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Date: October 10, 2022
Not everyone has a way with words. Even the best at them need some help sometimes to not sound pretentious ot even ridiculous. I'm a writer and a decent enough poet but I am certain I would struggle to put to words the true measure of how I feel towards the woman I am spending my life with. She completes me and yet that's all I could really say about her. A monologue would take a great deal of effort to work on and writing a chapter would be a far easier task.
Yes, he used a chatbot but he ultimately decided that those were the words that best decribed what he felt for you. I'd have to use a dictionary and thesaurus which is really similar to using a chatbot.
Are you really going to let this upset you after renewing your vows? Surely whatever he has been for you that persuaded you to go this route to take the vows again is much more important.
Its hard as fuck to date someone in the sex industry, it's not as cut and shut as you think when you're struggling with your emotions and having a non conventional relationship. I've been there and it's a roller coaster and hard to keep your thoughts clear, I'm not saying he's not at fault for his behaviour but for a partner it is extremely hard to understand.
Lol I'm also autistic. I'm almost 30. Being autistic isn't an excuse for being codependent simply because you don't want to be alone.
I'm a little confused – did the test you took a week ago indicate you were pregnant and you're getting a second test to confirm tomorrow, or was the initial test negative but you emailed him that you were suspicious it was inaccurate?
Regardless, from your previous post it sounds like he was quite verbally abusive, excessively jealous, and controlling towards you, but it also sounds like you went too far after the breakup even before getting a pregnancy test. I read that you repeatedly texted and emailed him after he broke up with you despite knowing he blocked you, and also messaged two of his exes and a female coworker in addition to waiting outside his house.
I agree with others regarding the next steps to take legally if you are indeed pregnant, but in the meantime you should really stop trying to contact him. As abusive as he was towards you, your response to the breakup is really not good for either of you. I understand you're in immense pain and scared and hurting, but you should really not be reaching out to people from his past, including an ex from five years ago. As painful as this is for you, he did break up with you and you have to try to accept that.
I'm sorry you're going through this. It will get better, I promise.
Can’t really ask her to put me first if she doesn’t know exactly when I’m coming back
Seriously? In a year I'm gonna make 3 times as much as my husband. I'll work less and not physically. He works 7-16 5 days a week, but it's nice to know I don't have to do shit, simply because we chose different educations. /s
Years of therapy wrapped up into 2 posts. Hey but for real, be safe coming home. If you find yourself having a hard time, get a therapist off post, and handle your shit.
If this girl ain’t your forever person that’s ok. Just decide what kind of woman you want in your life and then strive every day to be the kind of man she deserves. If she’s your rock, the person holding down the home front make sure that you’re such a comfort to her that you are her home and she will hold it down for you.
If you can't communicate then what do you have? Obviously laying it on light isn't working
I'm sorry, has he said out loud in words that he wants to have sex with other people?
This sounds like he wants to keep talking to someone who hit on him. That's a conversation worth having, but it's different from being in an open relationship.
Good for you OP ??
Not two days ago, I asked my wife if she was mad at me (I had made a stupid joke and she was quiet, so I asked, she wasn't mad). It's not a weird thing to ask if your partners vibe is off. It sounds like she is upset about something and is just lashing out bc of it. I wish people were more willing to communicate their feelings.
Your one experience doesn’t define them all.
She wouldn’t be wrong abortions are a woman’s choice and she has the right to not believe in them for herself
I just want to say that I am so very sorry. I cannot imagine the depths of your pain.
You have already received some great advice here, but I also just wanted to echo the need for individual therapy. Also, if you feel that the therapist isn't working for you, try to find another, if your insurance covers it. Just like any relationship, there is chemistry in finding the right person that will allow you to open up about the horror you've experienced.
The other thing is that I find that people in relationships unconsciously take turns grieving. I know that the actual grief is a constant phase, but sometimes two people are afraid of “letting go” in front of the other, because they feel a need, whether consciously or unconsciously, to hold things together. If that is the case, some time apart may do you both well. This is with the standard disclaimer that you aren't afraid that she will harm herself. However, I would hope that a mental health professional would have already assessed that risk for you both at this point.
