She’s young. Just give her time. It takes a while. Especially if she’s a virgin. Literally I thought I was “bad” at sex for six months in my relationship it took me six months to feel comfortable. Of course my boyfriend validated my feelings and told me I wasn’t bad at all I was learning. She just doesn’t want to get hurt that’s all. Try not to take it personally. I don’t think it’s too soon, but sometimes people feel differently.
Sorry, but you kinda set yourself up for this. For most people, cuddling a friend of the opposite gender, who is naked in nothing but a towel, isn’t a good look. I’d likely feel the same if I were him tbh.
Yeah going straight to a vasectomy seems crazy to me too when we both have discussed the idea of kids later in life, just not right now. Getting a vasectomy would just make that way more expensive and complicated in the long run. I guess I will bring this up to her and see what she says I just feel like an AH for wanting sex when I know she is struggling with birth control.
Again, you’re skipping so much context, this friend shares a lot with me. There isn’t much we don’t speak about. Which I mentioned. He has literally texted me at like 10pm being like I need someone to talk to let’s go for a drive – and has repeatedly thanked me for listening and being someone he trusts. He has also said I am one of the only people he does share things with. This is exactly why this behavior has been sus to me.
have you met these friends? would you be open to meeting these people? If she is already compromising with you saying she can cut back on the time she spends with them but wont cut them off your gonna need to compromise with her too. She has been open on honest with you up to this point and she has set boundaries with the friends regarding her ex so you should to and work with her to get over your insecurities. What would be the best outcome for your relationship? She wants you and these friends so how can you ensure that it is fair for all
And yet, if my partner gained 50 pounds in 3 years, I'd want to make sure they're otherwise physically healthy before I start moaning about how they're not conventionally attractive anymore.
It's very easy for people to talk shit when they have zero clue what you're actually going through right now. It's not easy to replace broken things, especially not all at once. At this time of year. Not to mention the emotional turmoil it creates. Your partner may be very self absorbed as a result of mental ill health. It's very hard to look outside yourself when you're essentially in crisis to see how others feel or how you impact upon them. Hence no sorry. The only person who can fix him, is him. When you live someone, it's very hard not to want to help rescue them grin themselves. But at what cost to you? That's the question you now face. As I said before, I wish you well. I hope you get a happy every after here and I'm sorry you have to struggle with this right now.
It is not your fault and please don’t think that. This man is mentally ill and was before you met him. If you think he is in serious danger, you should contact authorities to do a well being check, and then proceed to break things off. Coming from personal experience with an ex who behaved like this, he’s emotionally manipulating you doing what he can to make sure you won’t leave. But this is not now and never can be a healty relationship. You really should consider listening to i and the others here and RUN NOW for your own sake.
Women aren't conquests, anyone in general shouldn't be aiming to sleep with X amount of people. It's fine if the number just so happened to be high, but making it a goal is all kinds of weird.
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Food for thought, thank you. I don't want to make it seem like he doesn't ever take me into consideration, we are generally very open in our relationship (well, obviously bar this current issue) but yeah, I have complained multiple times that I wish he would at least close the door while pooping lol. I think he might think I'm only semi-serious cause I'm generally pretty laidback.
I know therapy is probably the best solution. I just need to suck it up and admit to him that I think we need it.
Would you consider your parents to be rational, supportive people? If so, it’s a massive red flag on your boyfriend’s part if both of your parents despise him.
In my opinion, 9/10 times if the people who have been in your life a long time and only want the best for you have an issue with your partner then there’s a problem with who you choose to date.
He doesn't want you and is literally asking you to leave. Sounds like you'll be no worse off financially without him so why not leave? At least you get time away from the 2 year old if you split up and he had visitation. You'd have a lot less housework if he wasn't living with you too. He doesn't value you and never will whilst he still has you.
Dump him, single women are proven to live longer and be happier so don't put up with a guy who isn't enhance your life in any way.
In the nicest way possible, it's not that he's “not helping”. It's that both of you apparently see the house chores as your job, and if he lifts a finger, it is “helping”. He is an adult, he lives in that house, the kid is his. Tasks that need to be done for the kid to survive and the house to function are just as much his responsibility as yours. So when he does them, it ain't “helping” it's “pulling his weight as an adult”. THAT is what he's not doing.
Think of it this way, if yall were not together anymore and had different homes, would he be doing more or less than he is right now? What about you? If the answer for both isn't more when youre adding a whole other home, it's because someone is slacking. And whoever would be doing less in that scenario (you) might actually find that an upgrade. That should give you both pause.
