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“, ??rebeca”??, 27 y.o.
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Date: October 25, 2022
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The death of a dead loved one is hard to process when the dead person died
Honestly this was what I was thinking. Purposely set them off every day and he'll probably just be in his room the entire two weeks. Easy
It doesn't matter what we think. You two agreed to it, and she didn't follow the agreement. Whether it's cheating or not, not only cannot be defined by anyone outside of a relationship, but doesn't change that she made an agreement and didn't follow through.
It suggests to me that you two will not be getting back together, and that she never planned for, nor wanted you two to get back together though.
Tbh, if I held out hope to get back together with an ex, I wouldn't be sleeping with anyone. So you just need to decide if it's a deal breaker or not (if she's attempting to fix things with you, of course. If she's not, then there's nothing to consider).
Cut to the chase: get her dateās name and phone. Call him immediately and find out everything without sounding like a madman (even though you may feel like one). If you share the same cell phone plan you can see the text numbers online and see how many have transpired to this new number.
Sheās been telling you about work stress, but she may have spent those two months on non-work activities and feels stressed out living a lie with her fiancĆ©.
You need to protect your relationship but make sure the facts line up. Hopefully nothing Iāve mentioned is accurate or applicable.
I think you should focus first on building trust in the relationship before you even consider doing it.
I will forgive her , But the denial is seriously bugging me And the worst of all She now knows I'm supposed to propose in a week .. It's ruined , I feel like an idiot
Do what she asks. If she wakes and says sheās not feeling itā it, you stop. If she is into it, youāll know and you can keep going. Iām guessing you donāt stop every time you are going to do it to get a very clear contractual sign off for having sex? So consider her reaction as she wakes to be your yes/no point. Sheās asked for you to do a thing, so do it, being highly attuned to her initial reaction.
So she sees it as a best friends situation now. She said in the messages that we were best friends. We were somewhat intimate though. Would buy each other gifts. Go on dates. She calling it “reconnecting with a friend”.
How about instead of posting on Reddit try talking to her after the fact and ask her the reason behind it she didnāt do it just to simplify your fight thereās an underlying factor you just donāt come up with rules even if she has to think about it, she will realize why so talk to her and not Reddit
I don't like how she's been with you for three years yet claims you only want sex? If that were the case, you could have stuck around for 12 hours……
Are you being gaslit?
He didn't get you a gift, he got you an obligation. What an ass.
yeah that makes it worse lmao
Thank you I appreciate it! ?
It's time to consider co-parenting for a bit. There's nothing wrong with that either.
I'm really happy for you!!! You're going to be fine, I know it, even tho it doesn't feel like it for a while. And when you'll get that impulse to check up on her and you'll feel like you want her back again, take a few deep breaths, go for a walk, talk with your friends, spend time with your family, pet your dog, take a nap, play some video games, watch your favorite tv show, just do something to keep busy. The feeling will go away eventually.
Good luck!!!
Leave that bitch, not worthy of having your child.
Why are you with her if she treats you so poorly? Itās not your job to āfixā her.
I think Iām done here, because youāre taking āclearly stated boundariesā and conflating them with āunrecognised signs of unreasonable controlling behaviourā just to make your point, and I canāt be bothered. This is not the situation we were discussing.
This was dumb advice.
You shouldnāt be doing anything that youāre uncomfortable with and playing the other woman is a waste of energy. Your husband is the problem not this other woman. When sheās out of the picture heāll just find another oneā¦
One person paying all the bill is unfair and not realistic at all. I meant more like roles changing per day
Ew. He's a petulant child. Do not ask him to come back. I don't like sharing food either and my boyfriend knows it and would NEVER demand it!
You need to leave or tou are showing your kids that the abuse is acceptable and they may grow up to date abusers. Don't start that cycle. Get out, get custody and get counseling for yourself and the kids!
He admitted that he touched her. Completely nude. Smeared dollar bills all over her privates. Nipples in his face.
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You need to tell her. Maybe that's why she has no friends.
