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Milena, y.o.
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Date: September 18, 2022
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change your name and move north to get a fresh start
That’s the spirit! Humans don’t have to be beautiful in order to be treated with respect. I got both mistreated from people who thought I was attractive because how dare I be BOTH and by people who don’t like the way I look because how dare i speak with that hair color and flat chest. The end result is the same: beauty doesn’t mean jack sh*t. It doesn’t make you a nice person, or a successful one or even happy. So let’s just ignore peoples meat suit all together
They came out at LEAST twice that you know of
Man I don't really have any advice I guess but just a little anecdote I suppose. My husband used to be a proper gym rat, ate well and was super healthy when we first met. Due to a snowball of health reasons that I won't go into he has gained a significant amount of weight during our relationship. I know it's something he feels incredibly self-conscious about. Even so I still find him hella attractive, I love him just the same and I encourage healthy habits when he wants my input. I would never DREAM of badmouthing my partner to my friends about ANYTHING, let alone something I know he's incredibly self conscious about – the idea wouldn't even cross my mind!
I'm not surprised you're not readily forgiving him, I really don't know where you go from there. It's one thing for him not to find you attractive anymore, it's an entirely different kettle of fish him going off and shittalking you to his friends.
If this is the first time this occured in 10 years, this is either an exception from the rule or a sign that he has been bottling something up and it is now bursting out.
I personally think what you did was pretty rude and pushy, not accepting his first “No” and then making a horrible apology (because “I had too much coffee” is basically turning any apology into bullcrap. Coffee doesn't cause people to disrespect other people's opinions and decisions). However, absolutely nothing justifies verbal abuse and the fact that he didn't apologize at all and is now lovebombing you is definitely concerning.
I think that you two need to sit down and both analyze how this could happen. Has he felt like you are being pushy a lot and now “finally” blew up? What about his non-apology, which is piss-poor communication as well? What about you not respecting his moral values of being on time for work and a “No”? Basically, you two need to evaluate how this happened, if there are underlying disrespect issues from either side and, most importantly: If you two should attend couples counselling before trying for a baby.
Because honestly, I find it incredibly difficult to judge this. Normally, I would say that with such verbal abuse, you should get out, but if this is the first time in ten years, with both of you having had a hectic morning… I don't know. I also don't know how often you are pushy, if he has general communication issues where he bottles things up… any of that. I just know that both your apology and what he is doing now (lovebombing) were both so crappy that I can't really believe the first paragraph of how good you two are apparently at conflict resolution because… you both are not.
this has to be fake
Idiot and asshole
This is too rich! Another individual not willing to take responsibility for their own actions.
Remember people, actions have consequences whether good or bad. If you don't want someone to find out what you've done, then don't do it.
I bet you she doesn’t think so.
“you would rather play videogames than hang out with me”
Have you answer that question? not to her, but to yourself?
This is my exact situation. I work from home- into the office one day a week.. come the weekends I just want to live my life but I have nobody to do things with. He has no interest in doing anything at all. Its even so bad that I attend friends engagement parties/birthdays ect by myself while all my other friends are there with their partners. But on the flip side hes incredibly thoughtful and caring towards me. Each time I think about leaving the relationship I feel physically sick and like I'm unable to cope. I think that's something I need to explore with my therapist. Well done for leaving a situation that didn't bring you the happiness you wanted and I'm glad you're in a much better place now. Thanks for responding.
I guess he's just forgetful, I don't think there's any malice in it or anything like that. I was forgetful in my relationships too (not to this extent obviously) but yeah I did sometimes forget stuff and girl would be annoyed.
So we've been texting since he left, he told me he knows he has a problem when it comes to what to say and what not and when not to say anything at all, he said his issue is not apologizing to me, but being wrong, he dislikes it. He is gonna try and work on it by talking less and think before he speaks. Idk somehow I felt like he is punishing me? I let it slide anyway cause I can't afford stress for neither of us.
