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sexy show [GOAL MET]
Date: October 5, 2022
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Bro you really need to look into coercion rape. Because that’s what you’re trying to do. “No that’s not the answer I’m looking for” “how do I change her”. If she’s not into it, and she doesn’t consent. That. Is. The. End. Of. It. Get that through your thick skull. Idk if you’re on here to tell seeing as you came for relationship advice and aren’t comprehending the advice given. Or if you’re seriously this dense.
Please take a step back and comprehend that trying to change her and trying to get her to do what you want is rapey in nature. “Maybe I need to play on her white guilt”. Holy shit dude. If you want to rape her, just say it. Guilting someone into participating in a kink they don’t want to is so effed up.
No means no. Seriously if you need this that bad, find someone else who is willing and happy to dress up like that for you. Stop trying to change someone. You’re being very predatory and it’s gross.
The short answer: No.
The long answer: No, love (on it’s own) is not enough to stay. From the details you’ve included in your post, it sounds like your partner doesn’t really love you. For starters, he tries to control you by making sure things are convenient for HIM; he mocks you and your dreams; he compares your achievements for the purpose of putting you down and undermining your work rather than supporting you or building your confidence up.
Additionally, it sounds like he’s gaslighting you and manipulating you: 1) whenever you try to talk to him about how you feel or how his behaviour hurts you, he either BRUSHES IT OFF or finds a way to MAKE IT YOUR FAULT. That is a huge red flag and is extremely exhausting to deal with. 2) He threatens you over trying to communicate and explain your side of things, rather than taking accountability and/or responsibility for his actions and the fact that his selfishness is making you feel like things aren’t as equal between you anymore.
I think you’re in a difficult situation; you’ve known this person (on an emotionally and physically intimate level) for a long time! I understand that the thought of leaving/starting fresh is scary because you haven’t really known anything for a long time.
BUT
If he’s treating you like this NOW he will CONTINUE to do so, unless he takes legitimate and consistent action to change. Think about how he makes you feel. Would you want your child/children to feel like that? Would you want this kind of person to be a father/parent to your child/children?
I don’t think it’s fair to you to stay in this kind of relationship. I also, personally, do not think it would be worth it to stay.
Good, healthy, relationship are built on more than just LOVE: communication, respect, compromise, accountability, boundaries, etc.
It sounds like your partner isn’t providing you with those things, and isn’t making an effort to do so. If you’re making an effort to put in the work, why isn’t he? If he won’t talk to you, it’s clear he doesn’t really care.
So TL;DR: No, love is not enough.
“I have realized I do not want to indefinitely support you. You are not contributing to the expenses, you aren't trading that for cooking/housework, you aren't looking for a job, you arent going to school. I don't want a dependent at this point in my life. It may be that you are depressed…I don't know. All I know is that this situation is untenable for me. I would like you to [move back with your parents/move out by the end of the month/get a job/go back to school/get your depression evaluated].
I appreciate you for giving a perfect example of the brainpower (or lack thereof) of a 19yo. How any fobia survived is a miracle….
Sounds exhausting personally. I couldn't deal with that in a relationship. Hopefully, you can get through it with whatever decision you make for the relationship.
Just don't let people tell you that you're overreacting or that she didn't cheat. She did, and you have full right to be upset.