108 thoughts on “Sophia-lennox live webcams for YOU!”
I would ask her for headphones or noise cancelling loops, politely: “mom could we get me these loops? I can hear you with your boyfriend when I'm in my room and I don't want to overhear your personal time together..”
Call her parents, tell them the situation and pick a date where they will pick her up. She has been manipulating the situation for long enough. Grow a back bone and keep with the decision. Itll be a shit day bit it'll be the last one.
If he says no hesays no.. You have no right to be offended at that for whatever reason. Boundaries are allowed even for men.
Whether or not you have an iud doesn't matter. Pregnancy can STILL happen to the very unlucky view and your boyfriend is more responsible than you are by even trying to eliminate that threat.
Besides if he doesn't want to, making him feel guilty is manipulatinh him.. His choice, his CONSENT, and his boundaries should be listened to.
The first year of a relationship is usually like this, both still getting to grips with the change of being in a relationship and not having the freedom to do what you want when you want. She’s entitled to go on her trips for the rest of her life, as are you. I agree that she has been quite insensitive, but who is saving to settle down after being together for a year? You should both be enjoying your time together and apart, the first year of a relationship should be exciting and new and full of new experiences and adventures. Perhaps plan a trip with her! There’s no rush to settle down and be serious yet, if you don’t have adventures together and make memories then both of you will only start to look back before the relationship and the fun you had when you were single.
I've experienced this exact thing in my teens! It hasn't happened since and I always wondered what that was about, but it wasn't a common occurrence like it seems to be for OPs partner.
he told you what he feels about you. He feels entitled to say anything that passes through his head without trying to be nice to you. He is scaring your kids.
You must protect your kids and remove them from the poison of unpredicted anger, now.
Currently attempting to do that, asked if we could talk abt our boundaries and surprisingly she said yes, I was busy so I texted her back a few hours later and she hasn’t replied just yet
Just to clarify, by “names” I don't mean profanity, but things like “you're weird,” you're crazy” you're stupid.” I had two boyfriends before my husband, and one called me names at times too when angry, guess I am just unlucky or attract the wrong type of people!
I’m sorry to say this but he cheated and it wasn’t the heat of the moment. The marriage is over. It will be hard but you will find a partner who won’t betray you.
I think when someone doesn’t give you a clear answer, just take it that they are unable to give you a direct and clear one, hence they don’t actually know how to communicate. Just listen to your gut feelings because more often than not they’re there to help you. Her saying she wants a casual friendship and can’t prioritize you means that she answered you clearly, it’s up to you to advocate for your own needs and feelings for a healthy relationship and it’s ultimately your decision to stay in one, whether or not those needs are being met. So take this as a lesson to seek partners that are emotionally available and actively want to be committed to you, as well as prioritize you. You might’ve been blindsided by your understanding and persistent nature, but just know that you were just putting your efforts with the wrong person.
I’m sorry this happened to you because you seem like a great person that wants to genuinely be in a committed relationship. At least now you have the chance to get to know someone who’s more emotionally mature to communicate these things more clearly, as well as someone who decides to put in effort to get to know you and hopefully build a loving relationship with you!
Soo how long should he carry her if she dosent take him in to considerarion? He gives alot. What does he recieve? Your whole life is a transaction. Remember that.
I had a burning feeling from penetration once because I was dry af. Despite trying to use some lube, it'd wear off fast because he couldn't turn me on. Rubbing against dry skin inside can also cause tears. Once it was so bad, I was bleeding a bit the next day, just from the dry friction the night before.
You were broken up. It's pretty common for someone whose just had a relationship break up to go out and get some. Honestly, it's something you'll need to get over if you want thinks to work out going forward, you were broken up, he didn't cheat, these things happen. Just make sure he was safe and is clean before having any uprooted sex.
They're still a health concern, and for a lot of sexual violence victim/survivors, contracting an STI as a result of rape or assault can exacerbate the trauma and reinforce feelings of shame, disgust, and guilt.
That's just life. 30s is the decade of young children and absolute desperate ass-busting in careers for most people. The piles of free time for hanging with friends with no obligations just go away. It's normal and natural.
You should try survivinginfidelity.com and post in their JFO forum. If you decide to try to work this out you both should read “Not Just Friends” by Glass and “How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair” by MacDonald. And she needs INDIVIDUAL therapy for herself ASAP so she can figure out and fix whatever is broken inside her that let her do this. Couples counselling is a year or two away at the earliest.
I mean. It won’t “put this whole thing to bed.” He doesn’t trust her. He’s not going to suddenly start to trust her.
When it turns out that the DNA test confirms that he's the father of his children, it just proves that she waited to start cheating until after their last child was conceived. He just needs to keep looking for proof and tracking her movements. /s
She “isn’t ready” to meet you? Uhh. I was ready to meet my roommates girlfriend the moment we ran into each other in the kitchen and she was like “this is my girlfriend” and I was like “sup.” I didn’t even need to do anything to prepare for it! Why would your boyfriends roommate need to prepare??
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Make a dr appointment for her and go with her to confirm. I have a feeling that she is going to “miscarry” this baby if you stay and then guilt you kore with her “grief”. Confirm, second do not stay for a baby. Imagine how miserable that child’s life will be with unhappy parents. Confirm first. And if sue has a child then get paternity test.
