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Model from: it
Languages: en,it
Birth Date: 1998-04-19
Body Type: bodyTypeThin
Ethnicity: ethnicityWhite
Hair color: hairColorBlack
Eyes color: eyeColorBrown
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Date: January 9, 2023
This is not how open relationships work. One person doesn’t dictate the rules/boundaries, it’s supposed to be a discussion. She can’t just close your side and continue doing what she wants because she’s insecure.
Have a discussion about the expectations of sex from both people in your relationship, and until you both can figure out what’s not working within your relationship you should BOTH focus on each other and no one else. If she has an issue it’s her responsibility to figure out what the issue is and not just say “you’re not allowed to do what I am going to continue to do because you’re not having sex with me enough”.
Yeah totally. I guess what my hang up was is that if it was with his outside work friend group which he does have and he does see once a week I wouldn't have that initial tinge of jealousy.
It's more because it's with the people he is with all the time already.
But you're right, and yeah I need to figure out the chores because it's making me resentful.
People are different, ideals and values vary from person to person. Just because someone does something that doesn’t fit into a mold does not mean they are not who they believe themselves to be. In my life I have never met someone who follows the bible or any form of bible 100%. Christianity is not a blanket term for hatred or judgement. Jesus hung out with drunks, the sickly, less fortunate, prostitutes, etc. He felt more at home with people who didn’t cast the first stone.
OP, I would seriously suggest you take time and do some self reflection instead of using stereotypes as judgement markers and look inward to see what could be a red flag of yourself. If you were so concerned with your gf’s past you wouldn’t have started a relationship with her. It sounds like you are looking for justified reasons to create red flags and jump ship. Talk to her and ask if she sees red flags in you and you might be surprised at the ensuing conversation. She may dump you on the spot.
If you OP are not comfortable with a open relationship then take a break from each other and see if you two still want to be together because i been on Reddit long enough to see that those who come here about open relationships never last with their partner. Wither that be the one who wanted the open relationship or the one who was uncomfortable with it. That is because two things tend to happen: the one who brought up the idea, gets jealous and insecurities when their serious partner starts enjoying themselves with someone else and want to close the relationship again. The second is the one who wanted it open, leaves their serious partner for the new partner they found.
If you don't want to, don't do it. If you do want too don't get jealous, hurt, or surprised if anything happens. Also normally those who want the relationship opened, have already been cheating or want to cheat without consequence
If he postpones it, you’ll have more serious issues in your marriage. I would end it now…if he insists on this. Absolutely ridiculous. The only people that really need to be at your wedding are you and your fiancé. .
Lol that’s why he doesn’t want her to go. He knows he’s toast if she has 2 weeks with her girls to realise he ain’t shit.
I would want to know. If you consider it, even briefly, under any circumstances, that is a crisis. And I’m also not speaking hypothetically – I’m married too. And my wife entertaining the idea of an affair and then not telling me about it would devastate me. I don’t understand why you’re okay with covering this up but not a one-night stand. Neither one is acceptable. But the spouse deserves to know either way. If he doubts her, that’s fair. He should doubt her.
I’ve asked him why he’s doing so and so but he brushes it off/ doesn’t see a problem with it
Just breakup!!
You’re trying to rationalize behavior that sets off your internal alarms. Listen to your gut.
thank you for understanding, I never really talked to anyone about my relationship before so thank you, I really am glad people on this app actually are good people, thank you so much, and best of luck for your life too.
Keep going to therapy. But evaluate if your therapist is actually helpful to your issues. If not, find another therapist (saying this not in a negative tone).
Let her go. And if she comes back, change your passcode
What did you do to trigger her? Is it something that is usually very unacceptable? An automatic deal breaker?
i did confront her about it and she said he needed advice on something work related so that was her story
“and if you could choose, would you choose me or her?”
but he can't choose, because there is only one option. so you will never believe he answered you truthfully.
and it sounds like you believe you know the answer and it is not one that you like. accept it or don't (and take a step back from your relationship). otherwise, you will continue to be upset over this.
but in all honestly, you were so inappropriate to say anything to his ex-wife. If I were her, I'd be having second thoughts about allowing you to spend time with my child.
