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⚡, Special Tips 22-33-44 ⚡Lush & PVT ON – Goal: NAKED MY HOT BODY [284 tokens remaining]
Date: September 27, 2022
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Poor guy…
I read your posts and the replies that followed. From your perspective you didn’t technically break any established rules or boundaries but you did do something that many would consider an unspoken boundary. At least one of you considered that first date the start of a relationship. The FWB hookup immediately makes it seem as if only one of you did. Ok, so it’s done and your question was what to do about it.
Your boyfriend either has a lot of insecurities or you were giving off some serious red flags that made him worry. We don’t know which but from my perspective considering the hookup I’m on the fence about that. Either way, sneaking into your phone was a red flag, as well. So you’ve got an insecure boyfriend and a girlfriend who is somewhat less constrained than he thought at first. You can either break up and cite a bad start, or you can try a reset. Maybe a new first date, a bit of a role play, where you go out, get to know one another again, talk about values, what you want in a relationship and why, and see if you are on the same page. If you are, then after the date you go to yours, he goes to his, and you message him that you very much enjoyed the date and want to go out again very soon and that since you like one another you’d like very much if you two can be exclusive from that day forward.
And ask him politely to respect your phone privacy until you are comfortable with him having access. I’m an open phone person in my relationship but that’s not for everyone. And also around Christmas and birthdays lol. ?
Abusive people are not abusive all the time, it’s why victims stay in a relationship for too long because they are confused.
He’s also financially abusing you, not just emotionally.
He knows enough about love bombing to keep you confused.
Yes this is absolutely abusive. He's controlling your money so you have no option to escape. You need out of there for the sake of your kids as well as yourself – they are watching and learning that this abuse is normal.
THIS IS NOT NORMAL. It will get worse, it always does. He may start in on the kids. Get out of there.
No easy way other than time
Question. Is a date with another man not cheating?
He'll probably be mad at you, he might be mad at his dad, he might be mad at himself — just let him feel his feelings.
I agree, see him alone, ask him if he wants to meet his sisters
Just tell him how much you missed him, how you were afraid of pushing too hard because you didn't want him out of your life forever. You were very respectful of his boundaries.
I'm guessing if your in-laws were at the wedding, your son knows you're remarried
Ex-In-laws sound like super sweet humans
But what if all those other times he acted like this… she was pushing him over the edge like she did here?
No excuse on his part, but she is t completely innocent here and who knows about the other times. There may be a reason he said “you always do this”.
Respect her.
If she wants to take action, and she says she'd really appreciate your help and support, do whatever's in your power.
If she wants to just forget it, leave it alone.
Only reason you should bring it up is, if she comes to you upset because of something new, you can very gently ask her whether she wants to say something to her new boss so that the old one isn't allowed near her anymore.
That's it. If she says no, then it's no.
After this is just speculation, as we don't have the details:
Rape is not as black and white as is portraited. There are good chances that, if you hear both people, one will say it was rape, and the other will say it was consensual, and spin a credible tale. Women are often taught to be nice. To not react badly to other people “being nice” to them. In certain circumstances, it's extremely hard to balance that with firmly refusing unwanted advances. It's very possible that she doesn't want to tell her coworkers that she couldn't do it, and that she “let” this man coerce her into something she didn't want. Maybe she doesn't want her new boss to see her as a victim. Maybe she doesn't want to think of herself as a victim, as someone who can't stand up for herself when needed. Maybe she's angry because, in hindsight, she thinks she should have done things differently, and at the same time she knows that the guy is the one in the wrong, and how it's unfair is it that he is the AH yet she is the one who should have done something to prevent what happened. Reporting sexual harassment is very often hard. Not everyone wants to sit with a stranger and share something very painful, with the fear that the first questions asked will be “Did you fight? Did you smile? Did you follow him willingly? Did you like it?”. Being molested is hard enough without having to defend choices that you made in a moment of discomfort, in freeze mode, when you were told all your life that you should have been fighting or fleeing.
I'm not saying that any of this is right, I just want to share some perspective as to why she might be unwilling to report the harassment.
This is already doomed just from that right there.
I have never once had a fight with my husband that made me want to “throw the whole man out”. We have fights, yes, but I have never wanted to leave him, or not have in my life – even in a passing, hypothetical way.
Just clarifying terms so OP doesn’t rabbit hole down the incorrect legal avenue in her attempts to get away from this stanky mans.
Idk man, I think it could mean that… “she had stomach problems and that's all.”
yeah i get that but its very weird its like i do trust him but at the same time i worry so much about these things. i think he should've gotten his own room out of respect for me and my boundaries but he didnt which makes me think that he has other intentions than just being friends with those girls. because why else would he not get his own room when money isn't an issue at all
Taylor Swift vs. sitting in the audience of a graduation enjoying absolutely nothing? Tell her you love her and you are so happy she got tickets (which is next to impossible) and that you hope she has fun at the concert. Seriously. Maybe you should be asking why you aren't skipping your own graduation to attend Taylor Swift… It's a much better story.