He didn’t really try and cover his tracks but I think he was just so drunk he didn’t even think about that. Like leaving his phone downstairs with an unread message from that girl was so stupid and made it so easy for me to find out.
Crossing boundaries that were previously agreed upon is emotional abuse, calling you dumb is verbal abuse. He might not hit you, OP, but he doesn't respect you.
Your boundary isn't dumb, it's a normal boundry that a lot of people have.
The way you talk about yourself at the beginning of your post is awful. Are you really dumb and insecure or have you just been told that repeatedly and now you believe it? I hope you find a way to give yourself a little bit of love today. You are not dumb.
He told her he liked her back when she confessed her feelings to him. Its mutual, and perhaps true love because they both chose this in spite of being married. The heart wants what the heart wants, right? Their heart wants each other.
White supremacy informs colorism. It’s all based on “white is good.” The fact that it is detrimental to many people does not necessarily stop those people from investing in the idea that white is best.
What is “white” is also constantly changing and to a point can be “achievable,” so there’s an incentive for people of color to do harm to other people of color. Someone with very light brown skin might buy into white supremacy because it puts them “above” others.
I've watched and gotten off to many fucked up porn videos. None of which were fantasies or things I would ever actually do or want to do. It was simply the video/act that did it.
This sounds like dark and pretentious ramblings about a fling with a mysterious type woman who left him. It sounds like he could have cheated on her with you? Or maybe the were fwb. The part that made me want to throw up was when he said he tried to “lobotomize” you. The whole tone of this letter really creeps me out. It makes him seem like a psychopath.
You don't think you're in love with him anymore. I mean, do you even really like him at this point? At the very least, the resentment is building, there doesn't appear to be any change in sight, and it's only a matter of time. Either way, you should not stay in a relationship just because he's not getting a job and you feel bad.
If you're paying for everything, you need to have a conversation with him and let him know you're going to stop. His financial situation isn't your responsibility so stop letting him make it your problem. He needs to start paying for half.
I am truly sorry that your girlfriend reacted this way. It’s possible she wasn’t expecting it when you told her this because you both agreed that you didn’t want to get married. I honestly don’t believe it’s because you were divorced prior, but I could be wrong about this, so I apologize in advance if I am.
I’m happily married now, but when I first told my husband I wanted to marry him, we fought about it a lot. He had actually said something offensive in response, but I won’t go into further detail since it doesn’t matter anymore lol. I think he was just conflicted because we were always fighting and I do think he pretty much hated me at the time (we had recently had a baby and I also believe he resented me at the time. my psychiatrist thinks he may also have had a form of post-partum depression since men can suffer from this too).
With that said, I totally understand that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you tell someone you want to marry them and they don’t reciprocate because I’ve been there.
What I would suggest to you is that since this is bothering you, I would set aside time to sit down with her and to speak with her about this. By having a heart to heart, you can open the door to communication and to allow her to give you her reasoning as to why she was taken aback. Also remember to accept her answer even if the answer feels hurtful because it always hurts when someone doesn’t share your feelings, but don’t let it get the best of you.
Whatever the outcome after this depends on you, and you’re never wrong for any decision you choose to make. Whether that means that you want to continue on in this relationship or you want to keep searching for someone who will settle down with you again, it is entirely your choice whatever feels right to you, and whatever decision you make will be okay.
Always remember to do what’s best for you and to always take care of yourself no matter what.
it's not rape unless one of the parties explicitly says no.
At no point did I say that. I said that she said no, and that made it rape.
There are many ways to indicate that you are not willing. She stated that she said no several times, but was worried that she didn't do more. I was saying she DID NOT HAVE TO do any more, in this case. Her saying no, even once, and she indicated that she said no several times, means she is not willing.
Looks like you misunderstood what I was saying, And I'm not worried about all the down votes on my comments, as it just indicates that there are a lot of people who have comprehension issues.
That it was created to convince people to travel more and thus replace tires more often and morphed into the pre-eminent award for fine dining establishments honestly just makes me smile. I bet many people don't know that they only award in certain cities as well. They could have multiple restaurants they've never been to in their location that would win a star, but instead will plan trips around visiting these restaurants elsewhere. When we are in one of those cities I'll often look for Bib Gourmand or James Beard restaurants over starred. They always tend to have a little more character
Therapists are there to protect the mental health of the clients, not their partners. Don’t take it personally that the therapist told her not to worry about your feelings – you might think that’s morally wrong (well, it is), but it doesn’t make the therapist a bad person or to blame for your girlfriend’s decisions.
That’s all on her.
And, sadly… I don’t think it’s an uncommon attitude for people to have that you shouldn’t confess if you don’t plan to do it again. I’ve seen that advice before from different people.
Personally, I’m with you though. Being lied to would upset me far more than the cheating would.
You cheat and you confess, we might have a chance.
You cheat and you lie, that’s it I’m done. No arguments.
For real. My parents worked for the state government, and I know for a fact that the hiring process isn't THIS bad. Hell, my dad applied for and was offered a position with the FEDERAL government, and the background checks weren't THIS invasive–and they have actual VALID reasons for such a deep dive.
