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Katerina , ღ✿ღ✿ღ✿ッ, 99 y.o.
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Date: October 8, 2022
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Unfortunately not. I stopped working when I miscarried and have been helping him because of being in his wheelchair.
Any money is in the joint account and he racked up all my credit cards and overdraft and I couldn't pay it so had it all taken from me
Communication is key to any sort of relationship specially when its casual. So i think you need to blunt with him
You said the truth would eventually come out. Not gonna come up with one night stands there stranger. You need not say a thing to clearly imply you think that all things will be shared regardless of truth or not.
And I am sorry, but there is a gap between sex and long term relationships. They just aren't the same.
You really need to let this all go. I have no idea why you seem to need to keep hammering on this issue.
Unfortunately it is.
I'll have more energy to funnel into future studies so I have that to look forward to. Thank you for your words.
I agree with you
Longer you leave it the worse it'll be
If I was in your bff's situation, I would just offer you the stay. It sounds like he is not being very empathetic or does not realize what he is actually asking you. Like paying back a month later is such a gift… I probably would just say I can't afford it period, and see what he does!
I would say apologize to him for the way you treated him, and if you most tell him you are going through some stuff and need space to deal with that, you might not be around often becuse of this.like that he will know that you are sorry , and you would not had totally ruined your friendship.also you will have some space from. Him and his relationship.
But don't shoot your shot, your time came and went , now you have to be happy for him and be a friend , from. Afar.
To make it more confusing, we have apple cider (unfiltered juice from an apple), apple juice (filtered) and alcoholic ciders.
I'm so sorry. Your mother sounds really toxic.
in 20 years she will see it.
Yeah. It is. The years and memories are what make you a family not DNA.
If you fire here it may backfire on you I would not delegate any new projects on her. At same time document everything.
what ever the topic; peoples advice comes from their own experiences, beliefs, principles etc. they are actually more just opinions than advice. Unless you have been professionally trained to provide that advice. Which most people in this sub have not had, I guarantee.
Asking a bunch of random internet strangers advice on life matters seems weird in the first place. Generally there is never enough context to provide good advice and even then the OP can pick and choose what to tell on a situation- manipulate if they wish. Not the best starting point for advice.
Most people will just listen to the opinions that aligns with their beliefs anyway.
Who are you in this story, I’m guessing the girl. Someone can like someone else but not be ready or want a committed relationship. In which case he’s right to walk away from her.
You're bringing it up because you're insecure about it and want him to lie and tell you that you're perfect. You'll hopefully grow out of it as you get older and come to accept that social media is a filtered sugar coated lie and that nobody has the perfect body. Try to get in with a therapist (even one of the online ones) to talk about body image and your overall insecurities.
not if the child gets the grandparents' brown eye gene instead of the parents' blue eye gene. it's fully possible. my siblings have brown eyes while I have blue. both of our parents have blue eyes. if the child gets both grandparents' brown eye genes, it will result in brown eyes. it just depends on the genes the child ends up with in the end.
Dating for that little time at that young? Fair chance actually.
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honestly thank you so much for saying this. i feel like i’ve been going crazy with everyone acting like i’m in the wrong and immature for dating someone south asian. I really want to maintain a good relationship with them still but i can’t see myself doing it if they continue being like this and it devastates me.
Weight gain is a known side effect of many antidepressants. 12 lbs, especially over the course of 8 months, is not an unhealthy amount of weight gain and I think it was rude and inconsiderate of him to even bring it up. Do not just stop your antidepressants! Stopping them suddenly can make drastic changes to your brain chemistry. And realistically, you gained that weight over 8 months; stopping the antidepressants for a couple of weeks will not likely result in weight loss, but it may result in significant worsening of your mental health. So please, stay on them at the prescribed dose for the time being.
If you yourself are worried about the continued weight gain, you do have options. Talk with your doctor about what modifications, if any, you should make to your lifestyle to prevent future excessive weight gain if you stay on this medication. I’m not saying you have to lose that 12 lbs again unless you want to, but some of these medications can alter your metabolism and/or as your feeling of hunger, so, it could be that while you previously were able to maintain a healthy weight with X routine, now you need to modify how or what you eat, or change your exercise routine, in order to keep your weight stable.
You can also discuss whether this is the right medication and the right dose for you. Your doctor may want to try lowering the dose, changing to a different medication, etc. Personally, having seen how hard it can be to find a medication that works for you, I think that a small amount of weight gain that still puts you at a healthy weight is not something worth changing to a different medication; however, you don’t need to necessarily assume you will continue to gain ten pounds every year that you stay on the med, because there may be things you can do to offset that.
Valid point – but does it make us “even” if she denied being interested in him and only being into me, then turning around a week later and ending things with me for a guy who didn’t care about her enough to respond ?
