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Date: March 31, 2023
From an objective 3rd party you both have valid points.
My better half and I don't share finances either and, for the most part, we don't discuss frivolous spending.
That being said if it's a significant amount of money, which is different for everyone depending on their financial situation, we do. This is because there may be things coming up the other may not know about and to ensure we don't fond ourselves financially vulnerable.
This isn't about getting permission to spend our own money. It's out of respect and an effort to keep communication lines open. We want to be sure that all bills are paid, savings is on point, and we are prepared as much as possible for any pop up emergencies.
I think too much context is missing from OP to know the full story. Remember, there are 3 sides to every story and we're only getting one, and weren't there during this discussion to hear what was actually said, or have seen a post from the bf to weigh in on his version of events.
We don't know their financial situation, whether she has a drinking problem or not, or if her doing this is taking away from a limited amount of time they may have to be together. We also don't know if there has ever been infidelity in the past.
This could be him being controlling, or he may have a legitimate gripe.
Without knowing all this my best advice would be for OP to have a conversation with him to try to nail down exactly what it is that is bothering him about this.