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Date: September 28, 2022
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Exactly what I wanted to say. What a selfish insensitive git!!!!!
Some people hate long distance.
For me, it feels like a punch to the gut to have to converse with someone I love when I can’t physically be with them.
Some people just don’t like to invest emotionally into people they can’t physically be with. If he’s busy travelling too, then you should respect that and wait until you’re both back to start the conversation again.
Distance isn’t for everyone.
Wow ya divorce sounds right. What a horrible “joke” for you, Kelly and Steve. Why would he think that is funny and that’s horrible of his friends for laughing. Even if you did offer that would be such a nice thing to do for a couple you’ve known for 8 years that you have known how much they struggled. The “joke” really has to be that. The friend group dislikes you and would rather adopt than take your generous offer.
It really feels like your husband doesn’t like you. It’s sucks but you’d probably be happier single. Why would your own husband be so mean to you?
You can just leave and take your child with you. This idea that a child ties you to a man is not true. Yes, clearly the father has rights, I'm not saying he doesn't, but you are in a situation where you are being abused. You need to call it what it is. You were 18 years old when you met. You've probably heard the age gap argument for years now and you may or may not realised the power dynamic but he is not a good man. I'm sorry you're facing this but try and get some help and make a plan. You should never be coerced or forced into anything like this and the fact that he doesn't care you are in pain is awful.
TELL YOUR HUSBAND. Otherwise, BIL is going to panic about this and tell him that you kissed him. This wasn’t a silly misunderstanding or little mistake, this was on purpose and if you don’t tell your husband what BIL did, BIL will twist it and could ruin your family.
Forget about your husband. Do not EVER speak to your friend again. Put a pause on thinking about your marriage.
Invest in a good therapist. Ask yourself why you don't seem to have any pride, any self-esteem, any dignity. Ask yourself why your standards are so low. Ask yourself if this is the example you want to set for your children. Ask yourself what you would tell your own child, if they came to you in your position, suffering.
Ask yourself why you think this is the best you can do with your life.
Take my advice, OP: the 'happy' home you are degrading yourself for… it will not be happy. Your children will see you being treated like shit by their father, and they will think that it is normal. They will think that this is how things should be. They will grow up, and imitate both of your bad behavior… and completely fuck up their lives.
There are other men out there. Men who will be loyal, men who will be faithful, men who cherish you, men who would not give you up for anything or anyone else.
Leave your husband. Let him have your disgusting trash excuse of a 'friend.' Get as much alimony as you deserve, and go forth and live your life. Show your children how to live with dignity and pride. Don't resign yourself to this utter embarrassment of a situation.
You can do it, OP.
You're not being paranoid, you're actually under reacting. This guy has shown you multiple times that he doesn't respect your boundaries and you keep letting him walk all over you. Stop being a doormat. Love isn't enough for a relationship to work.
The only way to move on is to not talk to all of them. Who cares what your ex is saying she’s gone from your life. Whatever she says is proof you are better off without her. Block them all and give yourself time to let her fade from your memory.
Guessing her family isn't taking his bullshit like she is, and it's “so incredibly hurtful” to him when people aren't constantly sucking up, walking on eggshells around him and worshipping the ground he stands on.
Also cutting off family, friends and support networks is very typical in abusive relationships.
If you two were moving in the same direction, 8 months would've been more than enough time for them to figure it out. Chalk this up to wrong person and wrong time.
Divorce is a huge grieving process, and you can't trust that at the end of that path would be a healthy relationship.
They know what you want, they can't give it to you. Time to leave this in the past, and if they reach out, you need to let them know that the only reason they SHOULD reach out is if they're in the right place to make the commitment you've made if very clear you're needing.
Don't compromise on your boundaries: you did and are doing the right thing.