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Date: October 19, 2022
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My clothes start
Was it her idea?
Normal.
Don't talk to your boyfriend about it, don't do anything, probably focus on something else. Feelings are natural but can still make a big problem so don't let that happen. You know the situation but your emotions don't play by the rules all the time. Time and finding someone better would be the solution.
In response to problem one they had a purely sexual relationship that's not something to run around telling people about sure some people do it but it's not a measure of their closeness
Let him know he irks your soul and then never talk to him again.
This whole post is so fucked up
Yeah… I’m from Lebanon and this isn’t a thing really. Friends and family always around each other… it’s a western thing related to individualism, hyper ambitious behaviour, etc.
Anyway I live here and I will deal with how it is here :). Thank you for the clarification
Uh oh, sounds like a narcissist whose mask is starting slip. Careful with this one love. Better rehome him. Keep the kitten.
So move on?
You haven't done anything wrong. He has.
Then move on and forget about it
You should tell her. Let her decide if she wants to continue the marriage. You made a choice and their are consequences. You owe her that much. You broke your vows and she deserves to know.
Do you regret it? Would you do it again if you could go back in time? Not that it matters now, really. Just curious.
I found proof. Sorry to be vague, but just paranoid of being identified right now. Thank you for your kind words. Yeah I want to tell the other person being cheated on, but then I would put myself into the drama. Maybe staying out of it is best.
Honestly just do the bare minimum to not make him suspicious while also getting your stuff together on the side. Unless you have some family or friends that would be willing to take you and your kids in to allow you to leave him quickly.
If there is any way you could get out sooner, try to. I know that's hard. But if you really can't, just pretend like everything is “normal” as best as you can.
That's what I was thinking. Most of the better shows don't have much if any fan service, they don't need to.
But then it gets to a point where he could just be honest with himself and go watch a hentai, stop wasting both their time with these shit shows lmao.
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Her moving on quickly in no way “pretty much suggests she had this other guy lined up”. As another commenter said, many women are emotionally done with a relationship a couple months before they end it. Just because someone is emotionally checked out of a relationship, it doesn’t guarantee they are emotionally or physically checked into another one.
My ex was a controlling abusive AH. I was checked out of the relationship for months before it ended. It took me so long to end it because 1. he Threatened to kill himself if I left 2. He got physically violent every time I tried to break it off. Despite being abused, and despite being emotionally checked out of the relationship, I never once tried to cheat physically or emotionally.
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Stop giving him any time if day and in the meantime work on canceling the lease and finding a new place to live. What he did was shady and he betrayed you. Once you stop living with him you can cut him completely from your life.
I can read this and tell a lot of context it missing. Paint the full picture or don’t post
This is incredibly sus
Leave her alone
She is NEVER going to contact me again. I know for sure.
But I wanted to give a one last try to get her back.
yeah workplace is not the correct way, but I don't have any other option
Try talking to him first an explaining to him the severity in which this is impacting your relationship and sex life. If that doesn’t work, there’s literally nothing else you can do. He either gets it and stops or he doesn’t.
That being said, you probably should have talking to him long before it got this bad. Are you sure you’re really ready for marriage if you can’t even mildly communicate?
Firstly forget about the joke. It was a joke and it is over and done. If you feel comfortable to do the circumcision then do it. But I can just tell you one thing , it is hygienic.
I have spoken up that’s why I stopped having sex with her because of that
Shady … its not like you need to deliver a pack of condoms to your mother, its just a man underwear.
Sex or jerked off every night since puberty?
That's a lot of jerking off.
Hire a pi.
He's not going to change. You have to decide if you want to be in a relationship with a guy who doesn't consider your feelings. And throws it at your face THAT YOU ARE THE PROBLEM not him. I say: LET HIM GO. And be with someone WHO respects you and the relationship he has with you and knows how to set boundaries.
But you too have to set boundaries. You need to make it CRYSTAL CLEAR WHAT IS ACCEPTABLE AND WHAT ISN'T FROM THE VERY BEGINNING. And any guy who start making excuses that your “rules” come from insecurities, that guy…..?????SHOULD BE AVOIDED AND IS NOT RELATIONSHIP MATERIAL.
A 45 year old cheating on a 23 year old? Who could have predicted a weirdo older creep wouldn't give a shit about the feelings of others?
I'm so shocked!
You won’t be responsible. Remember that. You are not responsible for him or anything he does. Leave him immediately – make it clear that you will not be taking his calls or reading his messages. Block all contact from him. If you don’t leave now -you’ll never be able to leave ever.
