I’m sorry if it came off like that to you. I’m not blaming him for his mental health at all, in fact I have been a huge support in his life. I myself am very mentally ill at the moment as well, and mental illnesses run in my entire family haha. I understand where you’re coming from, but I’ve even talked to him about how he has a victim complex and how it has affected me, and he has agreed with me. I think you’re projecting a little bit, but I understand your perspective on it. He is in therapy right now, which is great, but I’m honestly talking about other aspects of him having a victim complex that have more to do with his personality than his condition. Explaining he’s depressed was just the context. I’m not mad at him for being mentally ill, and I don’t appreciate you making assumptions about me and how I see mental health over one post. I wouldn’t be posting about it at all if him having a victim complex (which is a part of his personality!) if it wasn’t affecting MY mental health negatively. Please use your intuition more when you’re blaming people for their own problems lmao!
Before me he’s been with guys but never while with me
Girl, he probably has been with many guys (and gals), you just weren’t aware of it. You’re lucky to find out about this time because someone caught him in the act and notified you
This girl is learning to say “no”. She doesn’t like it, she was just not feeling empowered to say no. She knows what she likes, she is the expert on what she likes, not you. Even if she LOVED anal with this other guy, she doesn’t love it with you, so why do you want her to do things she doesn’t like? Can you not get pleasure out of other forms of sex unless she’s enduring it for you?
When do you guys do a “weekend of sex” where you do only things she wants?
You know what is super unattractive? Insecurity—especially the type where you put the responsibility of addressing it on others instead of taking ownership of your own feelings of inadequacy. You know what else is unattractive? Controlling, abusive, boundary pushing behavior like putting your partner in situations where the only way they can “prove” they are attracted to you is to constantly be available to do things that cause them physical and likely emotional discomfort endlessly.
Break up with this girl, get some therapy to think about why you’re competing against her ex hookup when she’s dating YOU, and maybe you’ll be able to enjoy a future relationship without LITERALLY fixating on how to most often be a pain in her ass.
They were never married and I’m not sure the reason for their break up. He has never clarified it, and it never really came up because I didn’t start dating him, he had another relationship between her and I.
You have anger issues if you're a grown adult willing to swing at a family member regardless of what was said. With that being the case, you should feel like shit for accidentally striking your significant other. Id #1 ask her permission to come home. 2 see a therapist for whatever anger/family issues you have. And 3, dont see any family until you do have some therapy sessions.
I watched some interesting documentaries about these kind of conspiracies, and why people believe them, literally this morning.
What's really interesting is that these kind of ideas about COVID and such are extremist views held by groups that act similarly to terrorist organisations. The difference is, there are WAY more women who buy into these QAnon-related conspiracies than into the ideologies of extreme religious organisations, and the reason for this is actually really simple: COVID and government conspiracies target women by appealing to their desire to “PLEASE think of the children!” (but in a non-sarcastic way).
They post memes about “what will you say when your child asks you why you did nothing to save their world”, “Mommy, don't you care about my future?”, shit like that. I reckon that's what she was seeing and responding to. She was thinking emotionally, not rationally.
Wizard's First Rule: People will believe anything, either because they want it to be true, or they're afraid it's true.
Also, sometimes people like the idea that they know something others don't. They have insight that others lack, which makes them special, because they're able to “see through the bullshit and know how we're being manipulated”. And the two can feed into each other.
People who believe these things CAN be deprogrammed, but that's exactly what it is. It's like taking someone who was in a cult and having to slowly break them free from their strongly held beliefs. It's hard work and takes a LONG time.
It sucks, but if I were you I'd chalk this up as a learning experience (as my mother would say) and take the lesson that such wildly different, deeply held beliefs cannot be simply waved away or agreed to not be discussed in a relationship. You need someone who agrees with you on a deep level, with your surface beliefs being different.
For God's sakes. Your 23 years old – I have things in my freezer older than you.
You're not cleaved to this fool for life so why are you acting as though you're married to him and need to know how to navigate him screwing around on you with men?
How much lower do you have to set your bar before you finally show yourself a little self-respect?
Just be DONE with this fool. This degenerate is NOT the one you're going to settle down with for life, so why are you clutching your pearls like this is some kind of important life decision?
It's NOT!! You probably won't even remember his name in a year.
You’re delusional. I don’t expect my husband to review every meeting he has with me. I’m not his coworker and I honestly don’t give a damn. Have you ever had a job?
