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Date: October 14, 2022
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Don't stay with someone just because it's easier than breaking up. He deserves someone who feels just as sure about him as he feels about them. If that's not you, tell him.
I think your feelings are understandable. College is when you do the most learning, growing, changing, and usually, dating. I can't imagine being in a monogamous relationship through that formative time in life.
You just have to tell him.
Just don’t. Excuse yourself from the situation and please walk away. Things get complicated and if he gets pissed off it could affect your employment and just… it’s so messy.
Also what does seeing he have Grindr have to do with anything? Because you think he’s hooking up with other people and you both agreed to tell each other? Just one more reason to walk away. Don’t tell him you saw anything, it’s not that big of a deal. He isn’t out and it’s his thing to handle and you admit hooking up was already a mistake. Cut your losses and walk away, he never has to know you saw it.
I think she’s not copping to taking the phone because she doesn’t want him to know that she knows he’s going to propose.
I didn't cum for ages when I first started having sex, part of that is I had a dick issue but even after that was fixed it would either take me ages or just not happen, wasn't because I wasn't enjoying it just wouldn't happen.
Wasn't this posted yesterday?
I'm just being a hater. I think everyone in this world should just care about themselves and let Karma do its thing
Like do u not understand the amount of maturity between 21 and 39 like Jesus
My bad, I let this one go over my head. At 21 you’re dumb enough to fuck someone you know isn’t single. At 30 you go over to a random girls house to fuck her while your girlfriend doesn’t know since you normalized being a home wrecker at 21.
Yes! Thanks. So my husband moved to my country for us to be together. He went home frequently because he needed to. I respected that. We recently moved to his country because life is better here. If OP has moved from her home, which she clearly loves and feels strongly about, he needs respect her need to reconnect. It’s sort of part of the package of marrying an immigrant. This is not a standard, my wife “fucks off on holiday 8 weeks a year” as someone else posted. Mixed marriages where one person is an immigrant is a different thing.
Can he manage to move to her country? If that is a hard no, as is appears based on OPs post. Her needs to go home need to be respected and supported. If not, she’ll become depressed and wither. And that’s not good either.
That's understandable. The advantage being you can bring into into discussion since it wasn't hidden and in a shared space. It's a lot harder to talk about under the burden of snooping.
And just checking for potential misunderstanding, was it like every few videos there was a “hookup” url, or was it multiple consecutive hookup page visits in a row? If they are spread out, it could just be those annoying porn ads that always seem to think I wanna hook up.
THAT IS COMPLETE BULLSHIT. On your last year YOU ARE ASKED if you want to extend the contract. My brother was asked like 4x if he wanted to. You are asked in the beginning of your last year, middle, towards the end, and when you literally have weeks until you complete your commitment.
Your guy WANTED TO EXTEND THE CONTRACT, BUT is blaming the military ? to cover his “desires”. OP, YOUR FIANCÉE is a piece of ?. He is a manipulative a-hole. I DONT TRUST HIM AT ALL.
Tell him Sayonara. And be with someone who is TRANSPARENT WITH YOU.
PLEASE see a therapist, I think you have a taste of men that are manipulative borderline narcissistic.
Doesn’t seem like this is a good fit. Your professional responsibilities and lifestyle are not compatible with her. She isn’t adapting and there’s nothing you can do.
like doesn't it bother her that he jerks off to porn?
Do I have approval by mods to share publicly @mods? I don’t want my post taken down because of violation of any rule
I’m still not sure “gross” is the right word here
Communication is the single most important part of a relationship.
Let’s be honest – no one on Reddit knows anything much about your relationship with your GF.
If you communicate well – it will work out for you.
And that could mean you find someone else or you stay together.
We have no idea.
thanks. this was actually very helpful.
I’m so sorry this is happening. First, I think it’s important to make sure your wife is safe. Have a sit down with her and talk about her suicide threat. It’s possible she might need to go to a psych ward for a 72 hour hold and evaluation. Suicide can happen very spontaneously.
You should probably ask your wife to go to therapy or join you in couples therapy. You should be in individual therapy to help navigate her depression.
I think you should tell her children and ask if you can help mediate the situation
Pick up a tennis ball launcher gun from Amazon while you’re at it too. Rapid fire
What you're asking for advice about isn't drama? Best of luck to you, OP.
To piggyback on what u/jayfrancy is saying it's pretty clear OP is just vengeful and wants to hurt the gf now that the affair soured. He doesn't actually care about the bf knowing and that's why people are rightly flaming him. He is a garbage person same as the gf.
Ghost her
I laughed out loud
Yeah, I see nothing wrong with this at all. My wife and I pretty much have the same agreement, but we never really set it as a rule, we just know that it’s something the other wouldn’t do without some level of prior coordination.
Option number 2 is the only way to go about this. Tell her what actually happened so she does not continue to try and set him up with vulnerable women.
