This whole thing should have been dealt with before marriage. But anyway.
I personally couldn’t be in a relationship with a woman who wouldn’t do those things in the bedroom, but that’s not to say you should feel bad, your feelings are valid, I know it’s tough for you. If you are seriously that anxious about it, you should find out why, (maybe through some professional help?) and not even for your husbands sake, for your own sake. That’s not normal.
Discuss your needs and wants for the relationship and try to reach a compromise where you’re both happy or content. This may need to be something one of you two sacrifice, are either you okay with that?
I don’t think letting him screw other women will help. The one he wants to eat out is you, not some other woman.
Regardless of if you believe it's emotionally charged or not doesnt change the fact that its true.
I'm not sure if you understood my point here, which is that it's not true (in that it's not representative of elective abortions, which are the kind we are discussing).
This is view isnt based on anything we've learned about embriology. The fetus exists at conception regardless of whether or not you think it's a person yet.
At conception, it is literally not a fetus according to field of EMBRIOlogy. I said nothing about personhood because it's irrelevant to my argument. For the sake of argument though, let's go ahead and grant it full personhood the second the sperm hits an egg.
The abortion debate is about at what point the fetus right to live outweighs the womans bodily autonomy.
No person at any stage of development has the right to use another person's body to survive without their consent. Not a child, not a teenager, not an adult, and not an infant or a fetus. The law cannot compel a parent to donate even a single drop of blood to give to a child that needs a transfusion, even if the child would die without it. Organs and tissues cannot even be take from a corpse without prior consent to be a donor because that violates bodily integrity. Banning abortion grants a corpse more rights that a living breathing person and elevates an embryo/fetus over every other person.
In a society where abortion is legal she could choose between raising the kid alone, abortion, adoption or not having sex with guys unless she knows theyd stick around for the kid.
This punishes children for the mistakes of their parents, and since many children end up in foster care, burdens the taxpayer either through supporting a single mother and child, or supporting the child through foster care. Both are expensive when the father and mother are the ones responsible for providing for that child. Of course in some cases the state/federal goverment ends up picking up the tab regardless, but why make this the default?
she doesn’t believe that 2 people can make a promise to love each other for the rest of their lives because people and feelings change.
As someone who saw his grandparents married for 60+ years until death did they part, I can tell you with certainty: It is 100% possible. I saw the promise fulfilled, even through the changing of self and feelings. It doesn't just happen; it's a choice to dedicate yourselves to one another through everything, thick and thin alike.
A promise doesn't require belief; it requires commitment. All you need to ask yourself is “Is that what I see here?”
I've seen so many good relationships be thrown away simply because people can't seperate fantasy from reality and more importantly, keep them seperate! This is just my opinion of course but if I had a partner that brought up being with someone else, it's an instant red flag for me. It's almost like asking for permission to cheat and using 'threesome' as a way to make it not infidelity. Fantasy or not, I'll never comprehend why anyone would want to be with someone else if they love their SO. To each their own but I wouldn't be surprised if this was the end of your marriage. You need to talk to him, like really talk and possibly get couples therapy.
It was not the time at the party, but FOR SURE you have to tell Olivia that her wife is cheating on her. No doubt about it, dont be an amoral asshole… wouldnt you want to know if you are being cheated on? Even if you dont have any friendly feelings nowadays for Olivia, you should tell her.. but moreso her being an old friend whom you have reconnected.
Sorry, but I still don't think this is helping your case. Just because he has the money doesn't mean he wants to spend more. I'm assuming you aren't paying for it.
Don't think it's cheating, but I'd think it's weird af and would feel weird about it. It's similar to porn, I also think porn should be used as little as possible.
Also, my thought in this from a clinical and realistic standpoint.. is perhaps one of the two people in this relationship tested too soon after sex. Received a negative result and ran with it. Had they tested immediately after sex I doubt they'd show up positive. Hell, I'm pretty sure things like HIV won't even show up for months after initial exposure. But I get you went to medical school and all.. im just saying.. from first hand experience.. I've seen people who haven't even had sex for up to a year randomly present with symptoms.. get tested.. and have chlamydia.
(My experience is working oncology currently, and worked OB/GYN before that)
You don’t get it. There’s a way of things in offices. Maybe not yours. But people don’t just go to lunch with their boss unless it’s a big sit in of everyone. Lunch can be intimate and is also preferred alone time/with a good friend.
Strange behaviour from your wife….. but not enough to end your marriage. Wait to see if there is anymore, and if there is, leave. The fact that you are asking us shows you are not sure yourself, wait and be sure.
How have you been living together for years and she has never caught you before??!! She is being a bit ridiculous, but at least she is owning up to it. You have done nothing wrong and if this damages your relationship it is better that it happens now than after you are married.
I've made comments that to me were in jest but were really hurting him.
What comments did you make specifically?
This whole thing should have been dealt with before marriage. But anyway.
I personally couldn’t be in a relationship with a woman who wouldn’t do those things in the bedroom, but that’s not to say you should feel bad, your feelings are valid, I know it’s tough for you. If you are seriously that anxious about it, you should find out why, (maybe through some professional help?) and not even for your husbands sake, for your own sake. That’s not normal.
