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TAKE OFF DRESS [Multi Goal]
Date: December 30, 2022
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TAKE OFF DRESS [Multi Goal]
So her values only apply to her and not to you? So she won't take time off but you have to?
And she refuses to try to understand that you have to work and cannot come with her all the time?
Then she isn't a good partner and is being selfish and not respecting your choices as an adult. You say that she takes it as a personal insult to her when you don't go along with her plans.
Then yes she is being manipulative and blaming you for totally normal things like having to go to work. She is chosing to be upset.
It has been 4 years and she doesn't know that your family don't have events and thinks that you are not inviting her? or something like that then she is being ignorant by choice.
Demanding you do this and that isn't a partnership, it is a one sided control over you and what you do for her.
So the question is – What does she do for you that makes this worth being treated like this? Or how can you address this with her and feel that she has listened and taken it on board? What is your bottom line here? How many times does she get to tell you that you must do this or that or argue about things that she already knows you cannot do before you go “enough”. How are you going to reclaim respect and partnership in this relationship because I am hoping it wasn't always this way.
She may have expectations from growing up of how people take off work time to celebrate, but that isn't your life and how your life works. Unless she can accept that your choices are different that hers, then I you have more issues here going forwards for your future as you are not on the same page in how your lives are going to work out.
Ok, I'm going to do things to see if you fit MY worldview on what a girlfriend should be, in my eyes.
op, come on. he cheated. he used his projection of him wanting and actively cheating on you, to abuse you emotionally and take the roof from over your head, whilst you were fucking pregnant with his kid. To cheat on you.
He 100% hneeds to accept he was actively, willingly and consciously cheating on you, and fucking grovel and apologise for that, before you guys can even start any consideration of healing from all the other bullshit he has put you through.
Honestly, he has made you feel so so so unsafe, at you most vulnerable stage of life. It is completely unsurprising you dont feel safe with him and likely never again will. He has proved himself to be unsafe and emotionally dangerous.
She doesn’t sound very nice
These aren’t “tests,” they are games. Really stupid games. And basically the prize you won is him. Which… is a shitty prize.
Just tell him that you're secure enough in yourself to not believe that he's out of your league and that you're perfectly happy with how things are and how they're going.
I love my boyfriend to pieces. I see a future with him. It would all go away immediately if those words came out of his mouth, because I’m not gonna lie, that is not something you just share with someone. Especially if it’s something like that. If you’re attracted to children or you took part in watching a child getting RAPED for your own sexual gratification / pleasure and you go to therapy for it and change then good I’m glad you’re getting help… but that doesn’t change the fact of the matter. That to me just sounds like an admission of guilt.
You like that shit ? Get help , and don’t even begin to bring that up ever again. That’s how it needs to be.
Actually, I beg to differ. She can do whatever she wants with her money now but after you’re married, you should have an expectation that she’s going to contribute to your life together.
If she sends her mother $1000 a month means that it is $12,000 less that she will be putting aside into your savings for a house, or a car, or your future children’s education. You may not be contributing to her family directly, but her contributions to them are going to affect your finances down the line.
I would tell her. But privately. Be sensitive about this, she may struggle to accept the news. Hopefully she'll be happy for the two of you! Good luck OP.
Not probably, you WILL leave him!! Is the safety of your son not a priority to you? Wake up ffs
Yes, it was put out there to hurt you. Maybe he felt you were being very harsh and he felt personally attacked? Talking to him later will allow you to find out what triggered him and work out a better way of handling this in the future.
I'm glad that he does chores at other times.
If someone stole pictures my wife intended for me the thief would either have the cops on him or a physical intervention requested immediately. The fact the wife is not wanting anything whatsoever is so odd.
UpdateMe!
Lol this guy is bad with money
No. My parent age difference also 9 years.
That’s not a best friend. That’s a bully.
Read his other post, she’s awful. What he needs for his birthday is a divorce
I was wondering this exact thing. Hopefully she got permission to share this, but since she already groped him without permission, I’m guessing she doesn’t worry too much about consent.
Just break up with him. Quit stalling over visions of vengeance. Send a mass text to his friends and family after you end things. Your clock is ticking. You don't have time for revenge.