I feel sorry for you
Don't get married yet otherwise you will regret yourself
Now. Itās not like you can enjoy a merry xmas together. ?
nah he disrespected their relationship. at the end of the day, he knew it would hurt her and he probably knew it would make her see him differently, which clearly it has. as humans, we just want exclusivity. having some naked ass and puss in ur face and literally touching you, is not exclusivity. something i especially wouldnāt accept from a long term bf / fiancĆ© / anyone I take serious.
Oh cāmon 6 months and best friends?
I agree that I kinda rushed my current relationship, maybe I was angry or alone I donāt know. I did however take a long time to get to know my ex as did she. Thank you for your advice, I hope you have a wonderful day.
This girl will only cause you problems going forward
Yeah, that's an average value. Averages don't apply to individuals who exist on a bell curve. You're acting snotty about statistics and probability but you're not very great at it yourself.
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I'm not in denial I know my preference, but thank you for the advice
I'm not in denial I know my preference, but thank you for the advice
Again, good. Iām glad I misunderstood that part of your post.
Iād write my brother an actual letter or email. Tell him how you feel.
Stop making it about the expense, as you had no problem also receiving a new phone, new tablet, and a spa voucher which probably cost the same all up if not more, especially considering that he did this before he found out about you trying to return it.
You decided that you could return it without him knowing (how stupid do you think he is? It has two important dates engraved on it, he would notice that it is not around) and do whatever you wanted with the money.
You screwed up. Own the error, try to apologise but be honest about it.
And when you donāt get anything next year, think back to now before you open your mouth to complain.
Do I apologize again in the morning and wear them? I genuinely looking for advice here
Don't wear them so soon, as that would be too contrived. If you've already apologized, let it be: just show him some extra love.
When an actual occasion presents itself to wear some jewelry, then wear it. The first occasion shouldn't be super-special. After you've worn them a few times, just thank him for the pendants.
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Itās a slippery slope-which is literally my whole point. I didnāt call her a drug addict I said her behavior is going nowhere fast.
Yep, she should
he's either been lying the whole time or he wants to get married just not to you, and he's hoping he'll wake up one day wanting to marry you.
Let's just get this out of the way she cheated on you.
There are two ways to go. 1. Think about what you need from her to help you build up trust again- and make sure she is making an effort to help rebuild it. If you go this route you need to make sure in your heart that you can really forgive her. Not say you are going to and then be paranoid every time she goes out
Leave the relationship and find someone won't cheat on you.
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Why? What is the feeling.
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Iām sorry but he doesnāt love you if he did he wouldnāt ācheat ā all the time. You need to cut the cord and leave. block him. you need to think about yourself
Burying his head in the sand will put him at higher risk for more health complications as this goes on and/ or gets worse. You will get more resentful and lose all attraction bc he isnāt taking care of himself. Tell him this is a major problem for his health and your relationship and you need him to properly deal with- therapy/ dr/ nutritionist / personal trainer .
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Yeah, at a minimum this relationship isnāt good. I would probably call it toxic (possibly abusive, but hard to say). What I do know is that giving your partner the silent treatment for days is manipulative.
And both of you sound immature, you are 22 years old, so not surprising. But he is 30. He should know better.
Assuming this is how your relationship will always be, is this really the life you want for yourself?
Sage contains thujone. A chemical that can cause seizure and damage liver and nervous system.
Even if theyāre not yet he wants to and is trash
Right that was my first takeaway. Like being diagnosed with NPD means they not only realized there was a problem, but actually decided to DO something about it, which is exceedingly rare and OP should honestly getting some serious props for that alone ?āāļø At this point she's just going to have to count on open communication with her husband and him seeing what's REALLY going on and not just caving and doing what mommy wants.
You were both in the wrong. She shouldnāt lead you on but you should have controlled yourself and been the bigger person. Iād move on to someone that knows what they want.
Thanks so much for the advice. Iāve always had trouble just calling people out. But I do have to find a voice at some point so I guess now is the time! And yes, itās his. I should of probably clarified!
