobs but I always end up either never getting oral in return ?which is frustrating or the taste of it is nasty af (happened one time). These experiences have turned me off completely of giving any blow jobs now. So it probably is time for you to break up. Don’t let anyone force you into giving them any bjs. Some men think they are entitled to it and don’t understand how it makes the women feel. As for your case, I would find someone else that respects you and understands how you feel about it.
Hire an off duty cop, tell your fiancé that if he shows up in anything but a tuxedo you will not under any circumstances get married. In my opinion, you should have called it off already
You don't think it's hurtful to be threatening violence on her friend, guest, or lover? Words hurt. Your intent to tell her such terrible thing is hurtful. She can't win in your eyes. Neither can you. You gave up being a grownup who can manage relationship basics. Take the L and move on. Please.
I am a man! Several female friends though. Keep swinging, something will connect eventually ?
Your boyfriend just told you he would cheat. You break up with him. For me cheating is a dealbreaker. It destroys trust. It creates insecurity and it prevents real love for developing you break up with him.
I don't know how to bring it up
This is really unforgivable and extra body shamey. I’ve only said this to someone who was my ex, after they’d cheated on me. I wanted to hurt with him, mess with his ego and make sure that bridge was burnt and we didn’t try again.
He is almost definitely watching porn again or worse, is full blown cheating. You need to pretend everything is fine, consult a divorce lawyer and get the hell out of there before he turns to violence to cover up the next thing you find.
Sounds like sexting to me. Sexting doesn't usually = invite to come over right now to fuck
Why?
Because they have the same morals. She doesn't think her friend is wrong, in fact she validates and enables it. It's just that this time the friend has gone for her man instead of other's.
A cheapie road trip to Texas might be just what he needs right now. He might even find a job there. It sounds like you could do a lot worse than leave your present employment too, if he does decide Texas is greener pastures.
Bay Area / Silicon Valley is godawful expensive as a place to live if you don't have the high income to support it. Right now there's a glut of really smart, high-skilled tech guys on the market, and he may want to make a lateral career move.
Anyway I don't suppose I allayed your anxiety any. I'm just saying if he can get a vacay for $300 he should.
As someone who has lost people close to them at a young age, it's difficult at any age to accept that the people you love will someday die. I've had anxiety attacks at the thought of my parents dying and I'm 35. My parents are both in their mid 50s. My mom is in very poor health and my dad has already had one heart attack. It's scary and the thought of both of them passing away has kept me up at night, especially since I don't have a very good relationship with either of them.
My advice to you is to love them and live your life in the best way you can. Death is a part of life. The best thing you can do is accept it.
Absolutely. But only if you have to. Is there a safer way to act on/express your beliefs? The answer is almost undoubtedly yes.
I would liken it to strip clubs in America. They’re not gonna sleep with you. But they’re going to cross a lot of lines, and frankly, with a lot of persistence you will find someone who will break the rules for you.
Oh honey you are delusional if you don’t think you were putting “chemistry” above “being smart about things”. You definitely DID overlook, in favor of chemistry.
And that you are doubling down on this is an even bigger red flag but you do you I guess ??♀️
She's ignoring you dude. You're not catching the hint
Yo! If you’re a dude dating a dude, then Askmen prolly ain’t the right place to get the right kind of advice. On the other hand, it don’t take a gay man to tell you that what your bf did, isn’t legal at all.
Agree.
Yeah, of course I’m going to cook for my family or clean the house or do the laundry. That’s me adulting. But it sure is nice to hear a thank you here and there. Would I be doing the same thing alone? Yep. Basic adulting. But I really appreciate it and feel good when my partner or his son thank me for the things I do. And I find that when I thank them for doing their “job”—whatever it may be—they are much more willing to do it in the future.
I couldn’t be with someone who expected all the things and never gave a word of thanks. I’d feel taken advantage of. Maybe not totally rational but….I grew up in the Midwest. You thank people.
While I don't think it was done in bad faith, if he is a regular there, her method might be worse than just rejecting him.
If he approaches her again, she will either have to indulge him more, or tell him she is engaged, ergo lied to him previously.
I did. And she said she didn't know why
To be honest, I have friends that live for their old college crushes IG or random old co workers. A LOOOOOT of guys do this. Its not about feelings, its just a fantasy for the moment. Means nothing, but I absolutely agree its fucked up and can cause hurt feelings. I did this in HS lol but I know plenty of guys that do this still, regularly.
Everybody dreams of other people. I have never in my life heard of someone who ONLY dreams about their current partner and no one else, that's just silly. It's not a serious lie, it's just him telling you what he thinks you want to hear in order to avoid what he thinks would be a fight.
You're normal to occasionally dream of other people and so is he, the only difference is only one of you is admitting it and the other is being kind of ridiculous.
Yeah. Seriously.
Why not lift your own weight on the night before then? You're sleeping in late, so that probably means you were up late the night before you could easily do some simple things, and that way you don't feel guilty for sleeping in while he's doing chores, and he has fewer chores to do. It is really just a win-win… I am not saying this in a judgmental way because I am a night owl myself.
Why not lift your own weight on the night before then? You're sleeping in late, so that probably means you were up late the night before you could easily do some simple things, and that way you don't feel guilty for sleeping in while he's doing chores, and he has fewer chores to do. It is really just a win-win… I am not saying this in a judgmental way because I am a night owl myself.
Right, that was my initial thought. He’s also very open to kissing/hugging me in public, which he did at the venue. I told him most people will put 2+2 together and won’t ask about the ex…
He's allowed to do with the console what he wants.
The games are yours, take them back and let him donate the console.
You don’t need proof. You can just leave him. What reason do you have to stay? Look up “Sunk cost fallacy.”
Him & his wife cheat but he’s in an open relationship…you wanna sleep with him that bad that you believe these lies.
Yeah, that doesn’t seem very professional or realistic at all to put your spouse on video chat so he/she can babysit you during a lunch meeting with your assistant about up coming projects. If this extreme babysitting is needed in order to feel reassured, I would say this marriage has some huge issues that won’t be fixed over catering to a need to supervise.
It's REALLY soon, though
Your friend felt more guilt than your fiance.
You got the truth from your friend, not your fiance.
She initiated it.
That's 3 strikes by my count. At a minimum, you need to get that ring back because marriage should be off the table.
You suffered a trauma. Have you worked with a therapist on that at all?
Your logic doesn’t make sense to me. Having one bad experience (a really bad one) doesn’t mean all that follow are the same. By your logic, because I was beaten and raped and held against my will in a foreign country 20 years ago, I should never go to a foreign country again. Or because I had a really and break up, shouldn’t date again.
Bad shit happens. If it impacts your ability to be your authentic self and live comfortably then it’s probably time for some therapy.
This is cheating, plain and simple.
You need to decide what the response is here. Divorce? Counseling and she completely blocks Amanda off for good? You be a doormat and do some rug sweeping pretending like its all good and she continues to cheat on you? Power move and you fuck Amanda before having your wife block her everywhere?
Cause guaranteed if you go scorched earth she is dating Amanda within the month.
Unhappy, in addition to his anger issues, does your BF show signs of having a strong abandonment fear? For example, a few months into your relationship, did he start showing strong jealousy over harmless events involving other men — or try to isolate you away from your close friends and family members? He would view your spending time with friends/family as your choosing them over him. Moreover, he usually would hate being alone by himself.