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New in here make me stay and let’s have fun
Date: February 18, 2023
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It kinda doesn't work like that. Gotta take into consideration I was a heavy smoker in 2022. Built up. But I'm working on trying to do my best to get rid of the smell.
Some of my friends and colleagues smoke. My friends understand whats going on, so they don't smoke around me anymore. Can't exactly cut my colleagues off.
They also can’t tell you who you can be friends with. Pretty simple.
Fair point
So what do you mean by “bad”?
Like, will he think you're a whacko, bad?- Yeah probably.
Like, could it go horribly because you don't even know each other and will be stuck together on vacation, bad? – definite possibility.
Like, any guy who says yes to a proposition like that is likely going to have some issues, because that's not something more sensible people would say yes to, bad? – signs point to yes
Like, will this be the fairytale XXX rated romp that I dream of watching soft porn and flicking the bean? – highly unlikely.
Basically – you can ask? But if he said yes I'd be concerned about what type of person he is, simply because he's the type to say yes to a vacation with a woman he's never met, and the not good likely outcomes outweigh the good likely outcomes a plant to a marble.
Having said that, I've done dumber things and they've worked out fine, which is why not having a sense of self preservation is my very mild superpower.
Liar liar pants on fire ? you get ‘notifications from apps’ currently downloaded on the phone. And why does he need a reminder to not get back on the app??? Is he with you or not?? Lol
I want to totally side with you here, but something seems off. I’ve never understood this meeting friends for lunch? You’re 19 years old. Do you meet all your friends for lunch or just cute girls? Idk it just seems like a weird way to justify in your head having a date with somebody.
Everyone has their own quirks. Such things shouldn’t cause an argument.
oh that’s easy.
so here’s the test, and this will also tell you if this person is nice or kind.
because you are right to be suspicious of a nice person. niceness is a façade. it wants something in exchange for treating you like a human.
tell him you are not interested in a relationship with him.
that’s it.
based on your narrative, this is a truthful and factual statement. veracity is valuable. being honest in this is absolutely necessary.
if he’s a nice guy, likely he’ll whine and kvetch about the gifts he gave you. this means he saw this as transactional. he gives you shiny things, he expects you to give him the sex or whatev.
and fuck that noise.
now, if on the other hand, he’s disappointed but shrugs this off and walks away, he was likely kind. but that’s ok. you don’t want to be in a relationship with him, he respects that, and by extension he respects you.
note that i say “likely” because there are rare exceptions, because human behaviour is so weird. it’s me covering my ass in those highly atypical situations. \
also note that there is a possibility of hostility from him.
have a friend accessible in case. not necessarily in the same space, though a witness is always good to have. but nearby enough to be there for you in case he chooses to become monstrous.
Yes. I also feel somewhat certain he’d be very much the type to blackmail her with those videos if/when she ever upsets him or tries to leave. This is the purpose of these situations for many men who encourage it. It’s not even that it turns them on but rather that it’s ammunition. The same goes for men who really push you to film sexual videos with them
It's not even just cheap jewelry. Rose gold and russian gold are copper alloys, and copper does this, so it could very well be that.
this desperately needs to be higher. this is 100% the language I used with my stalking ex when I was trying to get police involved.
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I'm seriously looking for some advice here!
My Bf (M29) and I (F26) have been dating for just over a year, living together for roughly six months. I love him with all my heart, but he keeps bringing up how badly he wants to do anal and it`s seriously been turning me off. l've never had penetrative anal sex before, so naturally, the thought of it makes me nervous, but also intrigued, you know? And I trust this man, we are very comfortable with one another, so everything seems fairly ideal for this to work out, but it just doesn't work. I can't relax enough for him to be able to put his dick inside.
To elaborate without being too graphic here, I have IBS and just never feel clean enough down there, and because of it, I just can't seem to relax. We have tried lube, vigorous foreplay, showering/bathing beforehand, you name it. Nothing seems to work. This has been frustrating the both of us, but for very different reasons. He makes me feel god awful about this not working. He says that I always make excuses to get out of it, and he even accuses me of leading him on about it. I wish we could turn the tables on this matter so he can experience how it is to be in my shoes and stop with this poor attitude.
I'm at the point where I honestly don't care anymore, I could happily go on with the rest of my life with never trying anal. But I can't help with wanting to make it work, just one time so we can put this matter to rest. Aside from the turn-off of his childish behaviour, this has been the only sexual favour he has asked me for, and so I want to be able to do this for him.
With all this said, does anyone have any suggestions as to products or methods I could try to help relax my body so he can get it in? Any advice would be much much appreciated!
TLDR: My bf wants to try anal, but I can't relax my body enough for it to work. I need suggestions!
If he's not willing to get a job he's going to have to learn the hard way or find someone else to leech off.
Tell him you'll help him job hunt when he's ready, but his options will be fewer if he's homeless.
I would and have
Questions for you. If you were a work colleague of the husband, would you put your name to a good reference considering how he left? If he was so disrespectful to his former workplace, I can't imagine he had many friends there.
If not, what then? OP's husband now has a major black hole in his resume. Okay, he worked at job X for however many years, yet despite no longer working there, he has no one to vouch for his work or to act as a reference for that job. That would be a huge red flag for me as a potential future student employer.
