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Date: October 27, 2022
It is not your money to give. So that is what you tell them Sounds like pimping. “You are effing a rich guy, get his money for us” Creepy and dumisgusting. You tell them straight up to mind and pay for their own business.
Lmao at these comments. If you’re not comfortable with the amount of people she’s been with, it is completely okay to not pursue her. Men instinctively are turned off at a high body count number, it’s completely normal.
Have the discussion before she moves in. Your bills will go up
L.M.A.O !!!!!
We are not sharing finances. I talked to an attorney about what could happen to my/our finances in the future (like years down the road) if she came back and successfully got child support. I’m just being proactive so I know what I’m possibly getting into.
His friend is also my friend. I don’t want to jeopardize my friendship with her either.
Grow up
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You can have boundaries, like drop kid off, with written instructions and leave….no need to talk. Forgiveness and forgetting are two different things and they are both bulldozing you if they think nothing is just off about this situation. Did they come to you at the beginning to talk to you, to make you comfortable or was it “we didn't do anything wrong” garbage.
NTA
Exactly!
Couldn't agree more, do it with people you're attracted to not ones you love
*Advise: * Tell your wife! If there is a fall out between you and this friend, you don’t want it hanging over your head. You want to dumb it down, or whatever, but tell her.
As for the cheating part, it’s actually on you to tell us. You “cuddled” with another woman. Was there an emotional attachment? Was there any intention to go further? We’re you in the mindset that you are just doing this to comfort her and then leave with no emotions tied? You literally can’t ask Redditors if it’s cheating. We weren’t there and we don’t really know the story, the feelings, the intentions/motives behind it all.
I'd try talking to her and using “I feel” statements. Like “I feel belittled when you say…” as opposed to straight up saying you do this. I'd also tell her that unless you explicitly state you're looking for advice or input, you just want someone to listen when you need to vent.
My last partner was like this. But when I'd use the i feel statements, he would still tell me I was accusing him. He was very controlling, abusive and just all round a terrible person though. So if your wife isn't these things, I'd tell her how you feel and see if things improve. If not… maybe you 2 aren't compatible
Those are things my ex used to say to me. It’s emotional abuse. They’re meant to manipulate you.
Does he know you’re a woman?
Can you get an abortion and move on?
Do you have any friends, family? Anywhere you can stay? She sounds abusive, both verbally and physically (making you sleep elsewhere etc)
You're already doing the “grey rock” technique, which is good.
You are the adult in this situation. He is a teenager. You need to walk away.
He just sounds extremely immature.
we are at a place financially with my new job we could def make a 2 bedroom space work.
Stop reproducing.
Good idea I'll give this a try when I get flowers for my grandma next. I'll get him to help pick and learn how it works
I would never date a person who is allergic to cats.. my cats are my babies. They come first.. sorry
DIL I’d death and green onion get it right .
But there are men that get it too like Such Yam.
If you are going to be a guy that’s as weak as water in a group and you know if your gf or for that matter any girl you are walking with you won’t support if she gets assaulted sexually or otherwise then don’t walk in crowds . He lied as well saying he would support her and then had her in that environment when he knew he wouldnt.
He showed his colours hours before .
Guy is a waste of space
Friendships don’t start out as secrets.
Thanks for your perspective.
For the most part we communicate really openly and honestly and I’ve already shared some of my concerns re caregiver fatigue and kids, maybe not as candidly as in this post but I think she knows where I’m at. We are both willing to fight for our marriage but lately I’ve been feeling trapped. Both of us have the same fear which is that I will grow to resent her as time goes on, especially if her condition worsens.
Doing something romantic together is a great idea. I’ll think of some ideas.
Thanks 🙂
Wut?
Oh, I feel that pain
Whatever he was doing, he thought it was bad enough that he should completely lie about the trip. Not like he went to WV with his brother but also some other people and her, no, he fabricated an entirely different trip than the one he took. No reason to do that unless he was hiding something.