I was living with a friend like this last year. The only reason I said no to dating her was because of behaviour like this. She would go out to party then tell me to come pick her up by 12 in the night, it would become 3 am then 6 am and then she would come home the next day at 1 pm totally wasted. I would also lose my sleep in the process. Horrible experience! You cant change someone like this
It's weird to me how supportive the sub is of her abandoning the child. There would be an entirely different reaction if she were the father.
Like could you imagine a guy posting that he has two kids, his wife is pregnant and keeping the baby, and he tells her if she keeps the baby, he's going to cut and run and only care for 2/3 kids and the third will be all on her, and he'll just pay child support?
And imagine how this poor kid is going to feel.
“My siblings go to their mom's house every other week.” “Oh, so they're like your half siblings?” “No, she's my mom too, she just wants nothing to do with me.”
I'm not defending the dad here in guilting her out of an abortion, but she's now in the position that tons of dads are where there's going to be a child that exists now and she's abandoning them. Dads get absolutely crucified for having her attitude about a kid they don't want, and that's when there aren't even siblings involved.
I appreciate your perspective. If things hit the fan I would be able to rent my own place out. I’ve been on my own paying for my own places for a very long time so I wouldn’t necessarily be dependent on him. More worried about the impact it would take on my son if we didn’t workout. I had a good feeling about it up until last night when he confirmed he doesn’t love me yet.
This depends on context, some men think they deserve to marry or date a 10/10. Let me put it this way I love my partner she is not a 10/10 to others but she is a solid 8 girl next door with a amazing personality. Me I am a solid 8 funny and bit of a goof.
We both know we are not 10/10 but we love each other for everything we bring to the table. I dated a few 10’s they are a solid pain in the ass. You partner chose you, asked to marry you, so what if you are not a 10..
The next year she finally found some housemates that she really got on with and finally made a tight friendship group. She lived with them for 9 months and then as COVID settled down she decided to leave Australia to see her family back home. Visa struggles made it difficult for her to return to Aus so she stayed with her family
I feel for her tbh.. When she found her own housemates she had to leave them very suddenly.. then she spent the rest of the time living with you and your housemates or her family
Frankly I don't think either of you are in the wrong here, but I would extend some empathy to her. It's fine if you live in the same city and have date nights and still let her live with some housemates for a while. You're very young and there's gonna be a long time in your life of you living together.
Thank you for the wisdom! But, can I ask you if we're trying to be friends, then why does he keep mentioning that we'll just end up having sex or that I still turn him on? He is the one that asked to be friends, not me.
Would it be better to just not go through with it? I mean, I sort of already agreed, and both of them sound really excited, but I don't really know. I feel like they might get upset if I cancel at the last minute.
They've both been talking really dirty all day, so I can say for sure that they're both really looking forward to it. My wife has never texted like this before.
You make such a big deal about how you thought her actions before were out of love and respect for you. What do you do to show your love and respect for her?
Let me reframe his question for you. “Do you care more about this dress, or my control over you?” You’re too young for this. It’s not worth it, and the controlling behavior will only escalate.
Back when he was younger he was wiser. It is NOT his place to tell you what you can and cannot wear. It feels wrong to you because it IS wrong. He doesn’t own your body and he doesn’t control how much if your body is seen by the world. Yes he can tell you he’s uncomfortable, but he can not give you “ultimatums” over this. Turn it back on him: what does he value more, you or his own personal comfort? Sounds like he’s choosing his comfort. Is that who you want as a partner?
I think you just have to be up front with her. You seem like you've really tried to be considerate of her feelings through all of this, which is good and very admirable, but it seems like you have done this to the point of pushing your own feelings and needs to the side when they're just as important. People might say you just need to control yourself, but physical intimacy is an important part of any relationship. And if you're feeling a lack of intimacy then the relationship isn't going to last in the long term.
Be brutally honest with her. Tell her that your needs are not being met in the relationship and that it's having a negative effect on you. That you require sex more often. And you both need to work together to find a solution or you may have to consider your options.
I would also recommend thinking of a couple of suggestions and list an open relationship as one of a couple options. She might get mad and think you just want to cheat on her guilt free if you just bring that out of the blue as your only solution.
This sounds exhausting and I don’t think he’s going to change. Even if he says he will, ask yourself if he can ever really rebuild your trust. You’ve given him lots of opportunities to do the right thing and he hasn’t. There is no doubt in my mind that he’s having an affair.
