I got the number from the report I have to make on our turnover rate. It is legitimately a 27% departure.
I don't think anybody likes being told their the problem, when they're dealing and struggling with something sincerely difficult at work and no one to turn to. I am friends with everyone at work and I have zero problems. These are all internal feelings I'm dealing with. But you seem so sure to who I am, and what you think, based off asking a question. So maybe don't be in a relationship_advice community where you make the person trying to be vulnerable feel like shit for asking for actual advice. You have no idea who I am or how good my work ethic even is at this job. Trust me, it isn't me. But surely youll feel good in your own little bubble not empathizing with me. Why did I come here. Thought relationship_advice were will with empaths. Guess not.
I am agreeing with you, BTW. I can't blame him for leaving a hoarder house.
But I CAN blame her for screaming at him, handling her issues in a way that makes him to target she lashes out at, I had to unlearn all of that in therapy but honestly being arrested during an autistic meltdown helped me out with that.
The stuff she's left out must be WORSE than yelling at him, can you imagine??
Most couples therapists don't recognize emotional abuse, they're trained to believe that both parties are going to therapy in good faith to fix things. It's why so many of us pop up and scream “never go to therapy with an abuser.” Abusive or manipulative people will just use therapy against their victim.
I immediately saw lawyers to take action in family court, it's 6 months later and waiting for a court date for it.
My ex has taken me to court now too and is trying to remove the protective order and have one put against me. My lawyer will throw it out in just over a couple of weeks.
My daughter is my reason for living and this is a fight I will never back down from.
My ex is having my daughter repeatedly tell me to stop the lawyer and she can see me again but I told her I am doing this so things change for good because we all deserve a better life.
It's very hurtful to be compared to a toxic parent, but ultimately very eye opening. I was compared to my dad and was bowled over at how much I was resenting him whilst mirroring similar behaviour in my relationships. Now I know I have the tendency to do certain things when I'm attacked, I actively work to make sure I have healthier ways of dealing with conflict.
Hearing intensely hurtful things can be a useful experience if you have lots you need to change. Do you suggest she just should have said kind things to this man after how he behaved? Do you suggest she should have explained how she felt? Remember, she tried that after the dog went missing. He didn't listen.
It's just not true that adults should never have to hear hurtful things.
You are turned on by the lesbian side, meaning you discovered your wife is more kinky than you think and yeah it's a turn on. Wouldn't be the case with a dude, yet confusing However she did cheat and that's a big deal she needs to recognize. Explain to her that as hot as it is to imagine her with another woman you are still very hurt by the fact she went ahead while she could have discussed her curiosity with you and you could have a respectful discussion on the topic. Here she stepped out on her own and without your knowledge, and that's cheating.
This kind of thing is very common. Pay attention to yourself and when you're more sure one way or the other, then move to end it or make things more substantial.
So i wasn’t gone for 2 years, it was only a couple months. It was +1 day 13 hours. Difference. So if she was on Sunday morning i was already on Monday night. It was hard enough for the 2 months i was gone. We video chatted…a lot. In the morning before she goes to sleep, at night before she goes to work. We came back stronger though. A flight coming to visit me is 14 hours in the air. You lose a day and $2000. It wasn’t worth it to visit for such a long distance. Ngl it’ll be rough but with enough effort it can be done
I'm glad you didn't put your personal career goals aside for this man, so you have what it takes to be successful without him. Being sure about what you want from the relationship indicates that you have outgrown him and should move forward with your life without him.
Leave him and be strong in your resolve, once he sees that there will be no one better for him than your amazing self, he'll want you back and he'll try very hard to win you back. You have to be strong and not weaken your resolve. Don't go through this all alone, make sure you have your friends and family informed of what's going on.
Also, seek therapy while you do all this. Detangling your life from someone who has been a huge part of it for 6 years will not be easy. There will be times when you'll question who you are without him and a therapist will help you on your journey to rediscovering yourself.
