Exactly, I'm really curious to know what kind of need to know questions can be asked anonymously without giving the identity of the asker away instantaneously.
No way to tell from that. You havent had a relationship so she was just telling the truth. And she could have been blushing because she likes you or just because thats an awk question.
Why did the person ask? Is it because of something specific someone said? Or do you two have a clear close bond?
Well we're no contact to give each other space to figure ourselves out. I'm not hoping that this gift rekindles anything, if it rekindles itself that'll happen naturally. I guess I just want her to have it because even though we're not together you only get one life and good memories are all we have in the end
Your last paragraph says it all. Set a timeline and get out of there. His Mother is controlling and not a nice person. She obviously isn't a happy person and takes way too much pleasure into dishing out that anger on those around her. If your BF cannot get himself away from her, leave him too.
It's time to focus on yourself as you are nowhere near a child anymore. If he cannot either stand up to his Mother or separate himself from her, he will always drag you down. Set simple goals and works towards them. Eventually those small goals will grow into bigger goals and eventually you can get to a place that will make you proud.
She will figure it out soon enough. If he was unfaithful with you, then he will keep doing it as I guarantee you aren't his 1st. What you did is horrible, you're the reason women are always against each other. We are supposed to lift each other up and if he can't be loyal, as a fellow women, you should have had her back. Then you could tell her what he was up too but you shut him down. Do better.
Do you think I’m upset that he had bots on his social media because I am not. Like I said I get them too and I have never reacted at all, good or bad. I ignore and delete. I am upset that a photo that would have been left in conversation if he just ignored it, had gotten saved from the social media app to his phones personal camera app. Photos don’t save themselves. Thats a choice not something out of his control that I am holding him accountable for.
Hello OP There is enough information to help you. There is no context If you are in a exclusif long term relationship. It will be necessary to establish boundaries with your friends and this go for your BF too. Friend are rare and a bad entourage is as toxic as a bad relationship. If you don’t believe me you can go the divorce, cheating, infidelity sub.
You misunderstood the OPs post. Her bf came to her and asked her for a ffm threesome. She was using reverse psychology and ask him if he’d be okay with a mmf one. He said no. She was trying to make him understand that she doesn’t want one.
I'm going to start looking into it if her behavior persists. It's only been a few months and this is the second time I've sat her down and talked to her. So rehoming is soon to follow if she doesn't make progress
Sounds like your girlfriend need therapy, it is not normal to hold on to this concern so strongly leading to you not attending shared events and she should certainly not be asking Sandy to not speak with Ruby.
Are there any other toxic or questionable things your gf says/does? Does she suffer from anxiety?
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Hi, thanks for your reply. I think I needed to read that it’s time to let it go. He had plenty of opportunity to be considerate but chose not to, and that is answer enough of what he thinks of me. I appreciate your kindness, thanks for that too.
Are you saying MDMA is worse? Becuase that proves my point more, that trying to have a heart to heart talk with your spouse while they are coming down from a trip is a bad idea. I literally never compared the two, was just saying that coming down from any drug trip is hard (especially 3 tabs of acid). I’m sure it’s a much more potent experience
Leave, now. Supporting your family is not your obligation, they are adults. They can take are of their damn selves. The generational “familial obligation” that parents guilt trip their kids with is toxic as hell.
Tolerate disrespect once and it will continue and grow. She disrespected you in front of your friends as well. Absolute emasculation shit test. Also, was it a random dude or someone she was looking for an excuse to talk to all night?
Nah, I get it. When I was 25, I looked at 18-21 year olds as a different group than my own age group. It's about that experience. I'm 28, and my hard age limit now is 28, because depending on the person, the experience levels can match. But again, that's HIGHLY dependent on who the person is and their level of maturity, life experience, etc. For instance, someone who led a very sheltered life but they're 28? NOPE, not to be a jerk about it, but I know there's that difference in life experience there. I'll befriend them, hang out with them (because friendship is a different thing there), but I would not date a sheltered person who's 28.
I mean, at 30 I looked at people in their early 20s like they were still kids because of that experience gap. And they were compared to me. Now they're old enough that I could be their parent and it's just so. Fucking. CREEPY. I don't get that mentality at all.
(Sorry for rambling at you, this is just on my mind a lot and I'm so mad that people think legally okay=morally okay.)
Girl…holy shit. This guy wanted to rape you, if you marry him and he thinks he's got you trapped, I bet he'll try living out his fantasies. Omg please run, this is really scary and he is unhinged.
The images and videos were of you, they were for her consumption only, anything else required your consent.
