(Update) After we (me 35F) opened up our relationship, younger men have been throwing themselves at me. Talked with Husband (40M)

I (35F) talked with my husband (40M) and we have more clarity where we stand.

To clarify, I am still LL. I am happy with once a week or every two weeks.

My husband is explorative and likes partners who are ready to go whenever wherever. He has a lot of kinks they are exploring.

I need non sexual affection, kissing, foreplay to be in the mood. I prefer a delicate, more sensual touch.

I still find my husband incredibly attractive but I can’t get aroused instantly and be ready to go. It’s painful and it feels like a chore half the time. I know he doesn’t find me as attractive.

He told me he needed his needs met and I couldn’t fulfill them. We opened up the relationship.

My husband and I had sex once since it began. He had learned things from his partners. We both hated it. I didn’t like him yanking my hair hard or wrapping his hand around my throat let alone the kinkier stuff he wanted. He hated how frigid I was.

My husband needs sex to be affectionate but we weren’t having it so he told me to go find affection somewhere else.

I tried dating apps but I wasn’t interesting in hookups. I really wanted affection, romantic or platonic. Ironically, men my age or older men were looking for younger women or hookups. Younger men and women were more likely to want affection. I ended up meeting my partner in person through a mutual hobby. I also made some friends through friendship apps.

My husband and I have can do our own thing separately but my partner needs a lot of time, affection, and attention from me. He gets a bit territorial. I don’t think he feels threatened by my husband but my husband has remarked that my partner is always over. (My husband has an apartment for his partners and lets me use the house.)

Finally, I talked with my husband on why he feels emasculated. He says he is over jealousy about me. But he is jealous about partners.

He says that my partner and the men I attract are far more attractive than I should have been able to get. It made no sense as I have aged and don’t look as attractive as I did back when I was 20.

Meanwhile he should be in the peak of his attractiveness. He is very put together and he expected that as an attractive older man with disposable cash that women would be flocking to him. They do but he doesn’t like them for various reasons.

Attractive young women want him to spend a lot of cash. They’re not interested in an equal relationship and expect him to spoil them. They’re bratty and entitled.

Attractive young women who don’t want money have mental health issues.

Young women in the kink community or who are poly were ugly.

Would be mistresses would leave when they found out he was in an open marriage.

I didn’t know what to say. I can’t help him with his problem.

Edit: My husband and I both thought that I would only get men interested in no strings sex or one night stands, which I would not be interested in, rather than a close, affectionate, frankly committed relationship that I desired and filtered for. Surprisingly, there were men who wanted the latter.