You downplayed what you said to her but it must've been pretty bad if she said you were showing some SDE
I mean he's not wrong? If you don't need dysphoria to be trans and you don't need to present in any specific way. If it's literally just an internal recognition of your own gender identity, then he's right. Anybody can just use the women's bathroom if they feel they are a woman.
Because you are a doormat that lets him cheat, so you are perfect for him.
My condolences on your marriage.
the last time he slept with someone was and he said 4 days ago.
but weāve talked before about how we arenāt sleeping with anyone else.
Which is it?
Also this: It wasnāt even in this state and I donāt have feelings for her, I have feelings for you. So it was in another state (is sexual exclusivity jurisdictional?) and he's good with having sex with people he doesn't care about? Some people are fine with that. I hope the woman he had sex with is.
It sounds like you have some talks ahead. You might not have been 'in a relationship' but if you agreed to keep it sexually exclusive, then…?
Meanwhile it was only six weeks. And get tested.
Despite what he's told you about her and how he felt (past tense), do you have any reason to believe he's not over her? That's important.
Assuming he is in fact over her, people are fully able to be objectively attracted to different people. Since you specifically stated “superficial,” I'll even state here that I think it's completely dishonest for anyone to suggest that attraction isn't important. Neither you or anyone else should ever feel bad for being attracted to whatever you're attracted to. It's not shallow. It might be just one piece of a much larger puzzle, but it's a piece nonetheless. I digress.
Everyone enters into long term relationships with the goal of it being the last one. Have you been in relationships? If so, I'd assume you thought every one of them was the one, until it wasn't for whatever reason (you'll have to let us know). You need to look at this from that perspective. He thought she was the one based on what he learned over time. Until of course she wasn't, because she's a horrible person.
So now let's focus on you. You should safely assume that he's fully attracted to you. You should assume that he's happy with you. You should assume that he's happy with your level of success if it matters to him. No one put a gun to his head to be with you. You need to have confidence in that, and that he's not comparing you and “settling.”
To drive the point home, I'll provide my anecdote. I'm a guy and I'm quite happily married. I think my wife is beautiful and we have an amazing sex life. But if I were asked if she's objectively the most attractive woman I've ever been with, I'd honestly tell you no. But again, what does that mean? I'm here telling you she's incredibly attractive and all is amazing. So that my ex might be more attractive, does that mean I'm thinking about her? Not even a little bit. I'm with my wife because we're compatible on every level, attraction included. You need to believe that your boyfriend is with you for the exact same reason. Good luck.
Well that explains a lot then lol
No i don't and i didn't say that. You get what you give. Would you be happy if ur wife was still texting and being chummy with an ex who has no regard for her. At all. Noc respect. You can be friends with exes and have them in your life and they can even get along with ur partner or not really care for them aswell. But respect is something completely different.
I don't know about you but to me personally as a married woman if i had an ex that was constantly trash talking my husband and being disrespectful to him or even making my husband feel uncomfortable or insecure about the friendship as a result of that disrespect, i would cut that friend out of my life. To me my present and past aren't questions. If my past is disrupting my current happiness then fuck that person.
My husband or partner would be more important to me than someone not caring enough about me, to show my partner any respect. To me that would be disrespectful to me aswell.
“Do you remember the story Molly told us about the time Ben called her Mommy during sex? He made a reddit post about it, check it out!”
Are you dumb? Porn and erotica are not the same thing as cheating on your partner. Unless you're having sex or sexting with the pornstar or the fictional character, the difference is that you're interacting with another person, you clown.
Don't have sex with him unless he wears a condom. If the type he's using choke him then try different sizes and brands.
At the end of the day all that matters here is that if trans or non binary people expect others to respect their identities, rhen they in turn need to accept other people's identities.
And that goes for anyone who demands that same respect
IMO, if it's in the past why are you on the list? The past is before you, so his excuse is a bunch of BS.
