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Date: October 5, 2022
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For what it's worth, I absolutely agree with you. I also have quite an open group chat with friends and I might mention something that's going down on the chat to my partner but I'd never just give him the messages to read. It's definitely reasonable to expect a degree of privacy when you're venting to your friends, otherwise why not just add her to the group chat and be done with any pretence that she's not all up in your business?
I would probably have tried to talk to him about it first, but if he insisted on letting his GF read his messages then I would quietly set up a new group chat, excluding him, where everyone can speak openly without worrying about who else is reading it. Only use the original chat for surface level stuff/organising get togethers etc. It's not a great solution, but you're allowed to have boundaries.
A lot of women think they cannot do better because let’s be real… this is most guys. Most guys do the weaponized incompetence thing. Most guys are not well-tuned to their partner’s needs. Please be mindful of that.
I’m getting weird vibes from this. You haven’t even been on a date and you are gushing over her in a way that comes across as obsessive.
Also, you cancelled the first two dates and she was busy other times. I’d assume you weren’t interested.
You sound like a huge loser
Unless this guy is currently in therapy and working on his weight/food related issues this relationship is probably a lost leader for you. It's one thing to worry about a partner's actual health (because obesity causes a lot of medical problems). Quite another to tie that to physical attraction and dangle (premature) marriage in front of a teenager as some kind of carrot. The reality is that unless you're over 6' tall you are overweight and to be healthy you will need to work on that. It's something you'll need to do for yourself and your future, not because some dude doesn't think you're hot anymore. But the way he's handling it is absurd. Even if weight weren't an issue it's lunacy for a 21 y.o. to talk about marriage with someone who's just 18. Make him getting a therapist the threshold for you remaining in this relationship.
So read the rest of what I said after “yes”
Cheating is a dick move and she shouldn't be friends with him…she has no shame
I don’t think op has two Pennies to rub together, much less the wherewithal to manage apple tagging her estranged husband.
Disagreeing about finances is the #2 reason couples divorce (with cheating being a very close #1).
So, I absolutely disagree that this isn't a big issue. It's absolutely a gigantic issue that needs to be decided before they get married.
It's probably best for you to break up, but you need to work on the aspect of yourself that feels its weird for your partner to get closer to someone of the opposite sex and that it's wrong to keep up with “some guy” (i.e., a friend) from work.
To reiterate, what she's doing is sketch and it's clear you guys are not in a good place to continue your relationship, but you need to ensure that you're not smothering your next-gf's positive-and-not-sketch relationships with friends just because they're of the opposite sex.
You're kidding, right? You're dating a man with a daughter your age and you're asking how to deal with her? Really? And it's been less than a month?
GTFOH.
The interactions you’ve outlined make me think he is the one with inappropriate reactions. Yours are measured and rational. His actions are passive aggressive and his reactions to you having “failed” tests he had no business conducting show that he’s lacking in emotional maturity and very insecure.
These are big red flags. Healthy partners don’t do this baloney.
If you feel that it's not going to work out, just end things now.