I find that I let myself grieve best outside, in nature. I've just always been this way. The woods let me sob like no other place. Maybe each of you needs to find some of those spaces for yourselves.
Please keep us posted
I know. But I prefer to believe that he is not going to show it someone in the middle of the street 🙂
Yeah. You did nothing wrong if you ask me.
What does he mean by “get on board with it”?
What happened to both spouses should agree to having a baby? This is not a one-sided affair, this is a child which needs commitment from both parents. You are not a child-bearing machine, you are his wife. That he needs to respect you, your kids and your job. If he can't do that, you should leave.
He may fight you for custody over the kids but most likely, I think he won't. Because it's very clear that he prefers a son, not daughters. So, I say, take full custody of the kids, let him pay child support. You wouldn't want your daughters to grow up, having such a misogynistic father anyway.
You sound like a dangerous ass person: you write your point well but work for the dark side.
You cannot even hit an adult, so why should you be able to hit a child to “teach them a lesson”? If you cant get your point across without violence you shouldnt be a parent.
HITTING YOUR CHILD ON THE BUTT DOESNT MEAN ITS SOMETHING ELSE THAN HITTING A CHILD.
You gucci bro but seriously drop that girl. She belongs to the streets.
Oh, I‘m so sorry that you have to go through this. This guy reminds me of my ex (said things like „I‘d rather have you angry at me than you not thinking of me at all“). This chaos-quote would fit him soo well. It’s all about power for those people. He knows exactly what he is doing.
I only got over all the shit and his power-plays by cutting all contact for 3 years now and I wouldn‘t ever let him in again. I’m so sorry you really love the job – you could try and ignore this and set yourself a timeline and if it bothers you that much still after a while I would leave. Nothing is worth your peace of mind!! Also good on you for getting out of that relationship and leaving his sorry ass in the first place ♥️♥️♥️
He leaves you on read and accuses you of being moody and distant. These are very red flags. Honestly, I'm more concerned about that than the age gap or the fact that you are both on the rebound.
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Okay so report him preemptively so they're aware before he does anything? For someone who has “thought this through” you seem really resistant to any and all (genuinely useful and realistic) advice.
Do you want us to tell you to hire a hitman or something? Girl, be realistic. Get the police and his mother involved and protect yourself instead of giving strangers on the internet excuses.
You dont need to justify breaking up with him as if it were a court case. He seems to be purposely trying to manipulate your feelings of insecurity. The real question is why would you even consider staying with someone like that?
Right now I really don't care much for the results of the DNA tests, even if not biological, he's my son and I wish to continue raising him as best as I can
Stop wasting your life on this girl
Tell her, you want to play a dating game where you both plan a date for a dollar (long game). Tell her the rules: no outside help, can only use what's in the house, cannot purchase anything the week of the dates, no outside help leading up to the date including the day of etc
Meanwhile, your date idea is: “the sensual chef!” Cooking using the senses, you can be in your birthday suits, candles, monogrammed aprons (sell it), blind folds, etc and work it into teaching her a simple meal, using seduction. I mean turn up the heat. Let your imagination rip and be in over drive. Let her be so turned on that she's begging you to play/plan the sensual chef. The goal is, she will learn how to cook and by the time she catches on, she could be you sous chef.
P.s. don't be a chef be a boyfriend. ( meaning watch the attitude and the pressure. You're not at work. Switch brain)
You will get my honey from bees if you play this correctly. Fingers crossed op. Good luck.
P.s. I read a lot of romance novels sooooo. ? ? ?
You are not a bad person, and neither is she, you just want different things. Hopefully you have been honest with her about never wanting kids. Neither of you should give in for the other though, there will be resentment in the end so it’s best to break it off now.
The activity on instagram and messenger is rubbish. Ill have people message me in the middle of the night thinking im up but I'm asleep.
Your husband cannot “stop you from visiting” your mother or brother. You have two legs and you know how to Uber. That's a red herring.