Do firstly you delete all of them, every image you have sent her gets deleted immediately.
Secondly you get her to read up about revenge porn (yes I know you are still in a relationship at the moment, but the legalities of it are similar for this point)
Then if she still doesn’t get it, tell her that you are going to show all her photos and videos to your mates. The invite everyone you know male or female to the showing.
Then after all that, you decide if you want to still be in a relationship with someone who can break your trust so badly.
I wouldn’t go as far as to say it’s not fixable, but it’s damn close.
Alcohol is a drug that inhibits our ability to assess risk. You were drinking, and assessed a low risk associated with going up to his room to continue “talking” and that is was more risky to continue talking at the bar. To sober people, that seems wildly foolish. To a drunk person whose ability to measure and assess risk has been negated, it seems fine. That was precisely his game, and he probably waited until you looked a little loopy before swooping in.
He tired to prey on you while you were drunk. He got you to say yes- to going to his room, but you snapped out of it once you stood up and walked to the desk. He almost got you. And by “got” I mean raped. It would have been sexual assault for him to sleep with you like that, and that was almost precisely his game.
You're grieving- and that comes with a storm of emotions- sadness (feeling guilty), anger (calling your actions stupidity), fear (shame), bargaining (that confession will help), acceptance (you seem resigned that this will be disastrous). You might have a little PTSD, as there is a lot of overlap between moral injury, grief, and PTSD.
You didn't almost cheat. You were almost raped. It isn't your fault he tried to convince you while drunk to go back to his room. It sounds like you should talk to your husband about this in a facilitated setting, like a couple's therapy, so someone can skillfully receive how both of you react to this conversation. Good luck.
The fact that she was afraid BEFORE he met the sister is telling about how she is treated by (at the very least) the sister and possibly the family.
And right? How long as the little sister been getting away with really gross and shady behavior? Enough to make her older sister have a crippling fear of her significant other leaving her.
Honestly, you are right this is a bigger problem than I think it is. A part of me is still blinded by the love I have for her. Everything was going well. We share location so I know she hasn't done anything else other than this. She told me she ended the LDR with that man about 2 or 3 months ago cause she felt guilty.
She said shes willing to prove anything to me that she's loyal now and wants us to work things out.
Do you think this is something I should or could work through? Is giving her another chance the wrong decision? What would you do if this happened to you?
She may be saying you can “persuade her” with words because that keeps you hanging on in the relationship when she knows damn well she is never going to change her mind.
She likes you and wants a relationship but I bet she will never change her mind. She’ll say “oh yeah but in 3 years when my career is settled” then after the 3 years it will be “oh but I have the chance for another promotion so let’s leave it another 3 years”.
Then one day it will be “oh babe I’m too old now I don’t want to be a mum in my 40’s”.
And there you will be. Childless and too late to find someone else who will.
Well a few ways to see this. The girl had no intention on doing it and even apologized. She was just sleepy. Some people don't like their personal bubble interrupted but everyone is different. I have had this happen on a plane and I thought it was kinda a humanity moment and fell asleep myself soon after. But if you saw your girlfriend fall asleep on a strangers shoulder it'd probably make you feel a little jealous. I think it would for me. But I wouldn't make it a big deal at all. And especially not put my hands on anyone over it. If you were single and didn't mind then let the girl rest. But since you aren't and with your girlfriend you should have recognized that'd make her feel a bit jealous especially after she told you it was making her uncomfortable. A soft tap or a soft excuse me would have been more appropriate from you.
Open women with “no filter” who are open to talking about sex, brushing their arms against taken mens crotches and who blatantly say things like “hey if a guy on tinder did what you’re doing for me I’d smash them” to men who are taken are not just bubbly outgoing women with bigger personalities.
My best friend was friends with a married woman who was trying to get in the DM’s with / flirt with / sleep with several of her husbands friends because she craved the attention and would openly talk about kinks and sex with any group. Don’t ignore your instincts just because something sounds too far fetched.
This might sound ridiculous but what would “leaving” look like? I own all of the furniture in the house except a bed, a table, and a dresser. That’s all he brought in.
Do I just go and sign a lease somewhere else and call a moving van? How do you move your stuff when your partner (ex partner?) is there? We both work from home. His sister lives with us and isn’t yet employed (starting soon).
Like, he’s always here. Always. And he wants to go everywhere with me. Which could be nice but it’s too codependent and stifling.
I literally don’t know how to buck up and get out when I have to face him 24/7.
