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Anna_, 19 y.o.
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Date: October 8, 2022
We are as honest and open to as much communication as possible, I just need advice on how to approach what I wrote in this post and how to communicate this correctly.
I dated someone who started with primarily using marijuana. It was fine and whatever. Until he started using other things and hiding it. He would vow to stop but never did and just continued to hide things and lie. I guess take that information however you’d like.
You're still in potential wife category by my estimation. He mentioned worse case because he liked the sex, it's not because he knows that's what he wants. You are just at the interview portion of the relationship where he's looking for signals that you're going to be more than just fun, but someone to build a life with.
She's got a vested interest in him not being a dangerous person, even if he weren't her kid, so she'll come up with whatever excuses she can to make it okay that she never did anything. But she can't change reality, only how she copes with it. You know better. He's as bad as you think – and maybe worse, because he's an adult with years of experience hiding it.
Get him into jiu jitsu
You do know what to do my dear. You should of done it a year ago.
The sun has set on your relationship. He is definitely not your forever.
You need to do some serious self love and understand your own worth my dear. You've settled and lowered your standards. You're not asking for a lot. You definitely love him more then you love yourself and that's not ok.
Girl look, I feel you. I've struggled with the same thing my entire life. It doesn't get better, you just run out of patience eventually and want for once for someone to care about your feelings. It's supposed to be a two way street, not a one way. You already know the answer here- it's ALWAYS going to be about his struggle. There is no space for you in this relationship. Even with therapy, he is years out from possibly being able to hold space for anyone else.
My bigger concern is why on earth you've gotten pregnant twice in 4 months with a man you know is this mentally unstable? Please, you sound WAY too smart to be this dumb.
Im hesistant to tell because Im not sure what consequences there will be if they know I was the one who told. And on the other hand, I feel for the other person being cheated on and want to tell them. also a part of me wants to tell for revenge. I’m going back and forth on this lol. Thanks for the input, Ill continue to think
Im hesistant to tell because Im not sure what consequences there will be if they know I was the one who told. And on the other hand, I feel for the other person being cheated on and want to tell them. also a part of me wants to tell for revenge. I’m going back and forth on this lol. Thanks for the input, Ill continue to think
I’d say end it. If she didn’t accept that you didn’t look at her sister and made such an outrageous accusation I came see how you can trust further accusations won’t happen. What happen if she gets pregnant? Will se be fearful of you and keep your child away. Will she make accusations that can involve authorities and ruin your career?
This is a relationship killing accusation. I don’t see how you can stay with her really, when you consider future implications.
My body my choice. I’m not going to argue my decision with anyone on here
No I met the second one at work a couple of months after the first guy
I probably shouldn’t of dated someone els so soon but I was depressed and lonely
Ah, so her misunderstanding was…I'm pretty sure he wants to destroy his marriage. Let me be the disrespectful homewrecker to make that a reality.
Yeah, op, stay friends with her. She's a keeper and I'm sure your wife will agree.
Are you insane?! She completely and intentionally disrespected your marriage and your wife. She did it bc she only cares about herself and thought you would reciprocate. What a sh1t person!
So keep contact with her and get a good lawyer bc you're going to need it.
Yep. He's cheated in the past and his best friend being a cheater is a double whammy, though.
You know what they say. You are who you surround yourself with.
everything went off bcuz he was trying to get in at 1am
This guy is seriously bad news.
If i want another dog i float the idea out of respect by him
These kinds of issues. 'Float the idea by him' You don't do that to your partner. You have a talk about it without going in thinking I'll tell them I'm getting one, because it's MY house. Your name may be on it, but is it not his home too? Or just your house?
Sounds like she is neglecting the relationship so that you fet fed up and leave since she is too spineless to end it.
This.
I'm always hesitant to listen to hearsay because people often just side with whoever has the biggest social circle;
Many years ago my housemate at the time came home with a girl we knew while I was playing xbox. They walked past me, talked and asked me to come to the party they'd been at, then went into his room.
They were there no longer than two minutes, and I could hear them both laughing and talking loudly, then they came out and she started talking about how she'd like to try a threesome.
I brushed it off and they went back to the party.
The next day, he was chased by a carload of guys with weapons. To put a long story short, word got around that he (a fit 6'5″ guy with a martial arts background) had tried to r*** her (a small, 5'2″ girl who probably weighed about 100 pounds) during those few minutes in his bedroom. The story was even corroborated by a friend of hers who claimed to be there, but wasn't. Then more of that group started making similar claims. One of the guys who had tried to chase him down was her boyfriend, and the whole thing was her somehow trying to deny being all over him. But that didn't stop a lot of people taking her side, simply because she was popular and had lots of voices willing to back her up.