Keep her blocked and have absolutely no contact with her. Even if she apologizes she wouldn't mean it but would just use it to placate you. She has no remorse because she thinks she has done nothing wrong. She is also stringing you along at her convenience, someone who loves you wouldn't be so selfish or uncaring . Seems like she is also using you for money. If you don't respect yourself, no one else will. Take sometime for yourself before dating again and reflect on why you were allowing yourself to be treated this way
I get it that you’re in love with him, but he is in serious of professional help. The problem is it seems to me that it’s getting worse and worse instead of better based on what you wrote. I’m afraid in the future if nothing happens He is going to end up lashing out at you because of his own personal demons. He is in severe need of professional help and you really need to look into getting away from him for your own personal safety.
That's a long time to wait. But if you both want to wait, then wait. Or perhaps take a break and stay as friends until she is willing to date you openly.
But if you ever get to a point that you start to drift apart, or you start considering other options, let her know before you do anything. Don't cheat, and don't break her heart in the process.
The fact that you are saying this, tells me he has a history of selfish insane behaviour, and this was the final straw for you. If this was out of character, you’d be worried. If this was histrionic, you’d be (rightfully) angry.
As a gamer for 21 years? (I’m 23 and one of my first memories is playing a video game), 3 hours a week is NOTHING and especially for FIFA where each game on that game is only maybe 15-20 or so minutes. The saying “one more game” can result in many more than just one. OP has great self control, and if this 3 hours per week thing is true, he’s only only playing either a game a day, or at the most 2-3 games a few days a week. His girlfriend is completely overreacting. 3 hours of gaming per week is barely even considered being a gamer (unless your schedule is super busy), that’s like barely even casual numbers, more so that’s a novice amount of time to be playing. I also don’t mean those terms in an insulting way. When I play video games, each session is a minimum of 2 hours, nowadays since I’m very busy I game maybe 8-10 hours a week and that’s still not a lot compared to others.
If you can’t agree with his financial management now, it will just get worse. Long term dating would impact you. Do you really want that?
Jesus Christ it’s not fake. None of it is! I would not be wasting my time like this at all.
Dude a girl who dates 5 guys at the same time would definitely not be my first choice…. And girl who “did stuff” with someone else a few days before me would also not be ok with me. But the beauty of life is that you are different than me, and you can accept what is ok for you…. Can you live with this?? If you can them hey this may be the woman for you…. It you cant then there is your answer…. Hope it works out for you Buddy.
lied
by omission
(just in case OP starts saying that no she never said she was a virgin)
Awards are stupid. Just upvote.
Why give your money to Reddit?
My advice: apologise to your wife. Explain that you were tired and had a terrible headache and probably didn’t deal with the surprise guest as well as you should have as a result. You didn’t mean to make a bad impression, but your weren’t exactly in the best state of mind.
My guess is she might end up apologising for reacting so strongly and not giving you a heads up that someone would be there when you got home.
What more do you need?
you are not being toxic. it is a boundary you have, and it’s totally normal to have.
when i caught my bf doing this, he let me go and unfollow all the people i thought we’re too much, so maybe ask for that? i didn’t ask for it, he just let me, so im not sure how asking would sound, but it’s worth a shot. personally i never recovered from this, and am always paranoid he’s still doing it, but i have learned to trust that he isn’t, and. i got most my reassurance once he started going through social media in front of me, and i saw nothing to be mad about.
how long have you guys been dating?
Thats disgusting and even if he did, he could not wash it. I have gotten blacked out drunk when i was younger and remember almost every stupid thing i have done.
The problem is they love me day in day out and will call me pretty but I know there’s things he wishes of me looked differently. But when I told them how I felt insecure on a certain part of my body and how the porn they watch really affirms to me that that particular part of me will never be enough for them and they glazed over it and didn’t answer that section of my message, that really stung. So I’m just confused because they spend so long loving me and telling me they love me, calling me pretty but I just wonder if it’s sustainable. If they need to love all of me for this to continue. If I can feel secure in the fact they love me and want to be with me. If it’s fair for me to take up their time when they could be loving someone more that they are truly into. It’s breaking me because I thought for once I’d finally made it and gotten into a good spot and now I’m unsure again.
I think no cheater will admit they’ve cheated.
I think anyone in the position of trying to get a cheater to admit it is a fucking imbecile. Just dump them. Then you don't have to care. That your friend is already separated means this is just some pathetic attempt at closure.