You must've been your sister's surrogate husband or something a long those lines
Either way.. confront your mom and sister.
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UpdateMe!
Usually when a 23 year old female is with a 30 year old male, and the relationship sucks, she’s at least getting fucked.
Has it worked?
i didnt know that about the financial aid as i only got federal and state grants and loans that went directly to the school. however i still disagree about the age gap. she is not the typical student ie she works full time, doesnt live at home and is not supported by her parents. being in school doesnt mean youre not an adult. she is doing all the adult things. also hes not dumping her for doing “immature” things like parting and drinking where the age gap would actually be to blame. his school excuse is a total cop out and he just doesnt want to be w her anymore. anyone can go to school at any age, and complaining about her not being “stable” in her career when she works a full time job shows he doesnt really care about that at all.
Your wife is the problem here
Yeah I was his DAD! Now I was told I was his stepdad? Wish I would’ve known that when I paid for cars college and clothes! Perhaps his “real dad” and wife should’ve done those things.
That’s why it should wait until both of you are completely over but it’s nothing wrong if you don’t want a friendship from her
You’re on Reddit taking the temperature of complete strangers. You’re moping like shit
Does it count as a threesome if she has multiple personalities?
Nope the abuser is the bad guy, not the victim.
DirectPanda I totally agree, this sounds like trauma bonding somehow because I don’t think OP has been treated with respect since at least 2005 :/
Get a new boyfriend. This is such a weird thing to suddenly develop
It's pretty obvious that he's trying to get with your girlfriend. You need to set some new boundaries with him. That would be he doesn't come within 100 yards of either of you unless and until he can clean up his act. He's not your “friend,” he's trying to steal your girlfriend.
can it be a trip for just you and your sister? i think it would be awkward if it was just your husband being left out for no reason. if its a sisters trip then thats different.
Grandma ain’t momma. You want a happy life, better re-evaluate how you make a happy wife.
RESPECT your wife first, not dead or alive relatives.
Does he have prostrate issues? He might want to get that checked. I know people who have done this because of prostate issues and I’m saddened by how many people think this is breakup worthy. If you tell him you’d like him to not do anymore and he stops doing it, would you still want to leave him? If yes, then I think you just don’t want to be married to him anymore and see using this as a scapegoat.
He should also seek help for his mental health issues, depression and depressive symptoms can be displayed in a variety of ways. Just because one person experienced it a certain way doesn’t mean everyone else does. We are all human and at times need support and compassion. If there are no other major issues in your relationship I think ending your marriage over this is ridiculous and cruel. I realize this puts me in the minority but I think it’s so trivial.
Nobody deserves to be treated like that and it's really not cool for him to be critiquing everything you do, yelling at you daily, and calling you disgusting names.
And it's definitely not your fault that he's acting this way. It's not cool that he's trying to blame you for everything and take no responsibility for his actions. He's trying to manipulate you and it's not cool. This kind of relationship is toxic and you deserve way better.
You did the right thing by leaving the restaurant, don't let him make you feel guilty for it. Stand up for yourself and don't let him make you feel crazy or like it's all your fault. You deserve respect and kindness, not abuse. I would say, if you want to give him a chance to change and he seek professional help in order to work on his anger. But if he doesn't want to, it would be best to cut him loose.
It's terrible that you might have to do this, but you might have to give her a lie test.
Ask her what she did on Valentine's day. If she doesn't admit to what you saw online…….than you know that she's willing to lie to you, even a lie of omission. A lie of omission is done to hide a guilty complex.
Then if she's willing to lie and hide that…………….what else is she willing to lie/hide?
Ultimately, whether she admits to it or not, this is a severe form of disrespect to you and the relationship. For her to post it online, is a slap in the face.
You're not married. If she's not “wife-y material”(even if you don't get married) than what's the point of being in a relationship. Don't stick around for years being miserable room-mates.
Sex is great with the right person, not necessarily a random stranger.
He's the guy who is baffled because he usually conforms to the expectations of the gal he's trying to get with in order to worm his way in, for his own benefit.
There's this whole thing so many guys do by taking cues from thier conversations and being all agreeable and pretending that they're so compatible. 'oh my god yellow is MY favorite colour too!”
In this case, she didn't deliver the cues so he was left adrift and couldn't pull it out enough to shape his actions to her expectations.
Like I said, I know this guy. Have seen a million of them. There's a reason he's single at 40. Probably more than one, for that matter.
You said this isn't want I'd expect, but this is exactly what I'd expect from a 30 year old dating a young 20 year old. There's a reason these losers can't date people their age. Dump his ass.