The human body is wild. The default is “boner” and your body actually has to work to make “no boner”. It's like the post I once read where apparently having hiccups is our default setting and there's a specific part in the brain that says “no hiccups”. Some dude had his brain damaged in that area and had constant hiccups after.
Actually, they do have them. No one should be posting on the male or female one unless they have a damn good reason, and out of necessity or concern. Some groups are very strict and won’t allow what OP was subjected to, apparently not the one Dianelle used on OP.
I am so sorry you had that happen to you. It’s very sad that there can be such a double standard sometimes. Men should not be made to feel ashamed or that their feelings are not valid when something like this happens to them.
According to a post from a year ago his girlfriend is disgusted by him and doesn't want to sleep with him. He's also posted asking for advice on how to deal with her being so abusive he's scared for his safety. I don't think their relationship is salvageable and has had serious issues for a long time. He should just end it so they can both be happy.
Oh ffs. Yes I have and you come home feeling disgusting! Stewing in your own dried sweat is a recipe for crotch rot and skin lesions. Fucking wash your ass.
Obviously going to a doctor and actually getting a diagnosis and proper treatment is ideal. You want to be careful with messing with your body's natural Ph so don't go off and grab a douche or summer's eve or something.
BF needs to quit with the jokes, but having a weird smell or itch or discharge is nothing to be embarrassed about, it is something to get checked. Some infections can get into your bladder or kidneys if you let it go too long. Vaginal health is important.
Listen to your gut. She “had fun”, even while y’all were dating, but then settled down with you. You were most likely her safety plan.
No, you’re not entitled to sex sooner just because, but the fact that you know she made you wait, but was very promiscuous with others says a lot. If she’s a starfish now, it’s not going to get better, only worse.
A very anxious and mistake-prone woman getting emotionally involved with a guy who has a superiority complex is a recipe for disaster. All the available personalities in the world to couple up with and you picked the one that would be the absolute worst for you.
A big one though is maybe trust your partner enough that even if they are angry you can talk it out.
That's not ever really been an option when it comes to him being angry. Anything I say will just be responded to with the deepest cuts he can possibly make and radio silence,
Again, I admitted my fault in trying to resolve that initial conflict with my gma. But the second situation I wasn't sure what to do, there was arguing, and I froze.
I didn't know however, that making mistakes means I do not love him. That's enlightening to me.
This is exactly what im saying. Youre making an assumption about him as if they cant be seeing him regardless of the chair and still just not want to be with him.
There are a lot of people with disabilities that arent good people. There are also a lot of people with disabilities who definite their identity around their disability and thats not for everyone.
Not wanting to date someone and coincidentally recognizing that they identify as being disabled doesnt automatically make someone shallow.
It is a fun addition but don’t get to a point where you’d rather use toys to pleasure yourself than your partner. I’ve seen many posts where either the guy or girl would rather watch porn and masturbate than have sex.
Don'cha just love when a partner does something colossally wrong and then turns it around to blame the other partner??
Honey, if you have to TELL your boyfriend that sexting is not appropriate in a relationship, he's not smart enough to either be a teacher OR your boyfriend. If someone needs to tell him not to sext one of his students' mother, same applies. (They didn't just find out she had a kid in his class when you called her. They knew prior to that, at least that's how the post reads)
So because he won't admit he was wrong, YOU must have been wrong for trying to deal with the other woman. SMH.
You only have four months invested in this relationship. As has been said before here – this is his best behavior!! It's not going to get any better than sexting with other women and then blaming you for your reaction. Just let it go.
I get the point youre making but i never see this point made when a drunk woman complains about a sexual encounter with a drunk man, its always rape in this scenario.
I need you to understand how casual and fun this conversation was. Your statement is true under serious circumstances. But this wasn't a serious conversation. In this particular scenario we were joking.
I was jokingly “jealous” of him calling his cat perfect so I wanted my praise too. But I expected him to fight my demand and tell me: – “You're ?????? as perfect as my cat” – “I like her more than you because she's fluffier” – Literally any dumb response you can think of. (It's an inside joke between us that I have to work harder to get his attention and cuddles because the cat gets all of it)
I expected a joke answer to my joke “I am jealous of your cat, so praise me too”-question. Instead… He turned completely serious out of the blue.
So in conclusion, I felt blindsided by this and didn't have a chance to calculate that he would 1. Suddenly be serious. 2. Not like me as much as I like him, which caught me by surprise.
But I will be more careful in the future when talking to him :/
Yeah took me a while to figure out who's baby it actually was
It would make sense if the husband has checked out because he knows his wife is hitting it with others.