You are asking him to trust you that you are right that your sister will pay you back. But you don’t trust him enough to handle the full story. Trust is a two way street.
I appreciate you breaking this down. Honestly – I think it’s a bit of option 2 and 3. I like our life together and I just don’t want it to change is all. I also don’t want anyone bothering her, etc.
Men like that will see you as an possession that they own. That you must do as they say and not speak against it.
Ewwww hell no girl.
A person wondering something is not misogynistic. Neither is saying that people like to acuse other people of… anything and everything. Doesn't make it so.
Thank you for being frank. It’s very much appreciated. ?
I am truly glad. It's a massive accomplishment that we need to celebrate. People who haven't had the displeasure of living with an abusive partner will never truly understand what it's like and how hard leaving is.
For me it's been 5 years on 25 March so we can almost celebrate together. I remember the date because it was the day after my birthday and it's the best gift that he ever got me that he would finally agree to the divorce I so desperately wanted.
She’s seen us kind of flirting before and wasn’t very happy with it
Lots of good advice. First, attend the game night (looks like you already decided to do that). Advise BF if he doesn’t shut this girl down privately you will call her out publicly regarding the message (screenshot it and send it to your personal email just to preserve the evidence). I can understand not wanting to confront her, but this is unacceptable. Roles reversed I am sure your boyfriend would be livid if one of your male friends sent you a text like that and you just said oh well it happens. If your relationship and this guy are worth fighting for, then speak up.
Why would you expect a man who sought out a sugar baby to respect women? The sugar baby thing is inherently sexist. Men who respect women as equals don't seek out transactional relationships that place them in a position of power. You're not going to change him.
Try it and see what happens
Yeah no. That's way too old and still too young to be financially dependent on someone else.
As everybody else said here, you're an asshole and you're wrong.
But what if he is happy with me he's just not for marriage and doesn't know how to vocalise it? I've never wanted to marry anyone else….I was with my children's dad for 8 years prior to this relationship. For me then it was a hard no. This man I want to spend my life with, marry, carry his name etc. Even if I don't get that being with him would be worth the sacrifice I'd just like him to openly and honestly communicate his feelings so I don't hold out hope. I wouldn't want to marry anyone else or be with anyone else. It's him or no one. If he wants the relationship but not marriage I couldn't walk away on that basis alone. I'd be cutting my nose off to spite my face surely?
Lmao it's like $70/year. Do you guys need me to buy you a year?
The person wearing the ring pays the insurance because fhey're the one with it 24/7.
If someone did this without my consent I would think they're a fucking freak. But tbh the fact you want to do something so outlands after dating this guy for only two months? Yeah, weirdo behavior imo.
I've met with some of his friends but not all of them. He doesn't meet up with his friends often – mostly because everyone is all around the world at the moment. I've met his whole family and his family friends and often joined them in social events
I was asking about your cousin. She is the idiot here. Other accounts are picking up content to profit, but your cousin did not ask for anyone's consent and uploaded it.
So you arent even honest in a reddit post?
Not all guys are like yours, but a whole bunch of them are.
I think you should leave him, let him know why, and go find one of those other kind of guys. He'll probably feel you are being unreasonable. So what. You won't care what he feels, you'll be gone.
I know it isn’t and blocking each other isn’t healthy at all. I told him after a fight we had previously that I wouldn’t block him anymore (because I would do it too) because I found it childish and kind of embarrassing to have to ask to readd them. And since I said that I haven’t blocked him because I don’t see a point in it anymore
This was going to be the next question lol. Buzzwords yo.
Ok no assumptions, how long have you been dating this guy?
Sounds like it's over. Sorry for you.
Who took the picture? How do you know she didn't send it to anyone else? How did you find out she sent it just to him, and no one else?
I've never heard of therapy being weaponized like that. That's not a thing. Even if it was therapy is for people who want help, even if you were a jerk it wouldn't be super difficult to lie to the therapist to say you weren't.
I mean, his parents being abusive racist AH goes without saying….him setting boundaries, also his responsibility. But that doesn’t absolve her of all responsibility for ‘forcing’ him to bring her to meet them when he had clearly communicated discomfort and avoided it for four years. She admitted to thinking she could fix it.
