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Date: October 13, 2022
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What part of it?
From experience: If your person gets mad at you for being upset or mad, like you are somehow not allowed to feel anger or not approve of whatever behavior they show- you’re going to be miserable, walk on eggshells, never talk to them about how you’re feeling about anything at all, and will eventually breakup/divorce regardless of what ever problem is or was bothering you. Cut your losses and leave.
Break up. Question tho. Why is it just the men that are bad here? It sounds like these men had no issues before society/family/caste systems came into play. They do sound like they suck. But literally everyone here but you sounds awful. Break up. He's not going to convince them otherwise.
Lmao what’s crazy is that I had it in paragraphs on my notes but I guess when I copied it, it didn’t transfer over.
Same lol guy said “quick enough” .. dude. the bare minimum. at least get back to her in a day
What was her reaction?
No, I really did.
He wanted to cheat
She DID cheat
Kid might not be his.
“Advice?”
LEAVE lol
Youre far too young to deal with keeping a dead relationship going. Move on from this and meet someone that truly cares for you and loves you. Why put up with her shit and keep going in a doomed relationship? I feel like a lot of folks get stuck in the 'sunk cost' fallacy. 2 years is chump change in long-term relationship terms and I feel like you owe it to yourself to move on with your head held high and meet someone who wouldnt ever do this to you. I say this as someone who has been cheated on, tried to make it work and it failed. I have been with my wife going on 8 years (married 3) and I am confident she would never cheat. Everyone deserves the respect they are owed, and if you'd never do this to her, then you're due the same.
Ideally I want to get married and have a family some day, ive just been struggling to navigate weather I see that with my partner
Please be kinder to yourself. You’re not an idiot—you’ve been betrayed, and you’re in a desperate situation. You already know what you need to do. Take a deep breath, gather your resources, and figure out a way to exit this relationship that is bringing you so much pain. You’ll figure out co-parenting later. Take care of yourself so you can be there for your kids. You’re all going to need each other. Best wishes.
He goes to the Dr every 6 months for bloodwork to see how his cholesterol is. He thinks he's fine because the Dr has never mentioned his weight. But a gut that hangs down over itself cannot be healthy. I think his Dr sucks.
“I want my girlfriend AND my ex, why is she so mad?” You are disrespecting your current girlfriend for your fucking ex, WHO YOU ALSO ADMIT TO TREATING LIKE SHIT. This is a YOU problem, as in, YOU ARE THE ENTIRE PROBLEM! you are acting like a 21 year old. Grow up! You apparently just enjoy dating people to treat them like fucking shit. Disgusting.
Ultimately, your gf has to have the capacity to forgive the perceived lapse in judgement. Doesn't sound like she has the willingness to or desire to do that.
You let her know you talked with your ex and the circumstances around it, and you didn't attempt to conceal it. You made the best out of a shitty situation as you saw it.
That's all anyone can do. Ball is in her court. You have to decide how long you're willing to sit in the doghouse before deciding that this isn't the right relationship for you.
Well honestly, you probably need therapy. Do I think it’s cool to lie to your partner? No. But if he was a past smoker and you “forbid” it, you’re not exactly setting yourself up for success. People don’t want their partners to police them and will lie. Children do the same thing. Not that he shouldn’t act more grown but it literally what happens when you pin people in a corner.
If infidelity was his issue I would tell you that he is going to do it again and be sneaky again. If smoking is his issue, he’s going to lie to you about it. If smoking is dealbreaker, break up with him because he might struggle much longer than you care to deal with.
Basically, trying to force anyone to do anything is a pretty useless tactic. You have to love people despite their flaws. If you want total honesty, you have to accept those flaws as well. You dont get to set up rules and be mad they aren’t directly followed. They have to want to follow them on their own. Healthy relationship are not built on control but rather mutual agreement.
As for you blowing up about smaller lies, that’s a big issue. You’re projecting past relationships onto the current one which is actually pretty unfair to your partner. Down the road, he could possibly tell you something accidentally not knowing it is a lie and you perceive it as a intentional one, and suddenly your going off the rails rather than hearing them out. Thats not healthy for you or him. I would highly suggest you get some help for yourself so you don’t ruin every relationship you ever have. But again, thats up to you, entirely.
That’s terrible fucking advice lol, if the relationship was founded on a lie, how is there supposed to be any trust? Break up with him and date someone who a) won’t lie to you about major things, and b) isn’t 11 years younger than you
Not sure where in the post you’re getting the idea that OP was tolerant of this behavior, or that he was aware of it at some point prior? It sounds like she self-disclosed to him about behavior she engaged in before they dated, and now he’s processing and trying to figure out how to report her.
OP, this is extremely troubling and you’re right to separate and figure out what legal next steps are. I would potentially contact a sexual abuse advocacy organization, which would probably know legal options and potentially have informed advocates who could help you through processes like law enforcement channels.
Also, not that seeking that material out isn’t bad enough, but it’s true that it’s particularly disturbing that she was framing herself as a victim or accusing you of shaming her sexuality in unrelated arenas.
This person is not safe for others, is actively participating in the harm of children as a downstream consumer, and safe to assume is not a safe person in relationships, either.
She needs professional help to not harm others, and that means accountability, too.
If OP is looking for suggestions on how to respond, I’d contact an org or professional advocate and not discuss this more with her (unless you were cooperating under the direction of LE or something similar). If she’s tipped off, she might try to destroy evidence (devices, old accounts, etc) that law enforcement might be after in the future.
the thing is, i really can’t tell if he’s doing it to be rude to me or he just thinks its easier to physically touch me than say excuse me :/ but i will try my best to stick up for myself next time. thanks for ur help
This is so fake.