I wouldn't want either of them around my family because if I saw the guy I would tell him and make sure he new and if saw the wife I would have to leave the room because the thought of it makes me a bit sick.
That is perfect two I would say how much supposed to be more confident when the person who loves me the most, and knows me the best rates me a six out of 10 in personality and seven out of 10 it looks. I don’t think I would want to be with somebody I really didn’t like that. In fact, I would probably want to break up with them.
Then see how he likes that I’d ghost him for a few days
You’re in a different country and culture. One where the expectations for privacy and personal space are much different.
I wonder if part of the disconnect here between you and your partner and his family is, you could be asking for things that are culturally inconceivable. You could come off as the entitled American wanting everyone to conform to your expectations instead of saying “when in Rome.”
What would you like your partner to do? What’s the ask?
Idk. Both OP and her Bf have seriously warped ideas on “traditional” gender roles. Between her “masculine” hobbies and what makes bf feminine (he’s emotional unstable and irresponsible at times ?) and bf feeling his manhood threatened by all this nonsense. Lol this is a disaster all around
He's supposed to be bringing up your self esteem, instead he's just breaking it down.
People aren't robots. Just because something is true, doesn't mean people wanna hear it or its a good thing to say. That's like if I had a dead relative and my SO kept being like “yo, your grandma's dead. Don't get upset with me, I'm only stating a fact.” Like wtf? That's not being honest, that's being a hurtful dick.
Your feelings are valid. I also think you’re right not to bring this up with your friends. They will definitely find the videos and it will make the whole situation worse.
The fact she is dismissing your feelings and placing the blame on you by calling you judgemental is very troubling. The fact you may look at her differently after finding out is a reason for not telling you, but not an excuse. You two aren’t casually dating, you’re married. You have a right to know about her past and what kind of person she is. You have a right to make an informed decision of who you’re marrying, and she took that right away from you.
Don’t let her just dismiss this as something you need to get over. That will just build resentment and destroy the relationship entirely. The marriage may already be over though.
If I were you, I would explain to her that you take this very seriously, and if she’s not willing to, at the very least, discuss it, than you don’t know whether you’ll be able to stay in this marriage. As it stands, you can’t trust her and she’s showing you she doesn’t give a shit about your feelings. At that point, what’s the benefit of staying in a marriage like that?
I don’t understand why you’re getting downvoted so hard- because it’s the truth! worrying about current partners previous partners is pretty ridiculous bc there’s literally nothing that can be done to go back in time to change it! many, many people film themselves having sex, and I’m sure OP has filmed himself with other partners in the past- the main difference are her videos are public and she made money off it
should she have told him about it? Probably
Would OP be this upset if he discovered his wife recorded videos with previous partners that weren’t distributed publicly? Probably
is it that different than sending nudes or filming yourself getting it on that different than filming porn? Not really
Is there anything that can be done about the pornos? Nope
Is his wife the same person he married? Yup
Worrying about previous partners is the biggest waste of energy, and my fave example of playing stupid games to win stupid prizes.
At the end of the day, is it worth it to destroy your marriage over a few pornos your partner made? Idk that’s for you to decide
Thank you for the reply. I’m just worried about making it uncomfortable or weird. I don’t wanna ruin her trip
Exactly, I'm really curious to know what kind of need to know questions can be asked anonymously without giving the identity of the asker away instantaneously.
No way to tell from that. You havent had a relationship so she was just telling the truth. And she could have been blushing because she likes you or just because thats an awk question.
Why did the person ask? Is it because of something specific someone said? Or do you two have a clear close bond?
No, you call your emergency line and get medical aid to the residence immediately.
Well we're no contact to give each other space to figure ourselves out. I'm not hoping that this gift rekindles anything, if it rekindles itself that'll happen naturally. I guess I just want her to have it because even though we're not together you only get one life and good memories are all we have in the end
Exactly! My ex was like this. I would get accused of cheating nearly every day. Turns out he was the one cheating on me.
How though?
Not sure what nationality has to do with education.
Your last paragraph says it all. Set a timeline and get out of there. His Mother is controlling and not a nice person. She obviously isn't a happy person and takes way too much pleasure into dishing out that anger on those around her. If your BF cannot get himself away from her, leave him too.
It's time to focus on yourself as you are nowhere near a child anymore. If he cannot either stand up to his Mother or separate himself from her, he will always drag you down. Set simple goals and works towards them. Eventually those small goals will grow into bigger goals and eventually you can get to a place that will make you proud.