I’m sorry if it came off like that to you. I’m not blaming him for his mental health at all, in fact I have been a huge support in his life. I myself am very mentally ill at the moment as well, and mental illnesses run in my entire family haha. I understand where you’re coming from, but I’ve even talked to him about how he has a victim complex and how it has affected me, and he has agreed with me. I think you’re projecting a little bit, but I understand your perspective on it. He is in therapy right now, which is great, but I’m honestly talking about other aspects of him having a victim complex that have more to do with his personality than his condition. Explaining he’s depressed was just the context. I’m not mad at him for being mentally ill, and I don’t appreciate you making assumptions about me and how I see mental health over one post. I wouldn’t be posting about it at all if him having a victim complex (which is a part of his personality!) if it wasn’t affecting MY mental health negatively. Please use your intuition more when you’re blaming people for their own problems lmao!
Before me he’s been with guys but never while with me
Girl, he probably has been with many guys (and gals), you just weren’t aware of it. You’re lucky to find out about this time because someone caught him in the act and notified you
No…he will do it again
This girl is learning to say “no”. She doesn’t like it, she was just not feeling empowered to say no. She knows what she likes, she is the expert on what she likes, not you. Even if she LOVED anal with this other guy, she doesn’t love it with you, so why do you want her to do things she doesn’t like? Can you not get pleasure out of other forms of sex unless she’s enduring it for you?
When do you guys do a “weekend of sex” where you do only things she wants?
You know what is super unattractive? Insecurity—especially the type where you put the responsibility of addressing it on others instead of taking ownership of your own feelings of inadequacy. You know what else is unattractive? Controlling, abusive, boundary pushing behavior like putting your partner in situations where the only way they can “prove” they are attracted to you is to constantly be available to do things that cause them physical and likely emotional discomfort endlessly.
Break up with this girl, get some therapy to think about why you’re competing against her ex hookup when she’s dating YOU, and maybe you’ll be able to enjoy a future relationship without LITERALLY fixating on how to most often be a pain in her ass.
I wanted her to have the dinner. But what I didn’t want was for her to take money to pay for something that should’ve been able to cover
They were never married and I’m not sure the reason for their break up. He has never clarified it, and it never really came up because I didn’t start dating him, he had another relationship between her and I.
You have anger issues if you're a grown adult willing to swing at a family member regardless of what was said. With that being the case, you should feel like shit for accidentally striking your significant other. Id #1 ask her permission to come home. 2 see a therapist for whatever anger/family issues you have. And 3, dont see any family until you do have some therapy sessions.
I watched some interesting documentaries about these kind of conspiracies, and why people believe them, literally this morning.
What's really interesting is that these kind of ideas about COVID and such are extremist views held by groups that act similarly to terrorist organisations. The difference is, there are WAY more women who buy into these QAnon-related conspiracies than into the ideologies of extreme religious organisations, and the reason for this is actually really simple: COVID and government conspiracies target women by appealing to their desire to “PLEASE think of the children!” (but in a non-sarcastic way).
They post memes about “what will you say when your child asks you why you did nothing to save their world”, “Mommy, don't you care about my future?”, shit like that. I reckon that's what she was seeing and responding to. She was thinking emotionally, not rationally.
Wizard's First Rule: People will believe anything, either because they want it to be true, or they're afraid it's true.
Also, sometimes people like the idea that they know something others don't. They have insight that others lack, which makes them special, because they're able to “see through the bullshit and know how we're being manipulated”. And the two can feed into each other.
People who believe these things CAN be deprogrammed, but that's exactly what it is. It's like taking someone who was in a cult and having to slowly break them free from their strongly held beliefs. It's hard work and takes a LONG time.
It sucks, but if I were you I'd chalk this up as a learning experience (as my mother would say) and take the lesson that such wildly different, deeply held beliefs cannot be simply waved away or agreed to not be discussed in a relationship. You need someone who agrees with you on a deep level, with your surface beliefs being different.
Good luck, OP.
For God's sakes. Your 23 years old – I have things in my freezer older than you.
You're not cleaved to this fool for life so why are you acting as though you're married to him and need to know how to navigate him screwing around on you with men?
How much lower do you have to set your bar before you finally show yourself a little self-respect?
Just be DONE with this fool. This degenerate is NOT the one you're going to settle down with for life, so why are you clutching your pearls like this is some kind of important life decision?
It's NOT!! You probably won't even remember his name in a year.
Serious question – if you went out to buy ice cream, and saw the ice cream parlor was on fire, would you still go inside?!?!
You’re delusional. I don’t expect my husband to review every meeting he has with me. I’m not his coworker and I honestly don’t give a damn. Have you ever had a job?