Let him go, break up with him, bang all of his friends.
My mind says I did, but the heart says I’ve put intimacy over love
I'd agree but making her cancel another trip is a slippery slope and not a great idea in my opinion. She's a significant other, not a child you can punish. You can choose to actively move past this and controlling her actions isn't going to make either of you feel very good or give you the space to heal.
Was it her decision to get drunk or was she forced to drink? The answer is self explanatory. What if a similar situation happens in the future and her friends let her do whatever? In this case the friends were exceptional but is the trust there going forward? Try to be objective and come out with an answer without emotions
Well, the car thing could be something he could be a jerk about if he wants. Is it just a title thing or are both of you on a car loan?
If you never want to have sex with him, and he's not asexual, then your relationship will not work.
Very few people in their early twenties will sign up to celibacy for the rest of their lives.
If you don't want to have sex, of course you should not have sex, but you should know that it's going to mean you will not be able to settle down with a man. The number of men out there will to be in a relationship without sex is very small.
We'll see after he gets the first taste of TP crumbs, at that point if he sticks with it, I'd be too horrified to stay personally lmao
Obviously not.
You really shouldn't have gotten a dog.
Not the most sensitive impulse buy, for a house full of rather anxious cats. What are they supposed to do, look you in the face and tell you how much fun the agressive giant odious fur dragon is? Thank you and your wife for your consideration? If you could speak cat language fluently you might not like what they're saying.
Yeah, Could have thought that one through better.
I agree with your wife. The cats will be a lot happier with someone else who doesn't have an agressive dog. Put your town feelings of fear of loss aside for a second. They're not your kids.
Love to dish it, but cant be called out on your own “actions”???
Lol, must be nappy time, eh?
He's nuts. I am married and I don't give them and my husband doesn't insist on them. All relationships are different and what you will and won't do is up to you NOT him. He's being an AH. That's not cool at all. There is no standard with sex and he needs to STFU.
You are so very welcome.
I never felt the risk, much less massive. We knew…we just knew.
Yes, I’m with you. This guy is playing armchair psych. The more of his comments I read the more I am concerned about Jenny in this relationship.
How did you come to that arrangement? What’s the reason for changing it for the new house? Have you asked for an ownership share in the new house?
You can’t make it work while paying 50/50 unless you can greatly increase your income. And as a teacher, you will not be able to increase it enough. He either has to fully agree to a finance split proportional to incomes, severely lower his standards for a house, or do not buy a house together.
Yeah that's why I'm wondering if I'm just hanging on details here since I've had very toxic relationships before you know?? Haha he does plenty things that none of the other guys I've dated did, he's definitely on a whole other level.
How did you bring it up and how did he react?
We're both not very romantic tbh so like, I'm not sure how he'd react if I bring this up lol!
I doubt, I know the basics and can probably tell what each of ours is but I don't really believe a test could help in any way!
Every person woman or man has a reason behind actions!!!
Give her more reassurance that you're not taking off
— if you're actually not, and you'll see a change.
It has to be genuine tho.
If you're already out the door, tbh, it sounds like you are,
don't reassure anything. Let the vine die. Divorce.
My demeanor in a relationship is the exact same way. As an adult, I date other people assuming that they are adults as well but I have met a few guys who act like this because they want a woman to be dependent on them both financially and emotionally, and I don't swing like that. It always ends up being a big issue.
Just recently I started dating a man who is completely independent financially and emotionally, and it is amazing. I've never had this, but it is wonderful to have somebody who can be adult about life and emotions and communicate effectively instead of playing games.
They're out there, and they won't cause you this kind of stress and drama and self doubt. You're making the right decision to get away from this so you can be open for opportunities of somebody worth your time.
You're awesome, I'm sorry you've gotta go through this drama, but you've got this ♥︎
Maybe you need to take a step back and reevaluate your emotional investment in this friendship and why it's getting to you so much you're not getting responded to as much as you'd like.
From everything you've described this hasn't gone beyond online chatting and texting. She's not “messing around with you feelings” she has a life that doesn't include picking up the phone every time you text.
All you're doing is sending this woman red flags that if she continues in a relationship with you you're going to be super controlling. I'd distance myself from that too.
