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NAKED [Multi Goal]
Date: October 9, 2022
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I would have dumped her. You should too.
He didn't make you a bad person. He's the POS who went to your house and put himself in that position. You should tell him.
It's absolutely ridiculous the advice I see on this sub
It'll be like, “I asked my SO if I should buy this shirt and they said no. Does this mean they're not attracted to me anymore?”
And like 80% of the comments are like “if they don't accept your body/taste/favorite color then they are toxic and you should leave and never speak to them again!”
I'm hardly even being facetious on this. It's ridiculous.
Yeah, I think a lot of people are telling you the right thing here. It’s going to be hard to leave, but I promise you will feel much better later for it. You will thank yourself. I felt destroyed after ending a 9 year relationship at first, but it’s been 3 years now and by about the year mark I was happy that it ended. I met way better people and wondered what I even saw in my ex in the first place. Definitely pay attention to this guy’s behavior and character, don’t fall for the same kind of person. Don’t even give them the time of day.
Cheers, I think our miscommunication was stemming from have a very different view on what calling someone out involves.
Methinks I understand why he's never been with another woman.
There may no prompt for advice, but leave now. Contact the police, file a report and suicide watch. Google how to file for a restraining order and do it.
Protect yourself first and foremost.
Second, do not enable or give in to his emotional manipulation. He is responsible for his own conduct. If you did the steps in line one you have done your part.
If you know his parents or siblings contact info, or a close friend, you should notify them too (just to round out your efforts), and then you have a 110% clean conscience.
Leave. Run don’t walk. File for protection.
really? I have never done that before, lol. I just like seeing the other person put in the effort to make the plan, it's sweet. 🙂
so what is she supposed to do when her bf asks her to watch these shows with her?
“No”
This isn't difficult. I tell my gf “no” all the time to shows, my gf tells me “no” all the times to shows. We then watch those things on our own.
There is not much you can do. She has to want it, like REALLY want it, because addiction is strong! Maybe you should give her the contact information of various ressources (working with SA survivors for exemple and if I understand you well) and tell her that you are here for her if you want, and then back off. You don’t want her to equate that you help her so she will get back with you, because the way you insist could give her this impression. I know it is hard, but there is nothing you can do if she doesn’t want to put in the work.
End it. He's chosen his location (and probably his family) over you. There are other guys out there.
he is abusive and making excuses. it’ll only get worse. he has shown you that he will hurt you and your child. you should leave him as soon as you are able. im sorry he is treating you this way.
photograph your bruises. they are evidence.
Yeah all my sweet and caring friends threaten to stab me with a knife. One of them was so nice she even used a sword. It's such a great feeling. /s
I believe you. I do. But there’s a big problem here.
Imagine that you make a stew. You use locally-sourced, organic ingredients. You use the best cuts of meat, the most delicious vegetables, the most aromatic herbs. You spend all day making it perfect. It’s simmering away, and it smells delicious.
Then, just before you serve it, you take a small piece of dog poo and stir it in.
Is this stew edible?
Of course not. The entire stew is now shit stew. Now, the ingredients haven’t changed. They’re still wholesome and organic and flavoursome. But they’re ruined by that tiny bit of poo.
In the same way, abuse ruins a relationship. A person can be sweet and caring and lovely, but if they come at you with a knife, then the whole relationship is ruined. The entire thing is a shit stew.
Don’t keep eating shit stew.
Then honestly it might not improve until the kids in school and teachers start calling and needing to have a talk with her because her kid bit another and sent them to the nurses office because she didn’t get the toy she wanted during recess.
If it wasn't clear, I'm looking for advice on HOW to break up with him. As he is refusing the breakup….. like. Idk how to explain it but he's not “getting ” that were done even though I've been clear on my desire to go separate ways. I bring up finances because being broke I cant just up and move on a whim and no real way to save. I'm in a studio apartment with no couch or place to sleep. And if I try sleeping on the floor he insists I get in bed.
How do you break up with someone like this? I feel trapped
So… he's manipulating you and using emotional blackmail to trap you in a miserable situation.