I really hope so too, I just want this to be over. He went away this evening and apparently he's going to be gone until Monday so I get to relax for a little while. You're right that I wouldn't have expected the things he's done so far, at all. Ever since we hooked up he seems like he genuinely hates me.
She is teaching a cheater that there are no repercussions to cheating. As a matter of fact the rule now is we can cheat, get in a car accident, not have to pay any bills, have a place to live fore free, and have the wife we cheated on take care of us for free while we still cheat on her.
OP if he's well enough to cheat still then the car accident wasn't that bad enough now was it?
Im gonna tell you something about my life. I got cheated on twice.
I was exactly where you are. Hurt, mad, tired, drinking, and smoking on a daily. I didn't have the breadth to hold all my pain in one go and I had to numb it.
But I don't want you to make the same mistake.
Finish that bottle if you need to. Cry. Scream. Rent a break room (a place where they give you safety gear and a baseball bat and tell you to fuck up old aluminum canisters and glass bottles)
Then, you get to business.
Cut her out. Make sure she doesn't have access to your account or financials or hasn't siphoned off anything. Take her name off anything you share and just release a statement about where you are and what you need from others going forward.
Even jf its “Yes, as you've probably heard X cheated on me.
She was given a single opportunity to come clean and she chose to trickle truth me. Our engagement is done, and while I wish her no ill will, I do not want anyone to message me or ask me about it. At all.
Thank you to those of you who showed me what she was capable of doing to somebody she claims she loves.
If I need support from anyone, I will reach out to them directly. Thank you.”
Hey! Thank you, so much. Ive never really had apologies from him when he fucks up. So when he says “okay, sorry”. He said that he is at least now saying sorry which he didn’t before, and trying and that its still not good enough and that i never seem satisfied and it never feels like enough. What do I do?
Because then there would no conflict and that would mean he op can’t post their cheater bad rage bait.
I got the number from the report I have to make on our turnover rate. It is legitimately a 27% departure.
I don't think anybody likes being told their the problem, when they're dealing and struggling with something sincerely difficult at work and no one to turn to. I am friends with everyone at work and I have zero problems. These are all internal feelings I'm dealing with. But you seem so sure to who I am, and what you think, based off asking a question. So maybe don't be in a relationship_advice community where you make the person trying to be vulnerable feel like shit for asking for actual advice. You have no idea who I am or how good my work ethic even is at this job. Trust me, it isn't me. But surely youll feel good in your own little bubble not empathizing with me. Why did I come here. Thought relationship_advice were will with empaths. Guess not.
I am agreeing with you, BTW. I can't blame him for leaving a hoarder house.
But I CAN blame her for screaming at him, handling her issues in a way that makes him to target she lashes out at, I had to unlearn all of that in therapy but honestly being arrested during an autistic meltdown helped me out with that.
The stuff she's left out must be WORSE than yelling at him, can you imagine??
UpdateMe!
Most couples therapists don't recognize emotional abuse, they're trained to believe that both parties are going to therapy in good faith to fix things. It's why so many of us pop up and scream “never go to therapy with an abuser.” Abusive or manipulative people will just use therapy against their victim.
I immediately saw lawyers to take action in family court, it's 6 months later and waiting for a court date for it.
My ex has taken me to court now too and is trying to remove the protective order and have one put against me. My lawyer will throw it out in just over a couple of weeks.
My daughter is my reason for living and this is a fight I will never back down from.
My ex is having my daughter repeatedly tell me to stop the lawyer and she can see me again but I told her I am doing this so things change for good because we all deserve a better life.
It's very hurtful to be compared to a toxic parent, but ultimately very eye opening. I was compared to my dad and was bowled over at how much I was resenting him whilst mirroring similar behaviour in my relationships. Now I know I have the tendency to do certain things when I'm attacked, I actively work to make sure I have healthier ways of dealing with conflict.
Hearing intensely hurtful things can be a useful experience if you have lots you need to change. Do you suggest she just should have said kind things to this man after how he behaved? Do you suggest she should have explained how she felt? Remember, she tried that after the dog went missing. He didn't listen.
It's just not true that adults should never have to hear hurtful things.