You did the right thing.
This isn’t for you to fix. Your husband sounds dangerous. You should not confront him; you shouldn’t even stay in the same house as him.
Get to safety. Tell your family and friends what’s going on. You need people to know that you are possibly in danger.
Protect yourself first. Tell the crush to protect herself. She needs to get a restraining order at the very least.
I think the way to start dealing with this is to expose it to the light.
Your happiness needs to come first. Sometimes in relationships you need to take a break to appreciate what you had.
Yup
STOP DOING HIS LAUNDRY! STOP CLEANING UP AFTER HIM!
I'll never understand this, seriously.
Direction would be outward and upward. But I’ll bet you are perfect the way you are
I have it saved from years back!
Cool story, asking op
I think now you need to get into couples counseling. He has had therapy. Now you need to go with him.
You, U, can not influence her desires… At her age she is stuck between desires of experience and desires of fantasy.
Oh fuck that noise! The moment he bitched about being disappointed about your boobs should have been the moment you denied him any further access to them. What a dickhead.
I actually do believe he could have mature, emotional conversations. HOWEVER, he doesn’t entertain emotional conversations if he is sober and I don’t like have deep conversations like that when we’re drunk/high. I know that he’s capable of it but it’s ultimately a matter of him pushing himself to face those emotions sober.
OPEN YOUR EYES
He is a mooch
No job because he has a sugar mama. Come on.
You seriously do not need advice. You need to open your eyes and see what you already know.
I know it can be really hard to have perspective when you’re in the middle of a situation.
His behavior, the yelling, the self harm, the DARVO, these are all seriously abusive behaviors. I don’t know if he has physically harmed you yet, but as a social worker, I’m sure you’re familiar with the risks of escalation of abuse, and that even if the violence isn’t being inflicted on your body yet, that this is already a physically abusive relation dynamic. I’m concerned for you safety.
I would encourage you to get a therapist. Your partner is being extremely manipulative and you deserve somebody who is 100% Team You to help you have perspective and see through the manipulation.
And please remember, even if his behaviour is rooted in trauma or mental health issues, it’s not your job to stay with him, fix him, or stick around, while he tries to better himself. It’s OK to leave a man who is terrifying. You don’t owe him more love and compassion then you give to yourself.
Even if he paid with cash, he still needs to pay for tax, HOA, home insurance.
Idk where OP is, but I've seen really high $$$ HOA monthly payments. This is why I avoid HOA like a plague.
But yeah, you can't avoid paying property tax. Heck, our property tax amounts to $700 a month right now, it's still going up every year.
Bud, let's approach this from a different angle. Are you happy in your marriage? Is your wife fulfilling all your needs? Are you fulfilling hers?
Keeping unreliable narrator in kind: you described her as being a more domimating factor in your relationship, with you as a self proclaimed coward (as per your post) submitting to her wants and demands most of the time. If that's a dynamic you're happy with, have at it.
Personally, she comes across as controlling. Whi checks their partner's location if they can't reach them during the work day? Why would you need to know someone's location anyway?
What's daily life look like in your house and family dynamic? Are you two balanced in how you handle raising your kids? Or chores, or when voicing opinions on subjects?
I'm asking because from the outside looking in, it looks like she's got you by the short 'n' curlies, and it's her way or no way. That means an imbalance, a lack of mutual respect and something that needs to be addressed.
Your home dynamic may have a subconscious part to play in how much time you spend with your friend. Perhaps you feel she sees you as a person and not as whatever your wife sees you as?
I don’t know if you want something serious but he isn’t it. You said he’s your best friend maybe just keep it this way . Why struggle with someone like this. I think you should move on and leave him so he’ll get intimate with whoever he fancies.
Get proof and tell her. Talk to a lawyer now
Yup, and the other mother is with the husband and wife. Granny is gonna be real alone real quick
Right.
Misery loves company.