No one who loved him would scream at him or you. No one who loved him would make him sob like that. If they somehow did, they'd be distraught and horrified when they realised.
The thing that made me realise my mother didn't love me was when I had my first child. I asked myself “would I ever speak to her like that? Is there any possible scenario where I would make her feel that way? Would I ever see her sob and be angry at her for it? If I ever made her feel that way, would I be ok with that or would it break me?”
Maybe getting him to think about it from his child's perspective could make him have an epiphany.
It was also a work event. Which makes it doubly inappropriate that she was loaded there, and eyes would have been anywhere.
It would also be quite easy for this guy to track her down – all he'd have to do is ask around for the name of the company that was there for an event. Then a text gets sent, her husband finds it, or something else.
No point in her lying. Every benefit in her telling her husband.
Match her gifts with similar gifts. Spend what she spends and put in the effort she puts in.
Then when the inevitable fight happens when she is mad/disappointed, make sure to lay it all out and show that you have only matched her level of effort.
Noooooooooooooo. Oh honey. This guy doesnāt deserve the trust youāre putting in him.
A classic āfuck around and find outā. Please leave her the fuck alone. Sheās also made it very clear that sheās not interested, and if you have a little bit of decency youāll leave her alone for good.
dude, me 37, wife 38…
Its like me writing this post myself, talking about my current issues, after almost 15 years of marriage (lol)
We've been together 7 years but were separated last year. I have three kids from a previous relationship and one child with him. I am not financially stable enough to leave.
I was 23 when I broke up with my boyfriend for this exact reason, honestly the best decision I could have made. You need to break up, no point dragging it out even longer
Iām gonna go out on a limb and say that it wasnāt actually about the tiktoker
It means he doesn't want to deal with how childish you are and wants to move on. You should do the same
I mention they were in their pjs because that instantly proved to me they were settled into the room and had been there for a while. If my brother had just arrived then he wouldnāt have been wearing his pjs. If my brother had just arrived then that wouldāve meant they didnāt lie to me. But they took my idea to spend the weekend together and did it without me. And they didnāt think Iād find out but I did because I literally caught them in the middle of lying. I am extremely surprised about the incest take because I donāt know thatās not a normal thing? I donāt know if people that are commenting about incest have siblings of their own. Itās just so disgusting to even think of it.
Of course it is. Youāre assuming these people had bad intentions and youāre playing the victim to their assumed negative actions. They donāt owe you anything.
Whoever asked how much stuff did I bring his friendsā¦ Redditās hiding comments from me so I canāt reply directly. One friend, two books, no drugs, Hun.
You are allowed to back out of being in a wedding party. Just be honest and say you had already committed to another wedding before she told you her date
It's honestly hygiene, what youre describing.
Source: I'm old enough to remember the time before shaving was common, and natural bush is my jam.
Woman here. I have gone with past partners to strip clubs because he was going to go either way. I viewed it as kind of like live porn, and i did like some of the costumes the dancers had.
Not all women are going to get hurt feelings , jealous. But if it's not something you like, then don't do it. My husband much prefers to stay home and watch something together if we need some new inspiration.
Maybe she has a voryer kink. And is unsure how to talk about it. Before you do anything, talk about it a lot, not just once.
This isn't real right?
Iāve told her I need atleast 3 months to process over everything and be in a place where I can healthily do this, and sheās agreed to that, and unfortunately she doesnāt know that this person is not really interested in being a part of this situation anymore and is going to be stepping back from both of us for quite while. Itās her birthday and although I brought it on myself for prying, unlike her Iām not going to drop a bomb on her birthday, so we will be talking with her later, but we really had a heart to heart yesterday and things are looking up as of now so weāll see what happens
So now he has to tell you ever time he does? That's… weird. He has a right to privacy. He's a grown ass man. I have to ask now, how do you react when he tells you he jacked off?
(Disclaimer: He's still a right jerk for the lying. That hasn't changed. I'm just challenging your jerking rule as I think it's unnecessarily overbearing.)
he gay
Youāre not a bad person for expressing your needs. But youāre a bad person for expecting him to conform to it.