It means you’re both children.
I hope you can find some peace Reddit friend.
We decided to go exclusive
Yep, you cheated. You didn't had a clear talk avout opening the relationship again, eet ground agreements, etc.
I gave my boyfriend a heads up. I told him I was going on a date with xyz person this Saturday and not to commit to anything.
You didn't communicate clearly. Without a clear talk about opening the relationship, that means nothing.
Yeah, you cheated.
Youve had an abusive past and most likely are attracted to abusive partners as you find this a familiar situation which even as odd as it may sound, is comforting to you. Without professional help you will probably not break this cycle of abuse and will go from one controlling, abusive relationship to another. You may even be trauma bonded to this individual who you are now involved with as this is common among abusive, controlling relationships. I would strongly suggest you leave this relationship and begin therapy immediately with a mental health professional who specializes in abusive relationships. Even if there was never another physical altercation the damage being done to you psychologically and emotionally makes it imperative that you leave and get professional help.
Sounds like you need therapy to work through all the abuse you've experienced in your life, understand that your perspective of what is and isn't healthy has been skewed tremendously, the people in your life and the people commenting here are seeing it for what it actually is.
You are not in healthy enough place mentally to be in a romantic relationship with anyone and most definitely not in healthy enough place to be considering getting married or having kids. Get to place where you are taking care of your own mental health and where you are fully self-sufficient and then come back and tell us how badly you still want to be with this person who controlled your every move and physically harmed you.. I can promise you, you wont.
She has no obligation to mother his daughter because they are in a relationship. That is up to OP, bf, and his daughter.
They could very well have a friendly relationship together and that could work for them.
Don’t marry a cheater buddy. Common sense. Break up and move on.
You're in an abusive relationship. Therapy will not help
If she doesn’t have an established friendship with your best friend that pre-dates you and her dating, I think it’s definitely a weird move for them to get dinner together alone like that. But if you’re all from the same preexisting mixed friend group or they were independently friends, I’d say it’s less weird. I’ve been good friends with the gfs and wives of my buddies, but I’d never hit them up for a one on one dinner like that. And I don’t think I’d feel right about her inviting me like that either, at least not without mentioning it to my friend and making sure he’s cool with it.
But there have been times that when my buddies are out of town, their partners will text me about hangouts with our larger friend group. So I wouldn’t be worried about the group hangout stuff. The fact that you’re out of town for so long and so often complicates things too imo, she could genuinely like your friends and want to spend time with them to foster the connection.
How ride or die with you is your best friend? If he’s like brother level and really has your back, I wouldn’t be afraid to just casually say something to him about them getting dinner together and you not liking it. You can mention that you’re not accusing anyone of anything, but it just makes you a little uncomfortable. If he’s really your boy, he shouldn’t have a problem with creating a more little distance, and if she presses him about it, saying it’s his own idea and not yours. Or even just bring it up and ask what they talk about and do, and see how he reacts. It could also be a situation where he sees entertaining her while you’re out of town as doing you a solid — just doing something nice for someone his friend cares about.
At the end of the day though, you’re definitely not a crazy person for feeling this way. Raising the issue with your gf in a polite, non-accusatory manner could also be a good litmus test for how you two can resolve these issues.
Drying mushrooms.
I don’t want to get into all the reasons why I broke up with him, but yesterday he literally texted my best friend trying to date her. He texted me saying it’s time for you to move on.
This is a laughable level of projection. Ask him of he ever stops monologing to himself.
I’d flush them before I gave her any, but I’m a bitch so….
Boohoo, abusive assholes deserve to be alone. She won't hurt herself, it's a manipulation tactic. And on the extremely off chance she does, it's one hundred percent not your fault. Ever wonder whyyyyy everyone in her life leaves her?
I say this as a frequently suicidal human. Not your fault. Hers.
You did the exact same thing. You presented a theory with the facts that you took from this story. Same as what I did.
That's how life works. You listen. You get an opinion. And you act in the way you think is right.
If every single person on this planet saw and thought exactly the same. It would be an extremely shitty boring place to life.
INFO: What are these “silly reasons”?
Thanks I appreciate it!!
That doesn’t make the comments appropriate though.
Don’t be around her if it’s so fresh. Or just break up
oh my god op, if you stay with this man you will end up having him alienate everyone you know. he's out to destroy his future.
There are no girl eggs. Gender is determined by the sperm.