I know several people who’ve been in this type of situation, and while breaking things off was hard, not a single one ultimately regretted doing it as the peace and happiness they reached was worth it. I know it’s scary, and taking action is harder than reacting to someone else’s actions, but you and your happiness matter and no one will look out for you except you.
Cheating is a big no for me, however some people can get past it and forgive and somehow end up having a decent relationship – I'm not entirely sure how they do it.
The thing is, if you want to be with a cheater then you have two options;
accept they will cheat on you and find a peace with that if they say they wish to change then there needs to be a line drawn and you need to move past the previous betrayals.
You've got a baby on the way and I think it is really disgusting that he has given you added stress during a time where you really need to be stress-free, but if you are both committed to making this relationship work then I would suggest couples counselling to help you both. However, on a spiteful note I would make him pay for it as he is the issue here and he clearly has the money for trips and other women so he can pay into fixing your relationship too.
If he does not want to go to couples counselling and he does not intend on changing his behaviour then you either accept he is going to cheat on you until he gets bored with cheating or he leaves you, or you can leave him.
She’s 19 , I’m mid 20s
She’s young. Just give her time. It takes a while. Especially if she’s a virgin. Literally I thought I was “bad” at sex for six months in my relationship it took me six months to feel comfortable. Of course my boyfriend validated my feelings and told me I wasn’t bad at all I was learning. She just doesn’t want to get hurt that’s all. Try not to take it personally. I don’t think it’s too soon, but sometimes people feel differently.
She said what I can't have friends
What a dumb thing to agree to
She said what I can't have friends
What a dumb thing to agree to
I need someone now not later. I don't have a solid support system in my life
Sorry, but you kinda set yourself up for this. For most people, cuddling a friend of the opposite gender, who is naked in nothing but a towel, isn’t a good look. I’d likely feel the same if I were him tbh.
Yeah going straight to a vasectomy seems crazy to me too when we both have discussed the idea of kids later in life, just not right now. Getting a vasectomy would just make that way more expensive and complicated in the long run. I guess I will bring this up to her and see what she says I just feel like an AH for wanting sex when I know she is struggling with birth control.
I want to believe her but all the signs are pointed to her cheating also everyone is telling me that lol
Again, you’re skipping so much context, this friend shares a lot with me. There isn’t much we don’t speak about. Which I mentioned. He has literally texted me at like 10pm being like I need someone to talk to let’s go for a drive – and has repeatedly thanked me for listening and being someone he trusts. He has also said I am one of the only people he does share things with. This is exactly why this behavior has been sus to me.
have you met these friends? would you be open to meeting these people? If she is already compromising with you saying she can cut back on the time she spends with them but wont cut them off your gonna need to compromise with her too. She has been open on honest with you up to this point and she has set boundaries with the friends regarding her ex so you should to and work with her to get over your insecurities. What would be the best outcome for your relationship? She wants you and these friends so how can you ensure that it is fair for all
And yet, if my partner gained 50 pounds in 3 years, I'd want to make sure they're otherwise physically healthy before I start moaning about how they're not conventionally attractive anymore.
It's very easy for people to talk shit when they have zero clue what you're actually going through right now. It's not easy to replace broken things, especially not all at once. At this time of year. Not to mention the emotional turmoil it creates. Your partner may be very self absorbed as a result of mental ill health. It's very hard to look outside yourself when you're essentially in crisis to see how others feel or how you impact upon them. Hence no sorry. The only person who can fix him, is him. When you live someone, it's very hard not to want to help rescue them grin themselves. But at what cost to you? That's the question you now face. As I said before, I wish you well. I hope you get a happy every after here and I'm sorry you have to struggle with this right now.
It is not your fault and please don’t think that. This man is mentally ill and was before you met him. If you think he is in serious danger, you should contact authorities to do a well being check, and then proceed to break things off. Coming from personal experience with an ex who behaved like this, he’s emotionally manipulating you doing what he can to make sure you won’t leave. But this is not now and never can be a healty relationship. You really should consider listening to i and the others here and RUN NOW for your own sake.
Women aren't conquests, anyone in general shouldn't be aiming to sleep with X amount of people. It's fine if the number just so happened to be high, but making it a goal is all kinds of weird.
Yeah that was my bad, second language is her ex
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Yeah BMI is bullshit and doesn’t work for a lot of people but it’s still what the American medical association uses.
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Sorry, just to confirm, these were found early on in our relationship.