Thank you for the helpful and well thought out response ?
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as with both in this relationship, they both decide what they do. The only thing here is its not just the choice to model or not.
you are simplifying it by making it about the modeling. He goes as far as telling you not to so you now have your choice. Move forward and accept his choice, or move forward with your own and accept what the outcome is. this is now more about who is in control than what everyone want to do
It’d be fine if she only gained 60lbs tho…
No. I just mean everything is static in his life.
Noooo, you did fine.
Cut them off
Yeah but breakups happen all of the time. It was a shock to her no question about it. He is gone. So to is the safety blanket he may have provided for her. She was thinking as she aged he would be there with her. That’s understandable but there is always the possibility that it may not happen. It’s life. What can you do? I built up a tough exterior because of it.
The person making the jokes didn’t have the surgery
Ex boyfriend…
Girl, ew. We teach people how to treat us based on what behaviours we accept.
By staying with him, you're teaching him that it's fine to disrespect you and lust over other women in your presence, and rub it in your face as well. You're also teaching yourself that this behaviour is ok with you.
It shouldn't be, because it's not, and everyone deserves better than that.
Classic tactic
He makes her think SHE is the problem so she won’t leave him. Who would want such a terrible person? ?
There should def be 0 possibility of redemption after something like that.
Please OP, take out the trash. You deserved exactly NONE of abuse
His brother's behavior affects you, he should've been the one stablishing boundaries with him. And you stablished none by accepting to postpone the wedding.
Oh dear, that seems like a very hurtful thing to say.
I want to be gentle, but why did you choose to have a child with a man who you had only been in a relationship with for 1-2 months?
I think he may grow to love you both, but these things take time. It sounds like this wasn't a planned pregnancy, and he may be in shock and feel trapped. Did he want to or plan to become a father?
Personally I wouldn't rush to leave him. I would try to make it work for at least a year and then reassess. You'll have to be strong and stoic about it. Don't ask him if he loves you anymore, just show that you love him. But if there are real signs of danger or abuse, then of course you should not stay with him.
Your boyfriend is dumb psychopath, which is rare
Absolutely tell her before the banquet.
He can be pretty nice when he wants, pays for some stuff since he knows in my country I'm paid way much less than him, and be cute and sometimes romantic but I can't deal with him acting like this, it makes me question if I should leave though there is something inside me that doesn't want me to. When I wanted to break up with him he said I would regret and even called me bad names… He doesn't do it anymore since I asked him not to.
She was bothering you but not attacking you. You didn’t strangle her in self defense, you just strangled her. And it was so hard it bruised. She better report your ass for that one. Her having an alcohol addiction is an issue 100% but you strangling her is a bigger issue.
how do you know he has feelings for you? Has he told you he has feelings for you or has he just complimented you? It’s not the same thing. The other thing is if you are giggling and fawning over him of course he’s going to know you have a crush on him and he’s eating it up. Before talking to him, compose yourself. Limit your interactions and avoid 1:1 conversations of possible. It’s only a few more weeks and your rotation will be done. He is the senior person here and should know better. Creepy.
Sounds like your wife's got some serious BPD issues and it's really takin a toll on your relationship. From what you're describin, it sounds like she's got some pretty intense anxiety and a pretty big inferiority complex when it comes to your family. That can make for a really tough situation, bro. It sounds like she's really struggling with some pretty heavy stuff and it's manifesting in some pretty destructive ways.
One thing I'll say is that, from what you've described, it doesn't sound like your wife is really in the right place to make big decisions about your relationship right now. It sounds like she's really struggling with a lot of deep-seated issues and that's clouding her judgement. That's not to say that you can't make the decision to divorce if that's what you want, but I think you need to be really careful about how you approach this. If you're thinking about divorce, make sure you're doing it for the right reasons and not just because she's pressuring you to.
It sounds like your wife needs professional help. And it doesn't seem like she's taking it. So if the situation is so bad that it's making you miserable and it's not going to change. It's time to think about yourself and your well-being.
Another thing is you might want to limit the number of times you interact with her for a while. Not necessarily cut her off completely but just not be around her 24/7. Give yourself some time to process things and figure out what you really want.
Divorce is a big step, man. And it sounds like she's not in the right place to be making that kind of decision right now. So don't rush into anything. Talk to a counselor or therapist about what you're going through. They can help you navigate this tough time and give you some advice on how to handle the situation in a way that's healthy for you. And don't be afraid to ask for help from friends and family too.
I hope this advice helps, bro. And remember, it's important to take care of yourself first and foremost.
Long distance and all that ain't easy, and when you mix in some mental health struggles, it can make for a real rough ride.
It's good that you're both trying to work through things and not just giving up. But it sounds like you're both still feeling pretty raw and it's making it hard to really connect and move forward. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, getting from where you are now to a good place is gonna be tough.