Discuss your needs and wants for the relationship and try to reach a compromise where you’re both happy or content. This may need to be something one of you two sacrifice, are either you okay with that?
I don’t think letting him screw other women will help. The one he wants to eat out is you, not some other woman.
Finding out after 3 years I'd wonder what else you've been hiding.
What he did was criminal and abusive.
You both need to move on.
Regardless of if you believe it's emotionally charged or not doesnt change the fact that its true.
I'm not sure if you understood my point here, which is that it's not true (in that it's not representative of elective abortions, which are the kind we are discussing).
This is view isnt based on anything we've learned about embriology. The fetus exists at conception regardless of whether or not you think it's a person yet.
At conception, it is literally not a fetus according to field of EMBRIOlogy. I said nothing about personhood because it's irrelevant to my argument. For the sake of argument though, let's go ahead and grant it full personhood the second the sperm hits an egg.
The abortion debate is about at what point the fetus right to live outweighs the womans bodily autonomy.
No person at any stage of development has the right to use another person's body to survive without their consent. Not a child, not a teenager, not an adult, and not an infant or a fetus. The law cannot compel a parent to donate even a single drop of blood to give to a child that needs a transfusion, even if the child would die without it. Organs and tissues cannot even be take from a corpse without prior consent to be a donor because that violates bodily integrity. Banning abortion grants a corpse more rights that a living breathing person and elevates an embryo/fetus over every other person.
In a society where abortion is legal she could choose between raising the kid alone, abortion, adoption or not having sex with guys unless she knows theyd stick around for the kid.
This punishes children for the mistakes of their parents, and since many children end up in foster care, burdens the taxpayer either through supporting a single mother and child, or supporting the child through foster care. Both are expensive when the father and mother are the ones responsible for providing for that child. Of course in some cases the state/federal goverment ends up picking up the tab regardless, but why make this the default?
He totally raped you. If he tries that shit again, give him a really hard throat punch when he isn't expecting it!
She is cheating on you with this dude. She wanted approval to continue cheating.
Boyfriend gotta mature the fuck up
Idk the occasional fights? That's what we're like, we don't fight much at all
she doesn’t believe that 2 people can make a promise to love each other for the rest of their lives because people and feelings change.
As someone who saw his grandparents married for 60+ years until death did they part, I can tell you with certainty: It is 100% possible. I saw the promise fulfilled, even through the changing of self and feelings. It doesn't just happen; it's a choice to dedicate yourselves to one another through everything, thick and thin alike.
A promise doesn't require belief; it requires commitment. All you need to ask yourself is “Is that what I see here?”
I've seen so many good relationships be thrown away simply because people can't seperate fantasy from reality and more importantly, keep them seperate! This is just my opinion of course but if I had a partner that brought up being with someone else, it's an instant red flag for me. It's almost like asking for permission to cheat and using 'threesome' as a way to make it not infidelity. Fantasy or not, I'll never comprehend why anyone would want to be with someone else if they love their SO. To each their own but I wouldn't be surprised if this was the end of your marriage. You need to talk to him, like really talk and possibly get couples therapy.
Duh.
Did you not think about that for one second?
It was not the time at the party, but FOR SURE you have to tell Olivia that her wife is cheating on her. No doubt about it, dont be an amoral asshole… wouldnt you want to know if you are being cheated on? Even if you dont have any friendly feelings nowadays for Olivia, you should tell her.. but moreso her being an old friend whom you have reconnected.
Sorry, but I still don't think this is helping your case. Just because he has the money doesn't mean he wants to spend more. I'm assuming you aren't paying for it.
Don't think it's cheating, but I'd think it's weird af and would feel weird about it. It's similar to porn, I also think porn should be used as little as possible.
Also, my thought in this from a clinical and realistic standpoint.. is perhaps one of the two people in this relationship tested too soon after sex. Received a negative result and ran with it. Had they tested immediately after sex I doubt they'd show up positive. Hell, I'm pretty sure things like HIV won't even show up for months after initial exposure. But I get you went to medical school and all.. im just saying.. from first hand experience.. I've seen people who haven't even had sex for up to a year randomly present with symptoms.. get tested.. and have chlamydia.
(My experience is working oncology currently, and worked OB/GYN before that)
You don’t get it. There’s a way of things in offices. Maybe not yours. But people don’t just go to lunch with their boss unless it’s a big sit in of everyone. Lunch can be intimate and is also preferred alone time/with a good friend.
Strange behaviour from your wife….. but not enough to end your marriage. Wait to see if there is anymore, and if there is, leave. The fact that you are asking us shows you are not sure yourself, wait and be sure.
How have you been living together for years and she has never caught you before??!! She is being a bit ridiculous, but at least she is owning up to it. You have done nothing wrong and if this damages your relationship it is better that it happens now than after you are married.
Just drop her and be done with the drama, doubt and mental games.
The moment a person starts playing with you on a mental level, leave.
You are about to go down a road of self doubt, self sabotage and depression.
And when all is done, you would have been better served using your love , affection and time on a person who is worth those things.