She is the AH for forcing this situation and then repeatedly making it about herself (she misses him calling her pet names, she felt she could fix it, she doesn’t want him to be upset with her, etc.).
Hey OP, you really need to give him space. I think you’re letting your fear of abandonment and your discomfort with him being upset with you take precedence over the fact that he has explicitly asked for space. A lot of men deal with their emotions privately, in solitude. They NEED this time in order to sort themselves out. You don’t get to decide how much space he needs, how long he needs it, or what he needs to feel better. YOU want to give him cuddles. YOU want him to call you “bunny.” ALL of this is in service to making you feel better about fucking up so royally, not in service to him feeling better. Leave him be, let him sort himself out, and be ready to talk when he’s ready. If you don’t, you WILL push him away even further. That is a promise.
Hugs.. Have you talked to cancer treatment
They do body mind and self esteem . Great folks.
I hope you can get with them.
Remember your never alone you have many loved ones around you we call angels.
Keep a positive heart
On everything else they can vo.blank themselves lol.
Every day when you wake up no matter how you feel say..I love you. Very important for you!!!
If you have a bad day send me a message ..
I ll be here with a hug and a shoulder.
Let the little things in life go..id you have family go stay with them get your circle around you of love and laughter.
Trying to remember if leukemia is green veggies and yellow. Or if its hot spice..
Look into natur path and cancer treatment center.
Your not alone.
Wow what a bitch
My dude. Who hurt you? This level of antagonistic badgering is unreal.
Once more, I am not making any point at all regarding the healing abilities of the body at younger vs older ages. You are the only one who is trying to bring that into this.
Having a baby changes a body irrevocably. That kind of change would be (somewhat) easier to take (mentally) at 30 than at 20. That was my point.
Have a lovely day.
Google statute of limitations for assault in your state, or call the police non-emergency line and ask how to file a report.
How far is “the South” from your current city? Since children are not an option for the next four years, it might be possible for you to go and work in the South and see your SO at the weekends. He will have to work a lot, anyway. And you will probably have to work a lot at any new job.
Go, work on your career in the same way he is doing it now. At the same time you can see if your relationship is really a good one and strong enough to survive long distance.
My ex husband used to act like this – everything was about him, he didn’t care about my feelings or happiness.
A good partner could feel similarly as your spouse but express it in a healthy, supportive way – “I’m so glad you found a hobby you love and find fulfilling, but I don’t love going to races. Let’s find a compromise that works for both of us.”
A bad partner puts you down, belittles you, and complains about how it affects them – without any thought into your feelings or well-being.
She says his response he was more attracted to her personality then her looks which doesnt says he didnt find her attractive just that her personality was something her really liked about her.
Going to therapy already, will discuss it, thanks!
I think you're being introduced to the consequences of your actions and choices.
Friend fucks with other people's relationships – absolutely fine, support her, go girl!! Friend fucks around with your relationship – this is unfair reddit help me!!
What did you expect to happen when you encourage and support your friend getting involved with relationships?
No I'm not talking about the facts that can be discussed such as “is it very bad or not”. It's the fact that your husband set up boundaries as in “stop reminding me of that, I know I fucked up, it won't happen again” that you completely waved off until someone else validated those feelings to your eyes.
Then again i'm not being constructive, i'm pointing out something that bugs me. Maybe i'm being naive but I don't feel like a relationship that works well needs a reminder that it's members are in the same team.
I am aware of that actually. Regarding the sub not being right and both of them seems not the right match but I don't think anyone would found to love me, and I don't want to keep dating anymore as its just so taxxing even though I surprised myself in that department.
I am also skewed towards western thinking so any thoughts are welcome
I don’t have a success story, but I do have advice. When he is anxious, validate him and let him express his feelings. Anxiety is so tough because most of the time, it is built on a very relatable and legitimate fear, but it takes on disproportionate weight in your thoughts. It’s not clear from your post what he’s anxious about specifically, but when I’m anxious about something big at work, I find that my partner telling me that I’m going to do great isn’t as helpful as reassuring me that he’s seen me like this before, it’s always fine in the end, and if this time is different, that just means I’m not perfect but he already knew that 🙂 It validates the fear so that I feel understood and seen, and ratchets down the stakes so that I feel less overwhelmed. Adapt as needed for your situation!