You cannot demand him to have an exclusive relationship with you when you donāt want a romantic relationship with him. What you want is to have a perfect family image to everyone. You really donāt care your own familyās happiness except your own. And thatās why youāre a selfish person.
Well, I already mentioned it's possible if they're held back, but either way we don't even know if they met at high school.
I remember being in high school and the administration announced that we were forbidden from driving to the middle school on days we got out early. Yes, high schoolers were trying to pick up middle school girls.
Yes, it would be better because they would be closer in age. Have none of yāall fucking watched To Catch A Predator? Do you have any idea how many 19 year olds were going after 14 and 15 year olds? A LOT.
Sheās playing games. Itās a bit much for someone her age.
Yea I donāt see this going well. Nope. His kids are your contemporaries. Do you think anyone in his life would be accepting of you knowing that you are the same age as his kids?!
I donāt think she intends to be abusive at all, sheās very loving and considerate, but maybe that can come across like that or happen with intending to. I feel like lying the first time and saying no to those questions is in some way breaking trust as itās hurtful. Thank you for your perspective though, I really appreciate it and will think more about that. Thereās no way I can tell her sheās insecure (it wouldnāt be my place especially with this situation) so Iām not sure how we can work on that, I just donāt feel as though Iāve helped it at all.
Downvote all the way. Over 50% of the stories on here are fake.
Tbh, I donāt know why he proposed. I think it was a spur of the moment thing on his part. Like I said though, thatās called off and I understand why. I know you donāt ever know someone until you really live with them. I try to talk to him about it and he just gets all sad and says heās not trying to lead me on or play with my feelings.
Do not hang on to a person who is not good for you. Your boyfriend has established what he expects of you. If you stay in the relationship you're likely going to have to give up what you want. Additionally, it's a terrible position to be under the authority of somebody else. He will have control of you, the finances, and everything you do. In many cases, not all, these partners do become abusive. If not physically, then emotionally and psychologically. Think really hard about how you want to be treated because it's not going to change.
She has threatened to take my baby away if I leave and Iām so scared I will lose the best thing thatās ever happened to me. Iām also scared because even with joint custody I wonāt get to see her every day and every day I get to spend with her is amazing. Please help me Iām in such a difficult situation. I feel like if Iām choosing me Iām choosing to walk away from my child.
Joint custody is probably the best case outcome unless there is evidence to ask for solo custody. Talk to a lawyer.
It seems like it's about time to force her to use that backup plan.
Wow I do not miss highschool
My man. Glad you get to move on without that cheating hoe
If he shows up dressed as a clown, donāt let him in. Itās as simple as that. Kick him, and whoever lets him in, out. If he canāt respect your wedding, and those who encourage him canāt respect you and your wedding, they donāt deserve to be there
no he didn't, he said he doesn't know yet. they've been dating less than a year and she's acting like he should know if he wants to marry her already? that's absurd
Does he demand you to prove it?
You aren't his priority. Be your own priority. Go back home, as you've done your best to communicate your needs, and he's blatantly ignoring them. You didn't sign up for this
Two things:
Genital contact is “taking things further”
If you are being affectionate and intimate with a partner in a non-sexual way, and then you withdraw all intimacy when sex is off the table, it makes it seem as if the only reason for the intimacy was sex.
Now I'm a guy and I know it's entirely possible for an erection to slip out of boxers and I also know that getting shot down for sex doesn't feel great and some of us like to isolate after rejection in order to reset (or take care of things on our own), but we gotta be aware of how this stuff can be perceived by our partners.
That awareness can be the difference between arguing about what your intentions were and being seen as a person who makes your partner feel safe.
When I specified not in this scenario, I meant I donāt see it as abusive. I do think itās toxic to not clarify and assume someoneās intent or meaning if itās not clear.
Her lack of reaction? What lack of reaction? They arenāt speaking. Clearly she heard him and isnāt okay with what happened. What reaction would āproveā to you sheās changed her mind and isnāt lying?