From what you're saying, it sounds like he's not really putting in the effort to make things better. Saying he's gonna go to therapy and then not doing it is a pretty big red flag. And that's something you need to address. You can't be the only one working on stuff.
But at the same time, you need to be mindful of the fact that he's dealing with some serious stuff and it's not something that's gonna be fixed overnight.
It's important that you both are having open and honest conversations about what's going on and what you both need to feel better. And if that means taking a break for a bit to work through some individual stuff, then that's what needs to happen.
The key here is to be honest and direct with each other and not just pretend everything's fine. Because it's not and you both deserve better than that.
Ultimately, whether or not things can work out depends on both of you. And it's gonna take a lot of work and communication to get there. But if you both are willing to put in the effort, then it's possible.
I guess its more so the men rather than her, but the fact she broke that boundary is frustrating as well.
We can’t read his mind.
Recommenting here just in case you didn’t see the other one:
Hey OP. I get your point of view. But I think you assumed your bf had a hell of a lot more familiarity with your ENM world than he did.
It’s not his world. He likely needed you to say “being my boyfriend means x: do you agree to this?” Where things went wrong is that you explained a whole lot. You tried to educate him. But at no point did you get his affirmative consent for romantic exclusivity and sexual ENM. So what actually happened here is that you messed up the ethical part – explicit consent. You know what you meant. But you didn’t check to see if he understood what you meant. Sorry to be crude, but you needed to tell him “this means I will fuck other people but only have a romantic connection to you. Are you ok with this?” Yes. That explicit.
This was your second attempt at an enm relationship. Your first one was with someone clearly already interested in that. So I think you assumed more people are open to this than there are, and didn’t adjust your communication to reflect that reality.
Your bf was probably trying to sound “worldly” when the two of you were dating. And you did a good job introducing the topic. But you never closed the circle by getting explicit consent.
If he talks with you again make it clear to him that this is the kind of relationship you require. And that while you hope he would like to still be with you, you don’t want him doing anything he is uncomfortable with. (Another discussion you didn’t have). Yes, YOU need to make sure your partners are emotionally ready to handle ENM.
If I were you I’d post in r/ENM for advice on how to avoid this in the future. You have a good understanding of how you want an open relationship to work. But you need a better understanding of how to communicate with non-ENM potential partners.
So sorry to hear that. Sounds like he was just an inconsiderate AH looking for a reason to break things off. ☹️
You just broke up on January 1st. It hasn’t even been a month yet. You say you’re doing this for you, and not for her, but honestly I find that hard to believe and I’m sure she would too. You need to give it time – a lot of time, to prove that the changes you’re making are actually real and long-term.
You may have missed some context there little fella. They followed me around comment to comment, by the time I got to this one I’ve already explained what’s up several times.
That’s the thing with communication, easy to misinterpret, and that’s been my point the whole time.
Thank you for aiming to my Ted talk
I'm cool with her going by herself, some safety concerns. She doesn't think Mexico is dangerous for example.
Your husband is gay, and that's okay. But you guys need to get a divorce because this isn't fair to you.
Your husband is gay, and that's okay. But you guys need to get a divorce because this isn't fair to you.
Over generous to a war refugee. Huh. Have you watched any footage of the war?
Bottom line: there is zero indication that he’s into this woman, so I’m not sure where your jealousy is coming from.
Is it ok for him to have a roommate in his own apartment that you do not share with him? Yep. You’re not married. You don’t live together. He can have a roommate & the financial arrangements are (you guessed it) none of your business.
Well time to move on. Don’t play the pick me dance. Only shows weakness. She is gonna do whatever anyway.
In your current setup are you still able to save for retirement and perhaps a house one day? Do you even want to live in a house in the suburbs, or would that negatively impact the kind of life you want to lead?
Do yourself a favor. Google “sunk cost fallacy relationship”
You wanting her for so long, doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is the present and the future.
Semantics ? I’m bored of you
Damn
He is going to move from them taking care of him to you taking care of him. Hop over to r/parenting to see how these relationships go when you mix in kids.
If you really want it to work, I strongly suggest you have him live ON HIS OWN for a year or two so he can learn the basics of being an adult.
As long as you continue to go over there he'll not change a thing.
It would have been such a different conversation when you first started dating. Like hey i thought about going out with guy b but we decided not too.
Bringing it up now seems pretty bad, like does she regret the last 7 years?
Be careful not to get pregnant for awhile and really think about what this means.
Hey dude. I see a problem and the cause of it. Simple as that. I’m here looking for advice on how to go about helping to aid the problem. I’m not saying I don’t have problems but I am saying my gf’s mother doesn’t treat her like an adult and it effects my gf, her relationships, and our relationship negatively. So assess all you’d like but you haven’t been helpful thus far.