OP, it sounds like she might benefit from some inpatient psychiatric treatment. Not even kidding, because that's unstable, unhinged behavior, and it sounds like she's escalating. Please be safe. You might consider reaching out to her parents or a sibling to see if she has a history of mental illness, because there might be something going on there. I see a lot of postpartum depression/anxiety/psychosis due to my line of work (postpartum doula), and the behavior I've seen is not dissimilar to what you've described. This kind of obsessive behavior only gets worse if not treated.
Pranks are stupid and she's too old for that behavior. 4 years?? I wouldn't have lasted 4 days.. It's just too annoying….I don't know how you can solve this and stay together.
Just because your boyfriend doesn’t care about other’s opinions, and has friends that are sleazy, it doesn’t make him a bad person. He could stand up and fight and argue with the people you have a problem with, but then you’d probably unemployed, and he would have to find new friends.
Now that you gave him space and started to live your life, without him, he’s all critical and worried about why you aren’t around. He is manipulating you and trying to control your whereabouts. It’s not a healthy situation.
Your job is not to cater to him. Unless you want to be a sahw/m with no life outside of him which is what he wants, I’d end the relationship.
Also, who books a 3 week vacation without verifying your availability?
There isn't much you can do. It's up to your girlfriend if she wants to push back against them. The problem is her living situation where if she's willing to move out or get some sort of financial independence. Yeah her parents are wrong for pushing their own religious ideologies on her, but it's their house/their rules sort of situation.
Trauma responses call for compassion and grace. Thsy do not (necessarily) call for staying in a relationship. A person has the right to decide they are not equipped to deal with another's trauma as a romantic partner, regardless of the gender.
Do what you think is best for you. Your relationship may suffer whichever choice you make is life changing. Think carefully. You thought you could not have a child and made peace with it. You may not get another chance at a baby. This has to be your choice. Take everything into consideration. Good luck. I feel for both of you.
Maybe get rid of things that remind of her or used to belong to her. You’re not distancing yourself enough from the memories. You’re probably idealizing her in your head but what if you’re actually with her? Would it still match what’s in your head? Get therapy and hopefully you accept it and let go. Letting go will make you feel happier
Maybe get rid of things that remind of her or used to belong to her. You’re not distancing yourself enough from the memories. You’re probably idealizing her in your head but what if you’re actually with her? Would it still match what’s in your head? Get therapy and hopefully you accept it and let go. Letting go will make you feel happier
“Dad, as much as I love you and want you to meet our son, I do not feel comfortable with having you around him at this time. You do a lot of traveling and refuse to get vaccinated for highly contagious viruses that have proven to be deadly We can do face time and video call, but until either you are vaccinated against Covid / other illnesses that pose a danger to our son or our son is old enough to be vaccinated, I am not comfortable with a face to face meeting”
Don't say “we” or “my wife” say “I”. Let him know it is your stance, not a stance being imposed upon you by your wife. Tell him flat out that if he wants to meet and hold your son, he's gonna go get poked with a few needles and then quarantine for a bit to make sure he is vaccinated and not carrying anything that could present a risk to your son.
Tell him you love him, but that this is your decision and he is going to have to respect it and abide by it if he wants to meet and hold his grandson.
The only thing I can tell is that I don't think your train of thought is correct. Not because you don't want children mind you, but the reason why that is.
You shouldn't hate yourself, it seems you feel like it you are blaming your character for your parents neglect of you. You should address it on therapy. If the reason why you do not want children only stems from traumatic life you might end up regretting not having them later in life.
Obviously as it is right you are incompatible with your bf.
Oh boy. He said a dumb. It's not a big deal that he was with someone more experienced and adventurous than you. It's a bit of a big deal he told you. That was a dumb and shitty thing to do but doesn't sound like it was meant maliciously. It might just take a while for you to heal from the comment. Give it some time.
Alllll of this. Lord this is good advice. I always say this to younger girls aswell who doubt themselves “if you had a friend you cared about tell u this exact story what would u tell them to do?”
And normally it's to walk tf away. This dude doesn't care. And u can't trust him to. My husband would've tried to kill that dude and probably the friend too.
Because when you love someone you are protective of them. Not wtf ur bf is.
This isn't it! If i were ur mom and u told me this I'd ask ur bf wtf he's a coward and to grow a pair before i would trust him to take my daughter anywhere.
I think you handled it well, although I'd probably agree that bringing out the ring was maybe a little much. It feels like you're twisting the knife when she's already acknowledged that she's utterly fucked up. As for the rest of it – you're completely right that you can't trust that she won't just ditch you the next time her friends get in her ears. Maybe this is the kind of harsh lesson that she needs to be a better partner (either to you or someone in the future).
That being said – having set a time period of 3 months, what exactly are you hoping to see in that time period? What would she be able to do or say to convince you that she's relationship material? If there isn't really anything and you're just going to go with a hunch, it might be fairer just to break it off wholesale than give her that hope, only to dash it 3 months down the line.
Your title made me think “good the trash taking itself out”
But the context, he did the right thing. He left the relationship because he was unhappy. He didnt want to cheat so he respected you and him and ended the relationship.
As to your question, it has nothing to do with gender. I suspect you might be asexual. Im a female and when in a relationship I want affection and intimacy. When Im not in a relationship I dont require it at all (dont require a fwb etc). Being rejected all the time hurts and I too would leave that situation.