Insisting that she is not his real sister is an insult to both your bfās family and countless other families. Youāre very wrong for thinking youāre entitled to step in between the relationship of two siblings out fear of an absolutely ridiculous scenario. This is real life, not porn
She already told you that she looks down on you. It certainly won't improve over time.
Also worth mentioning that looking subs regretting having kids are not exactly going to be a balanced view.. thereās probably not as many people wanting to congregate to discuss āI wasnāt that sure about having kids but turns out itās goodā
Too late. I wasnāt going to lose her without at least trying. I know most people disagree with that, but Iām okay with that.
If push came to shove are you willing to lose Polly as a friend? Live in the house, but avoid each other as much as possible if it meant saving your relationship?
How should I even approach it? Just rip the bandaid off?
I'd think that was good concealer well used if I hadn't noticed it till I found the container.
Tell her. Shouldn't matter and if it does, she's not the right one.
You dodged a bullet. Someone who would leave you for how your parents acted in this instance doesn't understand how adult relationships work, and is self-centered, besides… either that, or it was an excuse they gave to cover up the real reason they left you, be it cheating or something else. If they really loved you, they would not have left you, simple as that.
You'll heal from this, and you'll find someone who will be better for you than your ex here ever was.
Honestly, it's not just my parents and girlfriend. Society dictates that men don't cry
Most people in the US are not like your backwards-ass abusive girlfriend.
You cannot have sex with him again
Yeah I've been there. It is absolutely possible, but it takes time and effort from both parties.
Don't make it weird dude. Just back off a little.
Bro you are NOT ready to date.
It sounds like she primarily has brought and continues to bring bad into your life. She can't acknowledge or take blame for anything.
It sounds like you'd be less stressed and better off cutting that tie
Oh my. Sheās a doctor! You should be prepared for a resounding no. As someone who also went through roughly 12 years to because a physician, itās a huge part of who we are. I wouldnāt give that up for anything. You can ask but be prepared for the answer. All you mentioned was stuff that is convenient or nice for you. She may not feel the same going from something that requires high critical thinking skills to only hanging out with a tiny human who canāt communicate back.
I would stop having sex with him. If you were getting vaginal tears every time you had sex how would you feel?
Sheās mean. Why be with someone who makes fun of you? You deserve better.
She knew I had trust issues so I told her we needed to be upfront and communicate. It was more of a progression where trust broke down and boundaries violated. First going out till 4 am and getting guys number to which I obviously had a problem with and we worked through it. Then going out with a guy for his bday after work which I had a problem with but I felt the problem was more she couldnāt empathize how it would make me feel. I called her and she was out with him and didnāt even tell me. So it was things like this that broke down my trust to a point where I started to not be okay with her going to Get drinks after work etc. we were just in a bad place and I wanted it to get better, didnāt know what to do, didnāt know to give her, her freedom. Itās not like I didnāt trust her but it was just weird to me that she would break the boundaries. But when she came to me Iād trust that nothing happened. Still really tough though.
Please name one positive thing about your relationship with this loser.
Then move on. You deserve better.
Oh I do love these bullshit new-age sound grabs spoken as if they mean something.
Handy hint, it's complete and utter bullshit and the world is full of people who tried this “being authentic” crap and are now eating canned beans whilst living in a tent in a nameless homeless village.
If you wish to blow up your life, your husbands life and your kids life whilst you look for your “authentic self”, then by all means do so. Expect no one to come to your aide when your world falls apart and everyone disowns you.
The title doesnāt mean what you meant to say then lol.
I would cut everything out of my comment though but leave the part that says āyou canāt change thisā.
I really wish you could. Been trying to save my own bestie for over a decade. There just canāt be any change until they want it unfortunately.