Its not a kissing picture – op said in another comment
Food for thought, thank you. I don't want to make it seem like he doesn't ever take me into consideration, we are generally very open in our relationship (well, obviously bar this current issue) but yeah, I have complained multiple times that I wish he would at least close the door while pooping lol. I think he might think I'm only semi-serious cause I'm generally pretty laidback.
I know therapy is probably the best solution. I just need to suck it up and admit to him that I think we need it.
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.
So the baby daddy options are rapist or rapist apologist? Yeah, no, abort that baby.
Would you consider your parents to be rational, supportive people? If so, it’s a massive red flag on your boyfriend’s part if both of your parents despise him.
In my opinion, 9/10 times if the people who have been in your life a long time and only want the best for you have an issue with your partner then there’s a problem with who you choose to date.
What did you do for her birthday?
You have a shit partner.
He doesn't want you and is literally asking you to leave. Sounds like you'll be no worse off financially without him so why not leave? At least you get time away from the 2 year old if you split up and he had visitation. You'd have a lot less housework if he wasn't living with you too. He doesn't value you and never will whilst he still has you.
Dump him, single women are proven to live longer and be happier so don't put up with a guy who isn't enhance your life in any way.
Honey it’s not “help” when it’s his own fuckin home. Have some standards
In the nicest way possible, it's not that he's “not helping”. It's that both of you apparently see the house chores as your job, and if he lifts a finger, it is “helping”. He is an adult, he lives in that house, the kid is his. Tasks that need to be done for the kid to survive and the house to function are just as much his responsibility as yours. So when he does them, it ain't “helping” it's “pulling his weight as an adult”. THAT is what he's not doing.
Think of it this way, if yall were not together anymore and had different homes, would he be doing more or less than he is right now? What about you? If the answer for both isn't more when youre adding a whole other home, it's because someone is slacking. And whoever would be doing less in that scenario (you) might actually find that an upgrade. That should give you both pause.
I was living with a friend like this last year. The only reason I said no to dating her was because of behaviour like this. She would go out to party then tell me to come pick her up by 12 in the night, it would become 3 am then 6 am and then she would come home the next day at 1 pm totally wasted. I would also lose my sleep in the process. Horrible experience! You cant change someone like this
She's too young for you it's weird you didn't shut it down immediately
It's weird to me how supportive the sub is of her abandoning the child. There would be an entirely different reaction if she were the father.
Like could you imagine a guy posting that he has two kids, his wife is pregnant and keeping the baby, and he tells her if she keeps the baby, he's going to cut and run and only care for 2/3 kids and the third will be all on her, and he'll just pay child support?
And imagine how this poor kid is going to feel.
“My siblings go to their mom's house every other week.” “Oh, so they're like your half siblings?” “No, she's my mom too, she just wants nothing to do with me.”
I'm not defending the dad here in guilting her out of an abortion, but she's now in the position that tons of dads are where there's going to be a child that exists now and she's abandoning them. Dads get absolutely crucified for having her attitude about a kid they don't want, and that's when there aren't even siblings involved.
Just don't respond any more. Better still, block him. That gets the message across without even chatting.
I appreciate your perspective. If things hit the fan I would be able to rent my own place out. I’ve been on my own paying for my own places for a very long time so I wouldn’t necessarily be dependent on him. More worried about the impact it would take on my son if we didn’t workout. I had a good feeling about it up until last night when he confirmed he doesn’t love me yet.
Adoptive mothers sometimes do this using a feeding tube system designed for this purpose. Google Supplemental Nursing System.
Whether this is a good idea in your particular case, I don’t know.
Yes, it's a red flag.
This is just childish and ridiculous. She seems very immature.
This depends on context, some men think they deserve to marry or date a 10/10. Let me put it this way I love my partner she is not a 10/10 to others but she is a solid 8 girl next door with a amazing personality. Me I am a solid 8 funny and bit of a goof.
We both know we are not 10/10 but we love each other for everything we bring to the table. I dated a few 10’s they are a solid pain in the ass. You partner chose you, asked to marry you, so what if you are not a 10..
she was over the top mad
That's a very odd reaction.
The next year she finally found some housemates that she really got on with and finally made a tight friendship group. She lived with them for 9 months and then as COVID settled down she decided to leave Australia to see her family back home. Visa struggles made it difficult for her to return to Aus so she stayed with her family
I feel for her tbh.. When she found her own housemates she had to leave them very suddenly.. then she spent the rest of the time living with you and your housemates or her family
Frankly I don't think either of you are in the wrong here, but I would extend some empathy to her. It's fine if you live in the same city and have date nights and still let her live with some housemates for a while. You're very young and there's gonna be a long time in your life of you living together.