She will figure it out soon enough. If he was unfaithful with you, then he will keep doing it as I guarantee you aren't his 1st. What you did is horrible, you're the reason women are always against each other. We are supposed to lift each other up and if he can't be loyal, as a fellow women, you should have had her back. Then you could tell her what he was up too but you shut him down. Do better.
Move on.
I don’t see a question
That is a shitty way to go through life. Me me me
Do you think I’m upset that he had bots on his social media because I am not. Like I said I get them too and I have never reacted at all, good or bad. I ignore and delete. I am upset that a photo that would have been left in conversation if he just ignored it, had gotten saved from the social media app to his phones personal camera app. Photos don’t save themselves. Thats a choice not something out of his control that I am holding him accountable for.
You are drawing out the inevitable. You don't want to talk “right now” ( she could infer that means you'll talk to her later) .
She sounds like….a lot. Y’all need counseling.
Hello OP There is enough information to help you. There is no context If you are in a exclusif long term relationship. It will be necessary to establish boundaries with your friends and this go for your BF too. Friend are rare and a bad entourage is as toxic as a bad relationship. If you don’t believe me you can go the divorce, cheating, infidelity sub.
Text messages form what I understand
Sometimes kids need they ass beat. Don’t look too deep into it
Wow never heard the male version of that saying. I'll be using it for now on.
You misunderstood the OPs post. Her bf came to her and asked her for a ffm threesome. She was using reverse psychology and ask him if he’d be okay with a mmf one. He said no. She was trying to make him understand that she doesn’t want one.
What a bitch.
I'm going to start looking into it if her behavior persists. It's only been a few months and this is the second time I've sat her down and talked to her. So rehoming is soon to follow if she doesn't make progress
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Sounds like your girlfriend need therapy, it is not normal to hold on to this concern so strongly leading to you not attending shared events and she should certainly not be asking Sandy to not speak with Ruby.
Are there any other toxic or questionable things your gf says/does? Does she suffer from anxiety?
Go home and turn off your phone! Tell her to gtfu!
It's a terrible message, it's controlling and manipulative and anyone who has to deal with that should just get out of the relationship
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Hi, thanks for your reply. I think I needed to read that it’s time to let it go. He had plenty of opportunity to be considerate but chose not to, and that is answer enough of what he thinks of me. I appreciate your kindness, thanks for that too.
Those are pretty toxic boundaries, yes. It treats anyone of various genders as competition
Yeah that is true, thank you for your comment
Are you saying MDMA is worse? Becuase that proves my point more, that trying to have a heart to heart talk with your spouse while they are coming down from a trip is a bad idea. I literally never compared the two, was just saying that coming down from any drug trip is hard (especially 3 tabs of acid). I’m sure it’s a much more potent experience
r/toxicparents would like to have words with you.
Leave, now. Supporting your family is not your obligation, they are adults. They can take are of their damn selves. The generational “familial obligation” that parents guilt trip their kids with is toxic as hell.
We can't put the age gap aside. You JUST finished high-school when you started dating at 18… he was 29!
Your issues all stem from him being ~50% OLDER than you when you started dating?
Tolerate disrespect once and it will continue and grow. She disrespected you in front of your friends as well. Absolute emasculation shit test. Also, was it a random dude or someone she was looking for an excuse to talk to all night?
Nah, I get it. When I was 25, I looked at 18-21 year olds as a different group than my own age group. It's about that experience. I'm 28, and my hard age limit now is 28, because depending on the person, the experience levels can match. But again, that's HIGHLY dependent on who the person is and their level of maturity, life experience, etc. For instance, someone who led a very sheltered life but they're 28? NOPE, not to be a jerk about it, but I know there's that difference in life experience there. I'll befriend them, hang out with them (because friendship is a different thing there), but I would not date a sheltered person who's 28.
I mean, at 30 I looked at people in their early 20s like they were still kids because of that experience gap. And they were compared to me. Now they're old enough that I could be their parent and it's just so. Fucking. CREEPY. I don't get that mentality at all.
(Sorry for rambling at you, this is just on my mind a lot and I'm so mad that people think legally okay=morally okay.)
Read title. Assumed that gf didn't like emotional outbursts. Read post…. yikes!
Girl…holy shit. This guy wanted to rape you, if you marry him and he thinks he's got you trapped, I bet he'll try living out his fantasies. Omg please run, this is really scary and he is unhinged.
The images and videos were of you, they were for her consumption only, anything else required your consent.
Do firstly you delete all of them, every image you have sent her gets deleted immediately.
Secondly you get her to read up about revenge porn (yes I know you are still in a relationship at the moment, but the legalities of it are similar for this point)
Then if she still doesn’t get it, tell her that you are going to show all her photos and videos to your mates. The invite everyone you know male or female to the showing.