We don't know why she likes those earrings, and all the “logical deduction” in the world won't come closer to an answer without… asking her.. which we can't do so…
That's why we use context clues wise guy. She got defensive and immediatly deduced that his intentions has something to do with her ex when he didn't say anything about him. Her brain connected the earrings to her EX and I'm pointing that out. Then add that with that fact that immediatly insulted him as well, makes it clear why the earrings have some kind of sentimental value to her. She didn't even thank him for the new set and say “I just prefer the ones I have now”. Nah, she straight up attacked as soon as she was presented a gift as if he'd struck a nerve.
Play obtuse all you want. I'm not.
Hmmmmmmk
This is going to be you āOmg Mariah you Poor thing I know Iām helping you buy something to wear for Nike but I just have to tell you he just wants you bc I donāt want him. Arenāt you lucky I donāt like him like that ? Iām such a good friend.. ā
Ughh you will sound like a mean girl for sure and also only care about yourself
If you do tell I do wish she finds this and sees how bad of a friend you are
He gave me the okay to be intimate with someone else. He just doesn't want me to have an actual relationship with that person. I'm not sure how you can count that as cheating… but okay?
I don't know how I feel about this statement. I am not disagreeing but I think that it is to broad to have to say “I plan to invite these 5 friends but I slept with 2 of their husband's back in college” seems like digging up a corpse you are not connected to any more really doesn't it?
I'm asking not telling is that they kind of discussion they should have?
(For what it is worth, I agree that if this isn't a fake this marriage is FUBAR for sure)
I know a way you can drop some weight quick…. dump that 85kg douche you are seeing!
Girlā¦the disrespect! This man is not going to change because he knows you wonāt leave him. He & his girlfriend are walking all over you. When he abused you the first time. Thatās when you shouldāve planned your exit! You stayed & it become worst! Get your ducks in a row & start planning the exit!
Date other people
So you know how horrible this relationship is.
Not to mention you have only been in it a few months, this aint a divorce.
Just move on please I am begging you.
I don't think you are 100% in the wrong. You had a new woman in your place and previously discussed having a theeesome/nonmomogamy within the relationship while sober. If she didn't want you to have sex it should have been communicated beforehand before yall got drunk and that woman shouldn't have been invited to your place. Bringing home a random girl from the bar with lots of flirting and more and expecting just to cuddle is a little ridiculous. She should have had explicit instructions to not do anything when she isn't present along with a talk about boundaries if you guys were thinking of adding another to the mix.
Polyamory or non-monogamy requires a HUGE amount of communication and quite frankly both men and women are horrible communicators in general.
Also it is ridiculous that you can't have sex in the morning. It isn't a fetish, but it is a preference that she says she wont/can't do. Plenty of women will hop on your dick in the morning and if you've consent to it plenty will wake you up with a bj or mounting you.
What this comes down to is a lack of communication and compatibility. That being said, you sort of did fuck up and need to take responsibility for not being more cautious before fucking someone else.
Also doesnāt sound like some strange drug or cult. Signs of the spice sounds somewhat strange.
Get the fuck out. Run. Make like Forest Gump and get the hell outta there.
For some fucked up reason, there are plenty of people who exist who lie about awful things for no other reason but because they enjoy how their partner reacts and they thrive on drama and so become drama makers. I will never understand it my self (which is probably a good thing I can't relate to such a person) but through out my life, I have met a handful of people like this, even dated one long ago. The one I dated long ago was a pathological liar. He made up some doozies and was excellent at it. The thing with them is they lie just for the sake of lying.
Are you drunk now? This is dramatic and nearly incoherent.
You donāt even want to be with this āsituationshipā person, but feel obligated since theyā¦but you trading cards? And because they make you feel guilty? Stop. Tell them you donāt want to see them anymore. Thatās literally the end of the story. Dramatics are completely unnecessary.
What you should feel bad about is getting wasted and leaving your passed out friend alone with strangers. Giving your number to the bar staff (?!?!) doesnāt make that okay, and itās only a matter of time before that goes very, very wrong for the two of you.
you have done the talk. now you have to do the walk.