Is it possible that you asked if you guys could stop having sex until after marriage in an effort to get him to stop forcing you to have sex? Like, if you weren't in a vulnerable position then he wouldn't be able to force it on you?
It's gross for a senior to date a sophomore?
Not only that, but would stop sex too. If she senses it coming to an end, might try ending birth control to get pregnant.
I’ve brought it up a bunch of times and usually he seems fine to discuss it. Not specifically marriage but like if either of us wants kids in the future etc. Do you have any recommendations on how to approach the conversation? I’ve said before like “do you intend for this relationship to last” etc, and he usually says some form of “yes”, but I don’t really know what else I need to know specifically. I don’t want it to seem like I’m asking him to propose or anything
If you care about him you won't try to be his friend.
You both need to need to heal from the break up and move on and that just won't happen if you are in regular contact. It will make processing your hurt and emotions so much more difficult when there is a regular reminder of what you lost.
Once you both have no romantic feelings for each other, no anger, no hurt, and can think about each other in neutral, platonic ways, even when you reminisce about the old times, then maybe you can be friends with each other again.
Until then, trying to be friends will make everything worse.
The day before your bd?
Your age is showing! Being dramatic? Nope just acting like a typical 19 year old who dates a man. He probably wanted to go to a bar or something.
Tell him that the next time he abandons his children on your doorstep without permission you will call the police.
You should approach this situation by breaking up with this poor girl. Leave her alone. Let her move on.
These guys sound like losers. People can have the same ideals and interests as you without being part of that scene
the truth is you're not emotionally mature enough for a relationship and you're dating someone who is far too young for you. you need help. How many people do you need to spell it out to you?
Alt guys terrified of an MD.
Definitely change therapists if she wasn't to your tastes–but if you have another session with her, just tell her her approach didn't work for you last time and try to articulate why. It sounds like she was trying a very blunt tactic that flopped for you, she may actually completely change course if you let her know and she might also have better referrals for you.
Glad you are taking these steps, very best luck to you
Marry her instead
The dog needs to go. All the problems started with the dog. You brought it into their space and they have been tortured by it since. Do not have children with this cruel woman ffs. She doesn't deserve to have pets, let alone a child.
Really? So if it was a cheaper hotel, you would be fine with it? The cost makes it worse, but unless she has a threesome in mind, “can I bring a friend” completely changes it from a romantic trip to a friends trip, regardless of the cost. Five months into a relationship, that's not merely inconsiderate, it's a relationship-killing kind of selfishness that hints that she isn't that into you, but likes your money and the things it buys.
Well does your current girlfriend know you cheated on your last girlfriend to be with her? Because I'd start with that conversation first. “Hey, did you know I was in a relationship when we got together….” That way your current girlfriend can decide if she wants to be with a cheater too.
Apologizing to your ex isn't going to fix the cheating but from now on you should be acknowledging that's what you did instead of pretending your ex is crazy.
Ahn …
She cheated on you more than once. She then pushed you to open the relationship against your will because she wants to fuck around a dude she was already cheating you on with.
I get your insecurities and maybe the feeling that she is the best you can get but what are you gaining from this relationship? She cheated, she disrespect boundaries, she pushed you to do what you dont wang to do. I am sure you are no angel, but you deserved better.
Tom and Mark both have a lot of audacity. You and Sami are the only reasonable people in this story
I don’t want to be controlling or overreact,
Are you serious? She had you fooled for “several months” whatever that is, u you have every right to overreact and it’s not a control issue it’s a respect issue!
This relationship is super young and she is still humg up on her so it’s best to leave her to her ex. She won’t stop if you decide to “work this out”.
Your fwb doesn't care because he use you for sex and is not looking at you like marriage, long-term material.
It does not matter anymore if he is cheating or not. His lack of communication and accountability just shows he is not really capable of a relationship, at least not with you. He does not seem like he really cares. He also does not seem like he really has plans for a future if he can not respect you or your needs. So why are you with him? You say you model, you must be attractive. You don't need to be with just some guy who can't even commit to a relationship, do you? So why are you with him? You did not name one single reason for staying with this guy.
send him a screenshot of his account and leave. that's it. all you need to do. don't ponder over what you need to say at all. you're completely in the right. don't let him make you feel crazy
I think this really depends on the friend and the context of the relationship. Could it be a red flag? Yes, certainly, it could also just be your friend and your wife truly thought you'd enjoy it and because you're all close it was a no big deal kind of thing.
Is it cheating? No. Your wife did something she thought you'd love. Could it point to cheating? I guess maybe if your wife and your friend are absolute dumbasses. Even if they banged afterwards I find it a whole lot more likely the pictures would disappear then that they'd give them to you, unless your wife is the type to add a nice cherry on top of something cruel to begin with.
From your post it doesn't sound as if you suspect she cheated it's just that your buddy saw your wife naked so personally, all the internet folks screaming cheating are just messing with your brain like gremlins.
