If I'm understanding that correctly, she has ended up isolated from friends and is worried about the kids getting sick and doesn't want to take them anywhere? So she just has you for support, and you are having a hard time too? There isn't really an easy fix for that, but it is really important to challenge that giving up on finding friends, support, things for the kids to do, if it means you are both overwhelmed with nothing to turn to. It's not sustainable. Do you or her have anyone trusted to even just talk to or vent about this?
He is acting like a giggling schoolgirl with a crush. And from your post history, he sounds like an excessively horny and weird bastard who gets obsessed over every girl that shows him 1 ounce of attention. This would be more normal behavior for a 13 year old boy going through the midsts of puberty…. but a 34 year old man? He's never going to change at this point. He is going to turn into one of those old creeps chasing 20 year old tail in a few years time. Dump the guy and let him obsess over 100+ other women. Unfortunately he doesn't view you as special if he gets so attached to other women, but there's another guy out there who will view you as special and treat you well.
She is straight up not respecting your feelings man. You can’t really set a boundary on who she can or can’t talk to, that’s just being controlling.. but you can set a boundary that if she continues to demonstrate that frequent communication with an ex is more important to her than the way it makes you, her current partner, feel, you’re going to have to step back from the situation and let her decide whose feelings she’s more concerned about, and then actually follow through.
If she prioritizes your relationship and respects your feelings on this, great, problem solved. If not, you are better off without her, I promise you.. which doesn’t necessarily mean she’s a cheater or a bad person, but be honest with yourself.. is your insecurity about this going to get better over time, or worse? If it gets worse, will your trust issues become more or less manageable? If they become less manageable, what does that suggest about the likelihood your next relationship will be with someone you feel secure with?
I wish someone had explained these things to me before I went through the worst emotional pain I’ve ever dealt with.. worse than finding friends dead, worse than realizing what happened to me when I was younger.. this shit is cumulative. We’d love to start fresh with each new person, but until we heal, we are not built that way. Failure to set and keep boundaries now will result in progressively less ability to set and keep boundaries, and you will increasingly see yourself allowing people who do not respect you to stay in your life.
One question.. has she known this dude forever? If yes, you are probably gonna have to either accept it or move on
I’d stop worrying about helping him and start worrying about protecting yourself. This guy sounds like he could very easily justify to himself killing you.
I don't see anybody talking about it, but do we just assume she suddenly lost all her sex drive and libido all of a sudden, and now she has no needs anymore whatsoever ? You need to call her out on that, this is fishy as hell.
I promise I won't let it get that bad. I start keto tomorrow. For me, not for her. Thank you for your kind words, Sir. Won't let them fall on deaf ears.
He’s being hit and isolated from his partner. I’d say it’s severe abuse.
Well i was feeling Unsure if i did the right thing
If I'm understanding that correctly, she has ended up isolated from friends and is worried about the kids getting sick and doesn't want to take them anywhere? So she just has you for support, and you are having a hard time too? There isn't really an easy fix for that, but it is really important to challenge that giving up on finding friends, support, things for the kids to do, if it means you are both overwhelmed with nothing to turn to. It's not sustainable. Do you or her have anyone trusted to even just talk to or vent about this?
He is acting like a giggling schoolgirl with a crush. And from your post history, he sounds like an excessively horny and weird bastard who gets obsessed over every girl that shows him 1 ounce of attention. This would be more normal behavior for a 13 year old boy going through the midsts of puberty…. but a 34 year old man? He's never going to change at this point. He is going to turn into one of those old creeps chasing 20 year old tail in a few years time. Dump the guy and let him obsess over 100+ other women. Unfortunately he doesn't view you as special if he gets so attached to other women, but there's another guy out there who will view you as special and treat you well.
First get a paternity text to determine whether or not the child is yours. If not, get away from this toxic mess as far as possible.
She is straight up not respecting your feelings man. You can’t really set a boundary on who she can or can’t talk to, that’s just being controlling.. but you can set a boundary that if she continues to demonstrate that frequent communication with an ex is more important to her than the way it makes you, her current partner, feel, you’re going to have to step back from the situation and let her decide whose feelings she’s more concerned about, and then actually follow through.
If she prioritizes your relationship and respects your feelings on this, great, problem solved. If not, you are better off without her, I promise you.. which doesn’t necessarily mean she’s a cheater or a bad person, but be honest with yourself.. is your insecurity about this going to get better over time, or worse? If it gets worse, will your trust issues become more or less manageable? If they become less manageable, what does that suggest about the likelihood your next relationship will be with someone you feel secure with?
I wish someone had explained these things to me before I went through the worst emotional pain I’ve ever dealt with.. worse than finding friends dead, worse than realizing what happened to me when I was younger.. this shit is cumulative. We’d love to start fresh with each new person, but until we heal, we are not built that way. Failure to set and keep boundaries now will result in progressively less ability to set and keep boundaries, and you will increasingly see yourself allowing people who do not respect you to stay in your life.
One question.. has she known this dude forever? If yes, you are probably gonna have to either accept it or move on
I mean, it kinda sounds like your husband raped your sister- or at the very least took advantage of her when she couldn’t consciously consent.
All that said – to answer your question- divorce him. It done thing to. get cheated on, it’s another to cheat on you with your sister.
I’d stop worrying about helping him and start worrying about protecting yourself. This guy sounds like he could very easily justify to himself killing you.
I don't see anybody talking about it, but do we just assume she suddenly lost all her sex drive and libido all of a sudden, and now she has no needs anymore whatsoever ? You need to call her out on that, this is fishy as hell.
Thank you so much.
III
Hey thanks for your response, can I ask why you think that?
Hey thanks for your response, can I ask why you think that?
Vasectomy aren’t 100% but he is going to be doubtful. Tell him you will get a genetic test for the baby to prove you were faithful.
I promise I won't let it get that bad. I start keto tomorrow. For me, not for her. Thank you for your kind words, Sir. Won't let them fall on deaf ears.
Yeah, this post is sad and confusing