Dude… i had very similar “problem”.
Got divorced, few years later the gf moved in… but I was getting tired of her outburst etc. But I kept it thought she was good etc. We broke up later, she moved out. I was at peace again, loving it (not having her there).
Met my current gf. 4 years later.. won't move in again so soon. And current gf is way more compatible then the ex.
There is a boatload of fish in the sea…
You took a hard but wise decision! Sending virtual hugs
So you must stay , she can fck him and if works out.. leave you.
Nah dude. Don't be a doormat. Stand up for yourself.
Stopping sex when you’re triggered is fine. Doing something to someone without their consent is not.
This is perfectly explained. I completely agree!
Time to walk away.
if it were me i would tell her this break has gone on long enough and you need to know if she wants in or out. send her a message and say if she doesn't respond you will assume it's over. jmho. i mean how long are you supposed to wait with no contact (?).
Don't break with your bf.
Tell your brother that the next time he makes a racist comment YOU will beat the shit out of him. And it better make excuses if he expects to gave a peacefully life in that house.
Your worth and value is not dependent on the usage of your genitalia. Please don't let her convince you otherwise. You have nothing to apologise for. Her judgements of her cousin are horrifying and shows that she's seriously lacking empathy. She's already treating you with a lack of empathy as well. This is who she is. These are her true colours.
Nothing. You not only made a choice but doubled down on it at the expense of your relationship with your son. You had multiple opportunities to course correct, and made your choice. Now you have to live the rest of your life with the consequences of your decision. Enjoy.
Poly is STUPID. Either get married or don't. SeriouslY?????????????????
So you consider the whole trip as your present. A nice car, a good hotel, fancy restaurant, and a shopping trip.
Doesn't sound too bad. Certainly more on the materialistic side. If that sounds like her then it could be as simple as her wanting something more personal to her or as complicated as knowing you hadn't bought a ring after seeing the car.
The real question is: what did she get you?
Run
Encourage them to look into any community programs in their area to help with housing. Sometimes people don’t know what is available, you have to actually look into what is available. Help him look up resources if you have the time to research. Talk to your brother about thinking about community college, online classes to better their situation in the future. Encourage him to look into building a career.
I worry that his comments are a front for a lot of other misogynistic views he might hold.
I'd suggest you tell him that you're definitely not a virgin – not for his benefit, but for your own: how he reacts will give you a good window into whether you want to remain in this relationship going forward. If he starts ranting misogynistic crap at you, then you'll know it's time to get out.
You don't need to go into how many times you've had sex or how many people it was with – that's none of his business at all.
(important aside: if you think there's any chance you telling him is going to result in violent outburst, then a) do it in a public place, and b) the relationship is already over; make sure you have somewhere safe to stay)
Sadly, there are a lot of blokes who think it's perfectly okay for them to sleep around, but seem really upset when their [female] partners have had a fulfilling sex life before they met; it's a common example of a really unpleasant double standard.
Go to a colleague start up a conversation with them about something funny ''oh, my god, her names just gone blank, y'know, this high, long black hair, about 19 goes college at Dartmouth, how embarassing is this? Having a proper moment here''
At this point the other person will tell you the name, just so you shut the fuck up.
Unless the court rules that you are unfit and strips your parental right or you voluntarily sign them over you will retain those rights. It protects us from women like this who think they control access to their mutual kids.
Dump her.
It’s your kid man. Only get a chance to be this child’s dad one time. Don’t let it get away. It’s not the end of the world for your current situation. Will it be tough. Sure but you can bet your ass it will be worth it.
Don't tell his wife. It could backfire and you could face negative consequences at work. It could even cause you to lose your job.
But yeah, stay away from this jackass. He does not have your best interest at heart (to say the least).
Did you pay her bills after 3 months?
The weird thing is, most men don't do their share of chores in the home and with the children and feel no guilt at all about it. Why should women? Sometimes chores aren't equal and that's ok as long as the person doing more isn't resentful.
Nip it from the bud. Yelling and throwing insults is a huge non-negotiable for me. I'd be out the door fast
Is it possible that he just thinks you’re really pretty and he’s somewhat amazed by what a beautiful woman his good friends child has turned out to be?
I don’t see anything wrong with finding an adult notably attractive, but if he’s making you uncomfortable just say it out right it makes you feel weird.
Why do you put up with this? It's a toddler level behaviour. She is being selfish and unreasonable, expecting you to baby her because she caught a cold, like the world should revolve around her.
That man loves you and wants to show it! That's all you should need to know.
As a big girl who has slept with a few men and has been with the same man for 11 years, they don’t touch you where they think you’re gross. He touches your belly because he likes it. He looks at you because he likes the way you look. He tells you he thinks you’re beautiful believe him.
Healthy and sustainable weight loss takes awhile. I’ve lost 150lbs and still have 100 to go. It’s taken years. But I’m happy with my progress. Use a calorie calculator. If you enter in your information and it says to maintain your weight, eat 2200 calories, plan to eat 1700 calories. If you put yourself on a calorie deficit of 500 calories a day, you will lose a pound a week. Sometimes the weight doesn’t immediately come off the scale due to hormones, but it eventually will. I have periods of daily loss of several ounces, then I have periods of no loss or maybe even a gain. But I’m the end, it’s coming off. Don’t be discouraged. And as important as exercise is for overall health and body composition, your weight is mostly determined by your diet. Slow and stead wins the race!
Your self esteem is probably the biggest issue. You should go to therapy. Your weight doesn’t determine whether you deserve love or to be desired. Your brain is bullying you into thinking it does.