Now OP, I obviously wasn't with your boyfriend. I know a hell of a lot of guilty sex offenders get away with it. Maybe he did it and deserves no sympathy, or maybe he's a victim of someone trying to ruin him for something unrelated. But nobody here can know.
Talk to people who were actually at ground zero, and see if their stories make sense.
And be careful and protect yourself from harm, wherever it may come from.
Doesn't matter, marriage has lots of grey areas and the whole “you must stay” shit is exploitative.
I want to break up with this woman and I don’t even know her.
So, he should pay for everything just because he makes more? You’re his girlfriend, not his wife. Why would he do that?
Given the age difference and your preoccupation with his money and how much of it covers you, a pretty defined picture is being painted.
She went fishing for a fight and got it.
I don't think you should fix this.
You definitely shouldn't marry her.
“Hi wife, I understand you are uncomfortable with the progress pics. You are uncomfortable because you feel the pics ___ (if you don’t know the blank ask). I strictly use these pics as motivation to see how far I’ve come and to continue the progress. Can we come to some kind of compromise that will allow you to feel more comfortable while also still providing me motivation?” Examples include strict boundaries on what clothing needs to be worn in pics that you or she share (ex. Always have tshirts on), letting her take the photos or somehow sharing the experience and motivation with her instead of your gym buddy, boundaries on what body parts you can show off in the photo so discussions on what she feels should be kept private for the two of you, etc.
Personally, I wouldn't be able to get past it even tho it sounds like she was spiked
Does the context change your opinion on what happened or are you simply hoping it will?
Can you guys hire a family member or nurse aid? I am 29 and have the same issues as your wife. I have no friends anymore basically and it sucks cause doing things alone is basically impossible and I don’t want to burden others. I think it’s great you’re helping her but sounds like you need some help dealing with all of this. You’re in a tough situation and I want to say get a divorce but I feel like there could be a way of working things out. I’m sure in her heart she’d do the same to help you if you were in her situation.
Kinda sounds like you busted him doing coke and that's how he decided to get out of it.
– From someone who's done a shit ton of coke.
If it's easy enough, ghost that MF. You'll realize how much peace you were missing when you have it again. Peace is the ultimate luxury
No, you are reasonable. If you thought both of you are aleady emotionally involved with each other, then you are wrong, and he is willing to sabotage your thing to go and fuck other girl.
You should move on, and do not resume contact with him at any point in the future.
Does everyone actually assume or is it just your grandmother?
Roger hopes, but will accept your decision. You could tell him and ask for help to make his mother keep her thoughts to herself.
That is a really unhealthy and frankly immature take.
Being jealous to the point of feeling physical disgust over something very normal and vanilla that happened in the past is not healthy. Being cruel to your partner because of it is even more out of line.
This is really something you need to work through if you want healthy relationships in the future.
What are you actually feeling? Are you feeling jealous a d threatened by his past? Are you angry that he lied to you? Are you thinking about/picturing him engaging in sexual activity and that is upsetting? Are you feeling insecure that he's more experienced? How educated are you about sex, and safer sex?
No she’s not attracted and I’m not either. It was like meeting a third parent or something in my eyes, that’s someone she always talks about
Please don’t be that naive girl!!! He is trying to cheat. It’s all just convenient for him that he forgot your ticket and he gave you spot in your room to her. Please don’t be naive!!!!
Respectfully, he's okay with those things but he's not okay trying to understand your method of self care. He's not putting aside his personal feelings put of respect for you and your long standing habit. He's doing everything he can think of to undermine your practice and refusing any solution or compromise that isn't you giving this up entirely. He's okay with you doing things he's fine with, some of which don't involve him, so why isn't he okay with this? It's part of your lifestyle and it helps your health. A supportive, reasonable partner would find a way to be okay with this without trying to make you into a bad person who doesn't care about a child, without throwing a tantrum and whining every night you're away.
DUMP this woman already! She's interfering with your education, she's moved into your home to leech off of you. She's sucking up all your time and all your attention and all your emotion.
There's a better woman out there for you (working on her education, has ambition, independent and fun), but you're never going to meet her as long as you're wasting time with this woman! She managed to survive just fine for 24 years before she met you. Kick her out and let her live the next 50 years without you, too!
Wow. Your Fiancé is cruel and manipulative. Recommend pumping the brakes on that wedding.
If I were to go out with my guy friends, it wouldn’t even cross my mind to dance with another girl.
So a hotel with a pool?
My pleasure! Fingers crossed for you!