Why are you agreeing to be a hostage to someone else's bullshit?
Break up with him. He can focus on his health/mental health/whatever the deal is, and you can focus on finding a quality, mutual relationship with a functional adult
I know. Wanna adopt them? Sounds like you have life all figured out so I really do hope you adopt many children and teach them the ways of the world. But seriously, I wanted to teach them not to put up with bullshit, but just wasn’t ready to leave because I didn’t think very good guys existed. I still don’t because so many people are hurting and hurt back. I would just prefer to be in the company of loving, creative, critical thinking but nonjudgmental people.
Dump him. 2023 is time for a fresh start. Personal chefs and housekeepers get paid for their work.
He never tried anything with you because you told him you wouldn’t date him. You pre-rejected him so he tried to respect that, then you cuddled him on his sofa and he thought… maybe. Then you got a boyfriend and he is handling it poorly.
Your friend is in love with you and it feels like you knew it.
This is the way. Take screenshots of all his posts + however you're able to prove that it's him. Same goes for any other proof. Do it ASAP, especially now that you made this Reddit post calling him out. There is enough identifying information in your post for him to recognize himself (even if he pretends not to).
Also take him for the MAXIMUM. Fuck “fairness”, he literally ruined his life. You are worth at least half of everything. At LEAST. With tons of proof, your lawyer will have a great time
If you wanna end it then do so.
Omg this. I literally just ended a bunch of friendships because my “best friend” said something shitty about my biggest dream and aspiration in life. When I talked to her about it she said “oh but I asked around and no one else thought it was a shitty comment. Why are you affected by this?” Which didn't bode well with me and then she went on to say I was responsible for how it felt to me, and yet she claims she offered me room to talk about my feelings. And another friend went on the same boat as her, saying I was overreacting and my best friend has given me plenty opportunities to properly talk about it.
With people like that, all I can think is: good riddance.
Why wont he take no for an anwer?
To answer this question of yours specifically… because that is who he is as a person. He doesn't take “no” as an answer. He badgers and badgers until he gets his way. You are STILL his f-buddy, so, why stop if he could actually wear you down and get it?
Want it to stop? Cut him off and cut him out. Let him go badger some other f-buddy for it if you don't wish to oblige his fantasy.
He's not going to learn, because there are no consequences for not learning. You stayed eith him every time.
You can't change him, because he doesn't want to change. He is comfortable with the way things are.
Leave him again, but this time prep properly in advance, so he can't sabotage you with his desperate whining and empty promises.
Plan ahead, then be gone.
If you absolutely want to give him one last chance, tell him you want to go on a date with him that HE plans and arranges for you. Also tell him that if he doesn't come through for you, you'll still go on a date, but it won't be with him.
Unless it is brought up in the first couple months, most monogamous relationships in western countries are assumed to be heading towards marriage for one or both parties. Just because you decided to string someone along because you didn't feel like marriage isn't an important part of a relationship, does not exempt you from societal norms. By not addressing marriage early on, you allowed her to believe that you were of the same mindset of a majority of people.
Since that is not the case, you led her on. Whether it was malicious or just stupidity on your part does not matter. The damage is done. She cannot get that time back from you. Time that she spent with you in good faith that this would be a lifetime partnership, which for many women means marriage and a wedding. You don't have to be a mean, vindictive person to make a decision that negatively impacts someone else. If you truly care for this woman, I'd go ring shopping soon and start planning a wedding. If not, leave. Simple as
You’re 22. Leave. You have your whole life to find someone who wouldn’t cheat on you, pretend she was going to work on things, then text him the second she thinks she can without you getting mad. Side note, she would’ve kept texting him even if she didn’t think you were going to move back home.