Everything you just told us, have you told her that?
3 friends of mine used this method for birthcontrol. All 3 of them have kids now that they did not want initially. Maybe the female part of the relationship wanted kids, but they surely did not.
I don’t think you’re ready to get married either. If some guy bugging you is turning you on when you’re engaged, you’re just too young. And I wouldn’t say anything to your fiancé either it will change your relationship in a way that you won’t like. It’ll also threaten their friendship. I would just stay away from the guy. You’re gonna live a long life and have a lot of feelings and you don’t have to. I’ve done all of them and they will pass and just move on.
My bias came from this and other related subs. A 2 year relationship is not “it's working”, and I haven't seen anyone sharing an actual long term working poly relationship. And if anything, this subs has an unrepresentative amount of pro polyamorous people.
It's difficult for people to change. So if you end a relationship, don't ever rekindle it unless you have VERY strong reasons to believe that they have truly changed.
She is young, will keep on flip-flopping because of the company she keeps, etc etc.
Just move on, try not to be bitter, and go zero contact.
If you’ve got access for $4million in the bank, just a few thousand for a lawyer.
I’m a tattoo artist. How is this applicable to my job? On a regular basis I have to be a witness to insecure selfish people attempting to take control over someone else’s body all dressed up in a costume that screams concern. Fuck that. If you had any respect for each other, you would not be making ultimatums with each other’s body in the balance. Grow the fuck up, both of you. Imposing your will on your wife’s body or her doing the same is immature and you shouldn’t be going there. It’s a subtle form of rape. I’ve believed this since 30 years ago when I started noticing this kind of behavior in my clients, long before all of the #metoo sensationalism. Be careful how far this goes. Bring it to the dinner table with the kids and you’re sowing the seeds of an eating disorder. This is toxic behavior and should not be an issue. Learn about birth control and condoms. Take mastery over your penis. It will make you a better lover and speaks volumes about self control. Learn something about boundaries. This will create respect in your future relationships, which you need because this one is doomed and will fail.
This is the best response and course of action. She's trying to figure out why you still have it. The “I forgot it was there” has gotten old, even if it were the truth.
Best advice, just be transparent. It's going to be rough though. Many people would call it quits.
My guess here is that your father decided to tell her his feelings about your relationship and she did not take it well. If you say that your father does not approve of your relationship he probably took this opportunity to tell her straight up.
This is the behavior of a narcissist. He knows this upsets you. And he likes having this power over you. Please be strong and leave him. Even without your history of being cheating on, his behavior is immature and disrespectful.
Over the ear, noise canceling headphones..
Thank you for your response! I know LDR is a tought thing to pull off, having ended my previous due to this, but this really isnt a LDR its only for this period I am away, the next 5 months. I wish I had never taken this job if it meant this would happen. And I agree with your point i am planning to suggest to her we 'take a break' and see how we stand once I am back. It is just so gut wrenching to hear someone say that there is no reason for you to split other than thats how they feel.
Just take your bf to the vet already.
It’s so incredibly common for people who have served to have depression or other mental health battles. See if he is willing to get some help. If you have invested so much into the relationship it’s worth staying if he is willing to take steps towards getting help.
This is wildly insulting and he has some serious issues. You’re young, go find someone who doesn’t smear their paranoia all over you, along with a side of gaslighting, no less. Best of luck.
Yeah I know I just don’t how him and his brother are close and I feel so bad for him he’s had such a hard life and he’s such in a shit town with parents who take all his money and he wants our help getting out he even wants to get a place with us
Hi all, and thank you everyone for your responses. To answer a few questions, they broke up a year ago, and we've been together a few months. I didn't (and still don't) know her, and I didn't start a relationship with him while they were still together. He definitely isn't cheating (I don't know when he would have the time lol, we're together 24/7 when we aren't working) and isn't the type to do so. He isn't hiding anything on his phone, he told me the password to it early on in case mine died and I needed to use it, and has been very open when she has contacted him asking for some boxes she had left in the loft (I was there with him when he took the call from her). The issue is genuinely guilt for hurting her, they had a good relationship for the most part, but weren't compatible in many ways and there were underlying issues in the relationship from the very beginning, so they fell out of love. She was living with him and his parents at the time when they broke up, and he feels immense guilt for her having to move back home to her mother who is basically trash and didn't look after or care for her and her siblings growing up. There's no sneakiness going on, and no pining, just a feeling of guilt and sadness for hurting someone he cared about once
What plan
Yeah although all of my friends/family who ive came to this about tell me to leave. Sometimes in fights shell say that i put no effort in and do nothing for her than when i say “ not to throw it in your face but i put a roof over your head and food in your stomach, i pay for you taxis when u want to go somewhere, i feed your dog and pay an extra 200 a month so the motel allows ur dog here. How are u gonna tell me i do nothing ?” Shell reply with “ well thats money i dont care about that” which leaves me baffled as if she doesn’t understand that all of that cost me hours and effort that she doesnt seem to appreciate. And tbh i cant live like this much longer im at my breaking point. Now when she gets upset it just makes me mad as its always over some bs that would be insignificant to a normal person. I went from being sweet and understanding to now im just becoming uncaring and bitter when she starts fights.