The denial is strong with this one. Why come asking for advice if you won't listen or take weight of the words given? Cocaine is one helluva drug and is very addicting. And you are comparing weed, a plant, to a drug made from plants yes, but doctored with chemicals. He is in prison because he assaulted someone for a slight…. Like for real? That's a person who is gonna be a good dad?? Lay hands on anyone who shows me disrespect….
Your mother is right, if this is even a real post. Your denial is gonna do way more harm that good.
Say, I wasn't aware you were cool sharing me with other men. Good to know,
I can’t believe it’s been this long of the boyfriend watching OP take the kids to go out to dinner or whatever and just shrug her shoulders and say “you weren’t invited ??♀️” and her parents have probably thought the boyfriend is antisocial or doesnt like them or works too much and no one has ever talked about it! I wonder how often these events happen.
He is not a great man, he is not a good husband, he is not a good Dad. A great man doesn't rape women, a good husband doesn't rape his wife, a good dad doesn't rape the mother of his children. Please take your kids and get somewhere safe!
He is most likely cheating or trying to cheat. I would check his phone and see if you can check his conversations from said instagram. It might be in a hidden folder/ secure folder. Also document everything. Talking to a lawyer is also good if you consider divorce.
Literally what that “”””””joke””””” was saying. Get help
Your vagina is beautiful. It’s yours. It offers you pleasure. All vaginas are different. All vaginas are worth being loved. Most men appreciate that vaginas vary and a man that loves you will love your vagina.
But most importantly YOU need to remember to love your vagina. And remember that this one (total idiots) rude comment isn’t some universal truth.
Dude, she's not into you. End of story.
To me, this is clearly depression and she doesn't know how to handle or recognize it because it might be the first time she has experienced it.
I agree so much with this.
Why can't she communicate with him? Is she a child ?
Bro sorry to speak the ugly truth but she is a very immature and controling person. If she has a problem she has to learn to communicate it and not just expect from the other person to guess. She also doesn't respect you as her boyfriend and if she wanted you she would have sex with you. That means that she is burned from the previous guy that she can't get over. A woman that wants her man physically is always going to have sex with him even when she is mad she is going to have make up sex. She likes that you chase her but that has to stop. Tell her to open the relationship because you see that she doesn't want you physically because she thinks that you are not an apha male and that is very disrespectful for you. Tell her that you are not a toy to have psychological games to see if she can humble you and that if she doesn't start to respect you, you are going to break up with her. Wake up she is playing an ugly game with you. Discuss it one more time and hold her accountable for the lack of communication, if she doesn't change break up with her and don't loose your precious time on her!!! She isn't worth it!!!!
I only know his facebook, which he has only 19 friends on, and his last photo was posted in 2013. I know where he works, but yeah, that's about it.
I think you have made the wrong choice. He wasn't going to tell or stop fucking her. Well it your decision to regret later.
WTF do you think there is any value in beating a dead horse? It was 12+ years ago and you bring it up on what was supposed to be a fun night? And are asking if you should continue to harass him about it, asking him how he's doing, etc.? With friends like you who can't get over something that never involved you, who needs enemies to make them feel bad?
I wouldn't trust your GF alone with any guy after this. She apparently have very little self control. She should have completely cut him off after the first kiss.
Consider if you could ever truly trust her again. I would break up, she have shown that her character is lacking.
Happy to have passed along this line of thinking. It was truly the most important thing for 23 year old me to get my mind around to survive. My ex and I had gotten arrested, I was facing many many years in jail and had to deal with the loss of a lot of things while learning how to do “life” sober (which I was not good at then).
Here I sit, and must note that it's the most important thing for 38 year old me to wrap my mind around on a daily basis or I stand a good shot of having a pretty bad day. Life is funny like that. Be well friend ?
If you're low income there are some legal aid firms that specifically help women in these kinds of situations. My friend is an attorney at such a law firm. I'm worried for you. The very fact that this woman moved across the country, in with a man she only met online and his children that she's never met, indicates already that she's a few crayons short of a box. And it feels like your ex is hiding something.
I’m in this subreddit for the story. I like reading all the details. Sorry I don’t have any suggestions.
It doesn’t sound like your wife would have any boundaries with him. So technically she’s not lying.
This exactly. He knows. He just doesn't want to tell you.
I am worried that the first response you have is to worry that you are deficient or not good enough. That's not healthy self-esteem.