Then after all that, you decide if you want to still be in a relationship with someone who can break your trust so badly.
I wouldn’t go as far as to say it’s not fixable, but it’s damn close.
Alcohol is a drug that inhibits our ability to assess risk. You were drinking, and assessed a low risk associated with going up to his room to continue “talking” and that is was more risky to continue talking at the bar. To sober people, that seems wildly foolish. To a drunk person whose ability to measure and assess risk has been negated, it seems fine. That was precisely his game, and he probably waited until you looked a little loopy before swooping in.
He tired to prey on you while you were drunk. He got you to say yes- to going to his room, but you snapped out of it once you stood up and walked to the desk. He almost got you. And by “got” I mean raped. It would have been sexual assault for him to sleep with you like that, and that was almost precisely his game.
You're grieving- and that comes with a storm of emotions- sadness (feeling guilty), anger (calling your actions stupidity), fear (shame), bargaining (that confession will help), acceptance (you seem resigned that this will be disastrous). You might have a little PTSD, as there is a lot of overlap between moral injury, grief, and PTSD.
You didn't almost cheat. You were almost raped. It isn't your fault he tried to convince you while drunk to go back to his room. It sounds like you should talk to your husband about this in a facilitated setting, like a couple's therapy, so someone can skillfully receive how both of you react to this conversation. Good luck.
Just move on. This isn’t the type of relationship you want. Sounds like she’s moving on too
Just move on. This isn’t the type of relationship you want. Sounds like she’s moving on too
That’s kind of ignorant
What about medication for your chronic pain? Not opioids – antidepressants. Has no one ever suggested that?
Bang him and get it over with
The fact that she was afraid BEFORE he met the sister is telling about how she is treated by (at the very least) the sister and possibly the family.
And right? How long as the little sister been getting away with really gross and shady behavior? Enough to make her older sister have a crippling fear of her significant other leaving her.
Honestly, you are right this is a bigger problem than I think it is. A part of me is still blinded by the love I have for her. Everything was going well. We share location so I know she hasn't done anything else other than this. She told me she ended the LDR with that man about 2 or 3 months ago cause she felt guilty.
She said shes willing to prove anything to me that she's loyal now and wants us to work things out.
Do you think this is something I should or could work through? Is giving her another chance the wrong decision? What would you do if this happened to you?
Yeah sorry, done already
No I’m asking you a question that is a crucial part of the subject.
If women consent to a child through sex so do men. How are you forcing men to act on that consent?
Can I get a source on every biologist on the plant agrees it’s a human life in a meaningful way please?
Is turning off life support murder? If not, why not?
She may be saying you can “persuade her” with words because that keeps you hanging on in the relationship when she knows damn well she is never going to change her mind.
She likes you and wants a relationship but I bet she will never change her mind. She’ll say “oh yeah but in 3 years when my career is settled” then after the 3 years it will be “oh but I have the chance for another promotion so let’s leave it another 3 years”.
Then one day it will be “oh babe I’m too old now I don’t want to be a mum in my 40’s”.
And there you will be. Childless and too late to find someone else who will.
ADGD. Her or him, please?
Well unlike your Dad, she keeps her word. He will probably screw you over one day, like he did your Mom.
This ain’t a relationship you want to be in! Get out now. Period
You guys are not compatible. You're both young and there's lot of people out there. So move on.
Well a few ways to see this. The girl had no intention on doing it and even apologized. She was just sleepy. Some people don't like their personal bubble interrupted but everyone is different. I have had this happen on a plane and I thought it was kinda a humanity moment and fell asleep myself soon after. But if you saw your girlfriend fall asleep on a strangers shoulder it'd probably make you feel a little jealous. I think it would for me. But I wouldn't make it a big deal at all. And especially not put my hands on anyone over it. If you were single and didn't mind then let the girl rest. But since you aren't and with your girlfriend you should have recognized that'd make her feel a bit jealous especially after she told you it was making her uncomfortable. A soft tap or a soft excuse me would have been more appropriate from you.
So you're proposing to her next week, right?
Open women with “no filter” who are open to talking about sex, brushing their arms against taken mens crotches and who blatantly say things like “hey if a guy on tinder did what you’re doing for me I’d smash them” to men who are taken are not just bubbly outgoing women with bigger personalities.
My best friend was friends with a married woman who was trying to get in the DM’s with / flirt with / sleep with several of her husbands friends because she craved the attention and would openly talk about kinks and sex with any group. Don’t ignore your instincts just because something sounds too far fetched.
