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Date: October 12, 2022
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I don’t want to get too personal here but what does your therapist say when you tell them about this stuff? For background… I am old (lol) – have been in therapy on and off for like 25 years and went to marriage counseling. From my place of knowing zero and not knowing you… well… why is getting married so important to you? You have been together 8 years. Now, you’re have conflict and issues. Why do you feel like marriage is the answer? Why do you “want to crawl in a hole“ when people ask when you’re getting married? You have had an eight year partnership which is a marriage. There is a chance it has run its course. That’s a long time and people change a lot after eight years. Do you have kids together? My other 2 cents after many relationships and marriage is that the last person anyone wants to marry is the person who says they won’t go to counseling. I think every single married couple I know has gone to counseling together at some point? It’s the rare marriage that doesn’t hit bumps in the road. A marriage or union is two people rowing the boat together. It’s taking care of someone when they are sick or putting up with them when they go through a bad patch, lose their job, get depressed, whatever. Also you’re someone who really wants to improve yourself and works hard and goes to therapy and he’s the toad in the hole croaking about how how he won’t see any kind of therapist. Are you well-watched? Are you holding on for the sake of holding on? Is the engagement a Sword of Damocles hanging over both your heads and causing extra stress and pressure? Might it be time at the very least to call off the engagement and see if there is still a relationship here that works for the both of you? It sounds like he is going fuck all and you’re carrying the weight. I don’t hear marriage sounds like a great idea in what you posted. I hear at the very least this engagement is causing problems? What does your therapist say about you wanting to go forward with marrying this person?
You can start with the easy stuff; music, movies, books, etc.
But that can be really boring. Try talking about things you're passionate about. Places you'd like to go, philosophy, food. If you're nervous and having a hard time keeping the conversation going, just ask follow up questions. “Where would you like to visit? What's the most important thing you'd like to experience there? What can you teach me about the culture there? Have you had any cultural food from there before? Where did you try it? Do you cook yourself? Do you want to learn to cook something? Do you think it would be fun to try it together?”
Stay away from one word responses. Never respond with “oh” or “okay” or “cool.” And stick to your guns, don't fold to try and impress her. And, most importantly, BE CONFIDENT.
You'll do alright.
He needs to get reported for what he did. No matter how your gf feels about it. He's in a position where he handles people's personal information and this is improper handling of her contact information
It happend to me at one point, a guy decided to check my information on a pizza order I made online. He started texting and adding me on social media. I reported him, I don't think they did anything about it. But at least I tried to stop him from doing it again
Get your dog somewhere safe and have a vet look at him then listen to all the advice here and go after your sister. She is a disgusting individual.
I personally would kick the crap out of anyone hitting an animal. Sometimes learning how it feels to be scared and in pain is the way to go.
You are talking kind of weird about this situation, almost like you don't think it's a bug deal your father cheated on your mom
Divorce him, don't allow his toxicity to become the norm for your kids. By staying, you show them his opinions are acceptable.
Also a teacher dating a 17 year old will have misogynistic ideas. No woman his age would have wanted him.
Blurgh. So crass.
Ok there’s no way this wasn’t done deliberately. Sounds like perhaps she wants you to knock her up. Drop her
Bear with me and my lack if cultural knowledge here but could you just tell them “I'd like to take my health into my own hands” and just go on your own? At 22 years old you should be well capable of making medical decisions for yourself. Otherwise, I think it's perfectly reasonable to request a “general checkup” down there because you're worried about cancer or something. Then get ALONE with the doc and tell them what's up. Dunno if that's within your realm of possibility, but worth a shot!
Be honest with her about it. Also you have a child to think about now too. If she gets pregnant again, how if she going to treat your child? Is she going to scream at you in front of them?
I mean, even if she was goaded into it, does it matter?
You take your essentials and you leave. Do you work? Can you support yourself? If yes, then take your essentials, find a shared living situation you can afford, and get out. If not, then go home. Your parents don't have to “understand”, just say, “the relationship didn't work out” – they will let you live there until you get back on your feet, that is enough.
You do not need to be abused to have “justification” to break up. You can break up for any reason you want.