What in the world has you questioning if this is a reasonable boundary? If you don’t want to be in an open relationship you need to say so. He may want an open relationship. It’s something you two need to decide on together or break up. I’m having trouble understanding why you’re so hung up on if this is unreasonable, the vast majority of relationships have this boundary (no kissing/grabbing other’s genitals).
You have now found a deal breaker there. You haven't dated long, which is good when such information comes to light. If you already feel like you are getting paranoid about it and question everything for the future, here is where I would have ended it.
Trust is 1 of the pillars for a relationship. You already have issues with it so early on. You will still do what you wanna do, but my advice would be to break it off. She might feel guilt about her past but this is a thing that effects your present and future.
Thank you this actually is really nice to hear. I feel like I want to make it work but I only want to try one more time and I feel like a conversation like this would help
I had not heard of an NVC mediator, thank you! I can only imagine they must feel unsafe otherwise their reaction makes no sense, but I don't understand why, after 8 years of respecting boundaries with zero issues. Like, I understand if I fucked up, and clearly I did, but it should be weighed against my previous behavior and the current mental health crisis I was enduring should be considered. Like… tell me I'm being a bad citizen and that I need to go away and work on things, but give me a path back home with clear boundaries to follow, you know?
It doesn't matter if it's ALL men who do it, but you can't cry sexism when it's ONLY men doing it.
Society has been excusing this sort of behaviour for eons with “oh but boys will be boys” or “well, men have needs” which also aren't all men or boys but I didn’t hear the same people insisting that it's not all men then. But the minute someone calls out shitty behaviour, a certain sector start with the “oh, but not all men”. OK, well, if it's not you, then maybe offer some support instead of instantly jumping to defend yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's ALL men who do it, but you can't cry sexism when it's ONLY men doing it.
Society has been excusing this sort of behaviour for eons with “oh but boys will be boys” or “well, men have needs” which also aren't all men or boys but I didn’t hear the same people insisting that it's not all men then. But the minute someone calls out shitty behaviour, a certain sector start with the “oh, but not all men”. OK, well, if it's not you, then maybe offer some support instead of instantly jumping to defend yourself.
Yeah but it’s still a old, commonly used excuse for when guys don’t want to do it. And that’s what the person is calling out. And it’s valid for them to call it out even if it wasn’t THE reason.
It reads like someone who was led to believe someone was available/potentially interested, she developed interest and emotions, she found out he wasn’t honest and is doing the right thing and seeking advice to help move past said feelings…which is reasonable considering they probably didn’t develop overnight, so despite being under false pretenses, may take time to right side, also reasonable. To suggest she should be disgusted with herself because someone lied to her, or to minimize her feelings in comparison to the wife (that she knew nothing about) is whack. The wife’s problem lies with her husband, not with the girl he was lying to.
I would worry that he’s attracted to juveniles. Don’t worry about a prenup. Worry about your teenage daughter having a sleepover and your husband harassing her friends.
Yeah see that’s one thing that really worries what kind of psychological issues does he have that he is entertained enough by a high schooler when he is 30
It seems like she simply doesn’t want to be intimate with you. Has she has sex before? From a woman’s perspective it’s pretty scary to have sex for the first time. It hurts. And, honestly, most men don’t seem to care.
I would see if she has a timeline or if she’d be willing to set a timeline with you. That way you can both go really slow leading up to penetration night. Prior to that you can do a wide range of other things to get more comfortable.
I am uncomfortabe because he hasn't introduced me to her. As I said in my post, I am very open about my relationships and to be honest with you, from the reading I have done, it is healthy and mature to be able to be friends with ones ex.
I am not friends with any of my ex's besides her, and I am not even lesbian, I don't even think I am bi-sexual anymore.
I would ask her for headphones or noise cancelling loops, politely: “mom could we get me these loops? I can hear you with your boyfriend when I'm in my room and I don't want to overhear your personal time together..”
Call her parents, tell them the situation and pick a date where they will pick her up. She has been manipulating the situation for long enough. Grow a back bone and keep with the decision. Itll be a shit day bit it'll be the last one.
If he says no hesays no.. You have no right to be offended at that for whatever reason. Boundaries are allowed even for men.
Whether or not you have an iud doesn't matter. Pregnancy can STILL happen to the very unlucky view and your boyfriend is more responsible than you are by even trying to eliminate that threat.
Besides if he doesn't want to, making him feel guilty is manipulatinh him.. His choice, his CONSENT, and his boundaries should be listened to.
Ah, but did you break up with her because of her body count?
The first year of a relationship is usually like this, both still getting to grips with the change of being in a relationship and not having the freedom to do what you want when you want. She’s entitled to go on her trips for the rest of her life, as are you. I agree that she has been quite insensitive, but who is saving to settle down after being together for a year? You should both be enjoying your time together and apart, the first year of a relationship should be exciting and new and full of new experiences and adventures. Perhaps plan a trip with her! There’s no rush to settle down and be serious yet, if you don’t have adventures together and make memories then both of you will only start to look back before the relationship and the fun you had when you were single.
I've experienced this exact thing in my teens! It hasn't happened since and I always wondered what that was about, but it wasn't a common occurrence like it seems to be for OPs partner.
I'm sure he told every ex he was going to be loyal right until he was caught.
he told you what he feels about you. He feels entitled to say anything that passes through his head without trying to be nice to you. He is scaring your kids.