This is different tho, you didn’t have a premeditated plan or carry out a physical or a emotional affair. You didn’t even really cheat
People on Reddit always hate any kind of out-side relationship hanky panky or some reason. There's nothing wrong with asking the man for a “free pass”. he says no and there you go. Adultery would be the man saying no and doing it anyway.
He was probably planning on pulling a runner already if he was talking to you as he was moving his stuff out. You dodged a bullet. Maybe it was for the best that you broke up when you did.
Try to find a new partner who isn't so adverse to a discretely open relationship.
She was letting you down easy with the whole “you deserve to be chosen and not a back up”. Move on dude.
I second this. My partner never does these things. He cleans up after himself, does his own laundry, and I'm pretty sure if he ever peed on the toilet seat he'd wipe it off.
It's a matter of respect and your partner clearly doesn't have any for you. If he did he wouldn't expect you to clean up after him like he's a littoral toddler. I won't even say child, because most kids know enough to keep clean
It sounds like he was enabled his while life and never had to realy care or clean for himself. And all he wants is a live in maid/mom to keep his place clean
Please run. Run very very far
I wouldn’t break up with her over her feeling inadequate, I would probably break up with after seeing that her consideration for your feelings are basically non existent. I would imagine if the tables were turned she would probably feel the same way you do, so her actions are unacceptable
Idk at the end of the day we're all different. It ends up being you having the right to know vs their right to keep it a secret. Doesn't mean they as a person are messed up or that your relationship isn't healthy or whatever you wanna call it.
I've been seeing a guy for 2 years, never seen him without a shirt. He's on the heavy side, I get it. They've been together for 3 years, maybe someday when she stops asking he'll tell her.
I'm very curious to know what are those small things and if OP do his 50% of the domestic chores.
Look, some shows are “couple watch together” shows, and some shows just aren’t. You think I can get my husband to watch The Crown with me? Well, I can’t. I call my sister for that.
It should be ok if you just say, “Not really feeling GoT. Maybe not with the GoT. What else have you got?” If he reacts poorly to that, then you have a relationship problem, not a television problem.
At least he’s not making you read the books. Those are some serious torture porn.
Yes, you should immediately plan for divorce. Also, call the police if she physically attacked you.
so.. he told you to stop doing things for him and then went to “can you do it for me” immediately? make a list of things that need to be done daily when hes there-cleaning (making bed, laundry, cooking, dishes, etc. these r just examples but cooking & dishes are key)… then split the chores and days ! if hes there mon-thurs, mon and wed u cook he does dishes, u wash laundry he folds. tues &thurs switch: he cooks, u do dishes. u fold laundry, he washes it. if hes unwilling this doesnt seem compatible tbh
No, it isn't different. He is lying.
So you didn't get to know her then. If you had waited until an appropriate age of 25-30 then you would have known who she really is and hopefully wouldn't have married her.
Lol girl, you cheated on him and are dumping him, he isn’t your friend and isn’t going to be.
It’s been about 20 years since I worked in a restaurant but I’d say she’s doing better than a lot of the folks I used to work with, though the bar wasn’t very high. We had a couple guys in the BOH that would gulp down cheap cooking wine throughout the night, a bartender that casually smoked crack in the restroom, multiple tweakers, and every employee I knew at least smoked weed.
oh yeah no i don't blame you for staying in those conditions!
I’d be so depressed if I found out that the only reason my husband wasn’t leaving me was due to societal pressure tho
It sounds like your friends are absolutely right; you give off the wrong vibes for these guys.
I skipped most of that wall of text. I can easily tell you that comitting in your 20s doesn't end well.
20s = dating and finding many things about yourself that you probably didn't know. if you happen to connect with someone and you like them love them you will probably know all that indecisiveness will seem like nothing.
Id tell them all to fuck off except your one guy. He's cool
Why are you dating a racist that belittles you for being who you are?
Seriously, what do you get out of this relationship other than being emotionally abused?
Why do my feelings matter more? Is that how it seems, that i just care about me? It feels like from my perspective I’ve made sure to make what he feels a priority, by not pushing him or demanding he interact with them despite how it made me feel that he wasn’t interacting with my family or visiting them. If you are asking who’s feelings matter more I feel like it would be more accurate to ask why don’t my feelings take priority for this one time period.
Maybe it’s sad or pathetic, I don’t know, but my parents were basically my only friends growing up, I was a lonely kid. They mean a lot to me. When I visit I’m there to see them and enjoy being in the same home as them. I don’t know how else to explain that it isn’t odd for me to stay at their home when I visit. That is an aside though because we can’t even afford to not stay with them when we visit, we have to.
He is falling into a black hole. Don’t let him pull you in too. This is your life and you have to live it.
There are suicide hotlines and supports he can call. He could check himself into a hospital. You aren’t the only thing keeping him alive.
He may actually do better when you’re gone.