Yeah, OPs husband is threatening to cut tattoos off of her body, and itās the piracy we need to worry about. Would steal a loaf of bread if you were starving? Then shut up up about us suggesting that OP āstealā a widely available pdf that has never had any take down notice or requests by the author so she doesnāt die.
Like, fuck! This is a āsteal so you donāt dieā moment.
You need a big conversation with her. Things need to change or youāre headed for resentment and a break up. If she needs support to be able to help out you could show her what you expect exactly. Like everyone has different levels of cleanliness but itās flat out rude and disrespectful to expect you to clean up after her, let alone her friends too
Thank you for this thoughtful response. Your words are really reverberating in my head right now. I know all your wrote was true, and this has been eating me up for years. Very much appreciated.
Heās trying to get over a recent breakup but doesnāt feel like a random hookup with you is the right way to go about it. The question I have is, why, given the situation, do you care if he wants to or not? Just find another guy to sleep with, instead of making the situation harder for this guy.
Except the stuff he wants her to “repair” are not things she should be “repairing” for the sake of a relationship. It's okay for her to be unhappy about the distance from her family. It's okay for her to gain weight after having kids. It's okay for her to not like the same type of sex OP likes.
The only thing that isn't okay here is the constant threats of divorce, which OP also participates in, and OP allowing the kids to make fun of their mom for her weight (no doubt they learned that from dad). He's the one that should be making the changes. If not for his wife, at least for his future partners.
What were the reasons you broke up is probably the more important question here? That's really what can determine the chances for rebound and whether or not her actions were okay or not.
If it was a mutual break up, she was distressed (and did something she regrets) or if she already had this dude lined up makes all the difference.
Yeah its sounding like the best friend may want her, but has not indicated that to her, and keeps running people off. Toxic as hell, and I would argue that long term it may not be safe for the lady.
I will never understand why people keep toxic friends around, even more so when they realize it.
he was very supportive at first and he was so happy we were having a baby together, he treated me fine except for the cheating
OP….how long have you been dating overall. Sounds like he was behaving “great” during the early honeymoon stage, made you feel “safe” so you'd ignore red flags….
He clearly has zero respect for you.
The situation is a bit complex. I agree with what you are saying about respect and trust. But he already initiated a lack of trust when he decided to lie to me.
I'm not sure how you've reached the conclusion she's a small business trainer???
She isn't. And I'm just on here looking for advice, I'm not asking for personal attacks.
I don't intently scrutinise her social media.
I don't believe I'm controlling tbh. She recently went on holiday alone to another continent and I had zero issue with it and we had no problems. If I was a control freak I wouldnt have been happy with that.
Spending time with your friends without your significant other involved is actually a good thing for your relationship.
If you can't be without your partner and you have to bring them along to hang out with “your” friends that's weird.
Heās a walking red flag. Please walk away for good. Heās controlling way past the point of abusive. This isnāt what you want for your 20s. Or ever. It will end up with you getting physically hurt. Please see a therapist. You donāt have to believe me but trust that the therapist when they tell you this is dangerous. A good therapist will help you regain your self esteem and will ensure that you never choose abuse again. You ignored the huge red flags that were really clear as soon as you met in person. Please seek out help.
āOur future kids in the basementā ā let that be a metaphor for how you and your kids will be seen/treated in relation to his mom. You will always be beneath her.
Thank you for the help I think I'll compliment her style then since i like it a lot and might ask for her socials
Thatās exactly what itās like. People are out here thinking sex revolves around a penis and never considered a womanās pleasure doesnāt even require one.
The reason you're “struggling” is because she lied to you, betrayed you, cheated on you & did so under totally false, BS pretenses.
Does she have regret? Maybe. I mean, only a complete sociopath would feel NOTHING… but perhaps you should have higher standards than being marginally better than a sociopath?
Unstable partners = Unstable relationships
I suppose I was hoping it could potentially mean he's just overly busy with things, but I think the same š
you canāt even a 5 year relationship over your partner continuously not doing something youāve asked for? seems pretty run of the mill