You must protect your kids and remove them from the poison of unpredicted anger, now.
Currently attempting to do that, asked if we could talk abt our boundaries and surprisingly she said yes, I was busy so I texted her back a few hours later and she hasn’t replied just yet
Just to clarify, by “names” I don't mean profanity, but things like “you're weird,” you're crazy” you're stupid.” I had two boyfriends before my husband, and one called me names at times too when angry, guess I am just unlucky or attract the wrong type of people!
Why are you still with a cheater?
Don't borrow money to someone if you want it back.
That's a universal rule. Consider yourself lucky if you get part of the money back, otherwise learn your lesson.
Sorry op but your toddler son is cheating because there was a hair in the tub
I’m sorry to say this but he cheated and it wasn’t the heat of the moment. The marriage is over. It will be hard but you will find a partner who won’t betray you.
I think when someone doesn’t give you a clear answer, just take it that they are unable to give you a direct and clear one, hence they don’t actually know how to communicate. Just listen to your gut feelings because more often than not they’re there to help you. Her saying she wants a casual friendship and can’t prioritize you means that she answered you clearly, it’s up to you to advocate for your own needs and feelings for a healthy relationship and it’s ultimately your decision to stay in one, whether or not those needs are being met. So take this as a lesson to seek partners that are emotionally available and actively want to be committed to you, as well as prioritize you. You might’ve been blindsided by your understanding and persistent nature, but just know that you were just putting your efforts with the wrong person.
I’m sorry this happened to you because you seem like a great person that wants to genuinely be in a committed relationship. At least now you have the chance to get to know someone who’s more emotionally mature to communicate these things more clearly, as well as someone who decides to put in effort to get to know you and hopefully build a loving relationship with you!
You should have been out of there when you found out he was allergic to dogs. No second dates required.
Soo how long should he carry her if she dosent take him in to considerarion? He gives alot. What does he recieve? Your whole life is a transaction. Remember that.
I had a burning feeling from penetration once because I was dry af. Despite trying to use some lube, it'd wear off fast because he couldn't turn me on. Rubbing against dry skin inside can also cause tears. Once it was so bad, I was bleeding a bit the next day, just from the dry friction the night before.
Emotional manipulation. Not even your boyfriend, why the fuck do you even bother?
You were broken up. It's pretty common for someone whose just had a relationship break up to go out and get some. Honestly, it's something you'll need to get over if you want thinks to work out going forward, you were broken up, he didn't cheat, these things happen. Just make sure he was safe and is clean before having any uprooted sex.
They're still a health concern, and for a lot of sexual violence victim/survivors, contracting an STI as a result of rape or assault can exacerbate the trauma and reinforce feelings of shame, disgust, and guilt.
That's just life. 30s is the decade of young children and absolute desperate ass-busting in careers for most people. The piles of free time for hanging with friends with no obligations just go away. It's normal and natural.
You should try survivinginfidelity.com and post in their JFO forum. If you decide to try to work this out you both should read “Not Just Friends” by Glass and “How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair” by MacDonald. And she needs INDIVIDUAL therapy for herself ASAP so she can figure out and fix whatever is broken inside her that let her do this. Couples counselling is a year or two away at the earliest.
I mean. It won’t “put this whole thing to bed.” He doesn’t trust her. He’s not going to suddenly start to trust her.
When it turns out that the DNA test confirms that he's the father of his children, it just proves that she waited to start cheating until after their last child was conceived. He just needs to keep looking for proof and tracking her movements. /s
She “isn’t ready” to meet you? Uhh. I was ready to meet my roommates girlfriend the moment we ran into each other in the kitchen and she was like “this is my girlfriend” and I was like “sup.” I didn’t even need to do anything to prepare for it! Why would your boyfriends roommate need to prepare??
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You’re being more petty than my brother that will break up with a girl if he doesn’t like her feet.
We were kids and Mankind on wwf had socko, well i gave my brother a complex with feet
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This thread is wild and I'm super sad this guy decided to come to reddit for advice instead of going to a therapist…
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Let me guess, she’s goin out dolled up in a revealing dress…
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If it comes to that I’ll not stay in that relationship. He isn’t like that though. Hopefully it will remain this way.
Make a dr appointment for her and go with her to confirm. I have a feeling that she is going to “miscarry” this baby if you stay and then guilt you kore with her “grief”. Confirm, second do not stay for a baby. Imagine how miserable that child’s life will be with unhappy parents. Confirm first. And if sue has a child then get paternity test.
Makes sense. Thanks for your help.
Makes sense. Thanks for your help.
Was that supposed to make you want experience the rigors of childbirth?
At the very least, i wouldn’t be raring to pass on the genes that prompted that idea.
He didn’t really try and cover his tracks but I think he was just so drunk he didn’t even think about that. Like leaving his phone downstairs with an unread message from that girl was so stupid and made it so easy for me to find out.
Crossing boundaries that were previously agreed upon is emotional abuse, calling you dumb is verbal abuse. He might not hit you, OP, but he doesn't respect you.
Your boundary isn't dumb, it's a normal boundry that a lot of people have.
The way you talk about yourself at the beginning of your post is awful. Are you really dumb and insecure or have you just been told that repeatedly and now you believe it? I hope you find a way to give yourself a little bit of love today. You are not dumb.