That’s fine that you want to make her understand how you feel or how she was wrong. But the other half of this is you need to put effort in trying to understand how she feels and what you did or said (right or wrong; it doesn’t matter) that made her feel the need to do this.
You asked him to do one little thing in exchange you do his laundry. He’s being a child.
I originally wasn’t okay with it, but everyone I told about it said I was being stupid about it so I figured that everyone was right. He’s said they weren’t close and didn’t know each other well but also call often, text often, etc.
Thank you, this is helpful. I sometimes have problems stating myself clearly so this comment helps out a lot.
basically In the first month of us dating me and my friends were out and they suggested we go to meet up with girls and I said no I have a girlfriend, I had a panic attack and my girlfriend was on the phone talking to me and he told her don’t talk to me because I’m having a panic attack and then hung up on her.
If laundry is such a stressful issue, you need to drop your standards and make the job easier. It's a repetitive task that will need to be done until you die so you need to come up with an efficient system.
My wife and I have individual draws for socks underwear bras etc. And enough draws /hangers for tshirts pajamas and formal clothes. If you have enough allocated areas for clothes then you won't misplace or lose stuff.
You and BF should also stop worrying about how clothes are folded…. Life's too short for that
I understand that people have past. I do too.
However I can’t shake the feeling of it being dirty because it’s my friend? And now I want both of to disappear from my life. I feel so gross.
You don’t have to be ok with it. He went around you to ask his friend without your clear and enthusiastic yes. When it comes to consent, anything that is not a clear and enthusiastic yes is a no.
Ok. This is how I would handle it. This guy is very disrespectful to you and your relationship. I would sit my GF down and explain to her that under no circumstances you will allow her to hang with them. It's done. It's not about control it's about respect. If your GF won't cut them off then that means she's interested right back. You should start telling the husband that he should divorce and get a real wife. See how he likes it.
Sounds crazy …. pity the bf, the sex must be very damn good ….
Thanks so much. It really does make sense and some of the other comments are kind of mean. ^^°
I think we moved pretty quickly through that initial stage and skipped ahead to kind of living together, but it might've been too fast. It felt natural at the time, but I really don't have a frame of reference to judge.
What else do I say?
Is she not?
The bridesmaid, and the husband, are weirdly inappropriate. The “friend” is wildly inappropriate.
I also think you should give your GF the benefit of the doubt, she was avoiding an awkward encounter at a wedding by being polite. (Its obviously debatable as to weather or not she handled it correctly).
Advice? Cut contact with new “friends” make excuses to not connect. Be polite and never follow through. GF? Tell her to please, next time to just pull you aside, share the info, and allow you to be an adult, and handle the situation appropriately. You are a team, and you're a little upset that she didn't treat you like a teammate in that moment.
I genuinely don't understand the problem we WILL get married one day meaning Chris WILL be his father am I not allowed to find a man that makes me happy?
Amy is correct, your relationship is concerning. Why are you just accepting everything your boyfriend says? It may be part of his culture for women not to be able to freely travel or it may be something he's telling you to make himself sound reasonable, obviously I don't know for sure, but either way you don't need to just do whatever he tells you to because culture. It's not disrespectful to think about whether something is right or not.
This is your first relationship and you don't have the experience to understand this isn't normal. Listen to your friends and don't cut them off.
He continues to tell me that this is going to bother him essentially forever and he might not be able to let it go. I
That is a red flag. Your boyfriend has been holding on to anger for weeks because he knows that someone outside your relationship is recognizing it's unhealthy, and he's worried you're going to wake up and he won't be able to control you as much. He's manipulating you.
Your friends are not toxic. It is o.k for them to care about you and ask questions. Do some research into what an emotionally abusive relationship looks like.
Your boyfriend is 37 and he's going after someone ten years younger for a reason. This isn't something you're going to be able to fix. You need to get away from this man. Social isolation is a sign of abuse.
Also, please go to therapy. You're going to continue to get taken advantage of if you don't work on your self-esteem.
My brother and I were just on the phone earlier discussing this topic. I was complaining about how our sister doesn’t work or anything and leaves shit around. And he just got back from visiting his friend from out of town and said “tbh I get it, I don’t think I can ever live with anyone that’s messy, but I actually just realized our family isn’t as messy as other ppl yk, but bc you and I are such clean freaks we think our family is messy..”
I was like ya ik but why compare to the ppl who live in a dump, Instead of comparing to ppl who are doing better!?
We both agreed that would be a ? dealbreaker for us in the ppl we end up dating.