This might sound ridiculous but what would “leaving” look like? I own all of the furniture in the house except a bed, a table, and a dresser. That’s all he brought in.
Do I just go and sign a lease somewhere else and call a moving van? How do you move your stuff when your partner (ex partner?) is there? We both work from home. His sister lives with us and isn’t yet employed (starting soon).
Like, he’s always here. Always. And he wants to go everywhere with me. Which could be nice but it’s too codependent and stifling.
I literally don’t know how to buck up and get out when I have to face him 24/7.
The human body is wild. The default is “boner” and your body actually has to work to make “no boner”. It's like the post I once read where apparently having hiccups is our default setting and there's a specific part in the brain that says “no hiccups”. Some dude had his brain damaged in that area and had constant hiccups after.
So you ghost certain people and are then confused that other people ghost you? Wow.
Report him to the irs and Police for fraud. He has given you years of tax problems with the irs now.
Sounds like she's dating your friend whilst you're out of town
I honestly couldn't imagine doing 1 on 1 dinners with a friend's gf or partner's friend
Although you might have trust issues your suspicions aren't unwarranted
Actually, they do have them. No one should be posting on the male or female one unless they have a damn good reason, and out of necessity or concern. Some groups are very strict and won’t allow what OP was subjected to, apparently not the one Dianelle used on OP.
I am so sorry you had that happen to you. It’s very sad that there can be such a double standard sometimes. Men should not be made to feel ashamed or that their feelings are not valid when something like this happens to them.
According to a post from a year ago his girlfriend is disgusted by him and doesn't want to sleep with him. He's also posted asking for advice on how to deal with her being so abusive he's scared for his safety. I don't think their relationship is salvageable and has had serious issues for a long time. He should just end it so they can both be happy.
Oh ffs. Yes I have and you come home feeling disgusting! Stewing in your own dried sweat is a recipe for crotch rot and skin lesions. Fucking wash your ass.
Hmmm yeah I think it was a bad move to stay living together.
Well nothing you can do except go on with your life and wait til the pain starts hurting less and less.
Obviously going to a doctor and actually getting a diagnosis and proper treatment is ideal. You want to be careful with messing with your body's natural Ph so don't go off and grab a douche or summer's eve or something.
BF needs to quit with the jokes, but having a weird smell or itch or discharge is nothing to be embarrassed about, it is something to get checked. Some infections can get into your bladder or kidneys if you let it go too long. Vaginal health is important.
Her friend is just an asshole.
Yeah that means nothing really
Yeah that means nothing really
Listen to your gut. She “had fun”, even while y’all were dating, but then settled down with you. You were most likely her safety plan.
No, you’re not entitled to sex sooner just because, but the fact that you know she made you wait, but was very promiscuous with others says a lot. If she’s a starfish now, it’s not going to get better, only worse.
A very anxious and mistake-prone woman getting emotionally involved with a guy who has a superiority complex is a recipe for disaster. All the available personalities in the world to couple up with and you picked the one that would be the absolute worst for you.
He’s so bad that people here are sympathetic to landlords.
A big one though is maybe trust your partner enough that even if they are angry you can talk it out.
That's not ever really been an option when it comes to him being angry. Anything I say will just be responded to with the deepest cuts he can possibly make and radio silence,
Again, I admitted my fault in trying to resolve that initial conflict with my gma. But the second situation I wasn't sure what to do, there was arguing, and I froze.
I didn't know however, that making mistakes means I do not love him. That's enlightening to me.
This is exactly what im saying. Youre making an assumption about him as if they cant be seeing him regardless of the chair and still just not want to be with him.
There are a lot of people with disabilities that arent good people. There are also a lot of people with disabilities who definite their identity around their disability and thats not for everyone.
Not wanting to date someone and coincidentally recognizing that they identify as being disabled doesnt automatically make someone shallow.
It is a fun addition but don’t get to a point where you’d rather use toys to pleasure yourself than your partner. I’ve seen many posts where either the guy or girl would rather watch porn and masturbate than have sex.
Don'cha just love when a partner does something colossally wrong and then turns it around to blame the other partner??
Honey, if you have to TELL your boyfriend that sexting is not appropriate in a relationship, he's not smart enough to either be a teacher OR your boyfriend. If someone needs to tell him not to sext one of his students' mother, same applies. (They didn't just find out she had a kid in his class when you called her. They knew prior to that, at least that's how the post reads)
So because he won't admit he was wrong, YOU must have been wrong for trying to deal with the other woman. SMH.