He told her he liked her back when she confessed her feelings to him. Its mutual, and perhaps true love because they both chose this in spite of being married. The heart wants what the heart wants, right? Their heart wants each other.
If he cares about you then why does he keep cheating?
White supremacy informs colorism. It’s all based on “white is good.” The fact that it is detrimental to many people does not necessarily stop those people from investing in the idea that white is best.
What is “white” is also constantly changing and to a point can be “achievable,” so there’s an incentive for people of color to do harm to other people of color. Someone with very light brown skin might buy into white supremacy because it puts them “above” others.
How is there fucking not a single person who’s doubting this story…
Huh? Intentions matter. People take offence at all sorts of stuff.
I've watched and gotten off to many fucked up porn videos. None of which were fantasies or things I would ever actually do or want to do. It was simply the video/act that did it.
Go with your gut
This sounds like dark and pretentious ramblings about a fling with a mysterious type woman who left him. It sounds like he could have cheated on her with you? Or maybe the were fwb. The part that made me want to throw up was when he said he tried to “lobotomize” you. The whole tone of this letter really creeps me out. It makes him seem like a psychopath.
Thanks!
You don't think you're in love with him anymore. I mean, do you even really like him at this point? At the very least, the resentment is building, there doesn't appear to be any change in sight, and it's only a matter of time. Either way, you should not stay in a relationship just because he's not getting a job and you feel bad.
If you're paying for everything, you need to have a conversation with him and let him know you're going to stop. His financial situation isn't your responsibility so stop letting him make it your problem. He needs to start paying for half.
I am truly sorry that your girlfriend reacted this way. It’s possible she wasn’t expecting it when you told her this because you both agreed that you didn’t want to get married. I honestly don’t believe it’s because you were divorced prior, but I could be wrong about this, so I apologize in advance if I am.
I’m happily married now, but when I first told my husband I wanted to marry him, we fought about it a lot. He had actually said something offensive in response, but I won’t go into further detail since it doesn’t matter anymore lol. I think he was just conflicted because we were always fighting and I do think he pretty much hated me at the time (we had recently had a baby and I also believe he resented me at the time. my psychiatrist thinks he may also have had a form of post-partum depression since men can suffer from this too).
With that said, I totally understand that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you tell someone you want to marry them and they don’t reciprocate because I’ve been there.
What I would suggest to you is that since this is bothering you, I would set aside time to sit down with her and to speak with her about this. By having a heart to heart, you can open the door to communication and to allow her to give you her reasoning as to why she was taken aback. Also remember to accept her answer even if the answer feels hurtful because it always hurts when someone doesn’t share your feelings, but don’t let it get the best of you.
Whatever the outcome after this depends on you, and you’re never wrong for any decision you choose to make. Whether that means that you want to continue on in this relationship or you want to keep searching for someone who will settle down with you again, it is entirely your choice whatever feels right to you, and whatever decision you make will be okay.
Always remember to do what’s best for you and to always take care of yourself no matter what.
it's not rape unless one of the parties explicitly says no.
At no point did I say that. I said that she said no, and that made it rape.
There are many ways to indicate that you are not willing. She stated that she said no several times, but was worried that she didn't do more. I was saying she DID NOT HAVE TO do any more, in this case. Her saying no, even once, and she indicated that she said no several times, means she is not willing.
Looks like you misunderstood what I was saying, And I'm not worried about all the down votes on my comments, as it just indicates that there are a lot of people who have comprehension issues.
You don't want to end up being that wall one day.
That it was created to convince people to travel more and thus replace tires more often and morphed into the pre-eminent award for fine dining establishments honestly just makes me smile. I bet many people don't know that they only award in certain cities as well. They could have multiple restaurants they've never been to in their location that would win a star, but instead will plan trips around visiting these restaurants elsewhere. When we are in one of those cities I'll often look for Bib Gourmand or James Beard restaurants over starred. They always tend to have a little more character
Therapists are there to protect the mental health of the clients, not their partners. Don’t take it personally that the therapist told her not to worry about your feelings – you might think that’s morally wrong (well, it is), but it doesn’t make the therapist a bad person or to blame for your girlfriend’s decisions.
That’s all on her.
And, sadly… I don’t think it’s an uncommon attitude for people to have that you shouldn’t confess if you don’t plan to do it again. I’ve seen that advice before from different people.
Personally, I’m with you though. Being lied to would upset me far more than the cheating would.
You cheat and you confess, we might have a chance.
You cheat and you lie, that’s it I’m done. No arguments.
For real. My parents worked for the state government, and I know for a fact that the hiring process isn't THIS bad. Hell, my dad applied for and was offered a position with the FEDERAL government, and the background checks weren't THIS invasive–and they have actual VALID reasons for such a deep dive.
OP, it sounds like she might benefit from some inpatient psychiatric treatment. Not even kidding, because that's unstable, unhinged behavior, and it sounds like she's escalating. Please be safe. You might consider reaching out to her parents or a sibling to see if she has a history of mental illness, because there might be something going on there. I see a lot of postpartum depression/anxiety/psychosis due to my line of work (postpartum doula), and the behavior I've seen is not dissimilar to what you've described. This kind of obsessive behavior only gets worse if not treated.