Definitely tell your partner.
No if I end it is precisely because i don’t want him to change because of me, and it is one’s of the reasons I’m thinking about it because sometimes i feel that he wants to change because of me and to fit more
lol
literally any other guy who thinks you’re hot
your bf is just 1 guy who is being kinda creepy rn
So, that bully is an *ss. Don't go where she'll be, if she's there or shows up, leave. If family or anyone ask, just tell 'em straight up, she's an *ss, and you want nothing to do with her. And be sure she's never invited or allowed to anything you ever host. That's it, get on with your life. And if any 'o your family or anyone else gives you sh*t over it, cut 'em out of your life. You don't have to put up with that sh*t.
The calling you a c**t is a reason to break up. The pictures, not necessarily. I destroy everything after a relationship but I’m also someone who doesn’t place sentimental value on things. When I first started dating my now husband I was very surprised that he had pictures of his ex still on Facebook, and on his phone. When I spoke to him about it, he said he didn’t like to pretend his past life didn’t happen. He actually has pictures of all past relationships now, ten years on. I still find it strange but I know they mean nothing to him and he just thinks differently about it than I do.
When I worked in Cystic Fibrosis, most of our male patients were missing a vas deferens. However, sperm could be harvested from the testicles and IVF done. It's possible that you have blocked or missing ducts, and if this is the case, you are likely still making sperm, it just isn't getting to where it needs to go.
Even if this is not the case, there is donor sperm or adoption.
How long have you been together? The sub requires it, and it's even more critical with a question like this, because one thing is very obvious. The 2 of you are taking major relationship steps (living together, engaged) way before you're ready. I knew this as soon as I read your title.
Before taking these steps, a couple should have stellar communication skills and this includes finding compromise. Each of you has pledged to marry the other, meaning this should be a fun and exciting time. Instead, it sounds like hell.
I'm not sure what to tell you, but instead of swiping back and forth over the hours you work, you need to take a big step back and examine all of your choices together. You are not ready to be planning a wedding, I promise.
His behavior is insane.
man i'm 21 and i'm having a hard time believing that someone older than me is whining over twitter likes lmao.
Yes, I feel very bad for the husband. He apparently sucks in bed, so she opened the relationship. He’s not got anyone, but she’s so deep into her FWB that it would be considered cheating to sleep with her husband. They’re in therapy but she still cannot stand the thought of her husband, and there is an absolute refusal to give up her “fluid bonded” friend- yuck on the wording. After 1.5 years of no intimacy from his wife, the poor sap finally downloaded a dating site and promptly got scammed. I just don’t know if it was absolute stupidity that allowed it or an extreme level of desperation for human connection or a feeling of being desired and appreciated (though clearly all fake,) that made him so vulnerable. But either way yes… I feel bad for husband.
Ugh. I think at some point you need to explain to him that he has to change his ways or else you're leaving. I wish you the best of luck and I hope he gets help.
From reading this story, I'd feel more safe being alone outside at night than in the same room as OP
So, she should be dominated and forced into a hold until she verbally said no to “prove” that all men are dangerous?
We just talked and he said he needs a “way out” bc some childhood trauma which I won’t discuss here but we can do it with a prenup. I kinda feel guilty for thinking about leaving. He was very cuddely and he told me he loves me a lot. But I still have my doubt.
Where is your son??? In the apartment??
“No.” Is a complete sentence.
Yes, she crossed the line.
If you are being completely honest with us about the extent of your interactions with her friends, then Yes, she has definitely taken it too far. I don't know if I could come back from that kind of revenge either – the revenge far outweighs and escalates any perceived crime. And hitting you is, of course, domestic violence.
Even if you were flirting, touching or hitting on any of the friends then I could understand her reaction better but I still wouldnt condone her actions.
What are you going to do about it?
Pretty much all of my close girl friends have had a guy “accidentally” try to put it in her ass. Hint: it’s not an accident
Is that common at races? Are you going back to using condoms?
Wow, people were super ready to throw this girl totally into trash and light a match simply because she had some condoms in her house…. It’s like no one has ever gotten a free condom sample before in their life.
I have been given several simply for showing up to a local college’s “Sex Week” presentation on the artistic depictions of sex and gender from ancient Mesopotamian artifacts. I’m not about to throw away useful free stuff even if I don’t personally plan to use them. Condoms are pretty expensive, after all! Sometimes I save those kinds of things to pass on to friends that might need them. Everyone ready to crucify this girl needs to settle down.
But was it her coming 'multiple times' apparently earlier on and then her just trying to hang in there til you did. With her getting frustrated/sore/touched out in the meantime
Imagine being so gross, creepy, unaware and selfish, that you were coercing someone to have sex with you.
This man is letting you know his sex drive is more important than your emotional security. Hes a pig.