I’d say you share it when it feels right to you. It’s perfectly fine to say “I’m not ready to talk about that” if he asks. He may not ask at all and will instead wait for you to bring it up.
I’d say that for your part you should try to process how much you want to talk about it, what you want to share, and if you want it to be a conversation. There’s a good chance he’ll want to talk about it at least a little if you do tell him.
However, if it’s something you want to be talking about I’d say you’re better off speaking with a therapist if you aren’t already. They’re trained to help you process things, to listen, to be supportive, and you don’t have to worry about being too much for them. It can be, if nothing else, cathartic to talk through things with them.
While the relationship may seem serious to you… in the grand scheme of things being together for only a year is not a long time. And I hate to say it but living together doesn't make a strong relationship, plenty of platonic roommates out there.
I don't think she is taking this relationship as serious as you are friend. I hate to say it. But you aren't that heavily invested yet and if you are getting bad feelings about the whole thing it isn't too late to back out. It's never too late but it's really not too late in your case.
You're not a child, he's not in charge of you. And that fact that he thinks he's some kind of selfless white knight / father figure savior with no remorse makes me afraid for you. When he thinks you're making the wrong choice, he feels entitled to take that choice away from you. He will pull something like this again, whether it's behind your back or out in the open.
Try thinking about other scenarios where you could be “putting yourself in danger.” For example, if you want to solo travel someday and he thinks the destination is too dangerous, will he make you miss your flight? This happened to my aunt, her boyfriend hid her passport and pretended he didn't know anything, going behind her back to “protect her.” His attitude is going to affect your life in more ways than you may realize.
The post is deleted, but holy shit, she was taking over 10mg of Xanax a day? How was she hiding that? I feel like you would notice
(I know you're not OP, I'm wondering if he said — it cuts off at the preview)
But fwiw, 10mg less of Xanax a day is not a safe taper, so it's possible I'm reading your numbers as too literal. There needs to be a taper schedule overseen by a doctor. Iirc each taper period should be two weeks, not one, but I'm not a clinician. She really needs to see a professional
Even though you’ve completely nailed the coffin closed on the relationship at this point, what possible good do you think that the courts granting visitation would do?
You were not restricted from seeing your grandchildren before you started pursuing legal actions. As far as I can work out, they just wouldn’t give you a ride. Since you seem to think it’s impossible for you to get yourself there, you’d be in exactly the same boat even if somehow they was a legal way to be granted visitation. What would your plan be to get there if that happened? I just don’t understand your actual goal here.
I’d say you share it when it feels right to you. It’s perfectly fine to say “I’m not ready to talk about that” if he asks. He may not ask at all and will instead wait for you to bring it up.
I’d say that for your part you should try to process how much you want to talk about it, what you want to share, and if you want it to be a conversation. There’s a good chance he’ll want to talk about it at least a little if you do tell him.
However, if it’s something you want to be talking about I’d say you’re better off speaking with a therapist if you aren’t already. They’re trained to help you process things, to listen, to be supportive, and you don’t have to worry about being too much for them. It can be, if nothing else, cathartic to talk through things with them.
While the relationship may seem serious to you… in the grand scheme of things being together for only a year is not a long time. And I hate to say it but living together doesn't make a strong relationship, plenty of platonic roommates out there.
I don't think she is taking this relationship as serious as you are friend. I hate to say it. But you aren't that heavily invested yet and if you are getting bad feelings about the whole thing it isn't too late to back out. It's never too late but it's really not too late in your case.
You're not a child, he's not in charge of you. And that fact that he thinks he's some kind of selfless white knight / father figure savior with no remorse makes me afraid for you. When he thinks you're making the wrong choice, he feels entitled to take that choice away from you. He will pull something like this again, whether it's behind your back or out in the open.
Try thinking about other scenarios where you could be “putting yourself in danger.” For example, if you want to solo travel someday and he thinks the destination is too dangerous, will he make you miss your flight? This happened to my aunt, her boyfriend hid her passport and pretended he didn't know anything, going behind her back to “protect her.” His attitude is going to affect your life in more ways than you may realize.
I think you are equally blunt. What she said and how she said it was cruel, unhelpful, unnecessary and marginalizing. I think you tell her that.
She can go fuck herself.
She’s extremely unreasonable
Dude, what do you think will happen if you have kids with her and she sees you smiling at your baby? This is just the tip of the iceberg.
The wife and the boyfriend are a couple and OP is their cash machine.
The post is deleted, but holy shit, she was taking over 10mg of Xanax a day? How was she hiding that? I feel like you would notice
(I know you're not OP, I'm wondering if he said — it cuts off at the preview)
But fwiw, 10mg less of Xanax a day is not a safe taper, so it's possible I'm reading your numbers as too literal. There needs to be a taper schedule overseen by a doctor. Iirc each taper period should be two weeks, not one, but I'm not a clinician. She really needs to see a professional
Even though you’ve completely nailed the coffin closed on the relationship at this point, what possible good do you think that the courts granting visitation would do?
You were not restricted from seeing your grandchildren before you started pursuing legal actions. As far as I can work out, they just wouldn’t give you a ride. Since you seem to think it’s impossible for you to get yourself there, you’d be in exactly the same boat even if somehow they was a legal way to be granted visitation. What would your plan be to get there if that happened? I just don’t understand your actual goal here.