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❤Dya❤, 28 y.o.
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Date: November 5, 2022
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Good lord as if that on its own wasn’t the waving red flag. I will never understand people that know all of this and still think kids are a great addition to this mess
Agreed. 36m.
Next time she does it, grab her wrist, look her in the eye, and say, “Honey, do NOT hit me again. I’m not joking. I know you think you’re being playful, but I am telling you right now that this is no longer acceptable behavior.” DOn’t worry about hurting her feelings. Worry about making her stop hitting you.
Also, get her into treatment for her depression ASAP. She’s going to be home alone all day with a baby soon. She needs to learn to cope with this shit now, because it’s about to get a LOT harder.
I suppose I could rent out the whole house and use that to pay the mortgage? I would never be able to afford to live in it ever again, which is heartbreaking.
Once the mortgage is finished or when you refinance, those would be times to move back in if you don't sell
…. ….
With everything else you said, WOW. I hope things get better for you.
There is still no benefit from seeing her ex. If she didn’t have pre existing guilt about and there was as nothing to worry about, she would’ve just met him and not come to Reddit to look for validation. Not one person, especially OP, can justify this meetup…
He’s older and set in his ways. He’s not going to change any time soon. Where’s his respect for you? Find someone who will never scream at you , someone who will love respect and support you . I’d run .
Girl you are going to sabotage your relationship is you don’t stop. Nobody wants an insecure partner it’s very draining and he’ll stop being around you. Get some self esteem, self value listen to seminars, get a counselor but stop putting your boyfriend thru unnecessary BS cause you “feel” insecure. It’s really not his problem.
So I’ve got this straight – you like to watch videos of people makin bacon?
The fact that your fiancee doesn't have your back makes this one tough. Personally I'd loudly tell him that he looks like an absolute fucking embarrassment and then apologize to the crowd that a “grown man” is acting like this despite you requesting him not to.
Honestly it sounds like the rest of your life is going to be full of this kind of shit. Good luck.
Yes, I'm suggesting you leave both of them alone entirely. There are other people with whom you will share a sexual chemistry.
Kick him out or leave if you can- relationship is done. I’m sorry it came or this way, but it’s definitely not you (it’s him).
You can do better than this man- he rebuked your offer to help with and responds with a slap in your face. GTFO of this relationship and don’t look back.
He’s not in a “gray area”, he’s an alcoholic. I should know, my husband is one too, and started experiencing the same issues at the same age. Your boyfriend has absolutely no control of himself around alcohol and it will get worse. You need to consider how you’re going to proceed. It’s been 3 years since my husband confessed to being an alcoholic and he is still having to go to 5 recovery meetings a week as well as biweekly therapy. This is a lifelong illness and you have to consider if you’re willing to persevere through it. It is NOT easy and will get worse before it gets better.
I also have family members who are alcoholics and what I’ve learned in therapy is that we are much more likely to find ourselves as the frog in a boiling pot of water. We make excuses for their actions because it’s not as bad as the other alcoholics we know. We deny what’s right before our eyes. You’re seeing it now in how you’re asking him to slow down. You think he won’t, but the truth is he can’t. Please trust your instincts here.
That being said, I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve been with my husband since I was 16 and I couldn’t give up on him. I highly recommend you seek out r/AlAnon for yourself. It’s a support group for those who love alcoholics and addicts— it’s a safe space to vent, share your story, and learn to come to terms with your boyfriend’s substance use disorder. Your boyfriend won’t get better until he admits he has a problem, but if he decides to get help, EMDR therapy and SMART Recovery have done wonders for my husband. Even so, he’s still struggling. Prepare yourself for that reality. The best thing you can do is talk to other family members of addicts and equip yourself for the journey ahead if you decide to stay.
I’m very sorry for what you’re going through. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Please know that support is out there for you.
Hm, maybe he isn't interested in anything long term and since you couldn't see him directly afterward, it fizzled. His joke may not has seemed so offensive if you were seeing him regularly and getting more exposed to his humor. That way you could have determined if it was an actual joke or his viewpoint.
I think it's meant to be read the same way as “I'd like to mention that ___”.
OP, seek grief counselling immediately
Quick question….I'm 40f and no idea if I've had the vaccine. ..when did they start doing them?
Normally you have a discussion (when you talk about if you want to keep the relationship going), how he can build up the trust. He betrayed you and destroyed your trust. He was willing to throw away the marriage for fucking someone else. It is on him to build up your trust. He can't behave like before. It takes YEARS that you can trust him again.
I also wonder… Did he stand to what he did or did he play it down as a “mistake”. Was he crying and behaved as if he is the victim? So that you actually needed to focus on comforting him? I just ask because so often cheater try to behave as it wasn't their fault. They play it down and don't see that they made the decision with every step they took. They then are in their pity party and give a fuck about what they did to their partner. That he went right away to his normal behaviour, doesn't see that it could trigger you if he is hanging around with female co-workers.
Also don't forget: he knows that you forgave him after cheating. So mostly he will think “if i get catched again, she will forgive me again”.
Why would you not show her your list? A relationship is like a contract, you both need to be able to agree on these things of your relationship won't work. Talk about this thoroughly and explain what you would both like and be prepared to make any compromises as allowable on things that are not deal breakers. If you can't come to a stable agreement on this topic, then maybe it won't work out and you'll need to accept that.