So, women, who probably have already had their share of trauma and terrible coping skills, have created and passed on the trauma of being an unwanted child to the next generation.
I’m just sad for all these children who haven’t grown up with the security many of us have from having loving & stable parents. And I’m sad for these mothers who didn’t have the wherewithal to care for the children.
If the kids haven’t formed close attachments to a reliable adult in the first three years it puts them at such great risk of poor mental health and poor resilience etc. The whole thing is just sad.
I wouldn’t worry too much about your husband’s past sex life but I would worry about what sort of role he will have in his children’s lives. He won’t find time to hang out with strippers if he takes his parental responsibilities seriously.
That’s really shitty of her. When she asked you, y’all had been dating like 3 months. That’s way too soon. I’d reconsider dating someone with such ridiculous expectations who wants you to read her mind and then pouts like a child when you “fail”
it’s not about holding anything against him, he’s free to do what he wants, but we care about each others feelings in this relationship, I don’t think I‘m holding my trauma against him. if this would have been the case all along, fair enough, but this is all related to the recent events, also I don’t like that he holds it against me that I‘ve had sex once when he had the chance to do so as well, it was his choice not to, not mine.
Although I agree with you, now is not the time to straight up say no. When he is out of her house, changes the locks, then she can have a talk with him in public or via phone. But right now it could be dangerous for her, which is why I said just lie. We don’t know what kind of piece of shit OP’s bf is. Lots of cases in my area in the past year of boyfriends, husbands, exes killing the spouse/SO and then it’s being ruled a suicide or homicide without enough evidence to convict the ex. Or murder/suicide is also happening. So as far as I’m concerned, safety first.
Have you tried asking him directly if this is the case? Obviously he won’t be like “yeah I’m in a cult” but he might be like “xyz is not a cult!” and then you’ll know what you’re working with.
This isn’t a “what if” though. He made his views known, he thinks that cheating is punishable. There’s no room to speculate, if there is a possibility he might mean punishment by physical violence she needs to get out. Why would anyone risk that? Men don’t have a great track record with hurting women as is, women are constantly scared of men so why should she be scared of her partner?
Sounds like you haven't even asked her how she feels about this, you're just spinning over something that is in your own head, possibly a manifestation of insecurity. But you're being responsible and making the right choice. Unless she actually explicitly indicates that she thinks using a condom makes you less masculine, don't sweat it (and if she does, she kinda sucks). Most people think sex is better without a condom, so she's probably not thinking about masculinity, just the physical sensation. You could try different condoms (they make them for different sensations) or other kinds of stimulation, if the condoms are that much of an issue.
Remember when it comes to any sexual play you can always revoke consent but never add any in while still in the mood. It alters reasoning and therefore only what was cleared ahead of time flys. The rest can wait for next time.
So, women, who probably have already had their share of trauma and terrible coping skills, have created and passed on the trauma of being an unwanted child to the next generation.
I’m just sad for all these children who haven’t grown up with the security many of us have from having loving & stable parents. And I’m sad for these mothers who didn’t have the wherewithal to care for the children.
If the kids haven’t formed close attachments to a reliable adult in the first three years it puts them at such great risk of poor mental health and poor resilience etc. The whole thing is just sad.
I wouldn’t worry too much about your husband’s past sex life but I would worry about what sort of role he will have in his children’s lives. He won’t find time to hang out with strippers if he takes his parental responsibilities seriously.
That’s really shitty of her. When she asked you, y’all had been dating like 3 months. That’s way too soon. I’d reconsider dating someone with such ridiculous expectations who wants you to read her mind and then pouts like a child when you “fail”
it’s not about holding anything against him, he’s free to do what he wants, but we care about each others feelings in this relationship, I don’t think I‘m holding my trauma against him. if this would have been the case all along, fair enough, but this is all related to the recent events, also I don’t like that he holds it against me that I‘ve had sex once when he had the chance to do so as well, it was his choice not to, not mine.
My mom yes the smell itself isn’t a big deal there’s a million reasons for it I’m worried about god reaction to my simple question
Although I agree with you, now is not the time to straight up say no. When he is out of her house, changes the locks, then she can have a talk with him in public or via phone. But right now it could be dangerous for her, which is why I said just lie. We don’t know what kind of piece of shit OP’s bf is. Lots of cases in my area in the past year of boyfriends, husbands, exes killing the spouse/SO and then it’s being ruled a suicide or homicide without enough evidence to convict the ex. Or murder/suicide is also happening. So as far as I’m concerned, safety first.
Have you tried asking him directly if this is the case? Obviously he won’t be like “yeah I’m in a cult” but he might be like “xyz is not a cult!” and then you’ll know what you’re working with.
lots of men introduce they're side chick to their parents
Tell her welcome back but you will not accept your new flow being harshed.
This isn’t a “what if” though. He made his views known, he thinks that cheating is punishable. There’s no room to speculate, if there is a possibility he might mean punishment by physical violence she needs to get out. Why would anyone risk that? Men don’t have a great track record with hurting women as is, women are constantly scared of men so why should she be scared of her partner?
I am worried if she thinks I'm a pussy
Sounds like you haven't even asked her how she feels about this, you're just spinning over something that is in your own head, possibly a manifestation of insecurity. But you're being responsible and making the right choice. Unless she actually explicitly indicates that she thinks using a condom makes you less masculine, don't sweat it (and if she does, she kinda sucks). Most people think sex is better without a condom, so she's probably not thinking about masculinity, just the physical sensation. You could try different condoms (they make them for different sensations) or other kinds of stimulation, if the condoms are that much of an issue.
Remember when it comes to any sexual play you can always revoke consent but never add any in while still in the mood. It alters reasoning and therefore only what was cleared ahead of time flys. The rest can wait for next time.