She cheated on you within 3 hours with your best friend. Cut both of them out of your life
Yes.
This is the kind of bullshit excuse that lets people knowingly be huge jerks without consequence. If he made it to adulthood (excepting some sort of significant disability), he knows it’s unkind to insult someone’s appearance. Especially his wife’s.
Honestly this kind of hand waving is insulting to both men and women. It paints men as helpless idiots incapable of understanding their words have meaning and paints women as responsible for every one of the men in their lives’ actions. Nope. This dude is 33. He wasn’t like this before. He knows he’s being an ass in insulting the way his pregnant wife looks.
“Guys are stupid sometimes.” Cool then those guys can be single.
they both deserve someone different and better
Y’all are weird, we bring our laundry over to our older SIL house all the time when we go and have dinner with them. Saves us 5 bucks and they don’t mind at all
Tell him. Become a “Born Again Virgin”. In this day and age, people can identify as anything they want apparently.
Thank you ❤️
My best friend thinks I got her drunk to make romantic moves on her when she had low inhibitions. I don’t know if i can calm down from this its way worse than just getting rejected she thinks i had malicious intent like i planned for this to happen. Deepest cut i’ve ever felt
First, “hating” her is spending too much energy on someone you can't change. Yes, her behavior affects all of you but she is the only one who ca change it. How? She must understand she has a problem and then solve this problem through therapy and parenting classes. Put yourself in your children's shoes. They must be miserable. Have you seen the subreddit called raised by narcissists? You should. She sounds like one and that is hard to change. Take action and save yourself and your children from further trauma.
visitation will not be contingent on immediate payment
I don't think anyone is really saying that it is, and that's not really the point.
OOP doesn't want him involved in their lives. When the guy messages her and says “I want to see my children”, the obvious response is “I'm happy to talk about that if you're happy to talk about n years worth of child support”.
It doesn't have to be legally binding “access in exchange for support”, it's a statement of intention. If you intend to assert your rights as a biological father then I will have to assert mine as the person who has had sole custody.
Given that it seems like the grandmother that's pushing for this, I'd say that there's a very, very good chance that she will never hear from her ex again. OP lives ages away, grandma isn't going to get to play with the kids every day or whatever, bio dad obviously doesn't care enough to travel every few weeks to be a father.
RUN! This man DOES NOT LOVE YOU. He kept this from you for so long and you might think it’s nice that he is giving you space to process all of this but that’s what any decent person would do. I get it, getting out of an abusive relationship and then having one that’s the complete opposite for a while IS nice, but anyone can be nice-not everyone is going to love you tho, find someone that loves you. This is his child and he will ALWAYS be a part of his ex life, they will always be each other lives. Don’t invalidate your feelings either, this man betrayed you and it’s okay to feel hurt and disappointed. I can’t say this enough tho but MOVE ON
So, even if this wasn't intentional (or rather, even if his intent was not totally bad), he purposefully withheld information from you. He took away your choice to make a decision before jumping into a full relationship.
Also, it's nice to think this doesn't affect you but it does. What happens when you both want to go on a date but his child is sick? What happens if the relationship progresses and you live together? By being with someone who has a child, you aren't necessarily putting yourself in a parental role, but it's a huge deal. That's a whole human with feelings and needs that he has to put first, even if he doesn't have the child full time. Do you feel you are ready for that?
You are grieving a son that you've never liked, that you started rumors was abusing his wife and you refuse to take his side in a discussion about his cheating wife.
Ok, yeah. I could not come up with one clue as to why he is no contact with you. :/
How long have you been together?
“I think I kept it from my self for 15 years. You are right… this is something I should have shared. I think I and we need some therapy for this.”
Do NOT let her move in. Your boyfriend needs to grow up.