You are turned on by the lesbian side, meaning you discovered your wife is more kinky than you think and yeah it's a turn on. Wouldn't be the case with a dude, yet confusing However she did cheat and that's a big deal she needs to recognize. Explain to her that as hot as it is to imagine her with another woman you are still very hurt by the fact she went ahead while she could have discussed her curiosity with you and you could have a respectful discussion on the topic. Here she stepped out on her own and without your knowledge, and that's cheating.
This kind of thing is very common. Pay attention to yourself and when you're more sure one way or the other, then move to end it or make things more substantial.
So i wasn’t gone for 2 years, it was only a couple months. It was +1 day 13 hours. Difference. So if she was on Sunday morning i was already on Monday night. It was hard enough for the 2 months i was gone. We video chatted…a lot. In the morning before she goes to sleep, at night before she goes to work. We came back stronger though. A flight coming to visit me is 14 hours in the air. You lose a day and $2000. It wasn’t worth it to visit for such a long distance. Ngl it’ll be rough but with enough effort it can be done
That’s lust not love
I'm glad you didn't put your personal career goals aside for this man, so you have what it takes to be successful without him. Being sure about what you want from the relationship indicates that you have outgrown him and should move forward with your life without him.
Leave him and be strong in your resolve, once he sees that there will be no one better for him than your amazing self, he'll want you back and he'll try very hard to win you back. You have to be strong and not weaken your resolve. Don't go through this all alone, make sure you have your friends and family informed of what's going on.
Also, seek therapy while you do all this. Detangling your life from someone who has been a huge part of it for 6 years will not be easy. There will be times when you'll question who you are without him and a therapist will help you on your journey to rediscovering yourself.
Good luck!
Well I didn’t want to say it.
That setup is damn fuckin impressive bc it looks pretty real to mee
Send them the videos.
I really hope so too, I just want this to be over. He went away this evening and apparently he's going to be gone until Monday so I get to relax for a little while. You're right that I wouldn't have expected the things he's done so far, at all. Ever since we hooked up he seems like he genuinely hates me.
Thanks ?
She is teaching a cheater that there are no repercussions to cheating. As a matter of fact the rule now is we can cheat, get in a car accident, not have to pay any bills, have a place to live fore free, and have the wife we cheated on take care of us for free while we still cheat on her.
OP if he's well enough to cheat still then the car accident wasn't that bad enough now was it?
Duly noted, we always lock the door but this time
Ya don’t deal with him
We’ve gone out.
Brother.
Im gonna tell you something about my life. I got cheated on twice.
I was exactly where you are. Hurt, mad, tired, drinking, and smoking on a daily. I didn't have the breadth to hold all my pain in one go and I had to numb it.
But I don't want you to make the same mistake.
Finish that bottle if you need to. Cry. Scream. Rent a break room (a place where they give you safety gear and a baseball bat and tell you to fuck up old aluminum canisters and glass bottles)
Then, you get to business.
Cut her out. Make sure she doesn't have access to your account or financials or hasn't siphoned off anything. Take her name off anything you share and just release a statement about where you are and what you need from others going forward.
Even jf its “Yes, as you've probably heard X cheated on me.
She was given a single opportunity to come clean and she chose to trickle truth me. Our engagement is done, and while I wish her no ill will, I do not want anyone to message me or ask me about it. At all.
Thank you to those of you who showed me what she was capable of doing to somebody she claims she loves.
If I need support from anyone, I will reach out to them directly. Thank you.”
Hey! Thank you, so much. Ive never really had apologies from him when he fucks up. So when he says “okay, sorry”. He said that he is at least now saying sorry which he didn’t before, and trying and that its still not good enough and that i never seem satisfied and it never feels like enough. What do I do?
I'm worried that in the heat of the break up, if I don't have a plan or a firm stance, he will try and keep them both
Why would you even tolerate a love triangle? Nobody is worth this kind of stress.
No, you shouldn't trust her, she's a liar. Sounds like she's fishing to go cheat too. Just be done man, not worth wasting your time.