You had already ruined things dude. Look at the situation.
they were probably hoping she had grown up and left her BS in the past when she met you. obviously she did not
Make sure you thank the person who sent you the evidence
Mmhmm, tell me more about your fanfiction. Let me guess, there’s a Mary Sue character? Just assuming because your fanfiction is really shitty, and there’s usually a Mary Sue character when people are reaching this hard for plot.
The existence of food in someone’s vicinity does not mean they are currently eating.
This does not sound like it was ever a healthy relationship. It sounds like it was never really a relationship and you wore her down (sorry) into ‘giving you a chance’ and it reinforced to her that you weren’t what she wanted.
I would be very interested to hear your ex girlfriend’s narrative as I feel it would read very differently
interesting. my husband told his symptoms to our doctor and she ran a little test and got the results and was like “you have ADHD. here’s some adderall”. idk why they’d be so reluctant to diagnose him
but i assume if he does have ADHD, then that is a huge contributor. my husband got diagnosed a year and a half ago and everything made so much more sense to him. he got so much better after getting on medication. he still had his bad times where he would be completely withdrawn and isolated, especially when around me. but it’s up and down honestly. it’s difficult being a spouse to something with that disorder
He doesn't care about your health, only your weight. You are now seeing the creep that went after a teenager while he was in his 30s.
Don't be surprised if he starts looking for a new barely legal side piece and blaming it on you.
Does he have a locked room in the house your not allowed in too?
yup, and I’m for the most part responsible of that, I should just say no, she is used to make a lot of money and spend that money the same month, not knowing if she will make past that month, and then comes to me, I’ll make sure to be clear with her.
No. Make sure you can trust him before you do.
This.
I'm pretty sure your brother could have checked dates with you before booking and seen the issue, but because he's the golden child didn't care to.
Go enjoy your spotlight!
None of those diagnosis make you an abuser or violent. He has anger issues.
Get yourself tested, and if you have it, do whatever you need to get treatment.
I'd if you can sue her or anything, but if you can, I wouldn't blame you.
Yes, it was completely unacceptable for her to hide this and put you in danger. Definitely cut her out for good.
You get a referral fee because you referred him. What he gets is a job that makes him money, that's his “bonus”.
I thought OP said he was abusive from the beginning with her?
Hey OP. I don't know when you plan on getting married, but could you both go to couples counseling? An even simpler first step is, have you ever talked to her about your doubts? The fact of the matter is that how the relationships of others in your life have turned out, it doesn't mean yours have to follow the same course. If this ends up being the end of your relationship, keep in mind that there can/will be consequences for not only both of you, but also your child. So, it may be in your best interest at this time to try to salvage it if you can.
lol, so stupid. are you still a kid?
I would try me best to fix it if it was reasonable. You are getting bent out of shape over such a small thing.
Being a good partner in my eyes includes letting your partner make their own decisions and be independent too. Just because you don’t like something doesn’t mean she HAS to change. That’s what controlling people do. Are you that controlling?
You getting upset over some Twitter idiot and contemplating breaking up seems to indicate you could use some outside perspective. I hope you get it here.
Yeah that’s what I’m planning to do, even though it’s hard
Thank you for that advice. I am going to work on it. I hate feeling this way. I really don't know why I need to control everything. It's either all or none – 1's or 0's, ironically…
no i haven’t been to any parties he throws. and when i say parties, i mean like small gatherings you know? but they are all his close friends and their partners. and no i don’t see his friends often. maybe less than three times a year.
What is read from this comment is that you are a jerk who doesn't believe men and women can just be friends and if a woman spends a night at a friend's house (especially if her friend is a man) then they must be sleeping together! Is that a correct assessment? If so I feel very sorry for anyone you tries to date you!! Get some help and learn to trust people!
Should i try to persuade her to get back together?
It's actually a very easy photo shop to change Mom's dress color. I do it all the time! Let her wear the dress and then when the pictures come, change it to a nice blue or pink!
This is halfway joking unless this would somehow work for y’all:
Pornhub had a whole big section/genre dedicated to finding the clit.
If you don't like their advice, give better advice. At least they're trying, all you're doing is looking for people to pee on.
No offense but you’re a real dumbass if you want a future with a dude who dated a teen. At 30! Good luck to you and your life and good luck to any kids you end up having. See you here in 10-ish years when he does something else disgusting.
To me, your wife sounds reasonable. Her concern and desire to track your location doesn't challenge your ability as an adult to “check in.” Rather, it helps her (and you) if you're in a situation where you are unable to check in (hospitalized, drugged, etc). For a married guy, you're holding to an unrealistic boundary IMO.
You could specify a list of things you want for Christmas and birthdays. That may help give her a clue as to what things you are really looking forward to receiving. If that doesn’t work then just tell her you find her paintings to be exquisite work. But when they are always the Christmas and birthday gifts, that takes away from the suspense and surprise that you love about gifts during these holidays. And then suggest, she gift those as just because gifts during the year, but for birthdays and holidays you both give each other a list you both can pick an item from and surprise each other.