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Date: October 8, 2022
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Why is he making all the decisions? What about you? He's screwed with your finances, your trust, how do *you* feel about all of this?
You deserve someone you can count on and trust. This isn't it.
Getting a job is the first step. I’m hoping maybe that will change our trajectory for the better.
Yeah i dont get it either
The truck we have is payed off we split the payments, we used my credit to get it but both our names are on the title and honestly I want him to keep it because I have a car that's also paid off I got it for free from my mother (it's older and needed work and the bf just happens to work on cars) he's put a lot of hours into fixing it up not asking for money for it so I'm thinking that's just a wash and I keep my car he keeps the truck.
To me it sounds like he’s making excuses for his moms controlling behavior. There is absolutely no reason why his mom can’t use her own banking info to pay. He needs to close his current account and open a new one that she cannot access. I’d even say maybe you should hold onto the card for him so his mom can’t grab it while he’s sleeping.
he has asked me earlier on if it's okay that he talks about his ex(which at the time I said yes, this was still relatively early). he's also made a comment of “i know im bringing her up again” when he mentions her more than once on a hangout. i do think i should mention something but i don't know how i could do that without it seeming jealous or accusatory?
I kinda get it. I hate any time I have to throw out any gift I got if it gets worn out. Like my ex bought me really nice running shoes at a time when I couldn't afford any that nice. It took me forever to actually use them, and once I started getting to the point where they were getting too many miles I stopped using them. They're sitting on my shelf now and I have no idea what I'll do with them.
Maybe get something more permanent if that's the issue?
Nowhere near enough info here for anyone to make a judgment
It honestly feels like you made his birthday all about you. He didn’t want any of the things you did to make it ‘special for him’ and made that clear. Apologize and if you’re still together next year actually listen to him about what he wants to do.
Check the expiration date on the condoms. It’s possible they’re from before y’all got together. Unlikely but still possible… most condoms have a shelf life of only a few years so if they’re NOT expired he was using them with someone else.
To clarify, where we live covid is still a big thing so there's been times with work that we haven't been able to see each other. I work in disability and need to be really careful in my personal time. Plus my girlfriend, and best friend, and I, all live a few hours from each other. It would have been way more simple for us if we all lived close by, but we don't.
You can get him to see by leaving. Don't destroy your life by staying with this gross man. He will only drag you down.
Have you talked about timelines without pushing? I would try to get an idea of when he thinks he might feel ready for marriage.
Dude, you’re missing the point. It’s not about contacting work or not. It’s about redirecting her day, plans, attention, and having the gall to tell her how she should feel at a specific moment. If I yanked you off the toilet & brought you outside to a sunny beach & asked you to be thankful for cutting off your private business because it’s beautiful out here? You should be mad. You don’t take power over people’s time & body and then tell them how they get to feel about it.
And you did this all with so much planned viewership- even her boss knows! Everyone at the spa knows! So, emotional blackmail is what you were going for? Or did you just so excited about the little fantasy in your head and all the love you were owed/had coming?
This wasn’t romantic, it was a parody of romance- you wanted everyone to know “you did something romantic”. And then you held her hostage to it.
You’re being an ass.
Do you really believe him?
Sweetie. This isn’t the marriage you want, so you should get out.
But it does remind me of something, a gay guy was talking about marrying his high school sweetheart. He said “I did the flowers at my own wedding. Some one shroud have said something!”
Whether he’s gay or just not into you, this is not the marriage for you!
I am really sorry for all of what you and your brother are enduring. So sorry. Find some sort of support group and if you can still afford therapy, get it. You deserve to have someone be your ally and a constant source of stability. Set some boundaries to take care of yourself too. Hopefully he will be connected with mental health resources so that he can begin healing too. If he refuses to seek help, you may have to make a very hard decision about taking care of him. He can’t take you down with him. You both deserve better. Good luck.
I think the thing you have to deeply consider here is that he waited until you brought it up to say anything to you about his 'potential dealbreaker'.
At some point in the last 6 years, you both agreed on the things that would need to be in place in order to move forward with marriage, Master's degrees completed and making more money. But at some point in the intervening years, he added another condition and then didn't tell you about it. He kept his new condition secret so that you couldn't meet it and now he's using it as an excuse not to marry you. If he really and truly wanted to marry you, he would have told you about that condition so you could meet it. Having a 'secret' condition that he hides from you is more commonly known as an excuse. He's looking for and fabricating excuses not to marry you.
So, what happens now? Do you work on meeting his new (but unspoken) condition just to find out one year, two years, three years from now that he has added another unspoken condition? And you'll have to start from scratch again? Or how will you know if you've met his current condition? How anxious is 'too anxious' and how will you know when you've met his requirement for 'less Type A' and 'less anxiety'. That's really subjective and hard to measure.
But again, aside from all of that, he deliberately hid his marriage condition from you so that you couldn't meet it. And he would've continued hiding it and not bringing it up until you finally forced his hand. Does that sound like someone who is eagerly working towards getting married? Nope. Sounds like someone who is avoiding it at all costs.
Girl u gotta drop this loser PLEASE.
As silly as it all sounds from the OP, this is exactly right. If you are in a committed relationship and your partner does something like this you should ask them how they are feeling/what they are feeling.
Having a traditional Indian wedding in India and a Western wedding in the US is very common.
That she is willing to leave you over this is a red flag to me.
Genuinely baffled by this – I get wanting to be sensitive the first time, but if she is in the shop with him, how hard is it to say “oh that’s not my style! I prefer something like this”, with a smile for good measure?
As someone who is divorced; I cannot recommend it enough. Especially from what you’ve written. It might be hard but it will be so much easier than having to deal with your dirty, discourteous, man child.
“Heavily Working” means something different than you believe it does.
So that's the answer? Women should just sacrifice everything so the kids they don't even have yet can be financially comfortable?
Or, get this, women (and men) can both wait longer to marry, see the world or whatever if they want, take their time choosing a compatible partner, and then have kids, and they'll probably both be better off financially by then anyway.
Yeah I know. I probably shouldn’t be in a relationship right now but I don’t want to lose him.
Another option is to use your G1 bill, and go back to college or a trade school. You've got plenty of options, and time.
That wasn't her being comfortable in a relationship, that was meant for someone else.
Your husband is an asshole. It sounds like he got this horrible dog to punish you. He doesn’t care about you, his children or even the dog he insisted on getting. Can you leave and take your baby? Possibly move in with your mom or other family? Is your step kids’ mother in the picture and can come pick them up so you can leave without worry of him stopping you?