Its not the looks its the smell. You might buy a whole pack of comfy ones and switch them out regularly
Pranks are stupid and she's too old for that behavior. 4 years?? I wouldn't have lasted 4 days.. It's just too annoying….I don't know how you can solve this and stay together.
There is a reason why women his age don’t want him. Dude’s 3 years older than me, and I find them insufferable.
Just because your boyfriend doesn’t care about other’s opinions, and has friends that are sleazy, it doesn’t make him a bad person. He could stand up and fight and argue with the people you have a problem with, but then you’d probably unemployed, and he would have to find new friends.
You wouldn’t be able to motivate him. (Previous comments).
You accept him as is or you leave him.
This is the him package.
Now that you gave him space and started to live your life, without him, he’s all critical and worried about why you aren’t around. He is manipulating you and trying to control your whereabouts. It’s not a healthy situation.
Your job is not to cater to him. Unless you want to be a sahw/m with no life outside of him which is what he wants, I’d end the relationship.
Also, who books a 3 week vacation without verifying your availability?
There isn't much you can do. It's up to your girlfriend if she wants to push back against them. The problem is her living situation where if she's willing to move out or get some sort of financial independence. Yeah her parents are wrong for pushing their own religious ideologies on her, but it's their house/their rules sort of situation.
Trauma responses call for compassion and grace. Thsy do not (necessarily) call for staying in a relationship. A person has the right to decide they are not equipped to deal with another's trauma as a romantic partner, regardless of the gender.
Do what you think is best for you. Your relationship may suffer whichever choice you make is life changing. Think carefully. You thought you could not have a child and made peace with it. You may not get another chance at a baby. This has to be your choice. Take everything into consideration. Good luck. I feel for both of you.
Don’t lie. I’d feel like you need to lie, maybe reevaluate your current choices. And please use protection and get tested.
Maybe get rid of things that remind of her or used to belong to her. You’re not distancing yourself enough from the memories. You’re probably idealizing her in your head but what if you’re actually with her? Would it still match what’s in your head? Get therapy and hopefully you accept it and let go. Letting go will make you feel happier
Maybe get rid of things that remind of her or used to belong to her. You’re not distancing yourself enough from the memories. You’re probably idealizing her in your head but what if you’re actually with her? Would it still match what’s in your head? Get therapy and hopefully you accept it and let go. Letting go will make you feel happier
What you tell your dad is this
“Dad, as much as I love you and want you to meet our son, I do not feel comfortable with having you around him at this time. You do a lot of traveling and refuse to get vaccinated for highly contagious viruses that have proven to be deadly We can do face time and video call, but until either you are vaccinated against Covid / other illnesses that pose a danger to our son or our son is old enough to be vaccinated, I am not comfortable with a face to face meeting”
Don't say “we” or “my wife” say “I”. Let him know it is your stance, not a stance being imposed upon you by your wife. Tell him flat out that if he wants to meet and hold your son, he's gonna go get poked with a few needles and then quarantine for a bit to make sure he is vaccinated and not carrying anything that could present a risk to your son.
Tell him you love him, but that this is your decision and he is going to have to respect it and abide by it if he wants to meet and hold his grandson.
Fuuuuuck.
I read that to mean she wouldn’t enjoy it. ?
The only thing I can tell is that I don't think your train of thought is correct. Not because you don't want children mind you, but the reason why that is.
You shouldn't hate yourself, it seems you feel like it you are blaming your character for your parents neglect of you. You should address it on therapy. If the reason why you do not want children only stems from traumatic life you might end up regretting not having them later in life.
Obviously as it is right you are incompatible with your bf.
I read that to mean she wouldn’t enjoy it. ?
Oh boy. He said a dumb. It's not a big deal that he was with someone more experienced and adventurous than you. It's a bit of a big deal he told you. That was a dumb and shitty thing to do but doesn't sound like it was meant maliciously. It might just take a while for you to heal from the comment. Give it some time.
Sounds like he's been watching too many MAGTOW videos.
Break up, break up, break up, break up.
Some questions are best left unasked.
It's been 7 years and only now your poking that bear?
Alllll of this. Lord this is good advice. I always say this to younger girls aswell who doubt themselves “if you had a friend you cared about tell u this exact story what would u tell them to do?”
And normally it's to walk tf away. This dude doesn't care. And u can't trust him to. My husband would've tried to kill that dude and probably the friend too.
Because when you love someone you are protective of them. Not wtf ur bf is.
This isn't it! If i were ur mom and u told me this I'd ask ur bf wtf he's a coward and to grow a pair before i would trust him to take my daughter anywhere.
That sounds like the right choice, if he ever changes it needs to be because it’s what he wants, that’s the only sobriety is sustainable
Wait. Toxic and emotional abuse go hand-in-hand. Being toxic is just a way of saying you're being emotionally abusive. I hope this helps!
And yes, being overly demanding IS toxic.
This is beautiful advice hahahah thank you
Don’t paint people who watch porn as the bad guys. It goes both ways
I think you handled it well, although I'd probably agree that bringing out the ring was maybe a little much. It feels like you're twisting the knife when she's already acknowledged that she's utterly fucked up. As for the rest of it – you're completely right that you can't trust that she won't just ditch you the next time her friends get in her ears. Maybe this is the kind of harsh lesson that she needs to be a better partner (either to you or someone in the future).