Yes! Please don’t waste time on crappy men! Get yourself a nicer place and enjoy your life. Worry about getting yourself where you want to be first before adding in a guy.
So you really do know, now it’s time to dig in and figure out why you think your worth so little?
I need to do something to show him that this behaviour is unacceptable
Then stop accepting it. Tell him you're no longer interested in a relationship where you are treated like this, and he can stop or you will leave.
You both are too old to be this childish. You should break up asap and seek some therapy.
No, definitely not. If I were single then yes but if I was dating someone then no way.
No, she left a song, probably out of curiosity. Are you single as well?
She's probably thinking of amniocentesis. That's a large needle inserted into the uterus to draw out some of the amniotic fluid (the “water” that surrounds the baby). But that's used to test for genetic disorders and other health conditions, not gender. Gender is ultrasounds and blood tests.
My sister had postpartum depression and went postpartum psychosis a few months after birth.
Projecting much?
No, no. Not change who she is…just quit her job to be with him. /s
Yeah, what happens when it’s something more pressing? The wife loses her shit and hits the guy for playing chess with their son. The lady comes across as unstable and borderline whacked out.
That’s true but also it’s different from realizing you’re not ready before beginning it vs realizing 8 months in all of sudden
Just let him be and date around, he isn’t ready to be invested in someone outside of himself .
Yeah, if you sign that lease, they consider both incomes and you'll be expected to pay all the rent (between the two of you). You should tell her you're unwilling to do that. You don't want to be responsible for your own place, and hers too. Also if you do intend to go through with a divorce, why create an ongoing liability that links you together?
If she can't get approval on her own, she needs to get a roommate. That's the tough reality in the new United States.
You say you trust your wife and then show through your actions that you don’t trust her. Your jealousy is out of control and will kill your relationship. If you trust her, then trust her and know she won’t escalate. Employees go to lunch. It’s not like she got dressed in sexy clothes just for it. This is a you problem and you need to handle it
If she cheats with you, she'll cheat on you Are you the kind of man to date a married woman? The fact that you are here asking pretty much says you are better than that.
Same financial situation when we first moved in. Earned double my salary. As for the current split? Right now we equally pay rent since she cover more utilities (water, gas, internet). But in the summer, electricity is expensive. And in the winter, our gas bill is high. So it ebbs and flows, if that makes sense.
She says she wants space, give her space. This isn't about what you want.
Tell him you don’t like how he’s let himself go and also tell him that you need physical attraction to like him.
OP,
Have you ever considered that she might have been sexually assaulted sometime in her life?
You have seen her multiple time after doing this scream out and I am sure she has told you multiple times not to do it. BUT you kept doing it. She has a right no not tell you about her SA if she was. It would have been a horrible time in her life. Why I think that she was is because how she acted while partially undressed when you did this.
I could be completely wrong and it could be that she is so fed up with you all doing this to her. Doing something over and over knowing she does not like it is very cruel.
Whether or not she will ever speak to you again for you to apologize is up to her. your 28 years old you need to grow up and stop acting like a teenager.
Ew. You are very immature for your age.
In some cases I do, and these are the only friends that have lasted. Even then, she finds some reason why they are a bad influence or plant ideas that they are just trying to use me, and tries to drive a wedge between me and them.
As far as family, neighbors, and other couples, it's very difficult for it to not be a package deal. Example: neighbor has bad experience trying to be friendly with my wife. Now that's how they know us.
I guess those have been downvoted into oblivion because I’m not seeing those comments now.
Oh , sorry my mistake! 🙂
It’s not going to get better if you confront him. And it might get dangerous. Leave and get away.
If you are concrete does she follow through? For example, can we set a time for you to help me study this? versus can you help me study this week? Some people don't read intent very well and need absolutes. Does she have ADD? Just some thoughts.
In terms of legality it's actually an interesting question and based on the papers signed, the husband may be SOL legally, this would likely be very dependent on the contract and the local laws. Morally though there's no good argument for taking what is the product of love between two people and using it in a way that is contrary to the wishes of one of those people.