Definitely married or just a whole catfish messing with OP for shits and giggles.
Also why in the everloving name is this called dating?
This man shows u no affection OP he can't call u…
Probs because he has a wife and kids same reason he can't meet u until his wife and kids leave off somewhere.
This isn't a relationship sorry.. cut ur losses and block him.
Thank you for the wisdom! But, can I ask you if we're trying to be friends, then why does he keep mentioning that we'll just end up having sex or that I still turn him on? He is the one that asked to be friends, not me.
Fuuuuuuuck
That’s my thought
??♀️
She’s not your gf sorry.
She wants to go (or did go)to the party as a single person so she can hook up with anyone (or everyone).
So tell her that there is no starting over.
She ended the relationship, so you are moving on.
Then take some time to yourself, and then go find someone else to be with.
Would it be better to just not go through with it? I mean, I sort of already agreed, and both of them sound really excited, but I don't really know. I feel like they might get upset if I cancel at the last minute.
They've both been talking really dirty all day, so I can say for sure that they're both really looking forward to it. My wife has never texted like this before.
Wow, you are so disrespectful of her career path.
You make such a big deal about how you thought her actions before were out of love and respect for you. What do you do to show your love and respect for her?
“I’ve changed” after a month? ???.. I’d bet he hasn’t even changed his sheets.
Let me reframe his question for you. “Do you care more about this dress, or my control over you?” You’re too young for this. It’s not worth it, and the controlling behavior will only escalate.
Back when he was younger he was wiser. It is NOT his place to tell you what you can and cannot wear. It feels wrong to you because it IS wrong. He doesn’t own your body and he doesn’t control how much if your body is seen by the world. Yes he can tell you he’s uncomfortable, but he can not give you “ultimatums” over this. Turn it back on him: what does he value more, you or his own personal comfort? Sounds like he’s choosing his comfort. Is that who you want as a partner?
I think you just have to be up front with her. You seem like you've really tried to be considerate of her feelings through all of this, which is good and very admirable, but it seems like you have done this to the point of pushing your own feelings and needs to the side when they're just as important. People might say you just need to control yourself, but physical intimacy is an important part of any relationship. And if you're feeling a lack of intimacy then the relationship isn't going to last in the long term.
Be brutally honest with her. Tell her that your needs are not being met in the relationship and that it's having a negative effect on you. That you require sex more often. And you both need to work together to find a solution or you may have to consider your options.
I would also recommend thinking of a couple of suggestions and list an open relationship as one of a couple options. She might get mad and think you just want to cheat on her guilt free if you just bring that out of the blue as your only solution.
i would have to ask. however, the times i met his parents they seemed very affectionate with him, atleast verbally affectionate.
read that all back to yourself as if it were about someone else, what would you tell them?
Yup, watch out sucking the soul out of him or you just might blissfully kill the dude.
This sounds exhausting and I don’t think he’s going to change. Even if he says he will, ask yourself if he can ever really rebuild your trust. You’ve given him lots of opportunities to do the right thing and he hasn’t. There is no doubt in my mind that he’s having an affair.
I know several people who’ve been in this type of situation, and while breaking things off was hard, not a single one ultimately regretted doing it as the peace and happiness they reached was worth it. I know it’s scary, and taking action is harder than reacting to someone else’s actions, but you and your happiness matter and no one will look out for you except you.
Good luck x
She didn't say anything bc she likes being chased…. If no boundaries are aet now this will go bad 4 u
So it sounds like you both need to schedule time in advance, so you can bothmake it work.
Cheating is a big no for me, however some people can get past it and forgive and somehow end up having a decent relationship – I'm not entirely sure how they do it.
The thing is, if you want to be with a cheater then you have two options;
accept they will cheat on you and find a peace with that if they say they wish to change then there needs to be a line drawn and you need to move past the previous betrayals.
You've got a baby on the way and I think it is really disgusting that he has given you added stress during a time where you really need to be stress-free, but if you are both committed to making this relationship work then I would suggest couples counselling to help you both. However, on a spiteful note I would make him pay for it as he is the issue here and he clearly has the money for trips and other women so he can pay into fixing your relationship too.
If he does not want to go to couples counselling and he does not intend on changing his behaviour then you either accept he is going to cheat on you until he gets bored with cheating or he leaves you, or you can leave him.