That being said – having set a time period of 3 months, what exactly are you hoping to see in that time period? What would she be able to do or say to convince you that she's relationship material? If there isn't really anything and you're just going to go with a hunch, it might be fairer just to break it off wholesale than give her that hope, only to dash it 3 months down the line.
But who is paying for the trip? Both of you? Just you? Just her? That’s actually matters.
I really appreciate your insight thank you
Your title made me think “good the trash taking itself out”
But the context, he did the right thing. He left the relationship because he was unhappy. He didnt want to cheat so he respected you and him and ended the relationship.
As to your question, it has nothing to do with gender. I suspect you might be asexual. Im a female and when in a relationship I want affection and intimacy. When Im not in a relationship I dont require it at all (dont require a fwb etc). Being rejected all the time hurts and I too would leave that situation.
What in the world has you questioning if this is a reasonable boundary? If you don’t want to be in an open relationship you need to say so. He may want an open relationship. It’s something you two need to decide on together or break up. I’m having trouble understanding why you’re so hung up on if this is unreasonable, the vast majority of relationships have this boundary (no kissing/grabbing other’s genitals).
He's cheating and gaslighting the hell out of you. Break up with him.
You have now found a deal breaker there. You haven't dated long, which is good when such information comes to light. If you already feel like you are getting paranoid about it and question everything for the future, here is where I would have ended it.
Trust is 1 of the pillars for a relationship. You already have issues with it so early on. You will still do what you wanna do, but my advice would be to break it off. She might feel guilt about her past but this is a thing that effects your present and future.
He shouldn't be trying to initiate sex when you're sleeping…
Don't start a relationship with multiple red flags FROM THE START expecting someone to magically change the second you start dating.
You aren't compatible, you never were. Stop wasting more of your time.
Sometimes we want to hear the person admit it.
Was the sock clean? I would lock your door at night
Yea’ time to get a job too…
Thank you this actually is really nice to hear. I feel like I want to make it work but I only want to try one more time and I feel like a conversation like this would help
He’s upset that I lied. I told him rhe truth
I had not heard of an NVC mediator, thank you! I can only imagine they must feel unsafe otherwise their reaction makes no sense, but I don't understand why, after 8 years of respecting boundaries with zero issues. Like, I understand if I fucked up, and clearly I did, but it should be weighed against my previous behavior and the current mental health crisis I was enduring should be considered. Like… tell me I'm being a bad citizen and that I need to go away and work on things, but give me a path back home with clear boundaries to follow, you know?
You got an odd definition of control. You got bad outlook and morals.
“Except for this ginormous red flag he's perfect”
End it with both. Do the honorable thing. Move on.
It doesn't matter if it's ALL men who do it, but you can't cry sexism when it's ONLY men doing it.
Society has been excusing this sort of behaviour for eons with “oh but boys will be boys” or “well, men have needs” which also aren't all men or boys but I didn’t hear the same people insisting that it's not all men then. But the minute someone calls out shitty behaviour, a certain sector start with the “oh, but not all men”. OK, well, if it's not you, then maybe offer some support instead of instantly jumping to defend yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's ALL men who do it, but you can't cry sexism when it's ONLY men doing it.
Society has been excusing this sort of behaviour for eons with “oh but boys will be boys” or “well, men have needs” which also aren't all men or boys but I didn’t hear the same people insisting that it's not all men then. But the minute someone calls out shitty behaviour, a certain sector start with the “oh, but not all men”. OK, well, if it's not you, then maybe offer some support instead of instantly jumping to defend yourself.
Yeah but it’s still a old, commonly used excuse for when guys don’t want to do it. And that’s what the person is calling out. And it’s valid for them to call it out even if it wasn’t THE reason.
It reads like someone who was led to believe someone was available/potentially interested, she developed interest and emotions, she found out he wasn’t honest and is doing the right thing and seeking advice to help move past said feelings…which is reasonable considering they probably didn’t develop overnight, so despite being under false pretenses, may take time to right side, also reasonable. To suggest she should be disgusted with herself because someone lied to her, or to minimize her feelings in comparison to the wife (that she knew nothing about) is whack. The wife’s problem lies with her husband, not with the girl he was lying to.
I would worry that he’s attracted to juveniles. Don’t worry about a prenup. Worry about your teenage daughter having a sleepover and your husband harassing her friends.
Yeah see that’s one thing that really worries what kind of psychological issues does he have that he is entertained enough by a high schooler when he is 30
It seems like she simply doesn’t want to be intimate with you. Has she has sex before? From a woman’s perspective it’s pretty scary to have sex for the first time. It hurts. And, honestly, most men don’t seem to care.
I would see if she has a timeline or if she’d be willing to set a timeline with you. That way you can both go really slow leading up to penetration night. Prior to that you can do a wide range of other things to get more comfortable.
I am uncomfortabe because he hasn't introduced me to her. As I said in my post, I am very open about my relationships and to be honest with you, from the reading I have done, it is healthy and mature to be able to be friends with ones ex.
I am not friends with any of my ex's besides her, and I am not even lesbian, I don't even think I am bi-sexual anymore.
Thank goodness I knew he was overreacting like I still love him I just disliked that one gift. But he is a little sensitive so its not his fault