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Jay567, 24 y.o.
Location: Iowa, United States
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Date: October 29, 2022
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I basically asked “Hey, why is this done that way?”, and when they explained, I just said something along the lines “Ohh, I didn't know that, thanks”. Like, no judgement on it either way, I was just surprised because it was new to me. So, I don't see how they went from me being surprised to claiming I said “it was gross”.
His parents will probably always hate you if they are really Islamic. It’s not gonna work. They will NEVER change their opinion towards you and you being atheist is worse than being Christian or Jewish to them.
Because 40+ year olds who are normal, healthy, established adults want nothing to do with people in their 20s. Heck, I’m 27 and wouldn’t date below 23. My friends in their 30s want nothing to do with women younger than 25-29 romantically. This is normal, give or take a few years.
Being attracted to and finding younger women beautiful is one thing, but having enough in common and being at similar enough stages in life is important. Someone in their 40s shouldn’t have much in common with you. Usually someone that old dating someone that much younger just can’t get someone their own age, for reasons you will probably find out sooner or later.
Oh, that sounds really quite bad. Your mother has raised you, nurtured you and as far as what you have let on has in no way been abusive (except for keeping your dad from you). Your dad evidently hasn't tried to be part of your life AT ALL, which he absolutely could have done through a court. YOU had to go and find him. To now take his name whilst giving up your mom's seems like a really big snub. If I was your mom, I'd be heartbroken.
Maybe do a double-barrrelled name if they exist in your country?
If your parents are that traditional, shouldn't they see him refusing to support his family as a failure to be a husband? I'm sure you didn't sign up for this when you got married.
Thank the universe for blessing you with this escape, and start recording everything he does/says to you. He isolated you, chipped away at your independence and ability to have any power in the relationship, and now that he thinks he has you truly “trapped” he’s entered the next phase of the abuse cycle.
This is his true self and this is what he was planning to do to you the whole time. It will get worse. He is going to amplify the abuse. That is a fact. Your husband is behaving as a TEXTBOOK abuser, OP. Please start doing some research on DARVO, the abuse cycle, and abuse dynamics. Lundy Bancroft’s book “Why Does He Do That” is the Bible for those looking to learn about and understand this stuff.
You need to record all of the verbal events and keep a record of what’s happening. Contact a lawyer ASAP, and don’t be ashamed or embarrassed about this situation. It isn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong and men like him hide what they are and work sneakily — look back, clear your eyes, and see the little things he did over time. I’ll bet money he’s been carefully undermining your independence and self esteem for a long time, and he’s probably done it by switching between “little incidents” you were able to write off and love-bombing where he was so crazy affectionate and “nice” that you started to wonder if the little incidents were even real.
That’s intentional. These morons use the SAME EXACT ABUSER PLAYBOOK. I swear they must have a printed pamphlet circulating out there somewhere…ugh. Just know that you are far, far from alone and his reversal of his abuse and attempts to make YOU feel bad are so ridiculously typical. His pre-nup will be hard to defend in court if you can record and provide evidence of the verbal abuse. Even if you leave with nothing but yourself and your kid, it’ll be more than worth it. You don’t deserve this and you shouldn’t ever blame yourself for this situation.
File a police report on the blackmail and harassment.
You dated him for months, so if he spread that, it’s true anyway. Just tell people you’d been separated long before you started dating.
Many people consider nonbinary identities as part of the trans umbrella since they experience gender dysphoria from their appearance the same way
Exactly. You dont have to share someone’s boundaries to understand that their boundaries are important.
I would NEVER wait more than 3 dates, and I am religious and a woman. But I learned my lesson with waiting the hard way.
And still, I say OP needs to leave now. Doesn’t matter that her dating pool is small. Doesn’t matter that I don’t agree with waiting for sex.
He doesn’t respect her. THATS what matters. If he doesn’t respect one boundary, he won’t respect any.