You only have four months invested in this relationship. As has been said before here – this is his best behavior!! It's not going to get any better than sexting with other women and then blaming you for your reaction. Just let it go.
I get the point youre making but i never see this point made when a drunk woman complains about a sexual encounter with a drunk man, its always rape in this scenario.
I'm just gonna copy/paste my reply to u/ShadowsDoMyBidding
I need you to understand how casual and fun this conversation was. Your statement is true under serious circumstances. But this wasn't a serious conversation. In this particular scenario we were joking.
I was jokingly “jealous” of him calling his cat perfect so I wanted my praise too. But I expected him to fight my demand and tell me: – “You're ?????? as perfect as my cat” – “I like her more than you because she's fluffier” – Literally any dumb response you can think of. (It's an inside joke between us that I have to work harder to get his attention and cuddles because the cat gets all of it)
I expected a joke answer to my joke “I am jealous of your cat, so praise me too”-question. Instead… He turned completely serious out of the blue.
So in conclusion, I felt blindsided by this and didn't have a chance to calculate that he would 1. Suddenly be serious. 2. Not like me as much as I like him, which caught me by surprise.
But I will be more careful in the future when talking to him :/
Yeah took me a while to figure out who's baby it actually was
It would make sense if the husband has checked out because he knows his wife is hitting it with others.
I wouldn't want either of them around my family because if I saw the guy I would tell him and make sure he new and if saw the wife I would have to leave the room because the thought of it makes me a bit sick.
That is perfect two I would say how much supposed to be more confident when the person who loves me the most, and knows me the best rates me a six out of 10 in personality and seven out of 10 it looks. I don’t think I would want to be with somebody I really didn’t like that. In fact, I would probably want to break up with them.
Then see how he likes that I’d ghost him for a few days
You’re in a different country and culture. One where the expectations for privacy and personal space are much different.
I wonder if part of the disconnect here between you and your partner and his family is, you could be asking for things that are culturally inconceivable. You could come off as the entitled American wanting everyone to conform to your expectations instead of saying “when in Rome.”
What would you like your partner to do? What’s the ask?
Idk. Both OP and her Bf have seriously warped ideas on “traditional” gender roles. Between her “masculine” hobbies and what makes bf feminine (he’s emotional unstable and irresponsible at times ?) and bf feeling his manhood threatened by all this nonsense. Lol this is a disaster all around
He's supposed to be bringing up your self esteem, instead he's just breaking it down.
People aren't robots. Just because something is true, doesn't mean people wanna hear it or its a good thing to say. That's like if I had a dead relative and my SO kept being like “yo, your grandma's dead. Don't get upset with me, I'm only stating a fact.” Like wtf? That's not being honest, that's being a hurtful dick.
Your feelings are valid. I also think you’re right not to bring this up with your friends. They will definitely find the videos and it will make the whole situation worse.
The fact she is dismissing your feelings and placing the blame on you by calling you judgemental is very troubling. The fact you may look at her differently after finding out is a reason for not telling you, but not an excuse. You two aren’t casually dating, you’re married. You have a right to know about her past and what kind of person she is. You have a right to make an informed decision of who you’re marrying, and she took that right away from you.
Don’t let her just dismiss this as something you need to get over. That will just build resentment and destroy the relationship entirely. The marriage may already be over though.
If I were you, I would explain to her that you take this very seriously, and if she’s not willing to, at the very least, discuss it, than you don’t know whether you’ll be able to stay in this marriage. As it stands, you can’t trust her and she’s showing you she doesn’t give a shit about your feelings. At that point, what’s the benefit of staying in a marriage like that?
My brother in Christ, why did you watch the videos?
I don’t understand why you’re getting downvoted so hard- because it’s the truth! worrying about current partners previous partners is pretty ridiculous bc there’s literally nothing that can be done to go back in time to change it! many, many people film themselves having sex, and I’m sure OP has filmed himself with other partners in the past- the main difference are her videos are public and she made money off it
should she have told him about it? Probably
Would OP be this upset if he discovered his wife recorded videos with previous partners that weren’t distributed publicly? Probably
is it that different than sending nudes or filming yourself getting it on that different than filming porn? Not really
Is there anything that can be done about the pornos? Nope
Is his wife the same person he married? Yup
Worrying about previous partners is the biggest waste of energy, and my fave example of playing stupid games to win stupid prizes.
At the end of the day, is it worth it to destroy your marriage over a few pornos your partner made? Idk that’s for you to decide
It’s not the adhd- he’s just a jerk.
She moved in with you ?