What do you need to do? Nothing. Let her participate in the relationship on her terms. If you can't handle doing that, then the right thing to do is cut off contact.
You had a whole post to explain things, and have yet to. You are the unhinged one.
It would be incredibly unfortunate to find out two weeks after marriage that your wife thinks the main thing she offers is sex and she's just trying to make you happy. I really hope that's not the case here, but it was my read, at least as a strong possibility. If that's the case, it's time to go back to the drawing board with communication if OP thought it was “great” until now
…this is also a red flag.
Okay, sure. But literally every person that comes to mind fits scenario 1 not 2. And I also disagree that it's a problem exclusively for narcissists. Plenty of normal people are content burying their heads in the sand and have 0 excuses.
I'm sorry if you feel like my statements have attacked your situation in some way and being worn out by politics is one thing, declaring yourself above them is another entirely
What a horrible situation for you. I may get downvoted for this but I (as a women) feel it’s so unfair someone can do this to you. Having your baby without discussing it with you, or even informing you, and then confronting you after 10 years. That should be illegal.
I am so sorry that you wife left but I do understand her. I would probably do the same. I know it’s hard for you to understand because you didn’t do anything wrong technically (although you should have considered birth control back then if you didn’t want to have kids with your ex) it still created a situation she doesn’t want to be in and hasn’t chose for.
When I was still dating I NEVER dated anyone with kids. I just didn’t want that for myself. I never wanted to raise kids that aren’t my own, I don’t want to be a step-mom and I don’t want to deal with exes and all the drama with it. If that situation was forced upon me, even if my husband wasn’t aware and didn’t do anything wrong because it was way before we met, I would probably still leave him. It changes and affects my life in such a way, without having the control. All of a sudden having to deal with an ex and her child…
I am sorry but I understand your wife, it really sucks for you and we can see your ex also feels sorry for you, but she just doesn’t want this for herself.
Thank you for saying this. For reddit it's all about insecurity. Some people just don't like being with someone who's been around a lot. It makes them feel uncomfortable.
She only owned her mistake after not owning it for weeks. Blamed him and everything. You're not only focusing on the outcome, not the beginning in which she was obviously malicious.
I think reconciliation stories are great inspiration for other couples going through it and actively working towards a goal together, but you're posting this on a post where cheating hasn't even happened. It's not the best story to use to deter someone from cheating lol. It's not a great story for someone to read who thinks their SO might cheat soon, either.
Yeah my first thought was fingernails, that shit fuckin hurrrtts
sounds like you’re in a relationship with a baby. might be time to get a new bf to go w those new laundry baskets
Does your CURRENT husband enter your thoughts at all? I feel bad for him
I think the root problem is your subconscious mind is “shopping elsewhere” because your husband is not holding up his end of things in the bedroom.
Would you describe your sex life as fulfilling? Satisfying? Exciting?
Does the ED often come between you two enjoying each other physically?
It might be a good idea to look into sex therapy, or alternatives for penetrative sex to make sure both of you are satisfied and excited for the next session.
If I were you, I would have to say no. If you want someone else, that's your choice, but I'm not comfortable with not knowing where I stand and trying to reform the relationship with “rules of engagement ” involving other people. If I were going to lose someone I care about, it might as well happen, as to dissolve over stages while feelings are hurt and trust is broken in small pieces.
I think everyone can choose their lifestyle, but everyone doesn't need to be open to everything out there. The relationship was established with the understanding that it was a private club for 2. There are lots of things to try and to do. If she's unhappy with something specific, work can be done. If she's just interested in other people, then it sounds like you are in two different places with the relationship.
You’re moving in a dude with your kid after less than 4 months. Are you insane or just hard up for D. He shouldn’t have even met your kid yet. What is wrong with you.
I wish some people just…would spare a kid their bullshit and not be parents
Give her the space she requires and don't put pressure on her. You on the other hand, channel your energy into something else to take your kind off your anxiety.
Yeah you need to try to get your job back. Try to break your lease and get out of the new place. Contact your old landlord and see if they have any other vacancies.
Get rid of the boy who has cold feet. He’s leading you on and not caring about the consequences for you.