Well, now you know what she'll be like with your shared kids if you divorce in the future, which 66% of marriages involving a stepchild end up doing. Which also means if you end up marrying again your chance of divorce will be even higher than that.
In other words, take off the blinders and the rose-colored glasses and take a good, hard, cold look at the reality of her and your relationship with her before you go any further.
Why does she need a sleepover with guys? I am for men and women being friends, but what is the need for that?
I don’t know what advice you’re really searching for, but a big piece would be therapy for yourself. I think the best route is you taking time to be by yourself, work on learning about yourself, your attachment styles, how to spot manipulative tactics, why you thought this ex lover was worth giving thousands just because he was there for you emotionally. It’s not your fault that he ended up being a horrible person, and you can’t change the past. You’ll have to accept that he might start dming you and blackmailing you in future and your sex tape will come to light if you don’t cave again. You can try to ask for legal advice about the situation, file a police report if you have proof he was extorting you.
Teacher here. Sometimes we're just relieved that our students aren't shitheads and that makes us smile.
I'd say wait until the class is over, then try asking her out. A student-teacher dynamic can get ugly pretty fast and most of us wouldn't think of accepting a date offer from our adult students (I'm a college lecturer). Too risky, too weird while in the class. No thanks.
Thank you! I hope you have a great day as well. 🙂
Your sister can’t help being gay. Your family can help being homophobes. It would NOT be your sisters fault.
That’s her next boyfriend.
Thank you, I think deep down It’s already clicked in my head that me being young and that sort of addiction are probably correlated. Bit crushed on what do to if I’m honest, I genuinely care for the guy a lot. I’ve had to work hard for my partners attention in previous relationships and I don’t think I can do that again.
*We meet, we have sex, we chill out watching movies and playing games for a few days, then go our own way until next time. You’re still not exactly wrong though. He’s away at the moment and ironically said he’d take me out on a date when he’s back. Yet still got moody about it!
Lovely imagery. I will never eat wings again. Thank you for that
Just remember that the cowards who ghost people are just garbage overall and not worth your time and energy. You'll find better.
You both suck but you suck more. You created trust issues. Your role playing smut is just sexting with extra steps. You're conversing sexually with someone else. You are cheating. You've caused her to feel like she's not enough and competing with others the whole relationship.
What kind of moron thinks this relationship was good enough for marriage?!
Lots of boo hoo pity party in your post blaming everything on your wife. You've been lying and dishonest your entire relationship and now you sit here surprised at what that's caused in your wife. This marriage is over and never should have started in the first place.
I'm around moms age as well. I wouldn't be friends with a man my age who spoke to any 18yr old this way. And if I saw someone speak to my kid this way I'd be dealing with it myself, not expecting my kid to allow it. Fucking gross.
His explanations don't make sense. You say that you've met some of his other friends before, but does that mean you just met them once or twice or that you are friends with some friends of his? Have you met any of his close relatives? Since you only meet him on the weekends, it almost seems possible that he is seeing someone else. He might be able to easily explain your presence to friends if you don't meet them often and he explains that he has an on again off again situation with you. Not to make you utterly paranoid but it really does not make sense that he would not take a long term girlfriend to an event with his old friends.
The other possibility is that he is embarrassed about these friends and thinks you might think differently about him if you met them.
At the very least, the fact that he is not trying to introduce you, his long term girlfriend to his long term friend group means that he actually is not trying to incorporate you into his future plans. I mean, if he was thinking of marrying you someday, wouldn't he want to introduce you? Wouldn't you meet them at your own wedding someday? Why would he want the wedding to be the first time that you meet?
Imagine you’ve spent the best years of your life stuck hurting over some lame ass man who stressed you out for years instead of having the guts to leave & find someone better. There are very nice handsome men out there.
He’s making a fool out of you girl.
You literally can’t say that. Some people DO compare. Porn isn’t inherently a problem but it’s not inherently not a problem, just like anything else.
Your list of complaints isn't healthy for the relationship. Even if she “fixes” all that to please you, what a miserable way for her to live. If you can't love her as she is, let her go.
Realistically, she's not going to lose the weight. She's not going to suddenly be happy to live 5 hours away from her family. Her sex drive is unlikely to fundamentally change. You're asking her to be someone she's not, just to make you happy. That's selfish. Let her go, amicably, and be the most supportive co-parent you can be.
I'd also recommend, for your next relationship, to learn how to handle the other person being upset. It's going to happen, probably not infrequently, and even though it makes you uncomfortable to hear “complaints,” it's part of being a partner.
I don’t usually recommend this, but you need to go NC. As for Allison, that ship might have already sailed, but try to get her proof that she was being lied to.
Nuance like taking your kid with you to go fuck your ex? Love to hear the “nuance” excusing that…
Maybe instead of admitting fault, you just give her the space she wants?