I believe she told me yesterday but I forgot and the department has been really bad with details of the graduation all we got is Friday afternoon. until yesterday or maybe the day before I don’t think they even put out a confirmed day for it
Well if I ask to search your bag when you are in my shop, I may not be directly accusing you of being a thief but that's what I'm communicating to you by my request. Same with asking your pregnant wife/girlfriend for a paternity test. The request itself is an accusation. And if my husband made such an unreasonable request then I have every reason to be upset
Break up you dummy
You need to go to the police and get ahead of this. Don't let the mentally unstable, possibly drugged, liar get the chance to control the narrative. This is something that could completely ruin your husband's life and you need to treat this with the seriousness it deserves. When someone threatens to kill your family you don't treat it as a threat, you treat it like a promise.
So I should let it go?
Maybe try not screaming and fighting. That would probably help
My fiancé saves them for his watches, his filament for his 3D printer, we have them in our safes. There’s tons of reasons to keep them.
Let him go before resentment builds
Her best friend is a hero in this. Most egg it on and keep it secret thinking it's funny or no big deal. Have a good day with your bros and set the trash out to the curb.
Keep us updated, I'd really like to hear how she explains that away….jfc…..
It's probably best for you to break up, but you need to work on the aspect of yourself that feels its weird for your partner to get closer to someone of the opposite sex and that it's wrong to keep up with “some guy” (i.e., a friend) from work.
To reiterate, what she's doing is sketch and it's clear you guys are not in a good place to continue your relationship, but you need to ensure that you're not smothering your next-gf's positive-and-not-sketch relationships with friends just because they're of the opposite sex.
You've written this very well and I think it's clouding our judgement.
You're threatening to blow up your wedding over a song. That's what's happening here. So my very unpopular opinion is that you are overreacting. However, I think you should still be able to veto the decision to have the song played. Call the DJ yourself maybe? It's your wedding too.
Your fiancé is planning a celebration for you two. She's trying to figure out a playlist that represents you both. You have song lyrics tattooed on your body so she assumed you liked the fucking song.
Do you understand? Everything else is just you two arguing and being shitty to each other for not understanding the other's point of view. That'll happen a lot if you let it.
He went out for 11 hours. But what disturbs me is the shower early in the morning. When he’s been coming home late before he never took a shower
He asks. You say no. He doesn’t sulk. If he stops asking, when will get his need met? What schedule works for you?
When it's being put like that it does seem stupid of me, thank you. I've just been upset that I didn't get any say in the situation and that they've been facetiming all the time, feels like there's no room for me. It has been 5 years though, and I should understand that. Thank you, again.
it is tearing us apart
Lisa?
I had a sister in law whose entire family were alcoholics, she ended up drinking herself into a VERY early grave, she never wanted help no matter how much my brother tried to get it for her, the stories I could tell you would boggle your minds, needless to say all of her kids are pretty messed up emotionally. You can't help an alcoholic OP, they HAVE to help themselves because until they have an epiphany they just wont see it.
Breaking up is not a negotiation. You don't have to justify it either. Text him one last time. “I'm ending the relationship. Do not contact me again.” Then block him from contacting you.
I think she's justified. It's really shitty to promise something so large and take it back the moment it was wanted. Like they couldn't at no point before she asked told her the money was no longer available?
Her sugar daddy silly.
Its time to focus your time and energy on other things. This is an unhealthy and probably codependent relationship. You both need to spend time to work on yourselves. She is already cheating by emotional affair and lying both major deal breakers for most people.
It hurts, a lot. Pain is a great teacher, harness that to work on you. Read, hit the gym, pursue or further your education, explore your world, spend time with friends.
You got this!
I mean, her bf can go fuck himself. She's doing the majority, if not all, of the housework. Yet you still somehow want to find blame with her. The only thing she's to be blamed for is staying in a relationship where she is valued so little.
I like lovers who are insanely attracted to me. And those are the ones I get. I would not want anything to do with someone who isn't, when I have a plethora of choice. Sounds like she does too, given how you say loads of people find her attractive. Leave her alone so she can be with men who treat her how she deserves and actually want her
I don't know if it's the age gap. I'm 35 and my boyfriend is 26, we've been together since 32/23. It took me some time to get over the gap at first but our lives have become entwined at this point after 3 years and it just seems normal. He's met my family/friends and although my mom makes comments occasionally everyone in our lives see us being together as being completely normal at this point. Maybe ask her about it?